Season 3, Episode 19: Empty Nesters

Can We Talk?
Empty Nesters - Episode Description

Kayla can barely hold back her excitement about hugging Winnie the Pooh during our upcoming Disney vacation, and Brian finds himself humorously torn about whether to use the resort gym amidst all the walking. As we share our daily routines, from Kayla’s involvement in a women’s summer study at church to Brian’s newfound joy in grilling on a spotless grill, the conversation takes a heartfelt turn. We candidly explore the emotional complexities of Father’s Day, especially when faced with infertility and the reality of being empty nesters. We reflect on how certain holidays can be particularly challenging without children in the family, making this a deeply personal and relatable discussion.

We delve into themes of faith and gratitude, sharing touching stories about our experiences with other “children” God has given us and their profound impact on our lives. Amid these emotional moments, we lighten the atmosphere by discussing our favorite fictional characters and books, debating the age-old question of reading the book before watching the movie, and sharing our thoughts on Disney parks. We also spill the beans on our fears, future plans for getting a dog, and foods we absolutely refuse to eat. This episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with laughter, love, and unexpected insights that will keep you engaged from start to finish.

Empty Nesters - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. Hi, I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. Welcome to this week’s edition of the vegetable patch. I’ll tell you y’all, let’s just start here. Why are you so excited? 

 

0:00:25 – Kayla

The countdown is on. Countdown four we are leaving for vacation in a few days. 

 

0:00:32 – Brian

She’s got her little hands out in front of her like a little girl and she’s swinging them back and forth. 

 

0:00:38 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s vacation time. 

 

0:00:41 – Brian

Now, who are you going to see? 

 

0:00:43 – Kayla

Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore Piglet. 

 

0:00:49 – Brian

Mickey Minnie, you sound like an eight-year-old you going to hug Winnie the Pooh? Yes, absolutely. You going to hug Mickey Mouse, probably. 

 

0:01:00 – Kayla

Okay, I mean maybe not, I don’t know, Donald Duck, and I mean they’re all right, but you don’t like Donald, I do. 

 

0:01:10 – Brian

But you love Winnie. 

 

0:01:10 – Kayla

But I love Winnie the Pooh. Okay To me All right. But yeah, we are headed south for vacation. We are, and I’m so ready. 

 

0:01:20 – Brian

I talked to my friend who lives down there. He said to bring shorts. 

 

0:01:23 – Kayla

He says it’s hot yeah, it’s 98 degrees the day we land. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

So a little bit toasty. Miss Sanders is outside of her comfort zone and God’s using you, I’ll say that because last night you started what. 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

We started our women’s summer study at church and it was really sweet sitting in a room with about gosh, I don’t know probably 30 women who, seeing them huddled in groups talking about just life and their journey with Jesus, and it was pretty amazing. It took me a while to wind down. I’m a little tired today because it was after 11 o’clock before all the adrenaline left my body. 

 

0:02:07 – Brian

I was asleep by then. 

 

0:02:09 – Kayla

But I actually had to like people and talk, stand up in front of the group. 

 

0:02:14 – Brian

It didn’t kill me. So proud of you. Why? Thank you. God’s using you. 

 

0:02:21 – Kayla

You are a very, very happy man. 

 

0:02:23 – Brian

I am because I’m grilling again. You are a very, very happy man. I am because I’m grilling again. My beautiful bride this past weekend cleaned my grill for me. It really wasn’t bad. I would like to clean my grill, but this is a conversation. My standards of what is clean is different from other people’s standards and we’ll leave other people undefined at this time. Good choice, okay. Yeah, so miss sanders cleaned my grill for me. I did, and you’ve. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

I’ve planted all the flowers, and so the back deck is your little sanctuary. Oh, I love it you can sit out there I grilled us some steaks, grilled some chicken last night. 

 

0:03:03 – Brian

So it’s just chicken last night. I’m a happy, happy, happy boy. Summer is in full swing. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

I’m excited, so I may have floated an idea with you. Here we go, that while we were on vacation our Hang on Before we get this out. 

 

0:03:19 – Brian

The answer is no. The answer is no, but go ahead. The answer is maybe. The answer is no, our go ahead. 

 

0:03:24 – Kayla

Go ahead. The answer is maybe the answer is no, our resort has a really nice gym. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

Okay, let’s stop here. Okay, how many miles a day are we going to be walking at Disney? A lot, seven to eight. I do not see the need to go. 

 

0:03:42 – Kayla

But we could do some of our strength training. 

 

0:03:43 – Brian

No, no, I just still haven’t recovered from the to go, but we could do some of our strength training no no. I just still haven’t recovered from the look on your face by about 12 noon or 1 o’clock we’ll be strength training dragging my tail from here to get a Dole Whip ice cream across the thing in Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:03:57 – Kayla

That’s my strength training, okay good to know, so it’s a maybe. 

 

0:04:02 – Brian

No, it’s not a maybe. I will stretch forth a hand and pray for you as you go to the gym, while I lay in bed. 

 

0:04:09 – Kayla

In all seriousness, though, what is the gym next to at our resort? What is right next door to the gym? Ice cream, an ice cream store? 

 

0:04:18 – Brian

I will walk by you with an ice cream I’ll wave at you. I’ll even watch you. It doesn’t, no, but if I’m walking eight miles a day, I am not going to the gym. Okay, in 98-degree weather. So maybe I’ll have sweat rolling in places I haven’t seen in three years. Bless America, so that’s a hard pass for me. Are you really going to go to the gym on vacation? Maybe, Maybe I don’t believe it. I do not believe it. Best laid plans y’all Best laid plans. 

 

0:04:59 – Kayla

Forever empty nesters. It’s a good this is a good topic, but a hard topic Again, being that this is coming up on Father’s Day and that is a complicated holiday for you. You had a wonderful dad. 

 

0:05:17 – Brian

I had a great dad I mean the best ever, even wrote a book about him called Be Like Dad, which you can find on Amazon, by the way. But this is a tough holiday for me, and we’ve talked about this before on this podcast. We’ve talked about infertility. We never were able to have children and we were in that time period where we didn’t adopt either. Okay, let’s just be honest. And now, being 56, don’t take this wrong I don’t want a kid in my house. I’m too old, I’m setting my ways and I’m cranky. I want to go to bed about eight, 30. Okay, I’m just because by the time that kid’s coming out of diapers, I’ll be going into them. So I just say it. But Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are hard days. 

 

0:06:07 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:06:08 – Brian

And sometimes Christmas Day can be hard. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

Yeah, Because you see all these pictures of families snuggled up on the sofa in their matching pajamas and they’re doing all these things together. 

 

0:06:22 – Brian

But as many of our friends, it’s just me and you, which is great, it’s wonderful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

Yeah, we are a family. Yeah, but we were saying the other night, as it comes up on Father’s Day, there are so many of our friends entering the stage of life where they are becoming grandparents. We are reminded that life looks different for us. 

 

0:06:43 – Brian

Not bad, but different and we’re not asking you to feel sorry for us or something like that. No, we’re just sharing our struggle, how we’ve seen Christ be sufficient. Let me say it absolutely yeah. Let me say it like that yeah, there is no pity here. 

 

0:07:01 – Kayla

There is no woe is us, there is a may. We all remember each other’s situation, that our situation is also not the same as our single friends, and then our situation is not the same as those who would long to have an evening with a quiet home. So, yeah, it’s again. It’s different is not bad. It just means that we embrace a different reality. 

 

0:07:32 – Brian

Now. So let me just say this we’re never going to have a home that has grandkids squealing in it. 

 

0:07:38 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:07:39 – Brian

Their parents begging us not to spoil them. But I guarantee you we would. 

 

0:07:43 – Kayla

Oh, absolutely. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

I mean, I’d take them to Target and whatever they pointed at, I’d buy it. 

 

0:07:47 – Kayla

Yep, I have no doubt. 

 

0:07:50 – Brian

But let me say this we also have a history. Whenever we lived in New Orleans 20 years ago, we mentored college, we mentored seminary students and every Thursday night there’d be 10, 15 students in our home. 

 

0:08:09 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:10 – Brian

And when we moved here to Virginia, we just continued that tradition. We brought college students in our home and there were Thursday nights when we were here in Virginia, where there’d be 20 students in our home.

 

0:08:24 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:24 – Brian

And many of them called us mom and dad. 

 

0:08:27 – Kayla

And that was a real privilege to get to do life with them. So a typical Thursday, and again this started in New Orleans with seminary students who were single, lonely. They were part of our church but they did not have a home outside of church. They were really struggling some of them. So we would have dinner together and then we would spend probably 30 to 45 minutes talking about something theologically related. 

 

0:08:56 – Brian

We’d have a Bible study. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

And then we watched Survivor. It was a tradition that everyone would kind of choose who they thought was going to win Survivor and we would watch that together and then, honestly, some Thursdays at like 11 o’clock, we would say, okay, you people have to go home, we have to go to bed. 

 

0:09:14 – Brian

And it was always a race to see who could be there first Thursday night because they’d bring their laundry. 

 

0:09:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

And so they would always bring laundry. 

 

0:09:21 – Kayla

I’ve taught many a young man and young woman how to sort clothes. Well, I’m up for that lesson. So, yeah, no, you’re good you leave our laundry alone. 

 

0:09:31 – Brian

We also had a rule in New Orleans that Friday night was like date night. 

 

0:09:35 – Kayla

Yeah, our home was opened. Honestly, Thursday night was not the only night that they could visit, but Friday night was off limits. And I think we’ve shared this before. 

 

0:09:44 – Brian

We’ve shared this story before. How I jokingly said, Friday night’s off limits, I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday, that is off limits. I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday. 

 

0:09:56 – Kayla

I never thought anybody would show up at 12.01 am. 

 

0:09:57 – Brian

DR Randall shows up at our door. 

 

0:10:01 – Kayla

Are y’all awake? Yeah, son, what’s up? 

 

0:10:05 – Brian

Well, you said we could stop by after 12. Well, what am I going to do? Come on in. 

 

0:10:12 – Kayla

You’re going to watch a movie, and that’s what you did. I think I fell asleep, yeah, but he was happy. So, yes, we have had a bounty of a really rich life with students who not only have we had a chance to pour into them, they’ve poured into us, and we now have young men and women who have families of their own and we get to delight in seeing them going through different stages with their kids, and they are incredible parents and it’s been fun watching various ones of them get married and then have kids and settling down and buying their first home. 

 

The call that we get of. I mean, I’ve lost count of the number of young men in particular that have said hey, would you all meet us for dinner? It’s important that you meet my fiancé, or hey, there was one in particular. We were sworn to secrecy that there was going to be a proposal, but it was important to him that we meet her beforehand. So different is not always bad, but here’s the reality that we are in. They have all grown and flown, as parents would say, and genuinely as they should. They have their grown and flown, as parents would say, and and genuinely as they should. They have their families to go to when, when Christmas rolls around, when easter hits, when they go and spend time with their biological parents, and that is exactly how it should be. Now we have been surprised and delighted on many a holiday where we’ve gotten a text saying hey, we’re in town, Can we get together? Can we visit Now? 

 

0:12:02 – Brian

I need to be honest. I’m just going to be very vulnerable. It still hurts some Sure. After all these years it still stings that kids and grandkids that they never show up, that kids and grandkids that they never show up. So I’m trying to grow in this to be satisfied with him. 

 

0:12:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:20 – Brian

Because he is to be my portion. 

 

0:12:23 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:23 – Brian

I am to taste and see the Lord is good. I’m not to taste and see what I wish I had. I’m to taste and see that he is good. Yeah, so that’s what I’m trying to do. 

 

0:12:37 – Kayla

And I will admit as well that there are times that that familiar ache returns, never knowing what it’s going to feel like to carry another human, never getting to answer questions such as okay, whose eye color would he have? Whose personality would she emulate? How tall would he be? What would she be when she grows up? I mean, these are questions that we’ll never have an answer, and yet the Lord has been faithful to fill our lives beyond full, just not with children of our own. And yet I also, at this stage in my life, I see friends of ours who they have raised children and then, for various reasons, their children have kind of gone their own way and so pouring out as a parent for 20 plus years, and then your child kind of turns and veers off, and I cannot imagine that heartache. And so everything is a little complicated. When you really stop and think about it, life is not just cut and dry. 

 

0:13:51 – Brian

No, I’ve come to this realization is that what they sell you in movies is a lie. It’s never that beautiful. It’s never that peaceful and it’s never where you get to put a bow on it and say life is perfect, it’s never like that. 

 

0:14:05 – Kayla

So I do worry. 

 

0:14:08 – Brian

Shock. 

 

0:14:09 – Kayla

I know what if god takes me first really that’s always been something that no, no this is something that plagues me and I worry that if god took me first, if we’d had kids, I could know that you had loved ones who were going to take care of you upon my passing, and that’s always plagued me a little bit. 

 

0:14:33 – Brian

That plagues me as well, because your worry is my worry. I mean I get up at 2 o’clock in the morning to go do what 56-year-old men do at that time of the morning and I come back to lay down and those things start. I mean it keeps me awake. Like you know, if I don’t wake up in the morning, she’s alone. There’s nobody there, and so I try to yeah. That’s why church, community and that kind of stuff sometimes is important, because now I don’t want to leave, tomorrow I’d like to have another. 

 

0:15:03 – Kayla

Yeah, please don’t. 

 

0:15:04 – Brian

I’d like to have another 20, 30 years with you. Yeah, as long as I can get around well, but I do worry about that. But I have to trust that the God who’s gotten us this far, he will be faithful to get us home. Yeah so. 

 

0:15:18 – Kayla

Yeah, and another beauty in this is we can see that God continues to surround us with couples. They’re beginning their journey. We can encourage them, we can support them, we can help them to see that it won’t always be this hard. But I may not ever fully understand his ways. I know enough of him that I can assure that younger couple that God is good and I can share with them, that he can be trusted and that he’s faithful and he’s true, and that his plans for them are way better than any plans we could ever have of our own. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

I didn’t think I was going to cry today. You’re just ripping my heart out. You’re just ripping my heart out. I guess I got a little bit further to go than you. I would tell those couples that he’s true and he’s faithful and he’s loving and he’s caring. But part of your life might also be a little bit of bitter profit, because God doesn’t always operate. 

 

0:16:29 – Kayla

But hopefully that will drive you closer to him. Gotta get a Kleenex. 

 

0:16:35 – Brian

I wasn’t expecting this today. I mean here you roll up in here. So sorry, now my mascara’s running Stop. Will I ever be 100%? Okay with this? I’m trying. 

 

0:16:54 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:16:55 – Brian

I am trying, but I’m thankful for Jesus. I’m thankful for you, darling, I mean it. I’m also thankful for all the kids who’ve passed through our home kids who’ve? 

 

passed through our home, yeah, I mean. And when they’re in town, they make a point to see us and introduce us to all their littles. And some of them they’ll call us and they’ll say Mom, Dad, we’re expecting baby number five. And I’m like, look, y’all need to figure out what’s causing this and stop it. You’re on five or six now, okay, so, but we love it. But I just want to say this what you just said deeply impacted me. I’m trying yeah. 

 

And I can tell couples that he’s faithful and he’s good, and I’ll do a better job of that. So that’s too much for me. Thank you, getting to know you. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

Yeah, okay, that was pretty heavy, so we need a little lighthearted. 

 

0:18:00 – Brian

I’m still wiping tears in my eyes. Yeah, I need a candy bar Piece of fried chicken. All right, what you got. 

 

0:18:10 – Kayla

Just a few questions about us. Some of these we get from people and some of these that I came up with on my own Just to kind of let them get to know us just a little bit better. Who is your favorite fictional character? 

 

0:18:23 – Brian

Darth Vader or Godzilla? Quick answer, or can I give one more? Sure? Willy Wonka, oh good one. Gene Wilder yeah, you favorite fictional character. 

 

0:18:36 – Kayla

Mine would be Mary Poppins. 

 

0:18:40 – Brian

Practically perfect in every way. 

 

0:18:42 – Kayla

Or, of course, any of the Winnie the Pooh characters. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

I don’t understand Al. I don’t even know why he’s in the mix. He’s wise. No, he’s not, he’s crazy. 

 

0:18:51 – Kayla

Oh Well, all right then Best book you have read to date? 

 

0:18:58 – Brian

This year To date Best book Not this year. 

 

0:19:00 – Kayla

Just To date Best book Not this year just To date, unreasonable Hospitality. 

 

0:19:06 – Brian

Oh, phenomenal, phenomenal book, loved it you. 

 

0:19:14 – Kayla

The Diary of Anne Frank Wow. 

 

0:19:17 – Brian

That’s gone a little bit back. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Okay, I’ve read some good books, but that one still impacts me more than I think any other. I mean not including the bible, but yeah somebody’s going to somebody gonna be like you people need some Jesus. Will you ever get another dog? We get this question a lot the answer is yes, okay we’re just not in a season to have a dog we’re not. 

 

0:19:42 – Brian

We’re way too busy and we wouldn’t be home enough. 

 

0:19:46 – Kayla

We are typically home two, two and a half hours a night, and that would be well. Let me clarify that. 

