Season 2, Episode 33: Does This Make Us Weird?

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like peas and carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch Brian and Kayla Sanders.

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla and welcome to this week’s edition of what’s going on and like our little vegetable patch.

 

0:00:23 – Kayla

There are two Christmas trees to fully decorated and I hear there could be more and there may be a third.

 

0:00:30 – Brian

I’m all in this year. There’s one downstairs in the den. It’s seven and a half foot tree.

 

0:00:35 – Kayla

It’s big yeah. And then there’s a little three foot tree on our end table upstairs.

 

0:00:42 – Brian

That’s my favorite.

 

0:00:44 – Kayla

It’s just so soothing to turn on the Christmas lights, drink coffee, sip tea. You’ll play a little Christmas music.

 

0:00:53 – Brian

I love it. So yeah, even though our Amazon device can’t Figure out, jacked up, she’s yeah, play Avalon’s Christmas album and she goes to some French. Yeah, I’m like that’s not what I’m after, it’s a little frustrating. So, miss Kayla, we’re going on a trip.

 

0:01:13 – Kayla

We are. We will soon board a plane for the first time in four years.

 

0:01:20 – Brian

You excited.

 

0:01:21 – Kayla

I am excited. You nervous a little bit Okay so all the things, but I know it’s good, so yeah.

 

0:01:29 – Brian

I’m excited we hadn’t been on a plane in four years. We have. Go through the Atlanta airport and.

 

0:01:36 – Kayla

I love Atlanta airport. I know some people don’t, I just do so.

 

0:01:42 – Brian

All the little shops.

 

0:01:43 – Kayla

No, it’s just, I think, because, being from England, every time we would fly we would come in through Atlanta and I just I know the airport really well. I’m comfortable there. Don’t at me, charlotte airport makes me crazy.

 

0:02:01 – Brian

I think I’ve done that twice To get from here to there.

 

0:02:05 – Kayla

It’s crazy.

 

0:02:06 – Brian

So yeah, I remember one time we had to run across the airport literally yeah. I could. I skipped my little heart exam that year that was nuts. So, and finally, from our home to yours, yes, we want to wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.

 

0:02:25 – Kayla

Yeah, so this episode will actually drop Next week. We’re recording a week ahead and from us to you, thank you for joining us here, for engaging with us, for laughing along, for listening, for commenting. It is delightful getting to know some of you. We’ve had some great emails and text messages, phone calls, so we look forward to continuing to do life from our little vegetable patch, as we call it.

 

0:02:56 – Brian

So take a few moments and watch the parade and eat some turkey, have some stuff.

 

0:03:02 – Kayla

Yes, take a nap.

 

0:03:03 – Brian

Mashed potatoes. Yeah, that’s one of your favorite. That’s about your favorite thing on the table.

 

0:03:08 – Kayla

Just give me a roll and a big bowl of mashed potatoes and I’m good, warm out of the oven roll and then that sweet potato thing you make. Oh yes, sweet potato casserole.

 

0:03:23 – Brian

Yeah, yeah.

 

0:03:25 – Kayla

Anyway, before we get stuck, here, put nuts on it.

 

0:03:28 – Brian

This, not this year, oh kill me. Oh, there’s that. But happy Thanksgiving. Yes, home to yours. We have talked a lot about how we communicate as a couple. Mm-hmm and how we talk about everything, and so we thought it would be good If we slowed down and we dove into that a little bit deep.

 

0:03:53 – Kayla

It’s one of the things we get the most questions about. You and I get the privilege of mentoring younger couples. We also have some friends who’ve asked how in the world do you to communicate as much as you do? Now we may have an unfair advantage that we do work together. Yep, so we spend every single day together. We get to see each other a couple of times a day, but this is something that it seems to be the the real curiosity of a lot of people. So, yeah, we’re going to share with you how we call them our core tenants of communication.

 

0:04:37 – Brian

Let me set this up for you real quick, for those friends listening. We are not saying that Brian and Kayla do not argue. We’re not saying that we never disagree. We’re not saying that we don’t. And we’re not saying we’re perfect at this In any way, shape or form, but we are saying that having healthy communication, in my opinion, makes for a better relationship. Okay, yeah, so this isn’t on our on our list, but I want to say this you genuinely need to enjoy the person who you’re married to.

 

0:05:14 – Kayla

Yeah.

 

0:05:15 – Brian

What I mean by that, and I even told you this yesterday I enjoy doing stuff with you, I enjoy going places, I enjoy being with you, I enjoy listening to you, I enjoy talking with you. That’s a big part of this. It isn’t enough just to love the person.

