Can't Stress This Enough - Episode Description

Join us, Brian and Kayla, as we have a candid discussion about our key principles to effective communication and connection within our marriage. We will show you how you can can genuinely enjoy your spouse and have a healthy marriage built on open-hearted dialogue and listening skills. It takes great intention to prioritize staying plugged in as a couple, so we’ll share ides for doing just that.

 

Then we embrace our quirks by sharing little things about ourselves that you may find weird, and that’s ok! So, grab a cup of coffee, settle down and enjoy the ride with us as we navigate through these life topics with humor, sincerity, and, of course, our wonderfully weird selves! 

Can't Stress This Enough - Transcript

 0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like peas and carrots the Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch Brian and Kayla Sanders.

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. Welcome to this week’s edition of bruised and bumps and and uh oh, it’s been a week. So if you want to, let’s just start here. You want to tell everybody about your adventures.

 

0:00:30 – Kayla

It’s been a rough few days yeah so what? The other day I was literally walking and I turned to answer a question and I walked right into a doorpost and nearly broke my toe. It was swollen and black and for a couple of days. We thought it was broken. I think it’s okay. It’s healing really well. It’s lots of fun colors. But that was embarrassing because it wasn’t even a fun story. I just was walking.

 

Then and then this morning I took a tumble on the stairs, I missed a step and Boom, the next thing I remember. I’m sliding down like five steps and I hit my hit my behind. Thankfully lots of padding there, but wow, it’s sore so I’m gonna have one mean bruise you can walk and oh, I’ve stretched and I can walk and but thank God for Tylenol and bio freeze and Patted chairs.

 

0:01:32 – Brian

Let me just go on record, I was not in the house. No, actually.

 

0:01:35 – Kayla

Nope, you did not push me down the stairs.

 

0:01:37 – Brian

You had nothing to do with this outside loading our bags into the truck to come to work, because we but it’s just one of those seasons of Life where I need to slow down.

 

0:01:47 – Kayla

I’m just going at such a frenetic pace all the time that I Was rushing to come down the stairs and I was rushing the other day and walked into a door and yeah. So I don’t even have adventures and like stories for what happened, but Make something up, but I’m gonna have a shiner, so yeah.

 

0:02:07 – Brian

Well, just remember this. Nobody can see this a shiner cause of where there’s that not going to yes. But, people will say huh, I wonder why she’s sitting like that.

 

0:02:19 – Kayla

She sits, weight is not distributed. Let’s just put it that way. She’s kind of oddly.

 

0:02:23 – Brian

Jim, what do you think’s going on with that lady?

 

0:02:26 – Kayla

So there’s something about December and toilets in our house here we go.

 

0:02:33 – Brian

So last December we had to replace an emergency a guest bedroom.

 

0:02:38 – Kayla

It just stopped working.

 

0:02:39 – Brian

Stopped working yeah and now the toilet in you, in your bedroom, in the master bedroom, where we both sleep by the bathroom attached.

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

Just need to clarify. We’re a little more classy than that Great place.

 

0:03:00 – Brian

Happen in five days, but there were a couple of days. We just be sitting there and it’s phantom.

 

0:03:05 – Kayla

Flushing is what it’s called.

 

0:03:07 – Brian

It just runs for five seconds, it’ll stop. It’ll run for five seconds and stop, and it happened like once every six hours or so.

 

0:03:17 – Kayla

So we’re gonna go ahead and get both of our toilets replaced.

 

0:03:23 – Brian

So yeah, so it’s a thing it’s, and what’s sad is that we can replace both of these for cheaper and replace the one that yeah, we’re not gonna dwell on that. So there’s you go. Well, miss Kayla. This weekend we watched the first installment, the first four episodes of season six of the crown, and the other four will come out in December, yeah, mid-december. Okay, I want to say one thing before we get started.

 

0:03:48 – Kayla

Okay.

 

0:03:50 – Brian

There was a lot of science fiction In the first four episodes of the crown.

 

0:03:58 – Kayla

Oh, there was definitely some creative license.

 

0:04:01 – Brian

There was a lot of creative license.