 

0:19:54 – Brian

Hang on, where are we sleeping? 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

Before we go to sleep. That would just seem very selfish at this stage of our life, but we do. We have plans to get another dog. What are you most afraid of? 

 

0:20:09 – Brian

How honest do I want to be? 

 

0:20:10 – Kayla

Oh, you have to tell the truth or I will. 

 

0:20:13 – Brian

Spiders and being alone. 

 

0:20:16 – Kayla

Getting lost because it’s happened before. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

Yes, yes, getting. 

 

0:20:23 – Kayla

I cannot handle feeling lost or not knowing where I’m going.

 

0:20:26 – Brian

That GPS takes this all throughout. Oh, I freak out. 

 

0:20:29 – Kayla

So what has to be first for you the book or the movie? 

 

0:20:33 – Brian

I really don’t care. Oh really. Yeah, I’ve never read the Harry Potter books. I’ve seen the movies 50 times a piece, though. 

 

0:20:41 – Kayla

What. 

 

0:20:43 – Brian

I’ve never read Chronicles of Narnia. I’ve watched those crappy movies too. Rude. Well, they got trees walking in them. 

 

0:20:54 – Kayla

And yet Godzilla is okay. This is where we are. Are we going to do this. 

 

0:21:02 – Brian

I feel a little judged. I didn’t criticize. 

 

0:21:06 – Kayla

We need to poo and you called chronicles of Narnia crappy. 

 

0:21:11 – Brian

Well it’s not my cup of tea. 

 

0:21:13 – Kayla

Well, okay, Godzilla’s not mine, but he’s awesome. Anyway, your punishment is you will now read the first Narnia book. 

 

0:21:21 – Brian

I am not Yep, I will go to book jail. I am not reading that Book jail. I am not reading that. 

 

0:21:27 – Kayla

Favorite Disney part. 

 

0:21:28 – Brian

No, you got to answer that Book or movie. 

 

0:21:30 – Kayla

Oh, I have to read the book first, really, because then I want to compare to see how true they stay to the book when I watch the movie. Why is that important? It matters to me. Maybe if you’d read the Chronicles of Narnia. You would like the movies have you ever read it. 

 

0:21:46 – Brian

Yes, all of them my uncle gifted me this set you read all that Prince Caspian stuff and all that. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

Yes, I did. Walking it back a little bit now. 

 

0:21:55 – Brian

No, I’m just because Carol Lass again take me to book jail. 

 

0:22:01 – Kayla

Favorite Disney park. 

 

0:22:03 – Brian

Hollywood Studios Easy Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

It’s a toss-up between Hollywood Studios and Epcot for me, because Epcot has the International Village and I love that. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

You love the English village. I love all of it Fish and Chip. They have a little tea shop there in the English village. You like that. 

 

0:22:25 – Kayla

What is a food you refuse to eat? 

 

0:22:29 – Brian

Mushrooms, Brussels sprouts. Unless they’re doused in garlic and bacon. I’m not going to touch a Brussels sprout. If you can still taste Brussels, I ain’t touching the sprout. 

 

0:22:40 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra. Oh yeah, ain’t touching this brown. Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra, oh yeah. 

 

0:22:47 – Brian

Mushy okra, yeah, bell peppers. 

 

0:22:49 – Kayla

Okay. We don’t have to list all of them. 

 

0:22:51 – Brian

Oh, sorry yeah. 

 

0:22:52 – Kayla

Okay, what is your Enneagram? 

 

0:22:55 – Brian

I’m an eight with a seven wing. 

 

0:22:57 – Kayla

And I’m a one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. A one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. So yeah, but there we are. So those are just some random questions about us. Speaking of questions, the first two people to go to our website and answer the question correctly, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug what is this week’s trivia question? 

 

0:23:19 – Brian

so, our. 

 

0:23:20 – Kayla

Our question is book or movie which comes first for you? Do you have to read? 

 

0:23:27 – Brian

the book first, or I mean it doesn’t matter it’s just an honest answer. They can say I don’t care, but so hey, if you go to our website, the first few people go to our website. Answer that question correctly yeah, so book or movie. You’ll win a peas and carrots coffee mug, a good pack of Cute little stickers, and then we’ve added a pen a peas and carrots it’s very, very nice. They just came in. 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So click that trivia button. Answer that question. Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. You can search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:24:09 – Brian

You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. See you all later. I’m off to book jail. 

 

0:24:18 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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Season 3, Episode 18: Oh, Bless

Can We Talk?
Oh, Bless - Episode Description

Join us, Brian and Kayla, as we recount our latest adventures, starting with our commitment to a three-day gym routine and Kayla’s intense day of gardening that led to some minor injuries and spider bites. We share a delightful dinner experience with new friends at the River Company, which brought a nostalgic sense of pre-pandemic normalcy. Listen in as we discuss the trap of self-sufficiency and the importance of recognizing and accepting the blessings, goodness, and grace of God as a gift, not something that can be earned.

In this episode, we also explore the everyday challenges of middle age, including sleep patterns, managing heat waves, and frequent bathroom breaks. We touch on the humorous aspects of forgetfulness and the diminishing effectiveness of multitasking, along with our differing tolerances for air conditioning and the concept of a “napitizer.”

It's A Trap - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hi, I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. 

 

0:00:16 – Kayla

How are we? 

 

0:00:17 – Brian

We’re good, we are good, we are good. We went to the gym every day this week. We did. Well hang on. 

 

0:00:27 – Kayla

We went to the gym for the three days we’re supposed to go? 

 

0:00:29 – Brian

yes, we did so, and it didn’t kill us it didn’t. 

 

0:00:32 – Kayla

I’m feeling it, but we’re here, yeah y’all. 

 

0:00:37 – Brian

We’ll be sitting downstairs about 8 30 at night. She’ll get up and she’ll walk like very gingerly. Y’all remember Tim Conway? I used to play that old man on the Carol Burnett show. She looks like she’s walking by sometimes. So, what’s up in our world besides that? 

 

0:00:55 – Kayla

Well, speaking of walking like that, Saturday I got this wild hair that I wanted to trim some of our shrubs. Seven hours later, mission accomplished. I was very sore for a couple of days Y’all she cut rose, bushes, shrubs, flowers. Planted some flowers. It was time, it’s spring. 

 

0:01:18 – Brian

And during the process she cut herself on all this stuff. How many nicks and cuts and bump bites oh, that’s not important. 

 

0:01:24 – Kayla

Actually, I really only ended up with two scratches, which is miraculous for me, but I think I got into a nest of spiders and I had about eight bites on me, so yeah, why are you telling me this publicly on this podcast? 

 

0:01:41 – Brian

and you’ve been sleeping next to me for a week since the biters. 

 

0:01:46 – Kayla

I think that’s what it was. I looked up the bites, kind of yeah, so I’m good, I’m still here I’m not really worried about you, I’m worried about them. 

 

0:01:54 – Brian

Things crawling off of you, onto me. 

 

0:01:55 – Kayla

They’re not on me, they were in the leaves and yeah, so calm down I’m a little whatever, we had an amazing dinner with some new friends. We did we did, it was yeah. 

 

0:02:13 – Brian

We went to one of our favorite places called the River Company. 

 

0:02:16 – Kayla

Some of you will understand this. It was reminiscent of pre-pandemic life and it felt like we finally got back to that. 

 

0:02:25 – Brian

Laughter stories. It was a grand time. Yeah, it was wonderful, it was. 

 

0:02:32 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:02:33 – Brian

And we’ve committed to make it a monthly gig. We have so yeah that’s going to be fun. It was great. 

 

0:02:39 – Kayla

Speaking of restaurants, though, we talked about this, I think, maybe on our last, last podcast. But, B, how many times have we now been to Cabo after today? Because you have declared we’re going there for lunch today? Four, uh-huh. 

 

0:02:54 – Brian

In the span of two or three weeks. 

 

0:02:59 – Kayla

You now have a new favorite restaurant. I do, oh, I’ve got big news. Okay. 

 

0:03:05 – Brian

I just learned it this morning oh big news. Okay, the new Godzilla movie to be the minus one. Is that your way of saying you will not be watching this movie? 

 

0:03:33 – Kayla

with me. 

 

0:03:33 – Brian

I have some flowers that need tending, so and it is in Japanese, so you have to use subtitles, but it’s incredible. 

 

0:03:42 – Kayla

Oh, I’m outside. You enjoy that is, it’s Zilla. Uh-huh, carry on, you’re going to be the minus one. I’m the minus one. 

 

0:03:52 – Brian

That’s great. 

 

0:03:56 – Kayla

You and I were talking the other day about this trend towards people seeing themselves as very self-sufficient, and it led to several conversations. But another thing that I shared with you it was one of those evenings where we were just kind of bouncing around from topic to topic and I shared with you that I see how God has us in a season of plenty, and let me unpack that just a little bit. We are both seeing all the ways that God is blessing us in our lives and I admitted that in these seasons I wait for the other shoe to drop. It’s like I’m constantly watching for something bad to happen and that’s just my I think it’s my self-protection of let me not get comfortable here. But it led us to start talking about what it looks like when God is blessing all of us, and it was a great conversation that kind of had many aspects to it. 

 

So we’re just going to share some of that here, some of the things that you and I were discussing. 

 

0:05:06 – Brian

So I want to start here. Why do you think that in this season of plenty in other words, we have friends, we’ve been going out, the organization’s thriving, we’re going to the gym all these different things happening? Why do you dread yeah? 

 

0:05:24 – Kayla

So we’re in a season where all those things, life has been very peaceful. It’s been very calm for the most part. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve had some hard things. We even referenced that recently on a podcast. But for us personally, things have been very even keeled, as far as there’s not been a lot of drama and there has been, unless I’ve created it. 

 

0:05:47 – Brian

Let’s just be honest, okay. 

 

0:05:50 – Kayla

We’re in a state of contentment, would it be fair to say, with everything. I think for me it’s just when I was younger, a lot of times in my life when things felt good, something bad would happen, I would get bad news or there would be a bad situation, and so, yes, it’s probably not to use this term like it’s probably a trauma response that I can’t allow myself to really enjoy the good thing. 

 

0:06:18 – Brian

But, you’re scared Because. 

 

0:06:19 – Kayla

I’m scared of you know what’s coming next. What’s going to happen that’s going to take all of this away or make it not as pleasant as it has been. 

 

0:06:28 – Brian

There is a truth there, and I hate to share this truth, but life does come with pain. In other words, it rains oh I know that well. 

 

0:06:35 – Kayla

There’s a verse in Matthew the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous and either yeah you can view rain as a flood, or is it helping crops? 

 

0:06:44 – Brian

so you know, it’s the bad and the good happen to both the righteous and the unrighteous. 

 

0:06:49 – Kayla

Sure, I get that what you and I started talking about. So this is where we’re kind of dip our toe in here. We started talking about people who tend to believe that their blessings are something they did, or perhaps they have sown a seed and so therefore they are I’ve? 

 

earned this, I’m worthy of this, which led to this truth being good people does not merit us reward, it tells us in Romans 3, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, we did nothing to save ourselves. But there is this movement that I can name it, claim it, I can sow a seed and then God will do this good thing, or I am worthy of that. I’m a good person. I’ve given to charity, I’ve done this, I’ve done that. 

 

0:07:45 – Brian

Scripture actually says that the entire world, that the universe, groans under the curse. So everything here, because of what Adam, and Eve, eve did, we’ve all been placed under this curse and everything groans yeah there’s this brokenness to it. So here’s what I want to say the only thing that isn’t under the curse would be god himself. Yeah, okay, so everything else would be under this curse, here on earth and in the universe. So here’s the thing. If that’s the case, we can’t earn anything. 

 

0:08:22 – Kayla

No, it’s all a gift from him. Yes, yeah. 

 

0:08:26 – Brian

I’ve been telling you the last few weeks who deserves a life like this. 

 

0:08:31 – Kayla

Yeah, we’ve just been both sitting with that feeling like who are we to have so much of God’s goodness? And again, this is not a well look at us and it’s certainly not a life is just all rainbows and roses. There have been. We even shared that recently on a podcast. There have been a lot of difficult things for our PAR team that we have felt they are our family and we have walked through a lot of that with them. What we are referring to here is this mindset that we deserve the credit and we don’t I mean I’m going to go there. We don’t I mean I’m going to go there. Prosperity gospel tells us that we can improve our lives through devotion and a positive confession towards God. God doesn’t work that way. 

 

0:09:26 – Brian

He is not a genie’s lamp. No, you can’t go over and rub it and speak it and proclaim it. No, scripture says that he’s declared the end from the beginning. Yeah, so we can’t change that. For that I want to be cautious here, but I also want to speak some truth. There’s a great effort along this exact same topic, this exact same thing we’re talking about, yeah, to where everyone is saying you’re worthy. Yeah, or you deserve it or I’m worthy. 

 

0:10:00 – Kayla

You’re not, or God wants this for you. Or God, you’re worthy yeah or you deserve it, or I’m worthy, you’re not, or god wants this for you or god? 

 

0:10:03 – Brian

you’re not. How do we know the mind of god? Well, there’s that, but that’s a very good point, because we seem to shout a lot wherever god whispers. But I want to say this we’re not worthy of the goodness, the kindness, the blessings and the grace. You see, the song Amazing Grace. The reason why he wrote it is because grace is amazing, because we don’t deserve it. Yeah, and the moment we start saying we’re worthy or we deserve it, grace is no longer amazing, grace is then. 

 

0:10:32 – Kayla

And we minimize what he’s done. Yes, and that is not. That’s not the gospel. 

 

0:10:38 – Brian

And it’s amazing grace, it’s not earned grace. 

 

0:10:41 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:10:42 – Brian

Who wants to sing earned grace. How sweet the sound. Who can earn it? Yeah? 

 

0:10:48 – Kayla

There’s another truth the goodness that God shows us should drive us to our knees in gratitude. It should should drive us to our knees in gratitude. It should not thanking us for ourselves, not thanking us for all the things we did or all the praise that we deserve, but it’s all about him. 

 

0:11:09 – Brian

I agree 100% with what you just said. My fault is I fall into a trap of thinking that if I keep doing X, y, z, oh, we all do that. If I keep reading, if I keep praying, if I keep going to church, if I keep, if I work harder, if I yeah. And that, if I don’t say as many curse words, you know that this blessing will continue to flow. 

 

0:11:34 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:11:34 – Brian

That’s not how he works. No, it’s according to his will, whatever he wants to do and on his time frame. 

 

0:11:41 – Kayla

Yeah, may I admit that I’m one of these who has said well, they are such good people, I can’t believe that they’re going through this, or they would be such good parents, or they deserve so much better in life. We don’t get to decide that God’s the one that is sovereign over all, and no matter how good we think we are, no matter how worthy we think we should be, he is the one that holds all things. 

 

0:12:12 – Brian

You’re going to upset a few people because you started preaching, I’m just saying. But I’m going to say amen, preach louder. I am 100%. All in Well, miss Kayla, yeah, I’m 56. We won’t reveal your age, okay. 

 

0:12:31 – Kayla

I mean I’ve made it this far. I’ll be 52 in October. 

 

0:12:39 – Brian

You remember, at one time you lost track of a birthday I. 

 

0:12:41 – Kayla

You thought you were a year younger. I was 32 and I thought I was turning 31 and y’all, I had an absolute meltdown. You looked at me and would you like to share what you said. I don’t remember. Well, babe, it was a great year. I was here for it. 

 

0:12:56 – Brian

You actually sat down and cried, I bawled, I’m like I lost the whole year. 

 

0:13:08 – Kayla

You didn’t lose it. 

 

0:13:11 – Brian

It was right there. Here’s my thing you handle the finances in our house. 

 

0:13:16 – Kayla

You’re welcome. Middle age, it hits a little different. It does, doesn’t it? So I now have to take my glasses off to read labels. Or I’ve learned a trick, y’all If you’ll take your iPhone and take a picture of the label, you can then zoom in on it, you can blow it up so you can see what’s on the label. But I cannot read labels anymore. You walked into the kitchen the other day and I had my glasses in one hand and I was reading a label with the other here we are. 

 

0:13:46 – Brian

Sometimes, when you take something out of the fridge and you want to see the expiration date, does anybody have to go turn on an extra light? 

 

0:13:52 – Kayla

oh yes, I have to go stand by the window. 

 

0:13:55 – Brian

I just I turn on the. This is where we are I turn on? Flashlight on my phone and I highlight the date. So gone are the days of sleeping through the night. 

 

0:14:09 – Kayla

Oh yes, mercy, I wake up, at least once if not twice. 

 

0:14:15 – Brian

For me. I sleep two, sleep two, three, four hours. Uh-huh, I’ll wake up, go do my business, come back to bed and I’ll lay there for an hour. 

 

0:14:27 – Kayla

Oh no, I don’t do that, thank goodness, unless there’s a lot going on or I know I have a big project coming up at work. I go right back to sleep, but yeah, I have to get up and yeah, I’ll lay there for work. I go right back to sleep, but yeah, I have to get up. 

 

0:14:38 – Brian

And yeah, I’ll lay there for an hour if I go back to sleep. I’ve talked to some buddies of mine. This is normal. 

 

0:14:44 – Kayla

Now, I do wake up some nights with a heat wave, but we’ll just leave it there. So y’all it’s the funniest thing. 

