Season Come and Season Go - Episode Description
What’s the peak of adulthood? Maybe it is the excitement that comes from researching and reading reviews to pick out your new vacuum cleaner! Join Brian & Kayla on this fun episode of The Peas & Carrots Podcast that is sure to make you laugh, build some solidarity, and leave you with some encouragement for your day!
Seasons Come and Seasons Go - Transcript
0:00:00 –
We go together like Peas & Carrots! The Peas & Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch Brian and Kayla Sanders.
0:00:11 – Kayla
Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast.
0:00:13 –
I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. We’re also known as peas and carrots, and I’m peas.
0:00:21 – Kayla
This is true, and I’m K. Yeah, so we’re like a split personality.
0:00:31 – Brian
I ain’t gonna say who the psychotic one is.
0:00:35 – Kayla
Might learn that by the end of this episode. But there we go, here we are.
0:00:41 – Brian
So what’s up in the world of peas and carrots?
0:00:43 – Kayla
I think I have entered the peak of adulthood. I was so excited to research and buy a new vacuum cleaner.
0:00:53 – Brian
Okay don’t look at me like that when you said you had reached the peak of adulthood, I thought you had unlocked some major no, this was awesome.
0:01:02 – Kayla
I Like read all these reviews and yeah.
0:01:08 – Brian
You researched?
0:01:09 – Kayla
a vacuum cleaner. Vacuum cleaner.
0:01:11 – Brian
Yeah, that is not the peak of adulthood, darling.
0:01:14 – Kayla
No, maybe, maybe you have reached the peak of adulthood, because what happened with you this week, walter? Okay, we got to give folks the context of Walter, while you call me that so there’s this comedian and he has a puppet, he’s a ventriloquist mannequin named Walter, and he’s this guy with this he’s an old man with this really like grumpy face and his whole persona. Is this grumpy, sassy middle-aged? Miss Kay’s been calling me Walter because that’s the phase you’re in and to reinforce my Like description of you, what happened the other day?
0:02:00 – Brian
They are repaving the roads in our neighborhood.
0:02:03 – Kayla
Mm-hmm.
0:02:04 – Brian
I come home. There are two signs in our neighborhood do not park on. Y’all can.
0:02:08 – Kayla
I just inject here. They are basically an 8 by 11 sign, it’s not? You’re not talking like a political sign, or doesn’t matter?
0:02:19 – Brian
Okay, nobody sent me an email asking if they could put these signs up in our yard. Nobody informed us of this. I just come home and the town has presumed they are free to put a sign in our yard.
0:02:33 – Kayla
Okay, so you’ve basically turned into get off my lawn, yeah.
0:02:37 – Brian
I get off my lawn, or at least ask permit, or just at least tell us you’re gonna put a sign in there. I’m still laughing at you. This is a democracy. We do, we do, we do not live under King Charles. Mm-hmm felt that one didn’t you not taking the bait.
0:02:54 – Kayla
Okay, on a serious note, we have found that, unless we are traveling, there are a lot of reasons we no longer eat out, because the last couple of times we tried, it’s been catastrophic almost got killed yesterday. Yeah, they nearly served you egg.
0:03:15 – Brian
Yeah, in a product. And at the very last minute when you and Tara got your lunches, the waiter comes me and says sir, we can’t serve that which I’m thankful he did.
0:03:26 – Kayla
But we had one experience on vacation that left me really nervous and prepared to use the epi-pen at any moment. You can tell when a wait staff is taking it seriously.
Yes or when someone is just Blah-zay, whatever, and I mean you actually carry an allergy card that you give to the wait staff and say, could you ask the chef what’s safe for me to eat? And he just left me very unsettled. So thankfully you ordered something very generic that didn’t have hardly any seasoning or Added ingredients, but I still was. I was pretty nervous until you got to the next day.
0:04:10 – Brian
I feel like, okay, feel like all these allergies, I’m not eating British food, just bland, no flavor.
