Season 3, Episode 19: Empty Nesters

Can We Talk?
Empty Nesters - Episode Description

Kayla can barely hold back her excitement about hugging Winnie the Pooh during our upcoming Disney vacation, and Brian finds himself humorously torn about whether to use the resort gym amidst all the walking. As we share our daily routines, from Kayla’s involvement in a women’s summer study at church to Brian’s newfound joy in grilling on a spotless grill, the conversation takes a heartfelt turn. We candidly explore the emotional complexities of Father’s Day, especially when faced with infertility and the reality of being empty nesters. We reflect on how certain holidays can be particularly challenging without children in the family, making this a deeply personal and relatable discussion.

We delve into themes of faith and gratitude, sharing touching stories about our experiences with other “children” God has given us and their profound impact on our lives. Amid these emotional moments, we lighten the atmosphere by discussing our favorite fictional characters and books, debating the age-old question of reading the book before watching the movie, and sharing our thoughts on Disney parks. We also spill the beans on our fears, future plans for getting a dog, and foods we absolutely refuse to eat. This episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with laughter, love, and unexpected insights that will keep you engaged from start to finish.

Empty Nesters - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. Hi, I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. Welcome to this week’s edition of the vegetable patch. I’ll tell you y’all, let’s just start here. Why are you so excited? 

 

0:00:25 – Kayla

The countdown is on. Countdown four we are leaving for vacation in a few days. 

 

0:00:32 – Brian

She’s got her little hands out in front of her like a little girl and she’s swinging them back and forth. 

 

0:00:38 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s vacation time. 

 

0:00:41 – Brian

Now, who are you going to see? 

 

0:00:43 – Kayla

Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore Piglet. 

 

0:00:49 – Brian

Mickey Minnie, you sound like an eight-year-old you going to hug Winnie the Pooh? Yes, absolutely. You going to hug Mickey Mouse, probably. 

 

0:01:00 – Kayla

Okay, I mean maybe not, I don’t know, Donald Duck, and I mean they’re all right, but you don’t like Donald, I do. 

 

0:01:10 – Brian

But you love Winnie. 

 

0:01:10 – Kayla

But I love Winnie the Pooh. Okay To me All right. But yeah, we are headed south for vacation. We are, and I’m so ready. 

 

0:01:20 – Brian

I talked to my friend who lives down there. He said to bring shorts. 

 

0:01:23 – Kayla

He says it’s hot yeah, it’s 98 degrees the day we land. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

So a little bit toasty. Miss Sanders is outside of her comfort zone and God’s using you, I’ll say that because last night you started what. 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

We started our women’s summer study at church and it was really sweet sitting in a room with about gosh, I don’t know probably 30 women who, seeing them huddled in groups talking about just life and their journey with Jesus, and it was pretty amazing. It took me a while to wind down. I’m a little tired today because it was after 11 o’clock before all the adrenaline left my body. 

 

0:02:07 – Brian

I was asleep by then. 

 

0:02:09 – Kayla

But I actually had to like people and talk, stand up in front of the group. 

 

0:02:14 – Brian

It didn’t kill me. So proud of you. Why? Thank you. God’s using you. 

 

0:02:21 – Kayla

You are a very, very happy man. 

 

0:02:23 – Brian

I am because I’m grilling again. You are a very, very happy man. I am because I’m grilling again. My beautiful bride this past weekend cleaned my grill for me. It really wasn’t bad. I would like to clean my grill, but this is a conversation. My standards of what is clean is different from other people’s standards and we’ll leave other people undefined at this time. Good choice, okay. Yeah, so miss sanders cleaned my grill for me. I did, and you’ve. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

I’ve planted all the flowers, and so the back deck is your little sanctuary. Oh, I love it you can sit out there I grilled us some steaks, grilled some chicken last night. 

 

0:03:03 – Brian

So it’s just chicken last night. I’m a happy, happy, happy boy. Summer is in full swing. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

I’m excited, so I may have floated an idea with you. Here we go, that while we were on vacation our Hang on Before we get this out. 

 

0:03:19 – Brian

The answer is no. The answer is no, but go ahead. The answer is maybe. The answer is no, our go ahead. 

 

0:03:24 – Kayla

Go ahead. The answer is maybe the answer is no, our resort has a really nice gym. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

Okay, let’s stop here. Okay, how many miles a day are we going to be walking at Disney? A lot, seven to eight. I do not see the need to go. 

 

0:03:42 – Kayla

But we could do some of our strength training. 

 

0:03:43 – Brian

No, no, I just still haven’t recovered from the to go, but we could do some of our strength training no no. I just still haven’t recovered from the look on your face by about 12 noon or 1 o’clock we’ll be strength training dragging my tail from here to get a Dole Whip ice cream across the thing in Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:03:57 – Kayla

That’s my strength training, okay good to know, so it’s a maybe. 

 

0:04:02 – Brian

No, it’s not a maybe. I will stretch forth a hand and pray for you as you go to the gym, while I lay in bed. 

 

0:04:09 – Kayla

In all seriousness, though, what is the gym next to at our resort? What is right next door to the gym? Ice cream, an ice cream store? 

 

0:04:18 – Brian

I will walk by you with an ice cream I’ll wave at you. I’ll even watch you. It doesn’t, no, but if I’m walking eight miles a day, I am not going to the gym. Okay, in 98-degree weather. So maybe I’ll have sweat rolling in places I haven’t seen in three years. Bless America, so that’s a hard pass for me. Are you really going to go to the gym on vacation? Maybe, Maybe I don’t believe it. I do not believe it. Best laid plans y’all Best laid plans. 

 

0:04:59 – Kayla

Forever empty nesters. It’s a good this is a good topic, but a hard topic Again, being that this is coming up on Father’s Day and that is a complicated holiday for you. You had a wonderful dad. 

 

0:05:17 – Brian

I had a great dad I mean the best ever, even wrote a book about him called Be Like Dad, which you can find on Amazon, by the way. But this is a tough holiday for me, and we’ve talked about this before on this podcast. We’ve talked about infertility. We never were able to have children and we were in that time period where we didn’t adopt either. Okay, let’s just be honest. And now, being 56, don’t take this wrong I don’t want a kid in my house. I’m too old, I’m setting my ways and I’m cranky. I want to go to bed about eight, 30. Okay, I’m just because by the time that kid’s coming out of diapers, I’ll be going into them. So I just say it. But Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are hard days. 

 

0:06:07 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:06:08 – Brian

And sometimes Christmas Day can be hard. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

Yeah, Because you see all these pictures of families snuggled up on the sofa in their matching pajamas and they’re doing all these things together. 