 

0:14:50 – Brian

Let me just paint a picture. We’ll be downstairs watching one of our shows and in one of our shows and she loves for the house to be cool and cold and she likes to be all bundled up under my blanket, under a blanket. All of a sudden there is no announcement all of a sudden that blanket will come tearing off of her and one leg will stick out and I will just say baby, it’s my cooling mechanism. 

 

Yeah, and I said, baby you, you say I got a little heat wave happening, yep, but those aren’t happening as much anymore, are they every now?

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

and then, thank God, no Change your diet, it works. Just saying 9 pm is the new midnight for us. 

 

0:15:29 – Brian

And usually 8.15 to 8.45, is usually a napitizer. 

 

0:15:34 – Kayla

A napitizer? What in the world? You know we fall asleep. 

 

0:15:43 – Brian

Oh, we have done that lately. 

 

0:15:43 – Kayla

Yeah well, I’m usually taking a bath, but so you’re taking a napitizer while I’m taking a bath, did we not? We both fell asleep the other night yeah, and so we fall asleep. 

 

0:15:52 – Brian

Yeah, for about 30 minutes downstairs. We’ll wake up and you’ll say b, let you ready to go to bed, let’s go to bed. That 30 minutes is an appetizer. Yeah, before you get to the main sleep. 

 

0:16:04 – Kayla

Yeah, what is something you found with bathrooms B? 

 

0:16:11 – Brian

can we clarify that question a little bit? 

 

0:16:14 – Kayla

I cannot walk past one without stopping it’s like something in your brain says I gotta go you also don’t know at my age when you’re gonna see another one. 

 

0:16:22 – Brian

Yeah, so I’m always true. 

 

0:16:25 – Kayla

I used to joke with people who stopped at every bathroom and now I’m like well, that just makes common sense, we should probably do that. So yeah, I mean, I don’t Anyone else struggle with the forgetfulness. It’s like you can’t remember things that were just so easy. Come back or recall, and now it’s like, hmm, if I have to stay very attentive in conversations. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I used to be able to do two or three things at once and I could retain everything. 

 

0:16:55 – Kayla

Well, I think you’d be surprised to find out that’s most of us, because multitasking is not as brilliant as everybody thought it would be. 

 

0:17:03 – Brian

But I have to really zero in, listen attentively in order to retain the information. But the forgetfulness is a real thing. I’ll do a devotion in the morning at 5 am. By like 12 noon I have forgotten exactly. I don’t even know what I read. I have no idea. So I started doing an evening one too, just so I can. 

 

0:17:26 – Kayla

My thing is names. I’ll be sitting there, I can see someone and I think I honestly cannot remember their name. You know what I’d love? 

 

0:17:35 – Brian

is to have a pair of glasses. I’d like to have my glasses where they are, but I wish that Apple would invent a thing where my glasses could connect to my phone. When you walk up to somebody you could like tap them twice and it gives you their name. It would do facial recognition on them and would give you their name. 

 

0:17:53 – Kayla

Wow. Well, there you go. 

 

0:17:55 – Brian

Wouldn’t that be nice? 

 

0:17:56 – Kayla

The next big invention. 

 

0:17:58 – Brian

Maybe I just, Maybe you came up with it. I’m sure somebody’s already invented this, but yeah, these are things we’re finding at middle age. I can’t tolerate air conditioning as much anymore. 

 

0:18:09 – Kayla

Oh, bring it on. 

 

0:18:10 – Brian

You’re all about it. 

 

0:18:11 – Kayla

I am. 

 

0:18:15 – Brian

We bring it on. You’re all about it, I am. We have completely reversed. I mean, I’m downstairs under two blankets. You’re over there, you know. I mean you’re over doing a little dance, so it’s a fun. I mean I’m enjoying this stage of life with you. Oh, absolutely. I don’t always enjoy how my body feels. 

 

0:18:31 – Kayla

Yeah, yeah, it’s an adjustment. I remember your dad said something one time. He said I never thought I would get old and by far we’re not there. But I mean, but we’re on the yellow brick road. 

 

0:18:46 – Brian

I mean we’re going to see the wizard. You know what I’m saying? 

 

0:18:50 – Kayla

But I feel like a lot of people can relate to some of this. So there we go. This is us. 

 

0:18:55 – Brian

This is us, so I’m here for it. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Peas and Carrots podcast, and we would like to send you. 

 

0:19:05 – Kayla

We’d love to send you a mug and some stickers the first two people to go to our website and thank you to all those who have shared with us.

 

0:19:13 – Brian

I want to do a special shout out to a friend of ours. Okay, her first name is Hope. 

 

0:19:18 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:19:18 – Brian

And she’s been emailing us every week. Hope we actually see those messages. Thank you for communicating. 

 

0:19:23 – Kayla

There is a package headed your way. Yes, and we have been praying for your recovery, so we hope you are doing well. We’re excited for all of your plans for the summer. We pray that God blesses you with healing so that you can enjoy those. But yes, if, like Hope, you would like to get a mug and some stickers, go to our website. Look for the trivia button. 

 

0:19:45 – Brian

Our website is peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:19:49 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:19:49 – Brian

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you get there, click on the trivia button. What is this week’s question? 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

What movie, minus one, is Brian excited about? 

 

0:20:00 – Brian

Oh, it’s going to be. It comes out tomorrow. Yeah, I’m so excited. So go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:20:08 – Kayla

Click that trivia button. 

 

0:20:09 – Brian

Answer that question level of enthusiasm is not impressive. Okay, and this is the question what movie am I excited about? 

 

0:20:16 – Kayla

Uh-huh, okay. You can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, and when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. 

 

0:20:30 – Brian

Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:20:33 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 17: It’s A Trap

Can We Talk?
It's A Trap - Episode Description

In the Peas and Carrots Podcast episode titled “Embracing Life’s Journey: From Cabo Fish Taco to Summer Adventures,” hosts Brian and Kayla Sanders share their experiences and insights on living a meaningful life. They discuss the importance of embracing your unique path without falling into the trap of comparing your journey to others.

From delighting in a newfound favorite restaurant to funny incidents that remind them of the aging process, they offer a heartwarming and humorous take on life’s adventures and the significance of companionship. The episode also delves into navigating life as a couple with differing habits and preferences, preparing for the summer season, and staying connected with friends.

It's A Trap - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. I’m Brian and. 

 

0:00:14 – Brian

I’m Kayla. Welcome to our piece of the vegetable patch. Mm-hmm, we haven’t had any insecticide put on a shift this season. 

 

0:00:23 – Kayla

Gee boy I’m running a little bit late this morning, y’all I just put on my headphones. 

 

0:00:30 – Brian

I’ve been at the dealership dealing with taking care of my car. 

 

0:00:35 – Kayla

I appreciate that. So the semester has officially ended. We had our last home group yesterday evening. We transitioned to our summer schedule at work today. 

 

0:00:46 – Brian

We had barbecue last night and a little veggie salad, which was wonderful. 

 

0:00:51 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:00:52 – Brian

Mozzarella and tomatoes and cucumbers. It was wonderful. 

 

0:00:55 – Kayla

Lots of laughs and fun times. 

 

0:00:57 – Brian

It was good times, little baby. 

 

0:00:59 – Kayla

Joanna was there. 

 

0:01:03 – Brian

Who makes everybody happy? 

 

0:01:05 – Kayla

Yes, she does, and I was nice last night I let I let other people snuggle her. 

 

0:01:10 – Brian

Did you get to snuggle? 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

No, but that’s OK. 

 

0:01:14 – Brian

OK, I can deal. 

 

0:01:16 – Kayla

I will next time. 

 

0:01:17 – Brian

OK. 

 

0:01:19 – Kayla

We’ve lived here 20 years. 

 

0:01:20 – Brian

What is something new that? 

 

0:01:21 – Kayla

we did this week be for the first. I mean, it’s not a new restaurant, but where did we go this week? 

 

0:01:29 – Brian

A restaurant, yes, called Cabo Fish Taco, and I am in love with this place. 

 

0:01:36 – Kayla

Now confess what’s been your thoughts about it for 20 years, until. 

 

0:01:41 – Brian

Who would eat a fish taco? You loved it. Oh, they did this thing called a Baja Bowl. It had grilled shrimp, rice, black beans and some veggies. 

 

0:01:53 – Kayla

But the ambiance of the restaurant reminded us of where. 

 

0:01:57 – Brian

New. 

 

0:01:57 – Kayla

Orleans yeah. 

 

0:01:58 – Brian

It was great. 

 

0:01:59 – Kayla

So we’ll be going back. 

 

0:02:01 – Brian

It even smelled like New Orleans a little bit it did yeah. Not that that’s an endearing smell, but it smelled like New Orleans a little bit, so I enjoyed it was great we got to visit with some of our dearest friends, yep, so mine and mike’s reason for existence is to put you and Wanda together. That’s the reason why we my bestie, so yeah, we went to a. We went to Harrisonburg. There’s a great pizza place there in downtown. I can’t remember the name Bella Luna. Bella Luna, yeah. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

If you are ever there, it’s what do they call it? Wood-fired pizza. It’s wonderful. 

 

0:02:37 – Brian

And I can get one that’s allergen-free and it’s great. 

 

0:02:40 – Kayla

But we had a great day with them and got to catch up after fundraising season, so yeah, I think we were the loudest people in Barnes and Noble, I think we were, but that’s okay. We sat in the cafe. Sorry, not sorry. So yeah, it was fun. 

 

0:02:53 – Brian

So we were at a restaurant last weekend. 

 

0:02:57 – Kayla

Not Cabo, and we won’t say where. 

 

0:03:00 – Brian

Okay, and we’d finished our meal. Waitress comes up to bring us the ticket. She slicked at both of us and said do y’all have an AARP discount? 

 

0:03:29 – Kayla

And your reaction. You didn’t say anything to her, but your eyes got as big as saucers and your jaw hit the table a little bit. She could not see my face, but yes, I’m still recovering. But yeah, I mean you don’t look a day over 29, but it’s oh come on, but it’s my beard, it’s my goatee, that and my gray hair and yeah, but anyway, beautiful, I’m healing from that. It’s my goatee and my gray hair. Yeah, but anyway, beautiful, I’m healing from that. 

 

0:03:49 – Brian

But I got to be honest. It’s the first time ever we’ve been asked. 

 

0:03:54 – Kayla

And I hope it’s the last time ever. It’s the first time we’ve ever been asked. 

 

0:03:58 – Brian

Do y’all have an AARP discount? I have to say so. Here’s where we are. 

 

0:04:05 – Kayla

So I was visiting with a friend the other day and she made a comment about the stage of life that she’s in and how hard it is not to compare herself to others in the same stage and feeling like maybe she’s not getting it right or she’s coming up short, and it led me to think about an ongoing topic that we all have with ourselves, which is the trap of comparison. 

 

0:04:35 – Brian

I do this all. 

 

0:04:36 – Kayla

We all do it, and so here’s a few gentle reminders for all of us, our first one being this their journey is not your journey. At our gym, each of us has our own fitness plan and it’s catered to what our goals are and what our needs are and, honestly, what my capabilities are. But it’s easy for me to fall prey to feeling inferior to others in that gym who are doing things that would probably break bones in my body. But I have to remind myself you have goals. You have a plan crafted by your trainer, which is what’s safe for you, it’s what’s good for you, and just chase hard after that. Don’t get distracted by what other people are able to accomplish or not accomplish. 

 

0:05:26 – Brian

When we joined the gym, I started following our gym on Instagram. It’s called Trouble Wellness, and as soon as I started following them, Instagram starts recommending training videos, and there’s these people on there who have six-pack abs. Well, I don’t even have a one pack ab I mean, I haven’t seen my ab since probably month three of my birth. 

 

Okay, so it just I’m being serious, so I can’t even feel them. But here’s the thing, like those videos, like whenever they come up, first some of them made me uncomfortable, so I’m like you know, I don’t want to see this. So they’re little x. And then, over time, I’m like I have to check myself because I can’t compare myself to this you’re not meant to. 

 

0:06:16 – Kayla

Yeah, you know, but it is. I mean we all do it follow. 

 

0:06:19 – Brian

You know I need to watch videos of people my age, my size trying to work out and die. That that’s what I need. 

 

0:06:25 – Kayla

Just today I was rowing and a guy came and sat down next to me and was rowing and I realized do not try to keep his pace. He’s like six foot five and he’s a dude. 

 

0:06:39 – Brian

So I had to tell myself your pace is what you’re meant to do, so yeah, Also, early in our marriage, we made a big decision and a series of decisions, and one of those is this we’re not going to keep up with others. Nope, we’re going to do life our way, yep, on our pace, yep, and just do things like that. Because I would love to collect antique books. I would love to do that, but in the back of my mind there’s a voice that says stuff is fleeting. Now there are some antique books that, like, people have given me that I keep. Well, sure, but stuff is fleeting and I’m not going to pour money, a lot of money, into stuff. That is like fleeting. 

 

0:07:27 – Kayla

We like making memories. 

 

0:07:29 – Brian

So there’s. I think this is a quote from Dave Ramsey. He says live today like no one else. So you can one day live like no one else. 

 

0:07:39 – Kayla

Yeah. And I think now we would like to retire one day. We love our ministry, we love what we do, but we don’t want to work full time until the day we drop, God willing. Our goals are to have enough to just live comfortably when that time comes, not to spend every dime that comes in every month. Another goal of ours was to make sure that we capture experiences, not things. Now, don’t get me wrong. We have nice things in our home. We’re not, you know, living with one set of clothes, and you know one book. 

 

But at the same time we don’t feel the need to. Oh well, this person went here on vacation, so now we have to. Yeah, that doesn’t or they have this kind of house, so now we have to have one. 

 

Or oh, they’re driving this kind of car. So now we have to. We have never. I mean, it’s just not who we are, and I’m good with that. I’m very comfortable with what B and K want out of life, and it’s worthy to sit down with your partner and say what are our goals, what are our dreams, and then let that drive you, not the latest version of whatever. But Ask yourself what season are we in? I’m just going to be really honest. 

 

0:08:59 – Brian

Well, spring has just sprung by us, because right now it’s hot. 

 

0:09:03 – Kayla

We went straight to summer but, I’m referring to a different kind of season. Okay, so right now our home is less than spotless. Our home is great we’re going to talk about that in a little while. Our garden’s kind of disheveled I plan to work on that this weekend, and we have literally not had a meal plan for eight weeks. No joke, give yourself grace for whatever outside factors you are navigating that have you in the season of life that you’re in. Maybe your home isn’t meant to be your priority party. We were working literally 60-hour weeks for six weeks and it was everything we could do to go from start to finish, go home literally wash, rinse, repeat ourselves and the day and today we’re feeling I’m just I mean yeah, we’re, we’re pretty tired but, but in that six the house is still standing. 

 

And it looks great the garden will get done at some point. 

 

0:10:02 – Brian

It’s all going to be fine. 

 

0:10:03 – Kayla

But don’t look around at other people’s day to day and feel like you’ve got to keep up with that. 

 

0:10:11 – Brian

Well, I’m going to say to this is there are times when you just simply have to focus on the task at hand, yeah, and everything else kind of falls to the side, and then, when you complete that task, everything else can come back into view. So I think that’s a healthy perspective. 

 

0:10:28 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s called finding balance where you can, and sometimes that’s what it looks like. A couple of quick hit reminders. You were chosen to do that job. You’re not chosen to do what they’re doing. God called you to the specific job he’s gifted you. You were given that child, or those children. 

 

0:10:48 – Brian

Let’s not waste the energy. They’re your children too. 

 

0:10:51 – Kayla

Let me just go ahead and say, oh my gosh, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Well, that was a little honest, but you didn’t mention names, so I think we’re good, let’s leave it there. Okay, it’s easy to look at how someone else is raising their children, or the work that you feel someone else is doing that’s more impactful, or that maybe their kids just seem more well-rounded, or it could go on and on and on. Or they seem to have their life together and their kid’s on a schedule and yours isn’t, or it doesn’t matter. That’s not what God’s blessed you with. May we never forget what he’s doing in our lives, rather than setting our sights on someone else’s. 

 

0:11:36 – Brian

You need to remember and this is something that I struggle with, but I have some stuff in my iPhone notes that remind me of this is that you are made uniquely in the image of Christ yeah, he didn’t make a carbon copy, and so lean into that, lean into the fact that he chose you before the foundation of the world yeah, lean into the fact that you have value yes, that because you are made in his image. And lean into your talents and abilities and what brings joy, and if you do that, that will lead to some contentment and peace. Yeah, don’t try and find that outside of his purpose for you, outside of his why he’s made you. 

 

0:12:16 – Kayla

Yeah, I have found for myself the more that I lean into who I was created to be in Christ, the less anxiety I have, the more my nervous system settles. The more we are chasing after things that God did not intend for us, the more unsettled we’re going to be, because until we feel right in him, all of those things are just going to wear us out. You were given this one life. Don’t waste it trying to live someone else’s life. 

 

0:12:52 – Brian

But we get so unsatisfied with where we are. 

 

0:12:57 – Kayla

And what is it that Barnabas piper taught us? We are unsatisfied unsatisfiable people. 