0:04:15 – Kayla
Okay, strike two. What did the British do to you today? Anyway, show up with a little tunes what they did gotta have one of you keep going, though You’ve had quite a week between your road signs in the yard, traveling home from a station visit and I had a large Coke zero from a drive-thru Mm-hmm.
0:04:39 – Brian
I tried to pick it up, bring it over to take a drink and when I did the, I had it by the lid and the lid popped off and it went all over my lap Over your seat and sticky. So, yeah, when I got home, I immediately went to our car cleaning place and Got your car detailed.
0:05:03 – Kayla
So you know, it’s just a little more excitement than you were counting on for that day, so I was not in a very good humor and you were thirsty because yeah.
0:05:11 – Brian
Oh yeah. So you know, if you spill that on you, it makes you want to pee. Okay, there we are, oh I just the power of checking our feelings. I’m a very deep feeling person, but you feel things even deeper than I do. I mean, it’s incredible to me and I struggle with certain things. Yeah this is a Important topic to you, so I’m gonna let you lead off here.
0:05:51 – Kayla
Well, you and I were having a discussion the other day because, in Total honesty, I’ve really been struggling with my purpose, and I shared with you that I just feel a lot of things, and you reminded me that feelings are, are legit, but they should just be indicators, not dictators, and that’s something that I Will give full credit. I learned that from Lisa Turquoise years ago reading one of her books, and it’s always something you and I have tried to Adhere to and it got me thinking and this is what I was sharing with you. How many times would we make Life-altering decisions as humans, if we did so, based on our emotions?
0:06:41 – Brian
wouldn’t work anywhere, I wouldn’t go right anywhere. I wouldn’t have any fun.
0:06:45 – Kayla
I don’t have any friends now, so I would have any friends but if we didn’t check our feelings, how many Incredibly bad decisions would we make if we only let our feelings dictate? Yeah, I mean there’ve been. I’ll be honest. There have been moments where I’ve thought none of this matters. I don’t feel like what I’m doing has value. I don’t feel like anybody gives a rip about me as a person, or I feel like I’m the only one that cares about something. It’s just, and the list goes on and we’re all guilty of it. But we start connecting things.
0:07:26 – Brian
Yes, and that’s when we can get in trouble. And that’s a dangerous thing to do, because feelings can can lead you to false conclusions. Let me say this there’s a rule I have which is never make a big decision when you have big feelings.
0:07:42 – Kayla
Oh yeah. Never make a big decision, and usually girls when I’m saying here is do not go and get bangs on a day when you have big feelings.
0:07:52 – Brian
I Don’t know what that means.
0:07:54 – Kayla
You’re not meant to. You’re a guy our bangs hair. Yes, you’re a bald guy. I don’t expect you to understand.
0:08:05 – Brian
It’s gonna be one of them. Podcast Calling my therapist, you just made me feel a certain way your bounce. Yeah, and we have to also remember that there are several things at play. Mm-hmm, okay Now, I often have a down day. I often get down on Brian. I’m gonna be very transparent. How I’ve coped with that for 50 some odd years is to eat Because that little hamburger, that little piece of fried chicken, it would never Condemn me but I’m proud of you because this year you have worked really hard.
0:08:44 – Kayla
Well there’s a. There’s enough bad foods that you could still.
0:08:47 – Brian
There’s not a burger tomato after I can go run through. Okay, but here’s my thing. There’s a checklist, that it’s a middle checklist for me. One how did I sleep? To what mood did I wake up in? Three how did I interact with people? And yet, how did they interact with me? Did they say something that could offend me or like set me off? And then, if that’s true, well then, what’s that say about the next day? Could I have a, a Sensitive, hard day the next day? Because this person or whatever has happened here, can set me on a trajectory, can set me on well, we start to write a novel based on our feelings.
0:09:30 – Kayla
Yes not fact we? Well, if this happens, then we’re gonna connect the dots to this, because this made me feel this way, and then I felt this way, and then I felt this and yeah, it’s, it’s a dangerous road to go down.