 

0:06:22 – Brian

But as many of our friends, it’s just me and you, which is great, it’s wonderful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

Yeah, we are a family. Yeah, but we were saying the other night, as it comes up on Father’s Day, there are so many of our friends entering the stage of life where they are becoming grandparents. We are reminded that life looks different for us. 

 

0:06:43 – Brian

Not bad, but different and we’re not asking you to feel sorry for us or something like that. No, we’re just sharing our struggle, how we’ve seen Christ be sufficient. Let me say it absolutely yeah. Let me say it like that yeah, there is no pity here. 

 

0:07:01 – Kayla

There is no woe is us, there is a may. We all remember each other’s situation, that our situation is also not the same as our single friends, and then our situation is not the same as those who would long to have an evening with a quiet home. So, yeah, it’s again. It’s different is not bad. It just means that we embrace a different reality. 

 

0:07:32 – Brian

Now. So let me just say this we’re never going to have a home that has grandkids squealing in it. 

 

0:07:38 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:07:39 – Brian

Their parents begging us not to spoil them. But I guarantee you we would. 

 

0:07:43 – Kayla

Oh, absolutely. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

I mean, I’d take them to Target and whatever they pointed at, I’d buy it. 

 

0:07:47 – Kayla

Yep, I have no doubt. 

 

0:07:50 – Brian

But let me say this we also have a history. Whenever we lived in New Orleans 20 years ago, we mentored college, we mentored seminary students and every Thursday night there’d be 10, 15 students in our home. 

 

0:08:09 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:10 – Brian

And when we moved here to Virginia, we just continued that tradition. We brought college students in our home and there were Thursday nights when we were here in Virginia, where there’d be 20 students in our home.

 

0:08:24 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:24 – Brian

And many of them called us mom and dad. 

 

0:08:27 – Kayla

And that was a real privilege to get to do life with them. So a typical Thursday, and again this started in New Orleans with seminary students who were single, lonely. They were part of our church but they did not have a home outside of church. They were really struggling some of them. So we would have dinner together and then we would spend probably 30 to 45 minutes talking about something theologically related. 

 

0:08:56 – Brian

We’d have a Bible study. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

And then we watched Survivor. It was a tradition that everyone would kind of choose who they thought was going to win Survivor and we would watch that together and then, honestly, some Thursdays at like 11 o’clock, we would say, okay, you people have to go home, we have to go to bed. 

 

0:09:14 – Brian

And it was always a race to see who could be there first Thursday night because they’d bring their laundry. 

 

0:09:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

And so they would always bring laundry. 

 

0:09:21 – Kayla

I’ve taught many a young man and young woman how to sort clothes. Well, I’m up for that lesson. So, yeah, no, you’re good you leave our laundry alone. 

 

0:09:31 – Brian

We also had a rule in New Orleans that Friday night was like date night. 

 

0:09:35 – Kayla

Yeah, our home was opened. Honestly, Thursday night was not the only night that they could visit, but Friday night was off limits. And I think we’ve shared this before. 

 

0:09:44 – Brian

We’ve shared this story before. How I jokingly said, Friday night’s off limits, I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday, that is off limits. I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday. 

 

0:09:56 – Kayla

I never thought anybody would show up at 12.01 am. 

 

0:09:57 – Brian

DR Randall shows up at our door. 

 

0:10:01 – Kayla

Are y’all awake? Yeah, son, what’s up? 

 

0:10:05 – Brian

Well, you said we could stop by after 12. Well, what am I going to do? Come on in. 

 

0:10:12 – Kayla

You’re going to watch a movie, and that’s what you did. I think I fell asleep, yeah, but he was happy. So, yes, we have had a bounty of a really rich life with students who not only have we had a chance to pour into them, they’ve poured into us, and we now have young men and women who have families of their own and we get to delight in seeing them going through different stages with their kids, and they are incredible parents and it’s been fun watching various ones of them get married and then have kids and settling down and buying their first home. 

 

The call that we get of. I mean, I’ve lost count of the number of young men in particular that have said hey, would you all meet us for dinner? It’s important that you meet my fiancé, or hey, there was one in particular. We were sworn to secrecy that there was going to be a proposal, but it was important to him that we meet her beforehand. So different is not always bad, but here’s the reality that we are in. They have all grown and flown, as parents would say, and genuinely as they should. They have their grown and flown, as parents would say, and and genuinely as they should. They have their families to go to when, when Christmas rolls around, when easter hits, when they go and spend time with their biological parents, and that is exactly how it should be. Now we have been surprised and delighted on many a holiday where we’ve gotten a text saying hey, we’re in town, Can we get together? Can we visit Now? 

 

0:12:02 – Brian

I need to be honest. I’m just going to be very vulnerable. It still hurts some Sure. After all these years it still stings that kids and grandkids that they never show up, that kids and grandkids that they never show up. So I’m trying to grow in this to be satisfied with him. 

 

0:12:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:20 – Brian

Because he is to be my portion. 

 

0:12:23 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:23 – Brian

I am to taste and see the Lord is good. I’m not to taste and see what I wish I had. I’m to taste and see that he is good. Yeah, so that’s what I’m trying to do. 

 

0:12:37 – Kayla

And I will admit as well that there are times that that familiar ache returns, never knowing what it’s going to feel like to carry another human, never getting to answer questions such as okay, whose eye color would he have? Whose personality would she emulate? How tall would he be? What would she be when she grows up? I mean, these are questions that we’ll never have an answer, and yet the Lord has been faithful to fill our lives beyond full, just not with children of our own. And yet I also, at this stage in my life, I see friends of ours who they have raised children and then, for various reasons, their children have kind of gone their own way and so pouring out as a parent for 20 plus years, and then your child kind of turns and veers off, and I cannot imagine that heartache. And so everything is a little complicated. When you really stop and think about it, life is not just cut and dry. 

 

0:13:51 – Brian

No, I’ve come to this realization is that what they sell you in movies is a lie. It’s never that beautiful. It’s never that peaceful and it’s never where you get to put a bow on it and say life is perfect, it’s never like that. 

 

0:14:05 – Kayla

So I do worry. 

 

0:14:08 – Brian

Shock. 

 

0:14:09 – Kayla

I know what if god takes me first really that’s always been something that no, no this is something that plagues me and I worry that if god took me first, if we’d had kids, I could know that you had loved ones who were going to take care of you upon my passing, and that’s always plagued me a little bit. 

 

0:14:33 – Brian

That plagues me as well, because your worry is my worry. I mean I get up at 2 o’clock in the morning to go do what 56-year-old men do at that time of the morning and I come back to lay down and those things start. I mean it keeps me awake. Like you know, if I don’t wake up in the morning, she’s alone. There’s nobody there, and so I try to yeah. That’s why church, community and that kind of stuff sometimes is important, because now I don’t want to leave, tomorrow I’d like to have another. 