 

0:13:01 – Brian

yeah, we are unsatisfiable people. We’re also part of a world economy that generates sales and income. Oh, absolutely, making you unsatisfied with what you have, yep, so that you’ll buy something else? Yeah, I’ll never forget. We spent Christmas with some family one year and they had little ones, and Christmas morning it was a joy. They were just all into it, just all. Well, the next day, December 26th, we all went to the stores and those kids, they just screamed and begged for toys and I’ll never forget that. Their dad said you just got all new toys yesterday and that little one said that was yesterday. I’ve never forgotten that and that’s an indictment of all of our hearts. So, be who you were made to be and lean into who he created you to be. Well, this is going to be fun, as I studied for this. This is him versus her. Can I ask a question? Why did you put him versus her instead of her versus him? 

 

0:14:14 – Kayla

Well, I don’t know. 

 

0:14:15 – Brian

Okay, it just kind of sets me up as being the one against you. 

 

0:14:19 – Kayla

Oh, we’re not against each other, yet, you’ll see. Yet this could end differently. 

 

0:14:24 – Brian

World War III about to happen, all right. 

 

0:14:36 – Kayla

One of yet. This could end differently. 

 

0:14:37 – Brian

World war three about to happen all right, one of us likes details oh my word and one of us drowns in them, maybe? No, I think we have figured out the non-detail person. Yes, I fly at a 30,000-foot view. You fly at a hundred-foot view. 

 

0:14:45 – Kayla

Now that comp and that’s how we complement each other yes, I literally read emails and give you the highlights. 

 

0:14:51 – Brian

Oh, if your email is more than five sentences, Brian Sanders is not going to read it. Truth. Okay, you need to encapsulate that. You send me something for paragraph song. 

 

0:15:01 – Kayla

It’s delete he’s read the first sentence in the last. I hope you got your points across. 

 

0:15:05 – Brian

Yes, but details you are great with like money. You’re great with like budgeting and that kind of stuff and you’ve begged me not to hand that off to you. I mean, that’s yours Now you’ll want to sit down and go over everything. 

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

It’s one of my Christmas gifts Once a year you have to. Let me walk through the annual budget with you. 

 

0:15:24 – Brian

It’s one of my Christmas gifts. 

 

0:15:26 – Kayla

It is have to let me walk through the annual budget with you. It’s one of my Christmas. It is about 10 years ago remember we made this pact that you have to let me walk through the annual plan, because I want to make sure that it’s yours, not just mine okay me, I take a power nap oh, I nap. Like it’s hibernation season. 

 

You go down for like two hours I can’t do these little 10-minute naps. I get the worst headache. Yeah, I just can’t. But you can. You’re like a toddler. You can lay down for 10 minutes and then, boing, you are off and running again. 

 

0:15:58 – Brian

It just amazes me At the same time. Now, if I’m serious about a nap, Now you will go down. But yeah, go down for like five hours but it’s very rare, very rare, yeah. 

 

0:16:09 – Kayla

One of us starts packing two weeks before a trip. Oh, God. There’s piles and one of us packs the night before or the morning of. 

 

0:16:17 – Brian

We’re going to Disney in two weeks. There is a section of stuff already on the dining room table and there’s a section of stuff in one of the guest bedrooms. 

 

0:16:33 – Kayla

Uh-huh already on the dining room table and there’s some section of stuff in one of the guest bedrooms and there’s some section of stuff already on the dresser and the main bedroom maybe we won’t forget anything though well, I don’t understand of what I packed anyway oh, did anybody else feel that comment? 

 

0:16:41 – Brian

or just me in my head why not just create a list and then, the night before, do all I’m working the list two weeks before. 

 

0:16:51 – Kayla

Well, some of it’s stuff that I needed to pick up at the store. So anyway, you do. You, I’m good shots fired. He never meets a stranger. Nope, I often wonder are people just getting stranger? 

 

0:17:08 – Brian

Well, I find people to be an adventure. I find people to be a story that is waiting to be told. Ok, so I love to talk with people because you’ll learn details and it can be a great story, because I’m all about a great story and some people’s story scares me a little bit. You like to enter into a store, to a restaurant, and just uh-huh, be quiet, be all by yourself and you’ve introduced yourself to half the wait staff. 

 

0:17:39 – Kayla

So, yeah, this is who we are. It’s good. You will have a new friend every time we leave target. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

So yeah, well, I just here, we are. Okay, here we are. I can literally not be thinking about anything. I can literally not be thinking about something and I’m thinking about what I’ve forgotten to think about whereas your mind, and that has always plagued you, that you don’t understand, like Bea, what are you thinking about and what will I say? 

 

0:18:09 – Kayla

Nothing, and you’ve never, and you mean it, nothing. 

 

0:18:15 – Brian

And. 

 

0:18:15 – Kayla

I’m worried about what I’ve forgotten to think about. 

 

0:18:18 – Brian

You’ve often said there’s like 19 things. 

 

0:18:20 – Kayla

Oh, I’m always just. It’s like a computer browser with multiple files open at all times. 

 

0:18:26 – Brian

And I understand that this could be one of the differences between men and women. 

 

0:18:29 – Kayla

Absolutely Yep. So all right, we talked about this a minute ago. You are completely unfazed by the state of our home. Okay, which right now? 

 

0:18:42 – Brian

Okay, we need to clarify this. When she says the state of our home home, she’s going to make it sound like that there’s a pack of monkeys that live there that don’t know how to use the bathroom. It is y’all the state of our home. Okay, it may not be dusted for five days, I don’t care it doesn’t.

 

0:19:07 – Kayla

Well, right now there’s piles of stuff everywhere, but it’s purposeful. But there’s dust, there’s who. I am phased by how unfazed you are. So, yeah, say that again. I am what. I am phased by how unfazed you are. It doesn’t bother me, but I should be thankful. Phased by how unfazed you are, but I should be thankful. I mean, there are probably some partnerships where it’s like you need to get this done, and I’ve had friends before whose spouses are very specific. 

 

0:19:35 – Brian

You will actually come to me and say B, I apologize for the state of this. Yeah, why are you? I’m happy as a clam. 

 

0:19:43 – Kayla

I just feel guilty, but yeah, okay, I’m working on it. So, to make sure this does not seem adversarial, this is us. We are planners. 

 

0:19:54 – Brian

Oh, we ain’t going nowhere. Where are we? 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

going? Will there be food, will we get a nap and what will we do? 

 

0:19:59 – Brian

Where are we going to fill up at? Who are we meeting with? Where are we going? Yeah, I need to research the restaurants where we’re going to. 

 

0:20:06 – Kayla

We are both that way, and it’s what makes traveling together so amazing, because we both have the same questions and the same thought processes. 

 

0:20:16 – Brian

And if we’re going through a new airport, I will look it up.

 

0:20:18 – Kayla

Yeah, we’ll watch a video about it we will? 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

Yeah, well, certainly, I mean, that’s just who we are. 

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

Also, there is nobody else we’d rather spend the day with. We have often been teased for this. Like yeah, like, why do y’all spend so much time together? Because we actually like each other we like to talk. 

 

0:20:41 – Brian

Sometimes we’ll talk about you. 

 

0:20:48 – Kayla

This is one thing that I have really come to adopt, though. Our relationship isn’t their relationship, and it does not mean that either of us is wrong. 

 

0:20:59 – Brian

No, I guess not. 

 

0:21:00 – Kayla

We don’t get to decide what is best for any other couple or any other family, and that’s where back to our conversation about comparison. The only time that anyone should be concerned about what’s going on in another relationship is if you sense that there is some kind of abuse or domination or something that lends to yeah, otherwise it is really none of your business how they choose to if you see them buying fish sticks at the grocery store, that’s none of your business. 

 

But if they’re buying fish sticks for somebody they’re not married to, that’s your business oh well, I wasn’t sure where you were going with that, but okay, and fish sticks really well, I’m just saying For the record, we do not eat those. But anyway, here we are. I’m open to them. No, we’re good. So this is us, okay, and it’s a combination of things that complement each other and things that draw us together. 

 

0:22:03 – Brian

Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the piece. 

 

0:22:05 – Kayla

If you need me, I’m going to be off packing for our trip. 

 

0:22:08 – Brian

Y’all, you’ve been packing for three weeks. I won’t forget anything. Anyway, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the Peas and Carrots Podcast, and we’d like to send you a coffee mug and a pack of the cute little stickers, okay, and you can win a Peas and Carrots coffee mug and a pack of the cute little stickers. Okay, and you can win a peas and carrots coffee mug and a pack of stickers. 

 

0:22:31 – Kayla

Go to our website, which is peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Look for the trivia button. 

 

0:22:37 – Brian

If you’ll click that trivia button at peasandcarrotspodcast.com, Our question this week is what are you excited about as we head into summer? 

 

0:22:46 – Kayla

Yeah, we want to know what your plans are. What are you excited about, as we? 

 

0:22:47 – Brian

head into summer. Yeah, we want to know what your plans are. What are you doing? What are you excited about as we head into summer? And you can answer that question when a coffee mug and a pack of stickers All you do is. 

 

0:22:56 – Kayla

Go to our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Also search Peas and Carrots Podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts or visit our website. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:23:06 – Kayla

When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:23:10 – Brian

You can also search Peas and Carrots wherever you get your podcast, and you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram, all right.

 

0:23:23 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts. 

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Season 3 Episode 16: His Mercy Is More

Can We Talk?
His Mercy Is More - Episode Description

It’s been a wild ride lately, with the heavens opening up just as we were about to get our hands dirty in the garden—talk about timing! But every cloud has its silver lining, or in my case, every bird “blessing” is a sign of good luck, right? This week, we’re inviting you into our world of contrasts and reflections, as we wrap up an incredible fundraising marathon, overflowing with gratitude. But it’s not all been smooth sailing; I faced a surprising challenge as I closed a book mid-narrative, honoring my own tastes over the pull of ‘writer’s guilt.’ Meanwhile, Kayla shares her steps on the road to recovery after her hip injury and we both buzz with excitement about our upcoming Disney escapade. And for those who can relate to the late-night symphony of a noisy sleep machine, I’ve got a tale that ends with sweet, silent slumber.

Our hearts are full as we recount the success of our latest fundraising efforts, reaching a milestone that seemed like a distant dream just weeks ago. The joys of a 103% goal completion, combined with the intimate moments of spiritual closeness and the recognition of life’s little mercies, have left us humbled and reflective. Self-acceptance is a dance, and we’re learning to move to its rhythm, discussing the often complicated relationship with societal expectations, body image, and finding grounding in something greater than ourselves. Joined by our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we delve into the power of tiny blessings in daily life, and we’re throwing a trivia prize giveaway your way—because who doesn’t love the chance to win a cozy coffee mug and some cheerful stickers? So grab your earbuds, get comfortable, and join us as we share this rollercoaster journey through life’s ups, downs, and everything in between.

His Mercy Is More - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer
We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.

0:00:11 – Kayla
Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:00:13 – Brian
I’m Brian and I’m Kayla. Welcome to this week’s edition of how does the garden grow… peas and carrots. You get it.

0:00:20 – Kayla
Oh Okay, it took me a sec, sorry, okay, here we are, all right. Well, right now it doesn’t because I haven’t planted anything, because all it’s done is rain, but bitter party of one. So here we are Anyway.

0:00:41 – Brian
Bitter party of one. Your table’s ready. Bitter party of one, and we have a special tonight on spaghetti, okay.

0:00:51 – Kayla
On a more positive note, what’s up in the world of peas and carrots? Actually, it’s what came down on the world of peas and carrots as I walked this morning. Oh yeah, you and a bird. We’ll leave it here. We’re going to keep this PG. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning. Yes, right, it here. We’re going to keep this pg. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning.

0:01:07 – Brian
Yes, right on the front of your shirt. Yes, I wasn’t wearing a hat, so I’m thankful. I’m a little thankful. I have a gut that it hit that, because that sticks out and it didn’t hit me on my head. So, yeah, it’s first time in my life I’ve ever been blessed by a bird. It happened to me at the beach.

0:01:25 – Kayla
Yeah, I was so mad. I was just minding my business reading my book and bloop, and it even hit your chair. Yes, it was nasty. Well, seagulls put out a lot. Okay, let’s stop. I’m just saying it’s a wrap.

0:01:40 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:41 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done.

0:01:43 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:43 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done. Yes, it officially ended yesterday, thank you Lord, and we’ll share our results here in just a few minutes. But we have seen the goodness of God.

0:01:53 – Brian
Yes, we have. We certainly have Thank you, I did something for the first time.

0:02:00 – Kayla
You did. Okay, so technically you did two things. For the first time, you actually picked up a fiction book, which I encouraged you to do, so I’m kind of feeling like I went up in flames on this, but you gave up on it.

0:02:15 – Brian
I actually read half of it. You did.

0:02:17 – Kayla
I read and out of kindness to the author we are not going to share the name but it just wasn’t for you, and this was the first time I’ve ever seen you set down a book.

0:02:26 – Brian
Because I have what’s called writer’s guilt, Like because I’m a writer, I’ve written two books and, like, I know the pain and the creativity and the hours and the work it takes to write a book. I know all that, yeah, but I got. This is a 400-page New York Times bestseller and I’m really I got this is a 400-page New York. Times bestseller and I’m really. I mean I read 200 pages of this and set it down.

0:02:53 – Kayla
I mean books need to move faster than I think. You might need to flex your muscle a little more. On fiction, though, I’m going to get another book for you to try again.

0:03:00 – Brian
No, I’m not reading. No frou-frou thing.

0:03:03 – Kayla
I don’t think I said frou-frou, I used the word fiction, okay.

0:03:07 – Brian
So calm it down. Well, you also read all that murder stuff.

0:03:10 – Kayla
I’m not going to make you do that yet. Okay, so Yet. So I started a new habit. The last couple of weeks I started walking a mile a day, really During my break. Really I thought I would miss running. So this was part of my hesitation, other than the fact that I’m just lazy and I kind of thought, well, this is going to make me feel me because I used to love running, but on my breaks I’ve been going and like walking near work and there’s this cute little church that I walk by and I go into the neighborhood and then I come back. I’m really enjoying this. And not to belabor this, but an update on the hip after the fall down the stairs, I think it’s really helped with that.

0:04:01 – Brian
It’s healed.

0:04:01 – Kayla
So my hip is well and I think the walking is only doing.

0:04:06 – Brian
We got a Disney trip in about three weeks. Do not fall, you’re welcome.

0:04:10 – Kayla
Okay, okay, just felt that you are picking up a new sleep machine at the day of this recording. Can I say hallelujah and amen.

0:04:26 – Brian
Because at the beginning of fundraising season I guess the first or second night of fundraising season- the motor decided to start dying.

0:04:35 – Kayla
So this is all I’ve heard for six weeks, as your motor is.

0:04:44 – Brian
Interacting with my breathing. That’s what it’s doing, and so we’ve had everybody loves Raymond playing at night. All kind of things, trying to drown it out what I liked is when I got up to pee at one o’clock Golden Girls was on.

0:04:57 – Kayla
Oh, my word, that was pretty good.

0:04:59 – Brian
TMI. Oh, but there we go. I’m sure the people on this podcast, the people listening, go pee.

0:05:06 – Kayla
Okay, some of us use the word potty, oh, but all right.

0:05:09 – Brian
Okay, potty, wow. Okay, this is where we are. This is the end of five weeks of fundraising. Six, six, my filter’s a little broken.

0:05:20 – Kayla
Not to be clarifying or anything, but Not to be.

0:05:26 – Brian
We got to get to the next segment.

0:05:31 – Kayla
Life is a series of ups and downs. That’s a given. We all know that there’s no perfect day. You’re not promised anything, but I am not sure that we have ever seen a season as wild as the past three months.

0:05:48 – Brian
Yeah, there’s a spiritual principle here. If you listen to the episodes where we talked with our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we actually talked about this spiritual principle and I told Kay this morning I’d like to dedicate a segment of our podcast back to this principle. Again, it’s a principle that I call tiny mercies. Okay, because when there’s so much stuff going on, that’s bad. Yeah, I have to look for the good. Because here’s my thing If you’re constantly hearing the bad, it’s going to bring you down. Or if you constantly focus on the bad, guess what it’s going to do to you? Yeah, it’s going to bring you down. So you got to look for the good. For me, when you’re going through bad things, when you’re walking through the valley of the shadow, don’t just focus on that. Look for where else God is working and remind yourself of that.

0:06:45 – Kayla
We’ve hinted at this in other ways. When my dad passed away you know that I went through a very hard season. I developed a habit of keeping a gratitude journal.

0:06:55 – Brian
Hmm.

0:06:56 – Kayla
This is kind of like a living breathing gratitude journal, and I still do that to this day because we all trend toward the negative. There’s just so much of it in the world. Tiny mercies, seeing them, accepting who they are from, keep us from just drowning in the negative. So we’re going to walk through some things that have happened.

0:07:23 – Brian
In just the last five to six weeks.

0:07:26 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:27 – Brian
So first of all, probably one of my I mean, he’s one of my best friends in the world. He’s my executive assistant. He’s navigating the house fire.