 

0:04:03 – Kayla

There are things that none of us would have ever known, so I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but it’s also very emotional Because and I mean this is something you would get from the teasers it is the timeline of when Diana dies in the car crash, and so, yeah, it was more emotional than I thought it would be.

 

0:04:28 – Brian

Here’s what I want to say. They take the actual events of what happened and they feel in a round it with lots of fiction. And a lot of science fiction. So I mean, I was sitting there researching, going that’s not true, and I was going. How do they even know this happened? How do they even know that that particular conversation ever happened?

 

0:04:51 – Kayla

Well, they don’t. That’s why I’m saying they took creative license and just saying I’m writing a letter, well you go right in.

 

0:04:58 – Brian

But overall it was good. It was sad.

 

0:05:01 – Kayla

Very sad.

 

0:05:03 – Brian

Yes.

 

0:05:04 – Kayla

This was by far the saddest season.

 

0:05:06 – Brian

So, yeah, I mean, would I recommend it as a show? Yes, as history.

 

0:05:12 – Kayla

You can fact check it though, yeah, and I recommend fact checking because there are things that no one would ever have known because they died.

 

0:05:20 – Brian

So, yeah. Stress.

 

0:05:26 – Kayla

Oh you ever have stress this time of year Never lens to that for anybody fell down the stairs this morning you got any stress. A little stressful yeah.

 

0:05:35 – Brian

So stress is a given. Some stress is good because it pushes you onward, and we want to say this before we start this segment you’re never going to be stress free.

 

0:05:48 – Kayla

No.

 

0:05:50 – Brian

The goal is. The goal is to how to manage it, the goal is to how to endure it.

 

0:05:54 – Kayla

Yeah. So, with the roles that we both play, with the dynamics that we have navigated. Let’s put it that way We’ve seen our fair share of stress, and so we are no experts in this, but what can we do when stress becomes unhealthy? And so we wanted to share a few things that we have found, and I believe it would be fair to say I think you would agree with me be this year has been a healing year for us.

 

We have done a lot of intentional things to take care of our health, and one of those is how we view stress. So let’s dive in. We’ll share with you some of the things that we have found, the first one being practice healthy boundaries with people. Not everyone is safe for you and not everyone deserves access, and that is hard to say as a believer and as someone who I love people. Not everyone is healthy for you.

 

0:07:05 – Brian

Paul even wrote as much as is up to you.

 

0:07:09 – Kayla

Yeah.

 

0:07:09 – Brian

Be at peace with everyone, and that phrase as much as it up to you. Yeah, so practice healthy boundaries. Know who’s safe, know who isn’t. Know who brings drama. Know, practice. Know who could bring trauma.

 

0:07:23 – Kayla

Yeah. Into your life or has or has, and so therefore, you need to react to that.

 

0:07:29 – Brian

Yes, so, yeah. So one way is to practice healthy boundaries. Yeah, and whenever you start practicing boundaries, I guarantee you that your stress will go up, because people are going to they’re going to push back?

 

0:07:41 – Kayla

Yeah, but in time. But in time. Be mindful of what you bring into your home. Inward clutter is a sign of inward chaos.

 

0:07:53 – Brian

Right.

 

0:07:54 – Kayla

You and I are very intentional about what we bring into our home. Yes, we have a lot of nice things, but they have a place or they have a purpose, and I loved what I read recently If you’re not using it, it’s clutter, so give it to someone else who can.

 

0:08:14 – Brian

I’ve got an original edition of a book about Lincoln that was written a few years after his death but it serves a purpose.

 

0:08:22 – Kayla

It serves, it brings me joy. Exactly, that’s different, okay.

 

0:08:27 – Brian

I mean now those different sausage balls you cook. Those are, those are serving a purpose to write. I can’t handle a lot of clutter Now I might throw socks on the floor and forget I put them there.

 

0:08:41 – Kayla

That’s called messy. That’s not clutter. That’s clarifying.

 

0:08:46 – Brian

You were quick to respond to that.