 

0:15:03 – Kayla

Yeah, please don’t. 

 

0:15:04 – Brian

I’d like to have another 20, 30 years with you. Yeah, as long as I can get around well, but I do worry about that. But I have to trust that the God who’s gotten us this far, he will be faithful to get us home. Yeah so. 

 

0:15:18 – Kayla

Yeah, and another beauty in this is we can see that God continues to surround us with couples. They’re beginning their journey. We can encourage them, we can support them, we can help them to see that it won’t always be this hard. But I may not ever fully understand his ways. I know enough of him that I can assure that younger couple that God is good and I can share with them, that he can be trusted and that he’s faithful and he’s true, and that his plans for them are way better than any plans we could ever have of our own. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

I didn’t think I was going to cry today. You’re just ripping my heart out. You’re just ripping my heart out. I guess I got a little bit further to go than you. I would tell those couples that he’s true and he’s faithful and he’s loving and he’s caring. But part of your life might also be a little bit of bitter profit, because God doesn’t always operate. 

 

0:16:29 – Kayla

But hopefully that will drive you closer to him. Gotta get a Kleenex. 

 

0:16:35 – Brian

I wasn’t expecting this today. I mean here you roll up in here. So sorry, now my mascara’s running Stop. Will I ever be 100%? Okay with this? I’m trying. 

 

0:16:54 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:16:55 – Brian

I am trying, but I’m thankful for Jesus. I’m thankful for you, darling, I mean it. I’m also thankful for all the kids who’ve passed through our home kids who’ve? 

 

passed through our home, yeah, I mean. And when they’re in town, they make a point to see us and introduce us to all their littles. And some of them they’ll call us and they’ll say Mom, Dad, we’re expecting baby number five. And I’m like, look, y’all need to figure out what’s causing this and stop it. You’re on five or six now, okay, so, but we love it. But I just want to say this what you just said deeply impacted me. I’m trying yeah. 

 

And I can tell couples that he’s faithful and he’s good, and I’ll do a better job of that. So that’s too much for me. Thank you, getting to know you. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

Yeah, okay, that was pretty heavy, so we need a little lighthearted. 

 

0:18:00 – Brian

I’m still wiping tears in my eyes. Yeah, I need a candy bar Piece of fried chicken. All right, what you got. 

 

0:18:10 – Kayla

Just a few questions about us. Some of these we get from people and some of these that I came up with on my own Just to kind of let them get to know us just a little bit better. Who is your favorite fictional character? 

 

0:18:23 – Brian

Darth Vader or Godzilla? Quick answer, or can I give one more? Sure? Willy Wonka, oh good one. Gene Wilder yeah, you favorite fictional character. 

 

0:18:36 – Kayla

Mine would be Mary Poppins. 

 

0:18:40 – Brian

Practically perfect in every way. 

 

0:18:42 – Kayla

Or, of course, any of the Winnie the Pooh characters. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

I don’t understand Al. I don’t even know why he’s in the mix. He’s wise. No, he’s not, he’s crazy. 

 

0:18:51 – Kayla

Oh Well, all right then Best book you have read to date? 

 

0:18:58 – Brian

This year To date Best book Not this year. 

 

0:19:00 – Kayla

Just To date Best book Not this year just To date, unreasonable Hospitality. 

 

0:19:06 – Brian

Oh, phenomenal, phenomenal book, loved it you. 

 

0:19:14 – Kayla

The Diary of Anne Frank Wow. 

 

0:19:17 – Brian

That’s gone a little bit back. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Okay, I’ve read some good books, but that one still impacts me more than I think any other. I mean not including the bible, but yeah somebody’s going to somebody gonna be like you people need some Jesus. Will you ever get another dog? We get this question a lot the answer is yes, okay we’re just not in a season to have a dog we’re not. 

 

0:19:42 – Brian

We’re way too busy and we wouldn’t be home enough. 

 

0:19:46 – Kayla

We are typically home two, two and a half hours a night, and that would be well. Let me clarify that. 

 

0:19:54 – Brian

Hang on, where are we sleeping? 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

Before we go to sleep. That would just seem very selfish at this stage of our life, but we do. We have plans to get another dog. What are you most afraid of? 

 

0:20:09 – Brian

How honest do I want to be? 

 

0:20:10 – Kayla

Oh, you have to tell the truth or I will. 

 

0:20:13 – Brian

Spiders and being alone. 

 

0:20:16 – Kayla

Getting lost because it’s happened before. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

Yes, yes, getting. 

 

0:20:23 – Kayla

I cannot handle feeling lost or not knowing where I’m going.

 

0:20:26 – Brian

That GPS takes this all throughout. Oh, I freak out. 

 

0:20:29 – Kayla

So what has to be first for you the book or the movie? 

 

0:20:33 – Brian

I really don’t care. Oh really. Yeah, I’ve never read the Harry Potter books. I’ve seen the movies 50 times a piece, though. 

 

0:20:41 – Kayla

What. 

 

0:20:43 – Brian

I’ve never read Chronicles of Narnia. I’ve watched those crappy movies too. Rude. Well, they got trees walking in them. 

 

0:20:54 – Kayla

And yet Godzilla is okay. This is where we are. Are we going to do this. 

 

0:21:02 – Brian

I feel a little judged. I didn’t criticize. 

 

0:21:06 – Kayla

We need to poo and you called chronicles of Narnia crappy. 

 

0:21:11 – Brian

Well it’s not my cup of tea. 

 

0:21:13 – Kayla

Well, okay, Godzilla’s not mine, but he’s awesome. Anyway, your punishment is you will now read the first Narnia book. 

 

0:21:21 – Brian

I am not Yep, I will go to book jail. I am not reading that Book jail. I am not reading that. 

 

0:21:27 – Kayla

Favorite Disney part. 

 

0:21:28 – Brian

No, you got to answer that Book or movie. 

 

0:21:30 – Kayla

Oh, I have to read the book first, really, because then I want to compare to see how true they stay to the book when I watch the movie. Why is that important? It matters to me. Maybe if you’d read the Chronicles of Narnia. You would like the movies have you ever read it. 

 

0:21:46 – Brian

Yes, all of them my uncle gifted me this set you read all that Prince Caspian stuff and all that. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

Yes, I did. Walking it back a little bit now. 

 

0:21:55 – Brian

No, I’m just because Carol Lass again take me to book jail. 

 

0:22:01 – Kayla

Favorite Disney park. 

 

0:22:03 – Brian

Hollywood Studios Easy Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

It’s a toss-up between Hollywood Studios and Epcot for me, because Epcot has the International Village and I love that. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

You love the English village. I love all of it Fish and Chip. They have a little tea shop there in the English village. You like that. 