0:07:37 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:37 – Brian
His house caught on fire.

0:07:38 – Kayla
And every week comes with a new layer to it. Yes, now they’re okay, nobody got hurt. The house is yeah, his house caught on fire, and every week comes with a new layer to it.

0:07:41 – Brian
Yes, now they’re okay. Nobody got hurt, the house is being cleaned, so there’s that, and then.

0:07:48 – Kayla
We have a sweet friend who she suddenly lost her dog and then learned on the heels of that that she was going to need a biopsy after a mammogram that showed some concerns.

0:08:01 – Brian
Then we had the sudden loss of a team member at PAR. He was a friend. He was on our future leadership team, which meant I interacted with him a lot as a mentor.

0:08:13 – Kayla
You two basically texted daily.

0:08:15 – Brian
Yes, I loved him. He was like a son, he was like a younger brother and just pouring into him and the Lord took him home. I mean 44 years old, I was just crushed.

0:08:30 – Kayla
We have a friend who lost her mother-in-law and within days of that she lost her aunt.

0:08:34 – Brian
Yes, we have a friend whose daughter was also in a car accident. Everybody’s listening to this right now and going. We are not getting around the Sanders for the next few months. We are going to avoid y’all.

0:08:48 – Kayla
We have a friend who’s walking a relative through dementia.

0:08:52 – Brian
And then your grandma passed away.

0:08:53 – Kayla
Yeah, we lost my grandma, and one of your best friends lost his dad.

0:08:57 – Brian
Yes.

0:08:58 – Kayla
And I mean there are things that forgive us if we have not highlighted it. That is just the icing on the cake of what has been going on behind the scenes.

And at the same time now, this is not to belabor this point we’ve been in a fundraising season which is it’s exhausting and it’s a spiritual attack at times, because you’re putting God’s message out there 12, 13 hours a day and you’re asking people to worship him with their money, and the enemy does not like that, and so it’s a given. We know that hard things are going to happen during fundraising season. This one has just felt to use one of the kids’ terms it’s felt extra, I mean.

0:09:45 – Brian
What’s that More?

0:09:47 – Kayla
A lot.

0:09:48 – Brian
Okay.

0:09:49 – Kayla
But even so we have seen so many tiny mercies.

0:09:55 – Brian
The Lord’s protection of our friends and the provision as they almost literally rebuild their home, I mean the Lord’s taking care of them.

0:10:03 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:10:04 – Brian
And provided, and I will try to help him focus on that too.

0:10:09 – Kayla
on the good, the reminders. Yeah, we got news that the biopsy that revealed some issues. None of them are invasive carcinoma and all of them are benign. We’re thankful for that so thankful.

0:10:25 – Brian
A team of 65 people that’s poured out love, even as they collectively grieve so many losses. This team fundraised through grief. They fundraised through all these different. It’s been like a pinball machine getting hit here, hit here, and yet they kept moving forward.

0:10:42 – Kayla
The resilience.

0:10:43 – Brian
Yes.

0:10:44 – Kayla
And the care. Yeah, we have both seen. Now this is something you and I talk about a lot and we could spend an hour just on this. Prayer comes easy to me. It’s hard. I love to pray, but it’s been a growth process for you.

0:11:01 – Brian
For years.

0:11:02 – Kayla
You find studying and reading easier.

0:11:04 – Brian
Oh, it comes like a second nature, I feel like.

0:11:06 – Kayla
Talking to God is just. It’s a constant for me, and yet we have both seen a deepening of that.

0:11:13 – Brian
In the last two or three months, the Lord’s turned my heart. Now I still read, I still study, I still love it.

0:11:19 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:11:22 – Brian
But I also find myself throughout the day I’ll just be praying. I’ve never been like that before, Never. I will still do my main prayers in the morning, but throughout the day I’ll just be praying and I’m like, who am I? Now? That’s not bragging on me, it’s that. That’s a tiny mercy the Lord has given me during this season, he’s changed your heart. Well, you needed changing.

0:11:46 – Kayla
There’s been a true slowing down. We’ve had to choose rest at times and we have found peace in the simplest of things. It’s not been anything grand or epic that has given us joy. It’s been the little things.

0:12:00 – Brian
We have a church family that’s continued to bless and grow us, and Bible study classes and sermons reminded us again and again of who he is, no matter how life is. I was texting with our pastor the other night and this is just another tiny mercy. And it’s also hilarious. I got a new book on theology and so I just took a picture of it and I texted it to him. And what does he text me back? A picture of a Dr Seuss book. In other words, you’re reading that and I’m reading this. That’s hilarious.

0:12:32 – Kayla
Absolutely hilarious. We had had a really tough day. It was just. Leadership comes with its own level of drama, but this day just had about three days worth. On our drive home, there was a beautiful rainbow. Reminder of a promise, and it was a reminder of a promise, and it was as if God was whispering I’ve got this, and it was just. It was a very sweet moment. A friend left random flowers on the front porch.

0:13:04 – Brian
Nobody does that for me. I don’t get random flowers.

0:13:07 – Kayla
Oh, OK.

0:13:08 – Brian
Well, you got to enjoy them I found that sweet for you that during your grief, your friend.

0:13:14 – Kayla
Oh, it was.

0:13:15 – Brian
it was beautiful, just showed up with the just left him on the front porch.

0:13:18 – Kayla
And I enjoyed them for like two and a half weeks. I just I didn’t want to let them go.

0:13:24 – Brian
A fundraising season that went from four weeks to six because of the loss of a team member, and yet the Lord blessed us with 103% of goal. Who would have thought? I mean, I’m sitting here, blown away.

0:13:38 – Kayla
Knowing what people are having to spend for groceries and gas, and there’s all the things. There’s graduation parties, there’s end of year this and end of year that, and for people to say, oh, I want to support this ministry, Absolutely wild.

0:13:53 – Brian
I’ve also felt the closeness of the Lord in this season. I mean, I don’t say that lightly, because most of the times I don’t feel him, and that’s normal life, but he has been near to us in the last four to six weeks.

0:14:09 – Kayla
Yeah, it’s nothing to shake off. When you feel a peace that is unnatural, when you’re going through hard thing after hard thing and you see the Lord’s goodness in giving you peace, even for moments of the day. I hope you can stop and say that’s God, Because we’re not wired for that as humans. We just aren’t.

0:14:36 – Brian
I’m also thankful for the kindness of friendships.

0:14:39 – Kayla
Oh, my goodness, yes, we have had so many text messages and cards, and a friend even took the time. This blew me away. She had some wind chimes inscribed with my grandmother’s name, and so when I see them and the wind blows, it’s to remind me of her and the Lord’s goodness. People have gifted us plants and I’m going to do my best, y’all, to keep them alive. Don’t get your hopes up. Y’all Stop. We’ve been given meals and, yeah, it’s just and not just us. I have seen this play out for team member after team member. I’ve seen our church do this for loved ones in our church that are going through hard times or in different seasons, and this is what it looks like. This is what the tiny mercies look like when life is tough.

0:15:36 – Brian
So again, here’s the spiritual principle when you’re going through stuff, even on days when you’re not, keep a little folder or keep a journal and write down the tiny mercies, write down the good you see, don’t just focus on the negative stuff you’re going through. Turn your head and look and see where else he is working, what you’re learning about him, what you’re learning about yourself, and that will actually encourage your heart to keep on going.

0:16:05 – Kayla
It will. It’s twofold. I will say this when you are able to reframe your thinking and see his mercy, you also become a person that shows it to others.

0:16:18 – Brian
Amen, so keep hope alive. Look for the tiny mercies. Well, this is your topic. You’ve been bringing this up.

0:16:32 – Kayla
I have and, okay, I’m going to be brave because this comes with. First of all, it comes with a confession. I was getting ready for church a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those weeks where I had not planned well. I did not get my outfit together.

0:16:49 – Brian
the night before. When have we planned? There’s that.

0:16:54 – Kayla
I was trying to get ready for church, I was trying to put an outfit together. Everything I tried on it was either too tight or it was uncomfortable, or I just it didn’t feel appropriate for the weather and I had a little bit of a meltdown, and you didn’t know it at the time. But I mean I had a mini meltdown because I was just so irked with myself and with this phase of life.

0:17:22 – Brian
And I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person. This phase of life.

0:17:26 – Kayla
I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person, and please don’t roll your eyes if you’re listening to this. For 45 years of my life, the number on the scale was exactly the same. It may have fluctuated one or two degrees, but I had this crazy metabolism. I could eat anything. Now, if I sniff cake, I gain three pounds.

0:17:49 – Brian
That’s not true. It is it’s not true?

0:17:52 – Kayla
I sniff cake. So it was just. It was this moment where I, just I was so frustrated because I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, which led me into a spiral of well, this is your own fault because of this, this, this and this. But then I had to take a step back and remind myself of some things. Loving ourselves, even when we don’t like certain aspects, is crucial to remembering whose we are. God doesn’t define any of us by the way we look, or by our weight, or by how many goals we’re crushing.

0:18:35 – Brian
This is a huge hurdle for me. I’m trying not to get emotional because I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. Yeah, I have been on. I’ve been on over probably over 200 diets in my time, my lifetime member of Jenny Craig. I don’t go there anymore.

0:18:53 – Kayla
Do they even still exist?

0:18:54 – Brian
Yeah, you go online. Oh, okay, but this is a huge issue for me because this is really personal. Every day, in my prayer app, I actually ask forgiveness for my size and I ask him to forgive me for being this large, because I feel like it’s a sin for me to be like this.

0:19:16 – Kayla
Oh mercy.

0:19:17 – Brian
So I appreciate your words that we have to love ourselves, even though there may not be certain aspects of ourselves that we don’t like.

0:19:25 – Kayla
Yeah, and that’s hard to do. It just is Because we can easily become our own critic.

0:19:33 – Brian
Every day. Now let me say this there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a healthier us.

0:19:39 – Kayla
No, because we’re both doing that. Yes, yeah.

0:19:43 – Brian
But you’ve got to pursue Christ more yes, then you got to pursue Christ more yes, then you have to pursue that. So, because I can’t believe, I’m going to say this you’re not a number on a scale you’re not I feel like I am yeah but we’re not and my appearance and certain things I mean the aesthetic of our home or the life’s comforts that we’ve acquired.

0:20:09 – Kayla
None of that sits higher than our image in Christ. And so, yeah, it’s. Am I seeing the needs of those around me as I see my own goals and desires? Am I accepting again whose I am, rather than the conditions that I’ve put on being seen as good and yeah, and fitting into this mold of society? That, yeah, which lends me to this, and this is the whole thing that I’ve been chewing on for the last few weeks. It really matters the voices we listen to. Not everyone needs to cold plunge. That’s this big trend now where everyone’s doing these cold plunges or detox or drink a gallon of water every day.

0:21:02 – Brian
Is a cold plunge, like where you jump in the ice water.

0:21:05 – Kayla
Yeah. I ain’t doing that well it’s. It’s this big trend right now, but it’s not necessarily safe for everyone jacket I’d give it a go but also, just because I may embrace minimal minimalism in some areas of my life, it doesn’t mean that everyone has to, and there’ll be other areas where I don’t so, but here’s the thing.

So this is kind of two-sided and I may sound like I’m contradicting myself. When we do refuse to hear from others because we don’t want to feel challenged or perhaps gifted a perspective that can help us to learn and grow, then we’re limiting ourselves, because this is why it is so important to assess the voices that are yours.

This kind of builds on the whole boundary thing we talked about last time, but you need people who are speaking truth to you. So this is not saying that no one gets to have a say, but you have to be the one to decide what you take away from that. And if you block everyone out and say, well, no one’s going to tell me what’s good for me or what’s bad for me, and I’m just going to put on my blinders, because, truthfully, one of the best things I did was listen to a trainer who helped me to believe that I could accomplish things that I never would have dreamed I could, and helped me overcome a sugar addiction and helped me to focus on specific goals, but at the same time, I’ve had to find my own way on a few things like something as silly as okay, this is how much water I should drink today. But we live in a world where so much messaging is coming at us.

0:22:53 – Brian
Everybody.

0:22:55 – Kayla
And there’s this bent towards and I’m just being real, I had to even check myself there is this bent towards secular messaging that is drowning out biblical truth and what Christ would tell us to do in relationships and in taking care of the temple that he’s given us, which is our body, and various other things. And so, yeah, it’s a lot more to unpack, but yeah, y’all, don’t forget this Our bodies, they are complicated.

0:23:26 – Brian
In the relationship that we have with them, and even the people that, like you, adore, like I’d like to be like that person, there’s things about their body that they hate. Yeah, they absolutely hate. So find your best path and walk. It’s all I can say. Is that wisdom, or is that?

0:23:43 – Kayla
Oh, absolutely, and I love what a friend shared with me several years back. What if we take a moment to appreciate all the seasons that our bodies have carried us through? What if we think about all the ways that our bodies have cared for us in good and bad times?

0:24:03 – Brian
We haven’t given up yet that get you.

0:24:09 – Kayla
Yeah, that got me.

0:24:12 – Brian
I can tell you this I’m out of summer and fall. I think I’m in winter.

0:24:15 – Kayla
Stop Seriously. If we take a step back and think about all that our bodies have done to serve us, maybe we would be a little kinder to them.

0:24:29 – Brian
I will try, I’m going to promise. Oh, I know.

0:24:32 – Kayla
Well, this is hard for all of us.

0:24:34 – Brian
It could carry a little bit more ice cream, and I’m sure that there’s going to be another meltdown when I need to put an outfit together.

0:24:41 – Kayla
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there, clueless watching Meet the Press outfit together.

0:24:42 – Brian
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there clueless watching Meet the Press. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the Peas and Carrots podcast and, by the way, we’d like to send you a Peas and Carrots coffee mug.

0:24:55 – Kayla
Yes, and Cute little stickers.

0:24:58 – Brian
There’s a How’s that go. Cute little stickers.

0:25:02 – Kayla
She loves. I love the stickers. She does so the first two folks to go to our website, which is Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:10 – Brian
When you get there, what do you look for?

0:25:12 – Kayla
Look for the trivia button. Okay, and you answer this week’s trivia question, which is “what is a tiny mercy in your life?” So go to our website Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:28 – Brian
Click on the trivia button and what’s this week’s question?

0:25:31 – Kayla
What is a tiny mercy in your life?

0:25:34 – Brian
Yeah, answer that question. We’ll send you a coffee mug and some cute little stickers.

0:25:41 – Kayla
You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots podcast. And hey, you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:25:47 – Brian
And, hey, you can also search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit us at our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. And, by the way, what are those stickers again, what do you call them? They’re cute and little.

0:26:05 – Announcer
For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 15: Goodbye, Grandest of Dames

Can We Talk?
Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Episode Description

Caught in the whirlwind of life’s changes, from celebrating the fruits of our ministry’s fundraising to navigating the emotional currents of a college town during graduation season, we’ve got a lot to catch up on. The hum of activity in our little corner of the world is as vibrant as ever, but there’s a special place in this episode for quiet reflection, especially as I honor the memory of my grandmother, Mary Slade, whose wit and wisdom have left an indelible mark on my heart.

Boundaries: we often misunderstand them, and yet they’re vital for nurturing healthy relationships—and that’s a big part of our discussion today. Far from being a sign of strained connections, they’re the scaffolding for peaceable living, as taught in Romans 12:18. We’ll share how these principles apply not just in ministry, but across the spectrum of life, and we hope to clear the fog surrounding boundaries with personal insights and some eye-opening anecdotes. It’s about carving out a space where self-care and respect for others coexist harmoniously.

Rounding off, we pay tribute to a woman of formidable character and humor—my grandmother, Mary Slade. From the enigma of her ever-present green purse to her no-nonsense take on taboo topics, her stories are sure to spark a smile. We invite you to join us in this emotional journey as we reminisce, laugh, and perhaps shed a tear, and we encourage you to share the tales of those who’ve shaped your life, too. So tune in, as we celebrate the legacies that continue to touch our lives long after loved ones have departed.

Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla and good to have you along. It’s been a while it has, and y’all you just need to know that the studio in which this is recorded is a mess is also the studio from which I do fundraising for the ministry here, and so Miss Sanders just came in about five minutes ago and you’ve been reorganizing. 

 

0:00:37 – Kayla

Cleaning up is what I would call it. Well, I didn’t leave trash, no, but there’s stuff everywhere, good stuff, anyway. Where have we been? 

 

0:00:48 – Brian

Nowhere. We have been right here fundraising for the ministry. 

 

0:00:54 – Kayla

So our ministry is a nonprofit and we actually have to raise our own funds, and we do that twice a year. So we apologize. We were very ambitious, thinking that we would get to keep recording. We have not had time to do that, so yeah lots of very full days, but our ministry is funded for several months 102% I believe, yes, so. 

 

0:01:22 – Brian

Congratulations, Ms. Sanders. It’s awesome. 

 

0:01:24 – Kayla

We have some amazing team members and, yeah, as we record this, what is happening in town this week? B? 

 

0:01:32 – Brian

Virginia Tech’s graduation. 

 

0:01:34 – Kayla

It’s like ants on a molehill out there. 