 

0:08:48 – Kayla

I’m just going to say that Okay, but I like for things to be clutter is when you’ve got so much stuff that you, if you even tried to put it all away, you can’t. That’s clutter.

 

0:09:04 – Brian

is you’ve accumulated, or how do these people on these hoarder TV shows live?

 

0:09:11 – Kayla

I’d walk in that house and say nope, I’m out. Well, that’s because you’re healthy. They’re not in a healthy place.

 

0:09:17 – Brian

Well, you’re a lot more sympathetic toward them than I am. Okay, be realistic about what we say yes to. Okay, we probably say no to too much.

 

0:09:28 – Kayla

Sometimes, Sometimes.

 

0:09:31 – Brian

But yeah, be careful about what you say yes to and be realistic about it. Don’t overbook yourself, don’t stress yourself so thin all the time. Give yourself some margin. Give yourself some evenings at home, give yourself quiet mornings.

 

0:09:47 – Kayla

There’s nothing worse than a resentful yes. If you’re doing something just because you feel obligated rather than because you’re enjoying it, you’re on fire Now, sorry jury duty, that’s a resentful yes. I’ve done that before.

 

0:10:04 – Brian

You’re on fire with the truth. Ism today Nothing? Worse than a resentful yes man.

 

0:10:10 – Kayla

Well, the next one’s a zinger, and we’re actually going to talk about this on our next podcast.

 

0:10:15 – Brian

Oh money.

 

0:10:16 – Kayla

Design and follow a family budget. Most stress between couples comes because of money.

 

0:10:25 – Brian

We are not traditional. I believe that you should let the person who has the giftings use their giftings Most, I don’t want to say most. There is a percentage within Christianity that says men should handle the money, that it’s their job, that’s how they lead the home. I don’t think that’s how you lead the home. I think you actually lead the home and being kind and loving and showing that example. But whoever has that gift, let them handle the budget.

 

0:10:59 – Kayla

It doesn’t mean I have power.

 

0:11:02 – Brian

There isn’t a veto.

 

0:11:03 – Kayla

No, it means that I design our monthly budget and then you and I discuss it and you have say in what may need to shift or how we’re going to allocate funds, but you’re terrified when it comes to actually having to, like deal with the day to day.

 

0:11:24 – Brian

I’m not, yeah, I can’t. I mean.

 

0:11:26 – Kayla

So let’s here’s a fun one. Enjoy hobbies.

 

0:11:31 – Brian

I love to read.

 

0:11:33 – Kayla

I love to garden, we love to walk. We’ll go walk at the pond, I love walking.

 

0:11:41 – Brian

I used to play golf a lot. I don’t know anymore because of arthritis, but I want to try to get back into that. I like to fish. I don’t do that a whole lot anymore. It’s kind of expensive. I mean, I’m just cheap. Golf is expensive. Some old books are expensive and I’m like shut up. So oh, all right.

 

0:11:59 – Kayla

Well, that escalated quickly.

 

0:12:00 – Brian

Enjoy your hobbies. I like going out on dates with you I’m not sure I’m not. That’s not a hobby but it’s but do things that you enjoy. So I like Godzilla movies. All right, let’s see here. Get enough sleep, that’s a. That’s one.

 

0:12:17 – Kayla

It’s a big one.

 

0:12:18 – Brian

Yeah, exercise.

 

0:12:20 – Kayla

We have found that to be surprisingly helpful.

 

0:12:23 – Brian

Yes, it. For some reason it helps me work out a lot of my stress and a lot of the things that I worry about. So for me that helps.

 

0:12:36 – Kayla

Eat healthy. Well you knew it was coming right. I’ve alluded to this before for me controlling how much sugar and you’ve actually seen this in real time with me If I have had too much sugar, I’m anxious, I’m short tempered. It’s just being aware of what fuel your body needs.

 

0:13:02 – Brian

Something else happens to you as well.

 

0:13:04 – Kayla

Well, that’s, that’s not important.

 

0:13:07 – Speaker 1

Okay.

 

0:13:09 – Kayla

I have a power surge.

 

0:13:11 – Brian

And I get wrapped up in a blanket, becomes 50 degrees.