0:09:44 – Brian
Now we need to say this If you’re in an unsafe environment or like an abusive relationship, yeah those feelings are an hour or you have a gut instinct we all have that.
0:09:58 – Kayla
I call it the God, given that, if there’s those moments, then you do need to trust your feelings. We are talking about, I think we’re talking about moments where maybe you’re feeling sorry for yourself, or maybe you’re feeling nobody tired and you’re not owning.
You just said something very powerful. You’re tired, and so you’re feeling this way. You are feeling lonely, thus you’re feeling this way. Identify what the real core of what you’re dealing with is. But yes, b, that’s a really good point. If you are in a situation where it’s unsafe or it’s toxic or your gut is telling you you’ve gotta honor that.
0:10:45 – Brian
I’m gonna be very vulnerable here. I struggle with like loneliness in a major way and I’ve talked about that and I serve in a position as a leader where I can be lonely.
0:10:58 – Kayla
Because that lends to some people pulling away.
0:11:01 – Brian
You know so I can get to a headspace where all my leaders I start thinking well, they all just hate me. Nobody cares. You know why am I even freaking here?
0:11:13 – Kayla
When really it’s that they’re either busy or they’ve got something going on in their own life or they don’t want to inject and here’s the truth Into you’re already busy week.
0:11:24 – Brian
People rarely are thinking about us or even criticizing us. You wanna know why? Because they’re too busy thinking about themselves and even criticizing themselves.
0:11:35 – Kayla
So a solution that we have found that Miss Kayla loves is that there’s power in what I always say there is power in community, because feelings tend to manifest in isolation and one of the things that we as a couple find is that when we are spending time with other people, we get a fresher perspective, we get a new lens on things. But also, I think, for every single one of us, one of the struggles of the COVID season has been so much time in our own head, in our own space, where maybe we didn’t have other people around us as much for a certain amount of time, and it probably lended to all of us sitting in some bigger feelings than we do on the normal day.
0:12:27 – Brian
Miss Kayla just said that there’s power in community and our feelings tend to manifest in seasons of isolation. There’s one thing Brian Sanders will never do, because I will not put myself in, that, because of my insecurities and my fears, I will never go out to eat what?
0:12:47 – Kayla
Alone.
0:12:47 – Brian
I’ll never go out to eat alone Because as I sit there, this is just my own broken y’all I’m thinking all these people are looking at me, thinking that guy’s a loser. He can’t get anybody to go out to eat with him. I won’t do it.
0:13:01 – Kayla
And you know what I’ve learned? There are people.
0:13:04 – Brian
Who love going out to eat alone and they take a book with them.
0:13:07 – Kayla
Yeah, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in restaurants, where someone sitting there reading their book.
0:13:13 – Brian
You know some people would like would look at that and go. That person’s weird. I’m sitting there going oh you brave, because I couldn’t. I could not do that.
0:13:23 – Kayla
And see I’m sitting there saying I want to invite all these people sitting by themselves to come sit with us. That would get a little weird, though I’m not doing that. Yeah.
0:13:32 – Brian
No, they did that to us on a cruise one time.
0:13:37 – Kayla
We met some nice people.
0:13:38 – Brian
We did, but okay, yeah, we’re with okay.
0:13:41 – Kayla
What is something else that you do be when you are really struggling with certain feelings? What have you found to be helpful?
0:13:47 – Brian
I read the Psalms, Because when you read the Psalms and the author of the Psalms is David you’ll find that he had to skip his meds on days.
0:13:59 – Kayla
He was up and down, Down, up and down up and down and that’s. But I loved his raw honesty Because it gives so much assurance to the rest of us.
0:14:10 – Brian
And this Psalm, you’ll see, I mean he will write Psalms back to. Even in the. Even in the same Psalm, he’ll say I am worm food, Nobody loves me, I am just crap. And then, and then, a verse later, his heart has turned. Oh, praise the Lord, let’s give thanks to him, like something has shifted in him in that short amount of time, and I’m welcome to humanity. Welcome to, welcome to who we are as people. But again, check your feelings. Don’t let them dictate your decisions, because you’ll end up in a ditch.