 

0:01:36 – Brian

And let me just say this 20 minutes ago we were at a little place downtown here that sells ice cream and we walked down there and it’s like 20 000 people it’s pretty busy. 

 

0:01:48 – Kayla

They need to leave. I want my town back well, our town is about to get much quieter because all these people are leaving. 

 

0:01:54 – Brian

All the students will leave yeah you’ll be able to get through target in 10 minutes instead of 55. We will not that I’m grumpy little bit. There you go. We are excited for summer. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

Why. 

 

0:02:09 – Brian

One month from today, I believe we’ll be, at Disney? We will. We are Going on vacation. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We have some vacations planned. We’ve had some opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that. 

 

0:02:26 – Brian

I’ll be teaching the gospel I mean the gospel, the life of Joseph and you’ll be leading a women’s study. 

 

0:02:32 – Kayla

I’ll be helping with. There’s several of us that are going to facilitate that. I’m excited about that and scared all at the same time, but I’m looking forward to time in the garden. Finally, there’s snakes there. Time on our back deck. 

 

0:02:45 – Brian

Spiders. 

 

0:02:47 – Kayla

We’ll whack them with a shovel or something I don’t know. 

 

0:02:50 – Brian

You said you was excited to be in the garden. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

You’re looking forward to getting outside. I am. 

 

0:02:58 – Brian

Our back deck is one of our favorite places and I really struggle with allergies, but it seems as if my allergist has me on a good cocktail, shall we say, of medications, when I can get them. 

 

0:03:14 – Kayla

At the end of April we lost a giant and we’re going to talk about that in a few minutes. My grandma passed away, so we will come back to that in just a few minutes, but we do have some reflections we would like to share. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

It’s going to be fun, so stick around Boundaries. It’s a favorite topic of yours. You read books about it and you talk about it every now and then. 

 

0:03:43 – Kayla

They’re very important to me, books about it and you talk about it every now and then. They’re very important to me. You and I have been talking about this some lately because there are a lot of hot takes on boundaries and a lot of myths, so we thought that we would take just a minute. You’ve read some of these books as well, so I want to give full credit that some of our resource here is coming from a book Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, and she is much more experienced in all this, but we have both been able to take some knowledge from what she has written about. But there’s this kind of mentality that when you say the word boundaries, some people, people, just they start to twitch because it’s like, oh, nobody should do that. So we’re going to dive in and just spend a very short amount of time because again today we really want to share with you about my grandma. But what would you say is the first myth? 

 

0:04:42 – Brian

That good Christians don’t need boundaries, because we’re called to love everyone. And we are called to love everyone and you are called to forgive, but it doesn’t mean you have to do life with that person. You can forgive them, you can set a boundary, but you don’t have to do life with them because you don’t have to keep taking that. 

 

0:05:00 – Kayla

Well, one of the things that you and I have learned. Thank you, therapy. Some people are not safe, and this can range from for various people. If this speaks to you, it’s because you’re feeling that someone is not safe physically or mentally or emotionally for you, and there is a verse Romans 12, 18 comes to mind If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 

 

0:05:28 – Brian

Yeah, as far as it depends on you. Yeah, if you’ve gone as far as you can go, if you’ve done all you can do and that person still is abusive or manipulative over and over again. Now, this is separate from forgiveness. You can forgive, but you don’t have to keep going back and taking that abuse. Yeah, so that’s a different thing. 

 

0:05:49 – Kayla

And here’s one truth that resonates for me we live in a broken world, and sometimes living in a broken world that has no boundaries. 

 

0:06:00 – Brian

Broken people continue to break others, and that’s not a good place so you know, some people are going to say to us that actually boundaries say that like I don’t care yeah, that’s our second myth and actually it’s saying you know, first of all I care about myself yeah but I can’t right now. What’s that mean? 

 

0:06:21 – Kayla

I can’t right it means maybe, that someone has so much on their plate already. I can’t take that on right now, or I can’t be available right now, or I can’t make time for that right now, or I want to help you, but I don’t feel I’m qualified to give the help you need. Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. A professional. 

 

0:06:44 – Brian

Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. 

 

0:06:46 – Kayla

Yeah to a professional. We aren’t all necessarily meant to fix everyone else’s problems. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

And it’s okay to say I’d prefer not to talk about that. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. 

 

0:06:59 – Kayla

Think about Thanksgiving dinner, some of the questions that the family member you haven’t seen for 364 days. I’re on turkey. I know, I realize that there are certain things that you may want to be able to look at them and say I’d prefer not to talk about that. If it’s your personal life or it’s your decisions you’re making, what’s something else that comes to mind? 

 

0:07:21 – Brian

I’m not seeking advice. I just need to decompress, and that’s something that you say to me on a weekly basis. 

 

0:07:27 – Kayla

I say it a little different than that, though. What is it? I usually say to you B I’m not looking for you to fix this. I just want you to listen, but I’m built to fix, but you’ve gotten so good at it you really have. 

 

0:07:40 – Brian

As long as. 

 

0:07:41 – Kayla

I give the disclaimer. Don’t try to fix this. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

Okay, all right, I’m a good fixer. There’s another one. 

 

0:07:49 – Kayla

I’m sorry, but we disagree over this. However, my love for you has not changed. So there are people that they don’t like the boundary of disagreeing, that they feel like if you’re really a good, a friend or spouse or I don’t know what a family member, you’re going to always agree that’s not true, and it’s not true you can have different opinions and yeah and still get along. 

 

0:08:17 – Brian

Uh, my no is to protect both of us no is a complete sentence I guess for me I say no. There are certain people like you and maybe two other people that I should explain that to if it’s a personal nature but others. No, I don’t owe you an explanation about certain things in my life or certain things that I’ve been through. 

 

0:08:44 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:45 – Brian

And I think that that’s a very good boundary. What’s the third myth, Ms Kayla? 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

Boundaries are just a justification for holding people at arm’s length. 

 

0:08:55 – Brian

That’s. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

But they can actually include things like what Well, not sharing confidences. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. You don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. 

 

0:09:08 – Brian

You don’t have to demand people’s time, yeah. 

 

0:09:12 – Kayla

Sometimes you have to refuse space to others. You literally have to say I cannot do this relationship or I cannot spend this time with you.

 

0:09:24 – Brian

Here’s something I’m guilty of is telling people how to feel. So, because I like everything to be at peace, I like everybody to be happy, I like everything to be like a calm sea, and it’s not because, if it’s not, it affects me in a negative manner and that’s selfish and that’s that’s just. That’s just my broken, but I don’t have the right to tell people well, this is how you should feel about that. That’s the Lord’s job to do that. 

 

0:09:55 – Kayla

And another one, finally, is for this myth is not respecting their boundaries. There’s got to be give and take. If I’m asking someone to accept that I’d prefer not to talk about certain things, or I’d prefer to be able to feel how I want to feel, or I want to be okay with us disagreeing, or I can’t, right now, I’ve got to give other people the same freedom. And then finally, our fourth, and this one’s a quick hit Only people in dysfunctional relationships need boundaries. 

 

0:10:28 – Brian

No, that’s not true, and let me say this Everybody practices boundaries. Yes, you need to know that, whether you think you do or not. Whether you, think you do or not. Yeah, because with your best friend you’re going to share the bulk of your thoughts and your feelings, or whatever, somebody who you just met. Hopefully, not, hopefully not. 

 

0:10:47 – Kayla

You see, that’s a little awkward. 

 

0:10:49 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:10:53 – Kayla

So boundaries actually create healthy relationships. That’s the whole point of this is if you are willing to accept that boundaries exist and they have value, to accept that boundaries exist and they have value. The last thing we will say if someone is telling you that boundaries make you an evil person, that’s a red flag, because it definitely means that they don’t handle boundaries well. 

 

0:11:17 – Brian

Yeah, so be cautious and be wise and remember boundaries are good things whenever they’re practiced within a biblical context. Your grandma.

 

0:11:31 – Kayla

Yeah, so a couple of weeks ago I got word that my grandmother had passed away. Now let me start by saying this she was 94 years old. 

 

She lived in Hadley she lived in Hadley, Suffolk in England. She had a full and wonderful life. A half of her family lives in America. The other half lives in England. She spent a lot of time coming back and forth across the ocean to visit with all of us. She stood at four feet 11 and a half an inch. We were talking about Four foot 11 and a half an inch. Sorry four foot 11 inches and half an inch. Do not forget her half an inch. 

 

0:12:08 – Brian

We were talking about this last night and I said why you got to say half an inch and how would she respond if you didn’t include the half an inch? Oh, she was ticked yeah. Was she really oh? 

 

0:12:17 – Kayla

that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So she was little, but to us as a family she was a giant. 

 

0:12:27 – Brian

Made out of metal. Made out of steel. 

 

0:12:30 – Kayla

For me, she was a safe place when I was growing up. She was the glue that held our family together. I remember her roses chocolate candy tin, which she gifted to me later in life and I still have it. She would watch the original Poseidon Adventure movie with me over and over. 

 

0:12:52 – Brian

How many times do you think you’ve seen that? 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

Well, let’s just say that the last time she visited our house and I asked her if she’d watch it, her response was oh, bloody hell. Okay, and she sat through it, but it kind of let me know that she’d had enough.

 

0:13:07 – Brian

Okay, so Grandma, she was married to Norman, her husband 50 years at least, 50, 51. 

 

0:13:16 – Kayla

Right at 50 years. He passed away after that so they were very spicy with each other. I mean he loved to wind her up, so she would go to the pub almost every night. She would walk down to the pub. 

 

0:13:30 – Brian

Y’all are getting the real y’all getting the underbelly this week. 

 

0:13:33 – Kayla

One summer I had gone to spend three months with my grandmother, and I’d gone to the pub with her most every night. But this night I was tired and so I opted to stay home and just spend some time, you know, chilling on the couch. Well, that front door clicked shut, and no sooner had she left than my granddad comes out of his room. Context my grandfather had a stroke when I was very young, so I hear these feet shuffling down the hall. He comes and sits down on the couch next to me. 

 

0:14:05 – Brian

Michaela. 

 

0:14:06 – Kayla

Michaela, you want to watch TV. So we watch television together. Five minutes before it’s time for her to come home from the pub, he doesn’t say goodnight, goodbye, sayonara. He gets up off the couch, shuffles back down the hall, click and shuts his bedroom door and my grandmother walks in five minutes later and I am dying laughing on the inside. 

 

0:14:30 – Brian

Now she went to the pub every night. 

 

0:14:32 – Kayla

At that time yes, she would go to the pub Three hours a night. About three hours a night. If you visited her, that’s fine, but you were going to visit her at the pub at that time of night. 

 

0:14:42 – Brian

She wasn’t giving that up. That was her that was her thing, that was her people, that was her community. They’d play trivia. 

 

0:14:47 – Kayla

She had an amazing community there, to the degree that there will be a wake at the pub in my grandmother’s honor, I think that’s fantastic, but we’ve had some fun with her through the years B. What happened at our wedding. 

 

0:15:02 – Brian

Hang on. Before we do that, we went to England for your grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. We did. We walked in the house, uh-huh, and I love your grandmother Can you describe the kitchen to our listeners Well.

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

It was chaotic, but she had done her bit for years. I mean, in her defense she used to be. There’s a British phrase she had done her bit. 

 

0:15:29 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:15:30 – Kayla

Towards the end, she just it didn’t matter so, but that was. Yeah, I want to be careful what I share and what I don’t. But yeah, she just she wasn’t much for housecleaning. Towards the end, okay, but at our wedding, something happened that caught you totally off guard. 

 

0:15:51 – Brian

We were leaving to go on the honeymoon. We were outside. 

 

0:15:54 – Kayla

We were saying goodbye to everybody. 

 

0:15:57 – Brian

And they were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:01 – Kayla

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she comes up to me, pulls the back of my pants out and pours bird seed down my bucket down my hind end. That was an uncomfortable ride to the hotel. 

 

0:16:18 – Kayla

Let me just say Three hours yes. 

 

0:16:20 – Brian

Birds were attacking the truck. And I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just say Three hours yes, birds were attacking the truck, and I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just found that hysterical, also at the wedding. 

 

0:16:28 – Kayla

If you watch the wedding video you might see her put her teeth in. 

 

0:16:33 – Brian

She goes down the aisle to her seat With her big green purse. What was in that purse? 

 

0:16:40 – Kayla

Everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:41 – Brian

Oh, everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:42 – Kayla

Oh, her life insurance papers, her will, her certificates, her bank books. Okay, and that purse went everywhere. 

 

0:16:49 – Brian

When you say everywhere Bathroom. She didn’t yes sir. She took if she was in the living room. 

 

0:16:57 – Kayla

If she was at our house and she went to the bathroom, she took a purse with her. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

What about in her own house? 

 

0:17:01 – Kayla

I don’t think so, but she was at home. 

 

0:17:05 – Brian

I love her and your grandma’s name. 

 

0:17:08 – Kayla

Mary. 

 

0:17:09 – Brian

Mary Slade. 

 

0:17:11 – Kayla

She was the OG for practicing boundaries. You did not discuss government politics, religion or money in front of her. 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

Or sex. 

 

0:17:22 – Kayla

With family in two countries. She knew or money in front of her or sex With family in two countries. She knew how to minimize squabbles and that’s how she did it. She was brilliant. So back in the day, before boundaries even had like a label, she made clear that we were, and I mean, you did not want to incur her wrath so you did not. But I will say this. I watched her sit with you for about two and a half hours One day. You were curious about British government and she knew you weren’t taking fun at her. So she sat there and answered every question that you had about British government, and the rest of us were just in awe of the fact that you were getting away with this. So we’re going to we’re going to say this delicately she had an issue Grandma had a flatulence issue. 

 

She did. That’s a very nice way to put it. 

 

0:18:12 – Brian

But she never took responsibility for it. It was always something Okay. So we’re going to meet her for the first time. I think she was actually coming over here and you pull me aside and you say, baby, I need to tell you something? 

 

0:18:26 – Kayla

What was the first time you were meeting her?

 

0:18:28 – Brian

I said baby, I need to be with you for something, that’s okay. You said my grandma farts a lot. I said wait a minute. Run that by me one more time. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

But she’s the most pristine woman you could ever have wanted to meet. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

But that was her thing if she was sitting, but she never took responsibility for it, for example like a sailor. So if she passed it would, it’d be bloody cough syrup, bloody coke, oh, bloody liver and onions, I mean. And here’s the thing, she knew what’s going to happen because she’d actually raise up, like she would literally raise up to push it out. This happened and I am in, I am in awe. We’re delicately in the oversharing place of life there’s this little four foot eleven and a half lady blowing, I mean, but never took, I mean she never said it was her fault. No, it was always something else that attributed to it Bloody medicine. 

 

0:19:33 – Kayla

It’s just something and the rest of us are just trying to keep a straight face. Oh it’s hysterical. 

 

0:19:39 – Brian

Now we told y’all that she went to the pub every night the day of the wedding or the day before the wedding. 

 

0:19:48 – Kayla

The morning of the wedding, my grandmother wanted to host a brunch for my bridesmaids and my wedding party. Well, the place that we could figure out that could do this for us at that time of day was Applebee’s. So we end up at Applebee’s. I’m wiping away tears, and she offered everyone at the table a beer and Kayla and all of her bridesmaids come from this little conservative. Baptist college. Yeah, but that was her and she, oh girls. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

would y’all like a brew? 

 

0:20:24 – Kayla

She was the most responsible and yet generous woman when it came to her money. She saved relentlessly, but she gave so big heartedly. I have to say this on a serious note. I embraced her love of family gardening. I remember many times she and I would be out weeding her garden, taking care of her flowers. We loved puzzles. We loved dogs. She always called sprocket pooch how’s the pooch? I inherited her practicality with money and resources. I don’t like to waste anything, and I get that from her. I have watched my grandmother sit and knit her own sweater set, wear it for several months, then unravel it and re-knit in another pattern. She was that generation that you just did not waste things. You used them until they were no longer usable, and so I had a front row seat to that. She did not have much for lavish. 

 

0:21:32 – Brian

Well, let’s be honest, though, but yet you don’t knit Right.

 

0:21:35 – Kayla

We’ll get to that, okay, yeah, that’s just no. So she tried.

 

0:21:39 – Brian

There’s another favorite story of mine yeah, you and your mom took your grandma out to a Chinese restaurant. It’s one of these buffets. Yeah, like you had all this Chinese food, Chinese food, and there’s one long thing of desserts. Tell everybody. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

She had so much dessert we could not see her head. She had her plate, she was walking back to the table. 

 

0:22:01 – Brian

Hang on, is this her? It’s stacked that high but she had not gone to any, that was her dinner. So she didn’t eat any egg, fuyon or General Tso’s chicken. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

She went straight to the desserts. She was my hero, I mean a plate as tall as her head. We could not see her face behind her dessert. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

Did y’all laugh. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

Died laughing. What could not see her face behind her dessert? Did y’all laugh? Did you died laughing? What’d she say shut up. So yeah, so we were at a wedding, my brother was getting married and you were supposed to be unbeknownst to you. You were supposed to be babysitting grandma the wedding’s outside. 