 

0:13:19 – Kayla

That’s what I know. I’ve had too much sugar these plastic plants in the house have got frostbite, okay, so so, for lack of a better term, this next one I called mindful meditation, but I want you to take a couple of minutes and explain this one and how this one has been something you have Sat with this year.

 

0:13:37 – Brian

There’s been a lot of healing this year. There’s a lot more that has to be done, working with my therapist and all this other kind of stuff. For the first time in 45 I’m trying not to get emotional and Years, y’all years I can sit in a room and Be quiet and the quiet doesn’t scare you and the quiet doesn’t scare me.

 

There was always so much noise in my head, so much stuff, and I hope that makes sense. I’m done now. Look, there weren’t voices, there was noise, there was so much going on Dialogue and in our voices, inner I can enter tape. Going on. I’m now able to sit in a room without any music, without any TV.

 

0:14:25 – Kayla

Yeah. And just enjoy the that’s when I noticed the shift is, you would often turn the news on just to have noise in the house.

 

0:14:33 – Brian

Yeah, you don’t anymore so I think that’s amazing and scares me a little bit. Like who am I? What’s going on here?

 

0:14:41 – Kayla

and perhaps the most important. For those of you who have a faith journey, you will understand this, but for all of us, we would encourage pursuing Jesus. Yes scripture can give peace and guidance unlike Anything else, and we would be remiss if we did not share that. I have found myself gravitating towards the Psalms many times in hard seasons of life and just feeling radically different from sitting with scripture or just prayer and Seasons of stress.

 

0:15:16 – Brian

I would also encourage you to trust in the sovereignty of God. Hmm the same thing about pursuing Jesus. Trust him. There is not a single Adam spinning in anywhere. That’s outside of his control. So, whatever you’re walking through, whatever you’re going through, he’s got a purpose, he’s got a plan. It even could be painful, he’s got a purpose, he’s got a plan, but he loves you and he cares for you. So those are some of our tips on yeah, handle stress. All right, you chose this topic.

 

0:15:52 – Kayla

I Did, and it’s going to be a little bit of a mixed bag, but it’s gonna be a lot of good. I don’t want to dwell on the side of this, but I labeled this a tribute to a complicated relationship and if any of you have one, I Just want to speak some life to you. This week is the nine-year anniversary of my dad passing away. We lost him early in life Due to some complications with Parkinson’s disease. He was not a perfect man, but he was a great man. Those two things can coexist. Yes, he wrestled his own demons. It’s not my story to tell, so I will not Share everything that he struggled with, but there were consequences to it. My parents divorced when I was young, but he stayed in her life and there were a lot of good things that came from having a relationship with him. When I was in college, he wrote to me every single week.

 

0:16:59 – Brian

Oh.

 

0:17:00 – Kayla

I got a letter from him. He worked as an office manager for a construction crew and he would send me pictures from the various sites and there was a pig.

 

0:17:10 – Brian

You carry a briefcase.

 

0:17:12 – Kayla

Mm-hmm.

 

0:17:13 – Brian

There was a pig.

 

0:17:14 – Kayla

There was a pig that he named and fed apples, there were horses, there were donkeys, there were cows, and I got pictures of all of this. Like every week. I would get this new picture for whatever site they were on, and he would just write to me about everything and nothing, and we stayed in touch through most of my college years. He taught me the value of roots, putting down roots with family and wearing your last name. Well, your last name is what you have to be proud of. I was always very proud to be a Kent and he instilled that in me. This is where you come in. He had an amazing spirit of adventure. He loved traveling. He took us to Scotland.

 

0:18:05 – Brian

He took us to Scotland and we’re driving around Loch Ness.

 

0:18:10 – Kayla

He so wanted you to go around the whole lot.

 

0:18:13 – Brian

Yeah, just to go around the whole thing.

 

0:18:15 – Kayla

But you were struggling with jet lag.

 

0:18:17 – Brian

that day I was struggling with jet lag and I was struggling to stay awake and I would fade off and he’d go look, there’s Nessie. And I’d wake up looking because I wanted to see the Loch Ness monster and he’d just start laughing. Oh, he’d just start laughing. And another great thing is that we were coming back from that excursion. We’d been out for like three or four days with them up in Scotland and we were driving back and the windshield wipers went out.