0:14:48 – Kayla
And a couple of things I’ve learned personally and be you’ve been a huge help to me in the last five years with this Identify what’s really going on. I have a rule for myself I do not sit with any big feelings, for there are at least four weeks in the spring and four weeks in the fall. That’s when we are in our company’s biggest fundraising season.
0:15:13 – Brian
And maybe a few weeks leading up to those.
0:15:15 – Kayla
And I’m a little tired because, again, it’s 14 hour days. I don’t sit with any big feelings and let them manifest, because I can tell you, the root of all of it is I just need a good nap and I’m just asking ourselves what’s really going on, what’s behind it. Is there something that our body needs? Is there something that our mind needs? And then just practice the pause. I’m not saying ignore the feeling, because in some instances, the other thing I’ve had to be brave and do is go to people and say, okay, this is how I was left feeling, can we talk about this? And it either identifies an area where we need to rumble and some candor needs to be involved, or they can say, oh man, that’s not what I was trying to communicate, or that’s not how I meant to perceive this situation for you. So, yeah, it’s figuring out for you what you need to step past the feelings rather than snuggle them, which again could lead to really bad decisions.
0:16:30 – Brian
It makes me I’m gonna make this one point and we’ll move on it makes me nervous. I’ve heard this is a big thing. That’s been in Christianity now for the last 20, 30 years. People say I feel. God is saying this. Now I know how they’re probably using the word feel, but when you read the scriptures, he never inserts a feeling.
0:16:54 – Kayla
Yeah.
0:16:55 – Brian
He usually nudges a heart, presents a path or speaks to you through his word. Does that make any sense? So I would caution all of us. Do not interpret your feelings as God telling you to do something, because that could lead to-.
0:17:14 – Kayla
Because when the feeling passes, are you still gonna attribute it to him?
0:17:18 – Brian
Yes, and now you’re in a mess. So how’s that go, okay? Well, on that we’ll move along there. Okay, y’all, we gotta have a discussion, okay.
0:17:35 – Kayla
This is gonna be, I think, a little off the rails, but that’s okay. We’ve been toying with the idea of whether we should go here or not, so we’re gonna go here. We may not be able to look, anybody in the eye for the next.
0:17:48 – Brian
If it ends up in the ditch, we’re gonna blame our friend Becky Graves, who has encouraged this kind of conversation.
0:17:56 – Kayla
Okay, that’s. I don’t know that I would blame anyone, but here we are so let’s talk about changing seasons.
0:18:06 – Brian
And we, y’all, we, are going to keep this.
0:18:09 – Kayla
We’re gonna keep this PG Can.
0:18:11 – Brian
I say something. Okay, lord, please help me not say anything that would cause me to get divorced. In Jesus’ name, amen, Stop it.
0:18:18 – Kayla
These are some of our general observations on air quotes. Middle age that’s how we’re gonna refer to this.
0:18:25 – Brian
Can I say something? I am 55. There’s no way I’m living to a hundred and twenty All right, listen, just roll with this Okay, all right.
0:18:33 – Kayla
For example, when I stand up, my joints now go snap, crackle, pop and it’s as if everything has become quite vocal in the last couple of years. I can’t quietly bend down or cause you often From joints popping, not anything else. Yeah, let’s clarify that you have-. I found quite the humor in my knees crack and my elbows pop and I think I’m getting a bowl of cereal, rice, krispy Kreme, snap, crackle pop.
0:19:08 – Brian
Here’s my thing. Why can’t my kidney sleep past three o’clock in the morning? Why does my bladder knock on the door at three o’clock? And then, when you get up and you go use the bathroom, you come back and lay down. Why do you lay there for an hour?
0:19:21 – Kayla
Well, I don’t mean. I’m sorry for you.