 

0:22:33 – Brian

It’s in Arizona, 110 degrees, I kid you not and so stayed in the it’s attached to this resort. So I stayed inside the resort until wedding’s supposed to be at 10 o’clock. At 9:59, I walk out because I know I’m going to be sweating like a dog. Well, I did not know, grandma had been looking for me and there’s two or 300 people already seated facing the front. Grandma is facing the front as well, but she’s been looking for me. Well, I walk out and in front of and she sees me. 

 

0:23:04 – Kayla

She stands up. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

In front of all these people. Brian, where the bloody hell have you been? I’m dying up here. Well, they had hauled in this fan A stadium fan it’s some kind of huge fan and turn this on. I I mean, there’s 300 people, there’s 300 sets of eyes watching this. I turn on the fan and it had one speed and it was it just, oh, that blew her hair back. Her hair is now blown back. So she said it’s too much, it’s too much, so I got to turn it off. Oh, and then the wedding started. 

 

We couldn’t get her hair fixed for the pictures no afterwards you couldn’t get her hair fixed One of my favorite, favorite memories of her. I have one more memory I want to share. I’ve never seen this. 

 

0:24:00 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:24:01 – Brian

But I love this image. 

 

0:24:03 – Kayla

Grandma used to smoke Mm-hmm and she would fly to New Orleans Now, hang on, I need to set the stage, okay. 

 

0:24:11 – Brian

And there was this half a wall. As you come off the jetway, there was half a wall and this is when you could actually go back to the gate. Yeah, people back then and y’all said you couldn’t see her, we couldn’t see, but we could see the trail of smoke. Trail of smoke y’all like there’s grandma, there she comes, yeah, and she turned the corner have her cigarette. 

 

0:24:32 – Kayla

Yep, oh yeah, they say I have her hands and I find myself staring them a lot and sadly. But this is where it gets funny. These hands did not figure out knitting and sewing. I tried, Grandma, I really did. She was very patient, she tried to teach me to knit, but it just wasn’t working. 

 

You did cross-stitch for a while I did cross stitch but knitting and sewing. That gene did not pass to me. So I’m proud to have her hands, but sadly my clothes come from the store. And she even gave up and handed me an envelope full of money and said oh, go shopping. So yeah, we tried. The most important thing to me was that she loved you. 

 

0:25:21 – Brian

Oh, I loved her. 

 

0:25:23 – Kayla

And that meant a lot to me. I needed my grandmother’s approval, oh, and it came quick and easy and watching you with both my grandfather and her. She absolutely delighted in you, so we will miss her. But, as you can tell, we could go on for hours. We have a lot of stories. 

 

0:25:44 – Brian

We have time for one more. Can I tell one more story? 

 

0:25:47 – Kayla

Maybe. Okay, I’m already in so much trouble about some of what you’ve shared. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

This is before I knew you. They came to America to visit and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom. 

 

0:25:59 – Kayla

But and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom, but we did not know. 

 

0:26:01 – Brian

he had shingles, so and it’s August and he’s in Louisiana and he’s wearing thermal underwear. Ok, so he’s in the back bedroom suffering. She didn’t know this. Well, they’d be sitting there, so let us role play this, because she was tired of dealing with. 

 

0:26:19 – Kayla

Well, he, legit, was just sitting around. It was to the point where he was just sitting around in his shorts and his like tank top, but they were thermal and it’s August in Louisiana, so everybody just assumed the poor man had a heat rash. 

 

So he’s sitting under the fan Picture that he’s in the living room just sitting in nothing but his skivvies under the fan and he’s not healing. The. The air quotes rash is not going away. So we finally take him to the doctor. The doctor says this poor man does not have heat rash, he’s got shingles and so he’s miserable. He wants to go home. 

 

0:26:56 – Brian

So he’s in the bed fast forward to. 

 

0:26:58 – Kayla

He’s pouting and he’s laying in the bed. 

 

0:27:00 – Brian

So here we go, my grandma’s in the living room. 

 

0:27:03 – Kayla

Mary, what Mary, oh, what the bloody hell do you want Norman. 

 

0:27:09 – Brian

This went on for how long? Like 10 minutes, and it finally got to where it was Mary and she’d respond with Norman. They just went back and forth Like a tennis match. Miss Kayla, you’d make her proud and she was very, very proud of you and you know that, and she loved you dearly. 

 

0:27:27 – Kayla

And one day we will get to spend the rest of our life with her. 

 

0:27:32 – Brian

So yeah, so y’all, before we all start crying here, we’d like to give you a peas and carrots coffee mug, as well as some, as Miss Kayla calls them, cute little stickers. Yes, you have to answer a trivia question to get that, and to do that, you go to our website. 

 

0:27:48 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you go to the website, look for the trivia button. If you will click that button, again that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:27:58 – Brian

The question is who in your life has had a positive impact to who you are today? Yeah, who in your life has so influenced you that you’re a better person because of it? 

 

0:28:10 – Kayla

And we’d love to know why. Yeah, so yeah, go to our website. Click the trivia button. 

 

0:28:19 – Brian

You can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, and when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:28:26 – Kayla

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Mary! Norman!

 

0:28:33 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 14: In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found

Can We Talk?
In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found - Episode Description
As Adam and Tricia return to our space of hope and healing, they unfurl the layers of their chronic illness journey, revealing how a steadfast faith has anchored them through the stormiest seas. They remind us that amidst the uncertainty, ‘tiny mercies’—those seemingly insignificant acts of kindness—become the lighthouse guiding us to shore. Their story is a testament to the power of community, where the collective embrace of friends and strangers alike becomes the embodiment of God’s love, especially poignant as they recount the heartwarming support received during the festive season.
This episode is not just about the struggles but also about finding that silver lining in the cloudiest skies. We navigate the emotional terrain of pain and its many facets, considering how our experiences can forge a deeper empathy and a robust theology of suffering. With Adam and Tricia’s insights, we peel back the layers of coping with chronic pain, the transformative nature of laughter, and the importance of allowing brokenness to breathe within our communities. There’s a sacred space in acknowledging that sometimes, we may not emerge from the valley—but even there, God’s omnipresence offers a profound sense of comfort.
Closing this chapter of our conversation, we reflect on the ways suffering shapes our faith and character, pondering the mysterious workings of ‘bitter providence.’ Through the Psalms, particularly Psalm 138, we find a wellspring of solace, and in sharing our ‘tiny mercies,’ we knit together a tapestry of grace that testifies to the enduring hope found in God’s promises. As you listen, we invite you to hold close the stories shared and consider the mercies in your own life, remembering that each step, no matter how small, is part of a divine dance orchestrated with love and intention.
In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla, good to have you along this week. Welcome to episode 2. 

 

0:00:22 – Kayla

We’ll be talking again with Adam and Trisha. Yeah, this is part two of our conversation with the Reads. They have shared with all of us how they navigate a chronic illness and how they glorify Christ and give all of us hope in what they share in that. So we will get to that in just a minute. We’re going to keep our life updates really short this week because this is a powerful segment and the spotlight is on Adam and Trisha, so we don’t want to say a whole lot. We are in week two fundraising, fundraising. 

 

0:00:58 – Brian

I got a new Lincoln book. Uh-huh, why did your facial expression change? 

 

0:01:04 – Kayla

Is anybody surprised by that? I just wanted to share that. 

 

0:01:07 – Brian

There are people out there who are very excited about that. 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

Okay, I’ve had lots of coffee over the last few days, so I’m trying not to talk super fast because I’m highly caffeinated and kind of my ears are buzzing a little bit. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

When we first got married, for the first maybe five or ten years of our marriage. Like if you ate chocolate, I’m having really trouble stuttering. If you ate chocolate, after like two or three, you’d be up till like midnight. 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

Oh yeah, I was party animal, yeah, so those days are behind you Not anymore. I can’t do coffee after like 2 pm, so yeah, but anyway, we will get back to our life updates, but, as we said, today’s focus. We hope that you enjoy part two of our conversation with Adam and Trisha. 

 

0:01:59 – Brian

I want to ask Trisha this how have you seen the grace of God in the last 13 years with all these diagnoses? 

 

0:02:08 – Trisha

You know, I think one thing that we learned early on I think even in our college years, was that we were encouraged just to make a works of God when you see God working. Just as the Israelites built the altars and the stones to remember what God had done, we’re called to remember what God has done for us. So actually even just last night we were talking with our kids and just remembering all the things that God has done in the past. So when things seem hard and there’s like I don’t know how this is going to turn out, we remember and we think back, and so there were just a lot of things. There was a reminder last night that one of the kiddos was reminding things that we didn’t even remember. So there was an era of our life just after a really hard surgery and someone would leave a gift card in our mailbox every Sunday night for a while. 

 

And we would just get a text and they would say hey, go check your mailbox. 

 

0:03:03 – Adam

We didn’t know who it was from, like a third party would say, hey, go check your mailbox. 

 

0:03:05 – Trisha

We didn’t know who it was from. We didn’t like a third party would say, hey, go check your mailbox, something’s in there. So that was something that we made sure as a family, just remembering. Okay, like this was God provided again and he has been faithful. One time we came home and someone actually was right before Christmas. 

 

0:03:20 – Adam

That was amazing. 

 

0:03:21 – Trisha

And someone had decorated our yard like with decorations. 

 

0:03:26 – Adam

For me that wasn’t a big deal, but for the kids like that’s one of the ones they remember Like hey, mom, do you remember that? 

 

0:03:32 – Trisha

time, Like his Adam, had always done decorations and that Christmas that wasn’t going to happen. And so they came home and they’re like mom, there’s like the Christmas decoration. 

 

0:03:40 – Adam

It looked better than they said. It’s like this is the best Christmas lights we’ve ever had. 

 

0:03:44 – Trisha

Yeah, it might have been better than ours. Yeah, we couldn’t even compete, it’s true. 

 

0:03:49 – Adam

So things like that and then you turn the corner and you pull in and like that moment for your kids. You know, when you know that you are completely helpless to make that happen and it’s not a need. 

 

0:04:00 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:04:00 – Adam

But it’s something that reached their hearts. 

 

0:04:02 – Trisha

But it’s something that reached their hearts. We call that tiny mercies. 

 

0:04:04 – Adam

Yeah, for sure, just to see the amount of love that that showed to them. Not everything’s monetary. 

 

0:04:10 – Trisha

Yeah, and that’s what one of the things they said specifically. They’re like mom, it’s not always Now granted, the financial has been helpful in times, but it’s also been just key thing for our family is doxology, remembering and thinking like, okay, this is hard, but God’s been faithful in the past and he will give us grace for whatever the future is. So, yeah, I think those are the moments and I think that’s helped us to then keep our focus on Christ and not on our situation for sure. 

 

0:04:40 – Brian

What Ms. Kayla just said. We call this tiny mercies and we have faced stuff, but it’s nothing like what you faced, Adam. But I have a folder on my iPhone in the Notes app and it’s called Tiny Mercies Because I tend to look at all the bad stuff that’s happening. In those days I’m just stressed out with all the bad stuff. I will force myself to look at other places and see what God’s doing and I will start writing those things down to remind me that he’s still active, he’s still moving, he’s still doing good things. It may not just be in this one area where I’m struggling right now, but he’s doing all this other stuff over here, so that sounds like that, yeah for sure. 

 

0:05:22 – Trisha

Spiritual amnesia right, we forget, we’re so forgetful. 

 

0:05:32 – Adam

And so then we have to direct our minds to think on truth. Like we had one former student of mine who graduated when I taught high school and it had been years, and like she contacted us and it was right before Christmas after a major surgery, and she’s like, hey, can I come get your kids Christmas presents and wrap them all for you and bring them back? And I don’t. That was just like a huge. 

 

0:05:49 – Trisha

And, for the record, I hate Chris. I mean I sound like a Scrooge, but that’s one of the things. I do not enjoy wrapping presents? 

 

0:05:56 – Adam

but regardless, I like a lot of other things. 

 

0:05:58 – Trisha

It was still just like this but it was a huge help for me. Like one thing I could take off my plate. 

 

0:06:03 – Adam

And yeah, it was just like a very simple, like super practical. I mean it probably took her several hours to, you know, come pick everything up and then get wrapping paper and wrap them and then bring them all back. But it was just one of those little things that you’re like, I really saw God in that moment and it was one of those things like we will, we’ll never forget. And our kids certainly won’t either, just because the amount of love that showed God shows up in really neat ways. You just never expect. 

 

0:06:31 – Kayla

From a practical standpoint, have either or both of you had to get comfortable with letting other people do things for you? 

 

0:06:40 – Trisha

I think I know the answer to this. It’s funny we did talk about this last night. I am probably not as good as I probably should be about it. There are there’s definitely people that are close and dear that I know and I trust them and I’ll say, yeah, like that would be huge, probably could get better. I think that’s one of the things maybe I don’t do as well. 

 

0:07:01 – Adam

Yeah yeah, I think that it’s a tough thing. I think she’d say we’ve gotten better at it, but I’m still not. I mean, I still fight people helping me. But she’ll tell you, like when we were first married, like I’ve changed a lot, like I have changed so much. I was the person that if she wants something done, I’ll get it done, but I’ll run over everybody in the process of getting it done. 

 

And so me basically Okay, I wasn’t going to say I was Brian.

 

You said you were. You said it Okay, but I would like I mean I would really hurt people in the process just cause I was like this is the way it is, like we’re going to get it done. And through the years, like God’s just kind of tore that from me and helping me see people like just cause people like just because I have a physical name doesn’t mean I’m special, like I could be sitting next to someone who is perfectly healthy but is going through something mentally or emotionally or relationally that is just as painful in different ways. And so trying to understand people better and relate to them has really been a long process. And so I think like that drive is still in me to like I’m just going to get it done, and so I think like that drive is still in me to like I’m just going to get it done, and so I still think I’m probably not very good at accepting help. Brian makes me accept help. Sometimes he’s like, hey, David’s going to help you do this. 

 

0:08:16 – Brian

Okay. 

 

0:08:17 – Adam

All right yeah. 

 

0:08:18 – Brian

How have you seen God work in your life, Adam? 

 

0:08:21 – Adam

A whole myriad of ways I am very different than I was. We joke sometimes not in the pushing people over, but we have kind of changed personalities. 

 

0:08:29 – Trisha

For sure. Yeah, I’m definitely more of like, okay, let’s get it done, move to the next thing agenda and I’m more of the laid back. 

 

0:08:40 – Adam

Still want to get stuff done but like let’s take a nap. I take naps at 10. You better-. 

 

0:08:43 – Brian

Well, here we go. 

 

0:08:44 – Adam

Aggravate. Three o’clock no, and then 4.30 just to be safe 4.30 just to be safe. 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

And. 

 

0:08:51 – Adam

I schedule. 

 

0:08:53 – Trisha

Meetings with Brian and you work in between right. 

 

0:08:55 – Adam

Depending on how my day with Brian goes. Crisis nap, yeah, that’s what my. If you text me and I’m having a crisis nap, it’s because something went awry with Brian. 

 

0:09:05 – Kayla

I’m going to have to start weaving in crisis nap. 

 

0:09:08 – Adam

No we’re not. No, we are not. Thank you, Adam. 

 

0:09:12 – Kayla

Yes, absolutely. 

 

0:09:14 – Brian

So let me we’ll get to the hilarity here in a minute. Back to this. How have you seen God’s grace in your life? Because you’ve seen a lot of pain. 

 

0:09:24 – Adam

Really, I would just say, through his word really is how God has really changed me, and I’ve shared with you some of it before. There’s a couple of passages that really stick out in my mind that I’ve just run to over and over again. Years ago I was at Lifeway and I was there for something else, but I’m like I’m always the clearance rack shopper, so like if there’s a clearance rack. 

 

I don’t care what store I’m at, I’m going to go see it. Thank you, Kayla Appreciate that, and Brian at me like I’m crazy. But it’s okay, We’ll talk about that later. So after my crisis but yeah. 

 

So like I was at Lifeway when they were still around and I went to the clearance rack and they had this like bookend sort of thing and it had Psalm 138 on it, which says the Lord will accomplish his purpose for me, and I bought two of them because I just liked it. I was like that is very meaningful to me. I didn’t really know at the time how meaningful it would become because things just progressively got worse, but it’s still at our house and it’s still up after, oh goodness, 15 plus years probably. And that is just one verse that the Lord has really used in my life, because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten a new diagnosis or felt like I couldn’t accomplish the things I was given to do, or people meaning well have said things that have hurt, or people meaning well, they have good intentions and just say something and you’re like people go stupid. 

 

Yeah, but they have good intentions, they just don’t know how to respond to the situation. 

 

0:10:56 – Brian

I think a lot of higher opinion of people than I do. 

 

0:10:58 – Adam

but go ahead, I just think people in general like when they enter hard situations, just if they’ve never been there. They don’t know what to say or do and so they say something and it just doesn’t always come out right. But all these different situations I’ve felt that many times like I am useless now, like my goals in life, the things I studied to become what I was working on, what I was pursuing, like we said, like we’re on plan I don’t know whatever. Now, if there was more than 26 letters in the alphabet, we’d be there. 