 

0:22:25 – Kayla

What is a food you refuse to eat? 

 

0:22:29 – Brian

Mushrooms, Brussels sprouts. Unless they’re doused in garlic and bacon. I’m not going to touch a Brussels sprout. If you can still taste Brussels, I ain’t touching the sprout. 

 

0:22:40 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra. Oh yeah, ain’t touching this brown. Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra, oh yeah. 

 

0:22:47 – Brian

Mushy okra, yeah, bell peppers. 

 

0:22:49 – Kayla

Okay. We don’t have to list all of them. 

 

0:22:51 – Brian

Oh, sorry yeah. 

 

0:22:52 – Kayla

Okay, what is your Enneagram? 

 

0:22:55 – Brian

I’m an eight with a seven wing. 

 

0:22:57 – Kayla

And I’m a one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. A one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. So yeah, but there we are. So those are just some random questions about us. Speaking of questions, the first two people to go to our website and answer the question correctly, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug what is this week’s trivia question? 

 

0:23:19 – Brian

so, our. 

 

0:23:20 – Kayla

Our question is book or movie which comes first for you? Do you have to read? 

 

0:23:27 – Brian

the book first, or I mean it doesn’t matter it’s just an honest answer. They can say I don’t care, but so hey, if you go to our website, the first few people go to our website. Answer that question correctly yeah, so book or movie. You’ll win a peas and carrots coffee mug, a good pack of Cute little stickers, and then we’ve added a pen a peas and carrots it’s very, very nice. They just came in. 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So click that trivia button. Answer that question. Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. You can search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:24:09 – Brian

You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. See you all later. I’m off to book jail. 

 

0:24:18 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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Season 3, Episode 14: In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found

Can We Talk?
In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found - Episode Description
As Adam and Tricia return to our space of hope and healing, they unfurl the layers of their chronic illness journey, revealing how a steadfast faith has anchored them through the stormiest seas. They remind us that amidst the uncertainty, ‘tiny mercies’—those seemingly insignificant acts of kindness—become the lighthouse guiding us to shore. Their story is a testament to the power of community, where the collective embrace of friends and strangers alike becomes the embodiment of God’s love, especially poignant as they recount the heartwarming support received during the festive season.
This episode is not just about the struggles but also about finding that silver lining in the cloudiest skies. We navigate the emotional terrain of pain and its many facets, considering how our experiences can forge a deeper empathy and a robust theology of suffering. With Adam and Tricia’s insights, we peel back the layers of coping with chronic pain, the transformative nature of laughter, and the importance of allowing brokenness to breathe within our communities. There’s a sacred space in acknowledging that sometimes, we may not emerge from the valley—but even there, God’s omnipresence offers a profound sense of comfort.
Closing this chapter of our conversation, we reflect on the ways suffering shapes our faith and character, pondering the mysterious workings of ‘bitter providence.’ Through the Psalms, particularly Psalm 138, we find a wellspring of solace, and in sharing our ‘tiny mercies,’ we knit together a tapestry of grace that testifies to the enduring hope found in God’s promises. As you listen, we invite you to hold close the stories shared and consider the mercies in your own life, remembering that each step, no matter how small, is part of a divine dance orchestrated with love and intention.
In Christ Alone My Hope Is Found - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla, good to have you along this week. Welcome to episode 2. 

 

0:00:22 – Kayla

We’ll be talking again with Adam and Trisha. Yeah, this is part two of our conversation with the Reads. They have shared with all of us how they navigate a chronic illness and how they glorify Christ and give all of us hope in what they share in that. So we will get to that in just a minute. We’re going to keep our life updates really short this week because this is a powerful segment and the spotlight is on Adam and Trisha, so we don’t want to say a whole lot. We are in week two fundraising, fundraising. 

 

0:00:58 – Brian

I got a new Lincoln book. Uh-huh, why did your facial expression change? 

 

0:01:04 – Kayla

Is anybody surprised by that? I just wanted to share that. 

 

0:01:07 – Brian

There are people out there who are very excited about that. 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

Okay, I’ve had lots of coffee over the last few days, so I’m trying not to talk super fast because I’m highly caffeinated and kind of my ears are buzzing a little bit. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

When we first got married, for the first maybe five or ten years of our marriage. Like if you ate chocolate, I’m having really trouble stuttering. If you ate chocolate, after like two or three, you’d be up till like midnight. 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

Oh yeah, I was party animal, yeah, so those days are behind you Not anymore. I can’t do coffee after like 2 pm, so yeah, but anyway, we will get back to our life updates, but, as we said, today’s focus. We hope that you enjoy part two of our conversation with Adam and Trisha. 

 

0:01:59 – Brian

I want to ask Trisha this how have you seen the grace of God in the last 13 years with all these diagnoses? 

 

0:02:08 – Trisha

You know, I think one thing that we learned early on I think even in our college years, was that we were encouraged just to make a works of God when you see God working. Just as the Israelites built the altars and the stones to remember what God had done, we’re called to remember what God has done for us. So actually even just last night we were talking with our kids and just remembering all the things that God has done in the past. So when things seem hard and there’s like I don’t know how this is going to turn out, we remember and we think back, and so there were just a lot of things. There was a reminder last night that one of the kiddos was reminding things that we didn’t even remember. So there was an era of our life just after a really hard surgery and someone would leave a gift card in our mailbox every Sunday night for a while. 

 

And we would just get a text and they would say hey, go check your mailbox. 

 

0:03:03 – Adam

We didn’t know who it was from, like a third party would say, hey, go check your mailbox. 

 

0:03:05 – Trisha

We didn’t know who it was from. We didn’t like a third party would say, hey, go check your mailbox, something’s in there. So that was something that we made sure as a family, just remembering. Okay, like this was God provided again and he has been faithful. One time we came home and someone actually was right before Christmas. 

 

0:03:20 – Adam

That was amazing. 

 

0:03:21 – Trisha

And someone had decorated our yard like with decorations. 

 

0:03:26 – Adam

For me that wasn’t a big deal, but for the kids like that’s one of the ones they remember Like hey, mom, do you remember that? 

 

0:03:32 – Trisha

time, Like his Adam, had always done decorations and that Christmas that wasn’t going to happen. And so they came home and they’re like mom, there’s like the Christmas decoration. 

 

0:03:40 – Adam

It looked better than they said. It’s like this is the best Christmas lights we’ve ever had. 

 

0:03:44 – Trisha

Yeah, it might have been better than ours. Yeah, we couldn’t even compete, it’s true. 

 

0:03:49 – Adam

So things like that and then you turn the corner and you pull in and like that moment for your kids. You know, when you know that you are completely helpless to make that happen and it’s not a need. 