0:19:23 – Brian
I do. I just I’m like okay, I’m awake now. I Don’t want winded this at, I wait at 35. This never happened at 55. It’s just, you better get up. Yeah you know, just laying there.
0:19:35 – Kayla
So here we go. At this stage in my life, I Cannot tolerate the heat like I once could.
0:19:46 – Brian
I’m now the one lowering the thermostat and our house, and I’ve been thinking about buying a sweater because we have reversed roles. She used to be the one who loved the heat and the warm.
0:19:59 – Kayla
Oh, it makes me so cranky now Just, I can’t handle we’re at the beach and she’s living.
0:20:07 – Brian
It’s hot Well, you’re in the Sun, baby. Well, I want to get. A tan will come. Well, baby, you got it. Yeah, you know, I found that I can tolerate the heat a lot better now. But like we’ve been in certain restaurants lately and I’m like man, I need a little sweater. I mean, I’m like I’m turning into an old man, I’m like I’m so nervous about that. So I have continued to wear short-sleeved shirts because I will not. I will not now.
0:20:34 – Kayla
Now see, I’ve always had a cardigan with me. I hardly ever need it anymore, but I always have a cardigan. All right, this one is a serious one, and I know I’m not alone in this. There are days where I find myself gripped with anxiety and it’s because I’m Fearing that worst case scenario, and I think a lot of it is suddenly that I’ve just become acutely aware of my own mortality. But there are things and I’ve been reading about this and it only comforts me to know I’m not alone. But for women of my stage, it’s very common that anxiety is a Faithful. I hate to use the word friend, because I don’t think anxiety is a friend, but it’s. It’s very Normal to have that, and so I find myself often having to walk myself Off the ledge over certain things. I mean, I even view travel differently now because of my anxiety.
0:21:37 – Brian
But here we are about once a month, getting vulnerable here when I’m up at 3 am. It’s only happens about once a month. Once every two months I will have an anxiety episode over dying and I’m like, what if I die tomorrow? And I’m very selfish, I’ll start here. I’m like is it gonna be painful?
and and then it goes to you how do I help K be okay after I’m gone? I mean, I have all the financial stuff set up for you, but I’m like how do I help her be okay after I’m gone? And I’m like oh mercy. I’m like there’s nothing I can do, I’m dead. You know, there there’ll be so.
0:22:17 – Kayla
Yeah, I think it may. Just a keenness to where we are age wise yeah.
0:22:24 – Brian
What? What did you used to be miss K?
0:22:26 – Kayla
I used to be a huge night owl and now I’m ready for bed at 8 30 Seriously every night now. Some of that’s probably because we do get up at 5 am Many days of the week, but still by 8 30. I’m like turn it off, go to sleep.
0:22:45 – Brian
I love 5 am. I hate 9 pm. I love getting, I love the mornings. I love the peacefulness of it, I love the quiet of it. But you crave it more I do.
0:22:56 – Kayla
I crave that piece, I crave that quiet and it’s funny because in my younger years I could jump up, get ready and be out the door in 45 minutes. Now I need a three-hour runway before I leave the house.
0:23:10 – Brian
I Can’t, I can’t jump through hoops and she will sometimes get in our car barefoot Because she runs out of time trying to get ready.
0:23:18 – Kayla
Yeah, here she comes to the car with her little socks and coming it, coming in.
0:23:23 – Brian
She’s coming in hot y’all. The other day I saw you doing this. We were having an insurance meeting and what did you do with a piece of paper?
0:23:32 – Kayla
So I call it the trombone effect. I had to keep taking the paper and pushing it out and pulling it forward. Take my glasses. Put them on. It’s just. It’s a whole nother thing with read, and I don’t, don’t come at me. I just had an eye exam. My glasses are fine, it’s just. Reading is a whole new thing with where to hold the paper. So let me just say on a serious note the longer you live, what do you see more of?
0:24:02 – Brian
grace and the kindness of God.