 

And yet I’ve come back to this verse and said no, like God said he’s going to accomplish his purpose for me, what he designed before, what he. You know, he planned out all of my days Psalm 139, 13, 14,. Like when he planned all that out, this was all part of his plan. Like this was never a mistake that happened that somehow God was blindsided by this and now my life is a mess. No, this was all part of what he sought to do, and so just finding that hope in scripture that God’s not done with me. I can remember driving down this road right here when I was in engineering, and the white truck which we affectionately called reepa. Cheap after uh C.S. Lewis cs Narnia series. 

 

My kids helped me name it. I can’t believe that came up on this podcast I’m so proud right now I was driving down the road and I was literally in tears because I was like I just don’t know if I’m useful anymore. Like I’ve got so much going on with my health and my body. Like, can I work, Can I accomplish things? Can I? 

 

be, helpful to the world in general, like and you know the song came on that like God’s not done with you yet, which is an echo of the same verse Like he’s going to accomplish his purpose for me and that gave me huge hope during that time and I just remember, like, right on this road out here is having that experience. 

 

So that’s one verse that’s been a huge encouragement to me. The other one that really happened this last year was John nine, where Christ heals the man that was born blind. And it kind of seems like a weird passage to go to because, like oh, christ healed the man that was born blind. And it kind of seems like a weird passage to go to because, like oh, christ healed the man that was born blind. He says well, you were born for the purpose of me healing you. Like, you know, like God’s purpose is being accomplished, you’re healed. 

 

Well, I had to wrestle with that a lot because I was like, well, he was born blind so that he could be healed and God’s glory was seen in that and seen in him. But I was born healthy, seemingly, although my main disease is the actual DNA defect. It just didn’t manifest itself till later. And yet now I’m sick, like now I’m in a state of unhealth constantly, but yet I’m not healed. And this guy was healed. So, like, how does that play out? Because God’s glory was seen in the healing. But I had to step back and, just you know, look at scripture, look at life and realize like the normative in life is not miracles. We love miracles and we love to see them happen, and God can use all sorts of means to make those happen, but we wouldn’t call them miracles if it was normal. 

 

0:14:07 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:14:07 – Adam

Right, like we are amazed at seeing miracles because they are abnormal. And there’s a reason that there’s a hospital in every city. It’s because pain and hurt are normative, like that is the normal. So recognizing that like, okay, you know, healing may never come in this world in this world, yeah, yeah, it may never be part of my experience here yeah. 

 

And I need to stop simply chasing after freedom from pain because that’s where I was for a long time. I just want to be free from this, whether that’s through doctor’s care or whatever. Like I just don’t want this anymore To recognizing okay, I live in a broken world and I should expect brokenness. Like that should be part of how I live is expecting things to be broken in a broken world. And because I can stop chasing freedom from that, I can find freedom and seeing eternity as a hope and a healing that we will have one day and I can look forward to that time. And that was a huge perspective change for me as I wrestled through John 9. So we’ve joked a lot because people will come up and say I’m praying for you and I love that right. 

 

0:15:25 – Trisha

Obviously, we love people praying for us. 

 

0:15:30 – Adam

We’ve had some. It hasn’t been recently at all, but we’ve had some people in the past that would come up every week and they’d be like are you healed? 

 

0:15:36 – Trisha

Is it all better? Are you all better now? 

 

0:15:40 – Adam

And you’re like well, it’s a DNA defect. So unless God changed my DNA, I’m still the same way, and God certainly has the power to change my DNA. Like it’s not beyond him in the least. I mean, Paul had a thorn in his side and he sought the Lord three times for it to be removed, and then it sounds like he stopped and he trusted the Lord with what he was given. So when these people would come, we’d kind of like be like no, we’re not healed yet, you know, but just pray instead rather than pray for. 

 

If you want to pray for healing, keep praying for it. I don’t have a problem with you praying for it. But what I need you to pray for because what’s normative is brokenness I need you to pray that I would live out, live well, what I’ve been given, because that’s a whole lot harder. Like if I was healed, it’d be easy for me just to go back to rely on myself. It would be so easy because that’s how I lived and I would probably describe the early part of our marriage really was just self-reliant, and I hope that that’s changed. And if I was to be healed, I think I would just go back to revert back to that and having problems forces me to rely on someone other than myself because I can’t fix them, and God’s there for that, obviously. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I want to ask you both a question, and then I want to say a few things, and Miss Kayla may want to say a few things To the person. Who. To say a few things? To the person who’s listening, to the couple out there who’s listening? And they’ve been given a horrible diagnosis and life will never be the same. I’ll start with Trisha Ladies. First, what would you say to them, as the spouse of somebody who’s been walking this road? 

 

0:17:14 – Kayla

You stole my question. 

 

0:17:17 – Trisha

But I’ll let you. 

 

0:17:18 – Brian

I appreciate that, darling. 

 

0:17:25 – Trisha

Yeah, I think one thing I have found more recently that we’ve discussed is just making sure that you take time to grieve. I think that’s a vital thing, that maybe we’re not comfortable with those feelings and having someone to talk to and not internalize it by yourself, but discussing those, working through those issues, taking time to not just be like, okay, this is great, no, like taking time to process, is something that our society struggles to process well. And then the second thing is, I think, just understanding that God is still in charge, like he is still in control, and he has a plan, and it’s not necessarily our plan. I think each time we’ve gone through seasons, the Lord has definitely given passages of scripture that I cling to, and right now even I think it applies to that question is Romans 8 in verse 26. It specifically talks about that. 

 

The spirit also joins to help us in our weakness because we do not know what to pray for, as we should. But the spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings, and I’m just thankful that when we don’t have the answers and we may not even know what to pray, that the spirit is with us and he is enough and that kind of helps them realize, okay, I can’t even go to the Lord with prayer because I don’t even have the words that disappointment and that loss can also be a comfort of like, okay, I don’t have to have the words and the spirit is enough. So, yeah, I think those are the things that have been that passage, and just meditating on that and seeing the power of Christ through that has been such an encouragement. 

 

0:18:57 – Adam

Mr. Read. Well, I think the first thing Trisha said is they’re all great. The one first thing she said it’s just taking time to grieve over things. I don’t think our society is good at that. I don’t think we as Christians have a good theology of pain in general and that’s one thing that there’s several good books out there. There’s just the idea of living in pain or having like some reason. We think that as believers, life shouldn’t be hard or there’s just not a box for ongoing pain, like. There’s this idea of like there’s always you’re in the valley, but there’s going to be a mountain top. 

 

0:19:33 – Trisha

It’s going to get better. Life is going to get better. 

 

0:19:35 – Adam

It’s going to get better and it’s just not always that way, Like there are some people who are in valleys and they’re always going to be in a valley situation and as believers it’s just in our current society we don’t have a big box for that and I think so that’s just one thing to recognize as a spouse. 

 

My wife has done great with this. But I think just taking the time to understand what your spouse is going through If I list out my diagnosed medical conditions single space, 12 point font, like it’s over a page long, so like there’s all sorts of stuff going on and taking time to understand what those things do to affect you, like how they affect your daily life, is super important. And she’s done well at just trying to learn what it is and not just being like oh yeah, you got diagnosed with whatever and just kind of having a half knowledge of it where it doesn’t show the level of care and concern that you would if you actually understood what someone was going through. That’s just a really practical thing to do is just take the time to understand so that you can relate and help them the best you can. 

 

0:20:45 – Trisha

And I think the one thing I would add, I think one thing we have found and we have met with people and just understanding that suffering could be physical, it could be mental, it could be even just hard family situations, and so I think that there is a lot of suffering and people struggle maybe even to communicate or tell, because they think that they have to have it all together, and so one thing we’ve tried to encourage is just that brokenness is a part of the world and we need to give people space for that. 

 

0:21:17 – Adam

Yeah, I think if we were all just in general and myself included here but if we were all just in general, more open about the brokenness we have, there’d be a whole lot more uh balm of Christ to go around and be, soothing, as opposed to just trying to keep it inside and keep that veneer of everything’s okay, how are you? 

 

I’m fine, you know, yeah, going on. There’s just a lot. There’s hurt everywhere you look and just trying to be open about that. It’s tough, it’s not an easy thing, but trying to push against that. 

 

0:21:50 – Brian

So I just want to say this Trisha, thank you for allowing him to be my friend, and I mean that he has made my life richer and better because he’s in it. So thank you, Trisha, for that. And, Adam, I want to thank you for serving the ministry and for being an amazing friend to me. I’ll just tell you I don’t enter a room unless Adam usually tells me why I’m going into the room. That’s one of his, that’s what he does for me, and every day it’s like B, you have this and there’s where you’ll be and this is what you’ll be doing, that kind of stuff. So thank you, and let me say this too you know, as a, a leader, I have to make hard decisions and there’s a lot of stress. This guy will call me up, tell me the dumbest joke and then just hang up and I get to hear them every day and they are fantastic. 

 

I mean he’ll just call up, he’ll just call up and say these dumb things and just hang up. 

 

0:22:51 – Kayla

Won’t even say bye, just click so he can pretend they’re like driving him crazy. But then I get a phone call and I get the joke. 

 

0:22:59 – Adam

I won’t have to take as many crisis naps now. And then there’s that our kids might appreciate that you hear and maybe you give a better feedback because I don’t think that he gets the great, you know our teenage daughters don’t laugh as much at the dumb jokes, so you might relieve some of that from them. You’re taking the pressure off. 

 

0:23:17 – Brian

There you go. I want to say this finally to both of you you help us put our pain into a proper perspective. You help us put what we’re going through into a proper perspective. And, Trisha, you said something pretty profound. You said that if he’s the God of eternity, then he’s the God of today. If he can handle eternity, he can handle this, and there’s things that we’re walking through right now, that kind of stuff, and that’s helped me because, well, if he can handle my eternity, he can handle this. Now, I’d rather it be pain free, for sure, right, yeah, you know what I’m saying. I’d like to have bubble gum and Willy Wonka and candy and everything else. Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. That would be nice Peanuts. Here we go. He’s trying to kill me. 

 

0:24:00 – Kayla

This is what he does to me. 

 

0:24:02 – Brian

So thank you for that reminder that he is big enough to handle our stuff. And, Adam Read, I’ll tell you this publicly and I have told you this privately I’m a better man because you’re in my life and as long as I have a job, you have a job and I love you and I’m thankful for you. 

 

0:24:25 – Adam

Very kind. I love you both and just privileged to be your friends and to know you guys, and you are a blessing to me. 

 

0:24:30 – Trisha

Yeah, and thank you for giving us a chance to share our story. It’s a privilege as well. 

 

0:24:36 – Adam

I found this one truth super encouraging. It’s just a quote by C.S. Lewis, but as we think about the pain we have here and placing our hope somewhere else than in relief from stuff, now, C.S. Lewis said if we find within ourselves a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world, and that’s just been a huge help to me in perspective. 

 

0:25:02 – Kayla

That exact quote was shared at our women’s retreat this last weekend. So I just want you both to know that when you walk into a space, you may not feel it, but Jesus is all over you and I see it in you, I see it in your kids. Yes, I thank you for taking time today to share him, because that’s what you did. You could have sat here for the last however many minutes and lamented all the 43.22. Here you go. 

 

0:25:41 – Adam

Oh, it’s nap time. 

 

0:25:42 – Kayla

I was going to say he’s going to need two crisis naps this afternoon, but I just want you to know that I believe with everything in me that God is going to use your suffering to change someone else, because they’re going to be reminded that he is the God of all of it, and so thank you. I know it’s hard to talk about suffering, but you almost made it sound joyful, which that’s what God wants us to do sometimes, so thank you, thank you both. 

 

I love how they have made a works of God list. You call that what? 

 

0:26:21 – Brian

Tiny mercies I keep in my Apple notes folder. On my phone I keep a folder called tiny mercies. 

 

0:26:28 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:26:29 – Brian

And, as I said during the podcast, it’s whenever things get very stressful I need to be mindful to look at God at work in other areas, not just the one that I’m all stressed about, because that’ll help my heart to know okay, he’s still there, he’s still working, he’s still God. 

 

0:26:44 – Kayla

Yes, there was something else. Very sweet was listening to them share about different people who, not just for them but for their kids, who have been the hands and feet of Christ for them. They’ve done things for them that have carried them from, like decorating for Christmas, giving them gift cards, wrapping presents. I mean, that’s a love language of its own, seriously. 

 

0:27:14 – Brian

I’d haul them to the mall. I’d put people there wrapping. 

 

0:27:17 – Kayla

Maybe those of us who aren’t suffering can seek God as to how we can provide mercy to those in the throes of it. That’s something I’ve been chewing on since we sat with them. 

 

0:27:32 – Brian

Trisha mentioned a spiritual principle that I love the way she put it. She said we all get spiritual amnesia In other words we forget what God has already done for us yeah. We forget that, and so it’s good to look back and see what God has done, and I want to encourage each of us to do that. That’s just a mental reminder. Look back and see what God has done, and I want to encourage each of us to do that. That’s just a mental reminder. Look back and see what. 

 

0:27:54 – Kayla

God has done, because his faithfulness is what’s going to remind you that he will carry you through the next thing. There was a statement. Adam said I’ve changed a lot, and he said if I was healed and when he talked about the blind man, I think it was in John 9 he referenced it would be easy for me to go back to who I was. And so I realized that this is God sanctifying me to make me more like him. What an amazing place to land when you’re walking around, sometimes limping around with three different illnesses, and yet you realize that this is so that you can be made more like Christ. 

 

0:28:38 – Brian

That’s one thing about Adam he pushes me. He doesn’t do it overtly, but just by his quiet pursuit. I want to be more like Jesus because of Adam. 

 

0:28:50 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:28:51 – Brian

Because I got to be honest with you. He lives out that passage of John 9. I’d be angry about it. I know my heart. I’d be bitter. Adam said this quote I need to stop chasing freedom from pain. True freedom is the hope and healing that will come one day. That’s truly having a heavenward look, that’s truly looking toward heaven. And he just read a book by Paul Tripp that’s called Forever and he was telling me how that’s really helped him look toward heaven and believe it and to put that in his heart. 

 

0:29:33 – Kayla

He shared with us how the word of God steadies him reading Scripture and soaking that in, and that’s so true. I remember we went through a very challenging season early in our marriage and it was a situation completely out of our control. But someone advised me to read the Psalms and I thought, are you crazy? But I committed to read one Psalm a day. I kept my word to that person and it was transformational how my heart was at the end of that versus where I was sitting going into that situation. 

 

0:30:17 – Brian

He says pray that I will live well with what I’ve been given. Again, there’s almost. It even says this to view it as a gift. 

 

0:30:28 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:30:28 – Brian

To view it and it is from the Lord. Okay, it is from the Lord. Okay, it is from the Lord. But there’s also this thing that we call dark providence or something like that. I can’t remember the exact theological term.

 

0:30:39 – Kayla

Is it bitter providence? 

 

0:30:40 – Brian

Bitter, bitter providence, yeah, that’s what it’s called that, like what God brings into our lives can sometimes make us bitter, and I think that’s where I would be, because one of my biggest fears is to be a burden to you. It’s one of my biggest fears, and so my fear is is God going to bring something like that in my life and now it’s going to unjustly impact those in my life? 

 

0:31:05 – Kayla

I want to end with these reminders from both of them, but most of this came from Trisha. Reminders from both of them, but most of this came from Trisha. Allow yourself to grieve the life you wanted. I loved that. Just it’s okay to not be okay with what’s going on and it’s okay to mourn that yes, and even though you’re accepting where you are, it doesn’t take anything away from what you wish. 

 

0:31:28 – Brian

But neither of them are angry. 

 

0:31:30 – Kayla

No, Remember that God is still in control. Be willing to learn about the other person’s condition. I loved this that Trisha has taken the time to actually research Adam’s conditions so that she can find ways to show care, ask the right questions when they go to the doctor, and to show empathy. So those are just some good reminders to all of us. If we find ourselves in a situation where someone is really suffering and it is an illness or a struggle that we don’t understand, allow them to walk through some of these steps and then be willing to do some of them ourselves. 

 

0:32:13 – Brian

We want to give you a coffee mug and some stickers. And, if I could be so bold, I just want to ask you a question, and this is this week’s trivia question have you been encouraged by Adam and Trisha? That’s all I want to ask, and if you say yes, we’ll send you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers, because they have been encouraging to us. Yeah, so understand that. To do that, you go to our website. 

 

0:32:42 – Kayla

Go find our trivia button. Sorry, I totally zoned out there for a second. Click the trivia button at peasandcarrotspodcast.com website and simply answer this question. Were you encouraged. Were you encouraged I also the reason I zoned out. I kind of want to take it a step further. If someone wants to be really brave, share with us a time that you saw a tiny mercy from. 

 

0:33:08 – Brian

God, that’s good, that’s even better. Let’s do that. 

 

0:33:10 – Kayla

So, yes, please, please, share with us if you were encouraged, and we will pass that on to Adam and Trisha, but we would also love to hear your stories of tiny mercies that God has shown in your life. 

 

0:33:23 – Brian

So simply go to our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, look for the trivia question and simply tell us when was a time that you saw a tiny mercy from God. So there you go, we’ll send you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. Hey, you can search the Peas and Carrots podcast wherever you get your podcast. 

 

0:33:42 – Kayla

Or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:33:53 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

 

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