 

0:18:43 – Kayla

Just stopped working.

 

0:18:44 – Brian

It’s pouring right and so we pulled over the side to this hotel or something and he ordered high tea. Yeah, and we’re all sitting there in this. I remember it was a glass walled room looking outside and we had tea and these little sandwiches.

 

0:19:04 – Kayla

Yeah.

 

0:19:05 – Brian

And cookies, I think, were on there, or, as y’all call them, biscuits, biscuits and we had that and it was. I remember we had lunch with him and his wife at the time, her name was Carol. We were in Edinburgh and we were sitting on the grass on a blanket and we had lunch and up above us is the castle is the Edinburgh castle, and that was a great memory. I mean, I have. I loved him. He was great. I remember when we got the internet at home this ages us and they had America online. We had America online and you could video chat, but he couldn’t get the audio to work, so he went and got puppets you remember this and he would role play out things for you on the video. It was hilarious.

 

0:19:56 – Kayla

Yeah, I don’t know why he had these little puppets. Maybe from room with your kids, I don’t know. You also taught him something. You went through a phase where if I was saying something and it was slightly irritating to you or you didn’t want to hear it, you felt like maybe I was nagging. You would look at me and say love you, kayla.

 

0:20:16 – Brian

I love you, Kayla.

 

0:20:17 – Kayla

And he would get so tickled by that, and so he started emulating that with his wife. He’d say I love you, Carol. In other words, be quiet. I’ve heard enough.

 

0:20:27 – Brian

I’ve heard enough.

 

0:20:29 – Kayla

But yes.

 

0:20:30 – Brian

And Kayla, I want to tell you this he loved you. You were the apple of his eye. He adored you, darling.

 

0:20:36 – Kayla

He loved you too. I think one of the grandest moments was getting to introduce my husband to my dad and watch the two of you, and you just fit together like a glove. You had the same sense of humor, you liked the same things, and so traveling with him was a delight. Spending time with him, it was very, very hard. The last time I said goodbye, because some part of me knew this is the last time, but I will remember him as someone who. He loved life and he lived it full on, and so, yes, there are hard memories as a young child, there are things that I should not have had to remember, but I remember him as this giant.

 

0:21:35 – Brian

Cling to the good.

 

0:21:37 – Kayla

So, yes, I would tell you, take the good with the bad and just focus on the things that made you smile, the things that gifted you sweet memories and maybe, if possible, if the trauma isn’t too deep, forgive and give grace, because the older I get, the more I realize I have my own imperfections, they are different from his, but nobody’s going to look back and say, well, she was perfect. But they are going to look back and hopefully have some fun stories. So as I remember him, I do so with both sadness and delight.

 

0:22:24 – Brian

Well, here we are all up in here crying around. So, excuse us, we got to take a moment, get ourselves together here. But anyway, miss him and yes. I’m thankful for him. So just so, just know that. All right, hey, so while we’re up here snotting around, you can go to our website.

 

0:22:47 – Kayla

You can win a peas and carrots coffee mug and it comes with the most adorable stickers. Go to our website, look for the trivia button, click that.

 

0:22:57 – Brian

And our website is peasandcaratspodcastcom. That’s peasandcaratspodcastcom. Click the trivia question. Click the trivia button and this week’s trivia question is let’s see. What will we be replacing very soon in our home?

 

0:23:15 – Kayla

There we go.

 

0:23:17 – Brian

What will we be replacing very soon in our home?

 

0:23:21 – Kayla

So again, go to the peasandcaratspodcastcom, click that trivia button and answer that question. You can search peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcast, or visit our website peasandcaratspodcastcom. And when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

 

0:23:36 – Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the peas and carrots podcast. How’s your, how you feeling? How’s your bum?

 

0:23:44 – Kayla

It’s doing okay, just sitting here.

 

0:23:47 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcaratspodcast.com Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix it podcast with Jess. Check out JesusFixItPodcast.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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