 

0:05:35 – Kayla

You’re not business partners. No, you are your life partner. Your life partners and you genuinely are my best friend when I think of something that I want to do or say, or you’re typically involved in it.

 

0:05:52 – Brian

So Same.

 

0:05:54 – Kayla

So, with that frame of reference, we just want to share a few things that we have found that hopefully will be helpful to you. So the first one is resist the urge to proclaim Well, we simply don’t have time or energy for that. We’ve been there. There was a season of life where B you would leave on Sunday afternoon or Monday morning on the Red Eye flight.

 

0:06:17 – Brian

Fly to Atlanta.

 

0:06:19 – Kayla

You would do Atlanta for the week and come home on Friday night or Saturday morning and be home for a week gone for a week, home for a week, gone for a week. We did that for about a year. We still found ways to make communication a priority. It takes great intention to stay plugged in as a couple and that needs to be a priority.

 

You need to be, and it may look like you have to talk after the kids go to bed or get up earlier in the morning and I know I can almost sense the eye roll, but it’s that important that you find ways to be on the same page.

 

0:06:56 – Brian

There are guys out there listening right now. There are men listening right now who, every day, you make notes in your phone as to things that you need to accomplish tomorrow. There’s a trick as things happen in your day, why not write them down so that when you get home, you have a few things on that list that you can tell your wife about, so that whenever she asks you how was work, you don’t just say, no, it was all right, it’s all right. You actually have a list of things. In other words, prioritize that relationship the same way you would do your work. In other words, be intentional about planning a conversation with your wife or with your husband. I mean, it doesn’t take that much for me. I just sit there and I walk through my day with you. I met with this person and we had this conversation.

 

0:07:48 – Kayla

Or you share a funny story and vice versa.

 

0:07:51 – Brian

Yeah, something like that. So be intentional about that. For me, that’s what I mean by intentional Plan your conversation.

 

0:07:59 – Kayla

Yeah.

 

0:08:00 – Brian

So, secondly, there are no secrets. We talk about everything.

 

0:08:06 – Kayla

We do.

 

0:08:06 – Brian

Yeah, and sometimes that’s great. Sometimes it gets heated, but when it does get heated it’s fine too. We know, with that we don’t have to agree on every single topic, okay, but when it comes to a public face, yeah, you’re not going to find us divided. No, let me say that. No, but we do talk about Ever but we don’t hide things from each other.

 

0:08:33 – Kayla

No, that makes me nervous which lends to the next one. This is a big deal for us and this may make us sound like pilgrims, but I don’t care. We avoid private conversations with people of the opposite gender, and let me explain this. There are multiple times throughout the week that someone may initiate a private conversation with me or with you. If it’s not a business Conversation, we will loop the other person in. I have added you to a texting thread and you’ve added me to a texting thread multiple times. Something can begin so innocently but lend to an intimacy that should not exist.

 

Let me say that again. Something so innocent Can lend to an intimacy that should not exist. There is certain conversation that should only be happening Between you and your partner. Something should not be shared with other people.

 

0:09:40 – Brian

I agree, I’ve looped you in on text and whenever there’s somebody of opposite sex who texted me, I’ll show you what’s going on. It isn’t that we don’t trust each other, it’s that builds.

 

0:09:51 – Kayla

It’s guardrails, guardrails.

 

0:09:53 – Brian

The next one is something that I fell at daily Tone matters.

 

0:09:59 – Kayla

You’re being nice, I’m the one that probably struggles with this more.

 

0:10:02 – Brian

I struggle with this.

 

0:10:03 – Kayla

Don’t how you say, it is just as important as what you say true. So yeah tone.

 

0:10:09 – Brian

So watch it, and for me, I just don’t think about it. Yeah and that can often lead to things. I have to apologize.

 

0:10:16 – Kayla

So what if? What if a person comes to us and we do get this question and they say well, my gosh, what? What do you talk to each other about daily? What do you ask each other? Well, don’t you live life? I will ask don’t you have thought? But get beyond the Surface, so dear. How was your day? How’s your heart?

 

0:10:36 – Brian

What are you struggling with?

 

0:10:37 – Kayla

What are you struggling with?

 

0:10:39 – Brian

What are you celebrating?

 

0:10:40 – Kayla

Yeah, what did you do today that made you happy? Those are what frustrated you today, so just go deeper, ask questions that are gonna force more than a yes or no response.

 

0:10:54 – Brian

What we call. Those are open-ended questions. Yeah so avoid making your spouse read your mind Be clear never done this be clear, kind, honest and open with your communication. A healthy marriage is built upon braving hard topics, opening your mind and heart and facing Confrontation and being a good listener.

 

0:11:17 – Kayla

That’s a lot, but I mean it just is yeah.