 

0:04:00 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:04:00 – Adam

But it’s something that reached their hearts. 

 

0:04:02 – Trisha

But it’s something that reached their hearts. We call that tiny mercies. 

 

0:04:04 – Adam

Yeah, for sure, just to see the amount of love that that showed to them. Not everything’s monetary. 

 

0:04:10 – Trisha

Yeah, and that’s what one of the things they said specifically. They’re like mom, it’s not always Now granted, the financial has been helpful in times, but it’s also been just key thing for our family is doxology, remembering and thinking like, okay, this is hard, but God’s been faithful in the past and he will give us grace for whatever the future is. So, yeah, I think those are the moments and I think that’s helped us to then keep our focus on Christ and not on our situation for sure. 

 

0:04:40 – Brian

What Ms. Kayla just said. We call this tiny mercies and we have faced stuff, but it’s nothing like what you faced, Adam. But I have a folder on my iPhone in the Notes app and it’s called Tiny Mercies Because I tend to look at all the bad stuff that’s happening. In those days I’m just stressed out with all the bad stuff. I will force myself to look at other places and see what God’s doing and I will start writing those things down to remind me that he’s still active, he’s still moving, he’s still doing good things. It may not just be in this one area where I’m struggling right now, but he’s doing all this other stuff over here, so that sounds like that, yeah for sure. 

 

0:05:22 – Trisha

Spiritual amnesia right, we forget, we’re so forgetful. 

 

0:05:32 – Adam

And so then we have to direct our minds to think on truth. Like we had one former student of mine who graduated when I taught high school and it had been years, and like she contacted us and it was right before Christmas after a major surgery, and she’s like, hey, can I come get your kids Christmas presents and wrap them all for you and bring them back? And I don’t. That was just like a huge. 

 

0:05:49 – Trisha

And, for the record, I hate Chris. I mean I sound like a Scrooge, but that’s one of the things. I do not enjoy wrapping presents? 

 

0:05:56 – Adam

but regardless, I like a lot of other things. 

 

0:05:58 – Trisha

It was still just like this but it was a huge help for me. Like one thing I could take off my plate. 

 

0:06:03 – Adam

And yeah, it was just like a very simple, like super practical. I mean it probably took her several hours to, you know, come pick everything up and then get wrapping paper and wrap them and then bring them all back. But it was just one of those little things that you’re like, I really saw God in that moment and it was one of those things like we will, we’ll never forget. And our kids certainly won’t either, just because the amount of love that showed God shows up in really neat ways. You just never expect. 

 

0:06:31 – Kayla

From a practical standpoint, have either or both of you had to get comfortable with letting other people do things for you? 

 

0:06:40 – Trisha

I think I know the answer to this. It’s funny we did talk about this last night. I am probably not as good as I probably should be about it. There are there’s definitely people that are close and dear that I know and I trust them and I’ll say, yeah, like that would be huge, probably could get better. I think that’s one of the things maybe I don’t do as well. 

 

0:07:01 – Adam

Yeah yeah, I think that it’s a tough thing. I think she’d say we’ve gotten better at it, but I’m still not. I mean, I still fight people helping me. But she’ll tell you, like when we were first married, like I’ve changed a lot, like I have changed so much. I was the person that if she wants something done, I’ll get it done, but I’ll run over everybody in the process of getting it done. 

 

And so me basically Okay, I wasn’t going to say I was Brian.

 

You said you were. You said it Okay, but I would like I mean I would really hurt people in the process just cause I was like this is the way it is, like we’re going to get it done. And through the years, like God’s just kind of tore that from me and helping me see people like just cause people like just because I have a physical name doesn’t mean I’m special, like I could be sitting next to someone who is perfectly healthy but is going through something mentally or emotionally or relationally that is just as painful in different ways. And so trying to understand people better and relate to them has really been a long process. And so I think like that drive is still in me to like I’m just going to get it done, and so I think like that drive is still in me to like I’m just going to get it done, and so I still think I’m probably not very good at accepting help. Brian makes me accept help. Sometimes he’s like, hey, David’s going to help you do this. 

 

0:08:16 – Brian

Okay. 

 

0:08:17 – Adam

All right yeah. 

 

0:08:18 – Brian

How have you seen God work in your life, Adam? 

 

0:08:21 – Adam

A whole myriad of ways I am very different than I was. We joke sometimes not in the pushing people over, but we have kind of changed personalities. 

 

0:08:29 – Trisha

For sure. Yeah, I’m definitely more of like, okay, let’s get it done, move to the next thing agenda and I’m more of the laid back. 

 

0:08:40 – Adam

Still want to get stuff done but like let’s take a nap. I take naps at 10. You better-. 

 

0:08:43 – Brian

Well, here we go. 

 

0:08:44 – Adam

Aggravate. Three o’clock no, and then 4.30 just to be safe 4.30 just to be safe. 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

And. 

 

0:08:51 – Adam

I schedule. 

 

0:08:53 – Trisha

Meetings with Brian and you work in between right. 

 

0:08:55 – Adam

Depending on how my day with Brian goes. Crisis nap, yeah, that’s what my. If you text me and I’m having a crisis nap, it’s because something went awry with Brian. 

 

0:09:05 – Kayla

I’m going to have to start weaving in crisis nap. 

 

0:09:08 – Adam

No we’re not. No, we are not. Thank you, Adam. 

 

0:09:12 – Kayla

Yes, absolutely. 

 

0:09:14 – Brian

So let me we’ll get to the hilarity here in a minute. Back to this. How have you seen God’s grace in your life? Because you’ve seen a lot of pain. 

 

0:09:24 – Adam

Really, I would just say, through his word really is how God has really changed me, and I’ve shared with you some of it before. There’s a couple of passages that really stick out in my mind that I’ve just run to over and over again. Years ago I was at Lifeway and I was there for something else, but I’m like I’m always the clearance rack shopper, so like if there’s a clearance rack. 

 

I don’t care what store I’m at, I’m going to go see it. Thank you, Kayla Appreciate that, and Brian at me like I’m crazy. But it’s okay, We’ll talk about that later. So after my crisis but yeah. 

 

So like I was at Lifeway when they were still around and I went to the clearance rack and they had this like bookend sort of thing and it had Psalm 138 on it, which says the Lord will accomplish his purpose for me, and I bought two of them because I just liked it. I was like that is very meaningful to me. I didn’t really know at the time how meaningful it would become because things just progressively got worse, but it’s still at our house and it’s still up after, oh goodness, 15 plus years probably. And that is just one verse that the Lord has really used in my life, because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten a new diagnosis or felt like I couldn’t accomplish the things I was given to do, or people meaning well have said things that have hurt, or people meaning well, they have good intentions and just say something and you’re like people go stupid. 