0:24:03 – Kayla
Hmm.
0:24:04 – Brian
I see that, how he takes care of us, how he’s always been there, how he sustains us we take it less for granted, don’t we? I do. Yes, I’m trying to yeah on a humorous note at 55. Why do?
0:24:23 – Kayla
you never walk by anymore bathroom.
0:24:26 – Brian
Even if I don’t feel the urge. I’m gonna go in there and try. I’m gonna go in there and use the bathroom, because I don’t know when I’m gonna pass another one again. Mm-hmm, has anybody else reached that stage in line? You know I better go, just in case there’s not another one. Have you reached that stage?
0:24:41 – Kayla
yet or no, sometimes not quite. Yeah, miss Kayla. Well, I’m gonna go there.
0:24:48 – Brian
Becky, this is yours.
0:24:51 – Kayla
You know I blame it on them because it’s just true. But hormones are a whole Another level.
0:25:00 – Brian
I just want to say I love my wife.
0:25:02 – Kayla
She loves you too, but there are moments where y’all I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it’s true so just to give someone else some comfort, there are moments where I feel this rage and I have no idea where it’s coming from.
0:25:19 – Brian
Yeah, and I just, I just worry I have to step in a shallow grave somewhere in Jowell’s County.
0:25:26 – Kayla
It okay, it’s not that bad. But I will confess there have been a couple of moments where, legit, I’ve had to come back to you and say, be, I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve to be snapped at for that, I Own it. And I find myself more and more being mindful of the things I don’t need to say and the things I don’t need to do. But I’m very imperfect on this and I can just tell that, good gracious, I’m mad about something and so I have to ask myself what the heck is going on, because I just I want to like throw it all away or I want to blitz creed and Nothing good is gonna come of that.
Probably why I go to bed at 8 30, but it’s just. Yeah, I’ve made some adjustments and this is getting better.
0:26:20 – Brian
I think you’re.
0:26:21 – Kayla
Perfect. You’re very kind so but, I, don’t feel that way the next time. I have a rage moment.
0:26:26 – Brian
I don’t weapons in the house either stop it.
0:26:30 – Kayla
So, yeah, I mean it’s y’all this, this whole middle-aged thing is all. It’s a whole different thing.
0:26:36 – Brian
I don’t. I’m not gonna speak to this because I haven’t experienced this, but so but.
0:26:43 – Kayla
You’re too busy looking for a bathroom.
0:26:53 – Brian
So here we are. Hope, you see, don’t go out, all right, hey y’all, we’ve been having weekly winners to our podcast.
0:27:00 – Kayla
I mean folks from Virginia, north Carolina we’re learning about you and we love it. Thank you to our friend this week I am going to respond to you. Thank you for sharing what book you’re reading and so we’d like to give away two mugs.
0:27:16 – Brian
This, yes. So if you go to our website, which is peas and carrots podcast calm you’ll see a little trivia button there.
0:27:24 – Kayla
Click the button Okay. The question this week what purchase have you made that revealed your level of peak adulthood?
0:27:35 – Brian
Just don’t understand why a vacuum plate never mind. So again, we want to give away.
0:27:40 – Kayla
There are people out there.
0:27:41 – Brian
I understand I’m gonna be very scary, but we’re gonna give away. Do we like to give away two coffee mugs this week? The peas and carrots Podcast coffee mugs go to our website peas and carrots podcast calm. Click on the trivia button.
0:27:54 – Kayla
And what’s your big question? What purchase have you made that revealed your level of peak adulthood? You can search the peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Visit our website again, that’s peas and carrots podcast calm when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.
0:28:12 – Brian
You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search the peas and carrots podcast. Oh look, there’s a bathroom.
0:28:17 – Narrator
For more about the peas and carrots podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peas and carrots podcast. Calm Laughter with good friends, no matter how bumpy the road gets that’s what’s waiting for you with every episode of another great podcast quirks, bumps and bruises with melody and candy. Subscribe today, wherever you listen.