 

0:11:20 – Brian

So this is the big thing. Don’t try and read their mind, don’t assume what they’re thinking. Ask, yeah, and often this is something that cracks me up KSA, be what. You thinking about nothing, and this has been Conversation between us for 30 years, and it’s true. How do you think about nothing that well?

 

0:11:40 – Kayla

women all over the world Can’t comprehend.

 

0:11:44 – Brian

I don’t understand that.

 

0:11:45 – Kayla

How can y’all not just and that’s another podcast topic for another day. But I want to go back to something you said here. This is not just about Sharing the highs of the day. Sometimes it’s the lows and sometimes it’s the frustrations, even with each other. And something that I think breaks down communication is people are avoiding confrontation. As a couple, you have to be comfortable with having hard conversations and Sometimes that is gonna look like well, what you opened with you may have a little fight and Hopefully you fight fair. So yeah, which lends to this Listen to understand, don’t always listen to respond.

 

Yeah, don’t always be forming your next thought because, because we’re listening.

 

0:12:38 – Brian

How do I respond to that? How do I answer that question? Listen to what they’re saying. In other words, yeah, oftentimes repeat back to that person what they’re saying and say and say are you saying this?

 

0:12:51 – Kayla

Mm-hmm, so that you can grasp it and then you have a few more, just a couple of Be agreeable.

 

0:12:57 – Brian

Yeah, be agreeable. Yes, don’t be somebody who just sucks on lemons all day and you’re just Salivary or you’re spoiling for a fight.

 

0:13:06 – Kayla

Yeah.

 

0:13:07 – Brian

I mean, everybody gets up every now and then, like you know, I could whip the empire today. Don’t do that you know, don’t be kind At the end. Be on the same page. Here’s what I mean by that. You don’t have to agree about it. Now, I do think that you should agree about spending money, yes, and that kind of stuff and communication, but there might be specific topics.

 

0:13:32 – Kayla

We have friends who they’re at different ends of the spectrum politically, socially but at the end of the day, they’ve learned to have healthy conversation about it.

 

0:13:41 – Brian

Yes, so find a way to be on the same page and then discuss it. Yeah, I’m gonna go back to this point. Enjoy the person you’re married to. Yes, enjoy the conversations.

 

0:13:56 – Kayla

Because then you’ll delight in it.

 

0:14:01 – Brian

Are we weird? A little bit, a little bit, are you drowning over there?

 

0:14:08 – Kayla

Sorry, as I choke myself. So we have few questions. Okay, well, more thoughts. But the question is Do these things make us weird and are you weird too? And if you are weird, welcome to our weirdness.

 

0:14:25 – Brian

So yeah, first, we watch less than five hours of TV a week.

 

0:14:31 – Kayla

We are readers.

 

0:14:32 – Brian

Does that make us weird?

 

0:14:34 – Kayla

Maybe, but I’m good with it.

 

0:14:35 – Brian

I mean sometimes the TV doesn’t like you turn on the Christmas tree.

 

0:14:39 – Kayla

Yeah because our Christmas tree is already up and You’ll or we’ll just we’ll have music playing in the background, or or just silence and we’ll just read.

 

0:14:48 – Brian

So yeah, does that make us weird?

 

0:14:50 – Kayla

We rarely eat out, and this is for two reasons. One, because, with your allergies, it’s scary, but also we like being at home and we like cooking and so yeah, so does that make us weird? We’re not big on takeout or or Picking up dinner yeah, oh. Okay, so this one I admit this nothing personal we will remember a dog’s name quicker than a human’s name. I’m sorry, love, y’all mean it, but if you have a dog, we’re gonna remember them a whole lot faster.

 

0:15:30 – Brian

I follow more pet pages on Instagram.

 

0:15:33 – Kayla

Oh, me too yeah.

 

0:15:35 – Brian

I mean yes, so I can like we were taught. There’s this one little guy on Instagram. His name’s Radar.

 

0:15:41 – Kayla

Oh, it’s so good.

 

0:15:42 – Brian

And he feeds him a snack.

 

0:15:43 – Kayla

He’s feeding him snacks from his, like a brother’s name. I don’t know his owner’s name, I know in that and he’s on there every day.

 

0:15:50 – Brian

Yep, but I can’t remember his name, but I remember the dog’s name. So yeah, that’s us. We don’t sleep well if the house is above 60 degrees.

 

0:15:59 – Kayla

Can’t handle it. Does that make us weird? Makes us frozen, but Maybe not weird let it go. And a fan.

 

0:16:10 – Brian

We have to have a fan on yeah. So we actually like the room to be cold, but we like to have the blankets, I mean oh, we got a bundle of blankets, but yeah, there’s nothing like being buried under six blankets. But then when we get up the morning we’re like your toes have frostbite.