 

Yeah, but they have good intentions, they just don’t know how to respond to the situation. 

 

0:10:56 – Brian

I think a lot of higher opinion of people than I do. 

 

0:10:58 – Adam

but go ahead, I just think people in general like when they enter hard situations, just if they’ve never been there. They don’t know what to say or do and so they say something and it just doesn’t always come out right. But all these different situations I’ve felt that many times like I am useless now, like my goals in life, the things I studied to become what I was working on, what I was pursuing, like we said, like we’re on plan I don’t know whatever. Now, if there was more than 26 letters in the alphabet, we’d be there. 

 

And yet I’ve come back to this verse and said no, like God said he’s going to accomplish his purpose for me, what he designed before, what he. You know, he planned out all of my days Psalm 139, 13, 14,. Like when he planned all that out, this was all part of his plan. Like this was never a mistake that happened that somehow God was blindsided by this and now my life is a mess. No, this was all part of what he sought to do, and so just finding that hope in scripture that God’s not done with me. I can remember driving down this road right here when I was in engineering, and the white truck which we affectionately called reepa. Cheap after uh C.S. Lewis cs Narnia series. 

 

My kids helped me name it. I can’t believe that came up on this podcast I’m so proud right now I was driving down the road and I was literally in tears because I was like I just don’t know if I’m useful anymore. Like I’ve got so much going on with my health and my body. Like, can I work, Can I accomplish things? Can I? 

 

be, helpful to the world in general, like and you know the song came on that like God’s not done with you yet, which is an echo of the same verse Like he’s going to accomplish his purpose for me and that gave me huge hope during that time and I just remember, like, right on this road out here is having that experience. 

 

So that’s one verse that’s been a huge encouragement to me. The other one that really happened this last year was John nine, where Christ heals the man that was born blind. And it kind of seems like a weird passage to go to because, like oh, christ healed the man that was born blind. And it kind of seems like a weird passage to go to because, like oh, christ healed the man that was born blind. He says well, you were born for the purpose of me healing you. Like, you know, like God’s purpose is being accomplished, you’re healed. 

 

Well, I had to wrestle with that a lot because I was like, well, he was born blind so that he could be healed and God’s glory was seen in that and seen in him. But I was born healthy, seemingly, although my main disease is the actual DNA defect. It just didn’t manifest itself till later. And yet now I’m sick, like now I’m in a state of unhealth constantly, but yet I’m not healed. And this guy was healed. So, like, how does that play out? Because God’s glory was seen in the healing. But I had to step back and, just you know, look at scripture, look at life and realize like the normative in life is not miracles. We love miracles and we love to see them happen, and God can use all sorts of means to make those happen, but we wouldn’t call them miracles if it was normal. 

 

0:14:07 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:14:07 – Adam

Right, like we are amazed at seeing miracles because they are abnormal. And there’s a reason that there’s a hospital in every city. It’s because pain and hurt are normative, like that is the normal. So recognizing that like, okay, you know, healing may never come in this world in this world, yeah, yeah, it may never be part of my experience here yeah. 

 

And I need to stop simply chasing after freedom from pain because that’s where I was for a long time. I just want to be free from this, whether that’s through doctor’s care or whatever. Like I just don’t want this anymore To recognizing okay, I live in a broken world and I should expect brokenness. Like that should be part of how I live is expecting things to be broken in a broken world. And because I can stop chasing freedom from that, I can find freedom and seeing eternity as a hope and a healing that we will have one day and I can look forward to that time. And that was a huge perspective change for me as I wrestled through John 9. So we’ve joked a lot because people will come up and say I’m praying for you and I love that right. 

 

0:15:25 – Trisha

Obviously, we love people praying for us. 

 

0:15:30 – Adam

We’ve had some. It hasn’t been recently at all, but we’ve had some people in the past that would come up every week and they’d be like are you healed? 

 

0:15:36 – Trisha

Is it all better? Are you all better now? 

 

0:15:40 – Adam

And you’re like well, it’s a DNA defect. So unless God changed my DNA, I’m still the same way, and God certainly has the power to change my DNA. Like it’s not beyond him in the least. I mean, Paul had a thorn in his side and he sought the Lord three times for it to be removed, and then it sounds like he stopped and he trusted the Lord with what he was given. So when these people would come, we’d kind of like be like no, we’re not healed yet, you know, but just pray instead rather than pray for. 

 

If you want to pray for healing, keep praying for it. I don’t have a problem with you praying for it. But what I need you to pray for because what’s normative is brokenness I need you to pray that I would live out, live well, what I’ve been given, because that’s a whole lot harder. Like if I was healed, it’d be easy for me just to go back to rely on myself. It would be so easy because that’s how I lived and I would probably describe the early part of our marriage really was just self-reliant, and I hope that that’s changed. And if I was to be healed, I think I would just go back to revert back to that and having problems forces me to rely on someone other than myself because I can’t fix them, and God’s there for that, obviously. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I want to ask you both a question, and then I want to say a few things, and Miss Kayla may want to say a few things To the person. Who. To say a few things? To the person who’s listening, to the couple out there who’s listening? And they’ve been given a horrible diagnosis and life will never be the same. I’ll start with Trisha Ladies. First, what would you say to them, as the spouse of somebody who’s been walking this road? 

 

0:17:14 – Kayla

You stole my question. 

 

0:17:17 – Trisha

But I’ll let you. 

 

0:17:18 – Brian

I appreciate that, darling. 

 

0:17:25 – Trisha

Yeah, I think one thing I have found more recently that we’ve discussed is just making sure that you take time to grieve. I think that’s a vital thing, that maybe we’re not comfortable with those feelings and having someone to talk to and not internalize it by yourself, but discussing those, working through those issues, taking time to not just be like, okay, this is great, no, like taking time to process, is something that our society struggles to process well. And then the second thing is, I think, just understanding that God is still in charge, like he is still in control, and he has a plan, and it’s not necessarily our plan. I think each time we’ve gone through seasons, the Lord has definitely given passages of scripture that I cling to, and right now even I think it applies to that question is Romans 8 in verse 26. It specifically talks about that. 

 

The spirit also joins to help us in our weakness because we do not know what to pray for, as we should. But the spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings, and I’m just thankful that when we don’t have the answers and we may not even know what to pray, that the spirit is with us and he is enough and that kind of helps them realize, okay, I can’t even go to the Lord with prayer because I don’t even have the words that disappointment and that loss can also be a comfort of like, okay, I don’t have to have the words and the spirit is enough. So, yeah, I think those are the things that have been that passage, and just meditating on that and seeing the power of Christ through that has been such an encouragement. 

 

0:18:57 – Adam

Mr. Read. Well, I think the first thing Trisha said is they’re all great. The one first thing she said it’s just taking time to grieve over things. I don’t think our society is good at that. I don’t think we as Christians have a good theology of pain in general and that’s one thing that there’s several good books out there. There’s just the idea of living in pain or having like some reason. We think that as believers, life shouldn’t be hard or there’s just not a box for ongoing pain, like. There’s this idea of like there’s always you’re in the valley, but there’s going to be a mountain top. 

 

0:19:33 – Trisha

It’s going to get better. Life is going to get better. 

 

0:19:35 – Adam

It’s going to get better and it’s just not always that way, Like there are some people who are in valleys and they’re always going to be in a valley situation and as believers it’s just in our current society we don’t have a big box for that and I think so that’s just one thing to recognize as a spouse. 

 

My wife has done great with this. But I think just taking the time to understand what your spouse is going through If I list out my diagnosed medical conditions single space, 12 point font, like it’s over a page long, so like there’s all sorts of stuff going on and taking time to understand what those things do to affect you, like how they affect your daily life, is super important. And she’s done well at just trying to learn what it is and not just being like oh yeah, you got diagnosed with whatever and just kind of having a half knowledge of it where it doesn’t show the level of care and concern that you would if you actually understood what someone was going through. That’s just a really practical thing to do is just take the time to understand so that you can relate and help them the best you can. 

 

0:20:45 – Trisha

And I think the one thing I would add, I think one thing we have found and we have met with people and just understanding that suffering could be physical, it could be mental, it could be even just hard family situations, and so I think that there is a lot of suffering and people struggle maybe even to communicate or tell, because they think that they have to have it all together, and so one thing we’ve tried to encourage is just that brokenness is a part of the world and we need to give people space for that. 

 

0:21:17 – Adam

Yeah, I think if we were all just in general and myself included here but if we were all just in general, more open about the brokenness we have, there’d be a whole lot more uh balm of Christ to go around and be, soothing, as opposed to just trying to keep it inside and keep that veneer of everything’s okay, how are you? 

 

I’m fine, you know, yeah, going on. There’s just a lot. There’s hurt everywhere you look and just trying to be open about that. It’s tough, it’s not an easy thing, but trying to push against that. 

 

0:21:50 – Brian

So I just want to say this Trisha, thank you for allowing him to be my friend, and I mean that he has made my life richer and better because he’s in it. So thank you, Trisha, for that. And, Adam, I want to thank you for serving the ministry and for being an amazing friend to me. I’ll just tell you I don’t enter a room unless Adam usually tells me why I’m going into the room. That’s one of his, that’s what he does for me, and every day it’s like B, you have this and there’s where you’ll be and this is what you’ll be doing, that kind of stuff. So thank you, and let me say this too you know, as a, a leader, I have to make hard decisions and there’s a lot of stress. This guy will call me up, tell me the dumbest joke and then just hang up and I get to hear them every day and they are fantastic. 

 

I mean he’ll just call up, he’ll just call up and say these dumb things and just hang up. 

 

0:22:51 – Kayla

Won’t even say bye, just click so he can pretend they’re like driving him crazy. But then I get a phone call and I get the joke. 

 

0:22:59 – Adam

I won’t have to take as many crisis naps now. And then there’s that our kids might appreciate that you hear and maybe you give a better feedback because I don’t think that he gets the great, you know our teenage daughters don’t laugh as much at the dumb jokes, so you might relieve some of that from them. You’re taking the pressure off. 

 

0:23:17 – Brian

There you go. I want to say this finally to both of you you help us put our pain into a proper perspective. You help us put what we’re going through into a proper perspective. And, Trisha, you said something pretty profound. You said that if he’s the God of eternity, then he’s the God of today. If he can handle eternity, he can handle this, and there’s things that we’re walking through right now, that kind of stuff, and that’s helped me because, well, if he can handle my eternity, he can handle this. Now, I’d rather it be pain free, for sure, right, yeah, you know what I’m saying. I’d like to have bubble gum and Willy Wonka and candy and everything else. Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. That would be nice Peanuts. Here we go. He’s trying to kill me. 

 

0:24:00 – Kayla

This is what he does to me. 

 

0:24:02 – Brian

So thank you for that reminder that he is big enough to handle our stuff. And, Adam Read, I’ll tell you this publicly and I have told you this privately I’m a better man because you’re in my life and as long as I have a job, you have a job and I love you and I’m thankful for you. 

 

0:24:25 – Adam

Very kind. I love you both and just privileged to be your friends and to know you guys, and you are a blessing to me. 

 

0:24:30 – Trisha

Yeah, and thank you for giving us a chance to share our story. It’s a privilege as well. 

 

0:24:36 – Adam

I found this one truth super encouraging. It’s just a quote by C.S. Lewis, but as we think about the pain we have here and placing our hope somewhere else than in relief from stuff, now, C.S. Lewis said if we find within ourselves a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world, and that’s just been a huge help to me in perspective. 

 

0:25:02 – Kayla

That exact quote was shared at our women’s retreat this last weekend. So I just want you both to know that when you walk into a space, you may not feel it, but Jesus is all over you and I see it in you, I see it in your kids. Yes, I thank you for taking time today to share him, because that’s what you did. You could have sat here for the last however many minutes and lamented all the 43.22. Here you go. 

 

0:25:41 – Adam

Oh, it’s nap time. 

 

0:25:42 – Kayla

I was going to say he’s going to need two crisis naps this afternoon, but I just want you to know that I believe with everything in me that God is going to use your suffering to change someone else, because they’re going to be reminded that he is the God of all of it, and so thank you. I know it’s hard to talk about suffering, but you almost made it sound joyful, which that’s what God wants us to do sometimes, so thank you, thank you both. 

 

I love how they have made a works of God list. You call that what? 

 

0:26:21 – Brian

Tiny mercies I keep in my Apple notes folder. On my phone I keep a folder called tiny mercies. 

 

0:26:28 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:26:29 – Brian

And, as I said during the podcast, it’s whenever things get very stressful I need to be mindful to look at God at work in other areas, not just the one that I’m all stressed about, because that’ll help my heart to know okay, he’s still there, he’s still working, he’s still God. 

 

0:26:44 – Kayla

Yes, there was something else. Very sweet was listening to them share about different people who, not just for them but for their kids, who have been the hands and feet of Christ for them. They’ve done things for them that have carried them from, like decorating for Christmas, giving them gift cards, wrapping presents. I mean, that’s a love language of its own, seriously. 

 

0:27:14 – Brian

I’d haul them to the mall. I’d put people there wrapping. 