 

0:16:26 – Kayla

Yeah yeah, cuz see, this is a key part of this equation. You’re under six blankets, but one foot has to be hanging out so that like regulates the temperature. Does anybody else do that? Is that weird?

 

0:16:38 – Brian

though I think we’re weird. We’re weird. We actually talk to each other. Yeah, we don’t ignore each other, we don’t. We actually tell each other what we’re thinking, how our hearts are, what’s going through our minds. So we is that make us weird? Maybe, I don’t know.

 

0:16:55 – Kayla

We stick together and we love spending time together. We do yeah we do, we like going people find it weird that you actually Enjoy going shopping with me. I enjoy Going places with you. Now, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have guy friends and it doesn’t mean that I don’t have other friends, but we enjoy you spending time together and we’ve been teased for that before, but Right do y’all ever go places separately? Rarely.

 

0:17:27 – Brian

Rarely. Wow, you got a problem with that. You wanna fight? No, I’m kidding. If we do watch television, it’s often our favorite show, is it’s not new stuff?

 

0:17:39 – Kayla

And we’ll watch them over and over again.

 

0:17:42 – Brian

The West Wing.

 

0:17:43 – Kayla

We have like summer TV viewing, fall TV viewing, winter TV viewing.

 

0:17:49 – Brian

The West Wing.

 

0:17:50 – Kayla

We watch the West Wing every winter.

 

0:17:52 – Brian

Gilmore Girls. Every fall Yellowstone.

 

0:17:58 – Kayla

That’s probably falls in the summer, yeah.

 

0:18:01 – Brian

Let’s see here what else. I watched the Star Wars movies over and over again.

 

0:18:05 – Kayla

Yeah, I watched Harry Potter over and over again, as if that’s on TV. Sorry, we just lost some mail, but no, but Just being honest.

 

0:18:14 – Brian

I like Harry Potter, but he’s on every weekend.

 

0:18:18 – Kayla

Moving on. Finally, we will have impromptu dance sessions. We will. You’ll turn on Frank Sinatra, I’ll be cooking dinner and we’ll just have like a little impromptu dance session while dinner cooks Does that make us weird. I’m sure our neighbors are getting kick out of it.

 

0:18:37 – Brian

Yeah, I’m wondering if our neighbors like and came behind us watch us like.

 

0:18:40 – Kayla

But no so.

 

0:18:42 – Brian

There you go.

 

0:18:43 – Kayla

What makes you weird, and weird is wonderful, so let’s end with that. Just because it may seem weird to the rest of the world. What is wonderfully weird about?

 

0:18:54 – Brian

you. After 30 years of marriage, we still hold hands.

 

0:18:58 – Kayla

We do.

 

0:18:59 – Brian

We still kiss every day when we leave it, when we depart to go to our offices and that kind of stuff.

 

0:19:04 – Kayla

Anyway, before we make this awkward for people, that’s our list of what makes us weird. What?

 

0:19:09 – Brian

makes us weird. So there you go. Hey, we’d like to send you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. We would, and Miss Kayla loves the stickers.

 

0:19:18 – Kayla

Y’all come on. They’re just the cutest and they’ll look so good on your water bottles and your laptops and your journals. Yeah, your kids will enjoy them.

 

0:19:30 – Brian

You’re a sticker fan. I love stickers yeah well.

 

0:19:33 – Kayla

Yeah, go to our website peasandcarrotspodcastcom. Look for the trivia button, click that. And our question for you what is one wonderfully weird thing about you?

 

0:19:45 – Brian

Okay, Please don’t say that you’re missing like three toes, like that’s not what we’re talking about.

 

0:19:51 – Kayla

okay, well, I mean, if that’s what they need to get off their chest. Let them do it, but yeah, so go to our website, which is I’m gonna get some interesting answers.

 

0:20:02 – Brian

Go ahead.

 

0:20:04 – Kayla

What’s our website?

 

0:20:07 – Brian

peasandcarrotspodcastcom.

 

0:20:10 – Kayla

And answer that question how you got it. You can also search peasandcarrots podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcastcom. When you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

 

0:20:23 – Brian

Okay, you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the peasandcarrots podcast. Somebody’s gonna be offended that I said three toes.

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

No, somebody’s gonna respond. Well, there’s probably better.

 

0:20:34 – Announcer

For more about the peas and carrots podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcastcom. Laughter with good friends, no matter how bumpy the road gets. That’s what’s waiting for you with every episode of another great podcast Quirks, Bumps and Bruises with Melody and Candy. Subscribe today, wherever you listen.