 

0:27:17 – Kayla

Maybe those of us who aren’t suffering can seek God as to how we can provide mercy to those in the throes of it. That’s something I’ve been chewing on since we sat with them. 

 

0:27:32 – Brian

Trisha mentioned a spiritual principle that I love the way she put it. She said we all get spiritual amnesia In other words we forget what God has already done for us yeah. We forget that, and so it’s good to look back and see what God has done, and I want to encourage each of us to do that. That’s just a mental reminder. Look back and see what God has done, and I want to encourage each of us to do that. That’s just a mental reminder. Look back and see what. 

 

0:27:54 – Kayla

God has done, because his faithfulness is what’s going to remind you that he will carry you through the next thing. There was a statement. Adam said I’ve changed a lot, and he said if I was healed and when he talked about the blind man, I think it was in John 9 he referenced it would be easy for me to go back to who I was. And so I realized that this is God sanctifying me to make me more like him. What an amazing place to land when you’re walking around, sometimes limping around with three different illnesses, and yet you realize that this is so that you can be made more like Christ. 

 

0:28:38 – Brian

That’s one thing about Adam he pushes me. He doesn’t do it overtly, but just by his quiet pursuit. I want to be more like Jesus because of Adam. 

 

0:28:50 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:28:51 – Brian

Because I got to be honest with you. He lives out that passage of John 9. I’d be angry about it. I know my heart. I’d be bitter. Adam said this quote I need to stop chasing freedom from pain. True freedom is the hope and healing that will come one day. That’s truly having a heavenward look, that’s truly looking toward heaven. And he just read a book by Paul Tripp that’s called Forever and he was telling me how that’s really helped him look toward heaven and believe it and to put that in his heart. 

 

0:29:33 – Kayla

He shared with us how the word of God steadies him reading Scripture and soaking that in, and that’s so true. I remember we went through a very challenging season early in our marriage and it was a situation completely out of our control. But someone advised me to read the Psalms and I thought, are you crazy? But I committed to read one Psalm a day. I kept my word to that person and it was transformational how my heart was at the end of that versus where I was sitting going into that situation. 

 

0:30:17 – Brian

He says pray that I will live well with what I’ve been given. Again, there’s almost. It even says this to view it as a gift. 

 

0:30:28 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:30:28 – Brian

To view it and it is from the Lord. Okay, it is from the Lord. Okay, it is from the Lord. But there’s also this thing that we call dark providence or something like that. I can’t remember the exact theological term.

 

0:30:39 – Kayla

Is it bitter providence? 

 

0:30:40 – Brian

Bitter, bitter providence, yeah, that’s what it’s called that, like what God brings into our lives can sometimes make us bitter, and I think that’s where I would be, because one of my biggest fears is to be a burden to you. It’s one of my biggest fears, and so my fear is is God going to bring something like that in my life and now it’s going to unjustly impact those in my life? 

 

0:31:05 – Kayla

I want to end with these reminders from both of them, but most of this came from Trisha. Reminders from both of them, but most of this came from Trisha. Allow yourself to grieve the life you wanted. I loved that. Just it’s okay to not be okay with what’s going on and it’s okay to mourn that yes, and even though you’re accepting where you are, it doesn’t take anything away from what you wish. 

 

0:31:28 – Brian

But neither of them are angry. 

 

0:31:30 – Kayla

No, Remember that God is still in control. Be willing to learn about the other person’s condition. I loved this that Trisha has taken the time to actually research Adam’s conditions so that she can find ways to show care, ask the right questions when they go to the doctor, and to show empathy. So those are just some good reminders to all of us. If we find ourselves in a situation where someone is really suffering and it is an illness or a struggle that we don’t understand, allow them to walk through some of these steps and then be willing to do some of them ourselves. 

 

0:32:13 – Brian

We want to give you a coffee mug and some stickers. And, if I could be so bold, I just want to ask you a question, and this is this week’s trivia question have you been encouraged by Adam and Trisha? That’s all I want to ask, and if you say yes, we’ll send you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers, because they have been encouraging to us. Yeah, so understand that. To do that, you go to our website. 

 

0:32:42 – Kayla

Go find our trivia button. Sorry, I totally zoned out there for a second. Click the trivia button at peasandcarrotspodcast.com website and simply answer this question. Were you encouraged. Were you encouraged I also the reason I zoned out. I kind of want to take it a step further. If someone wants to be really brave, share with us a time that you saw a tiny mercy from. 

 

0:33:08 – Brian

God, that’s good, that’s even better. Let’s do that. 

 

0:33:10 – Kayla

So, yes, please, please, share with us if you were encouraged, and we will pass that on to Adam and Trisha, but we would also love to hear your stories of tiny mercies that God has shown in your life. 

 

0:33:23 – Brian

So simply go to our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, look for the trivia question and simply tell us when was a time that you saw a tiny mercy from God. So there you go, we’ll send you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. Hey, you can search the Peas and Carrots podcast wherever you get your podcast. 

 

0:33:42 – Kayla

Or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:33:53 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

 

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Season 3, Episode 12: Can We Talk?

Can We Talk?
Can We Talk? - Episode Description

Join us on a heartfelt journey through the ups and downs of self-improvement and relationship building. Listen in as we laugh about the aches and triumphs of our gym escapades, including the notorious “cheeks to sneaks” challenge, and share a personal triumph as our Christmas tree finally gets packed away. But it’s not all fun and games; we get real about the necessity of engaging in tough conversations for leadership and personal growth. Hear about our commitment to candor in our lives and how these essential, yet often uncomfortable, discussions keep our relationships thriving.

In our latest chat, we reflect on the 31-year adventure of our relationship, weaving through the lessons of love and the evolution of our financial journey together. We explore the art of nurturing a lasting bond, emphasizing the role of trust, kindness, and the power of prayer before entering difficult dialogues. Plus, don’t miss the anticipation as we usher in the spring season, sharing our excitement for warmer days and inviting you to participate in our podcast giveaway. Tune in for these stories and more, wrapped up in the warmth of our shared experiences and laughter.

Can We Talk? - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hi, I’m Brian. 

 

0:00:15 – Kayla

I’m Kayla, I may not have known you started the microphones on or anything. I don’t know what day is this. Microphones on or anything, I don’t know what day is this? 

 

0:00:30 – Brian

Let’s just, I want to start here, I just want to start here. Oh, my goodness, the trainer at our gym has you doing something new? 

 

0:00:39 – Kayla

It’s not new, I’ve done it before, but admittedly I have not done it for a while. 

 

0:00:44 – Brian

And tell them what this is called. 

 

0:00:46 – Kayla

It’s called a squat. It has a technical name, but you’re basically no. What’s he call it? Well, he calls it cheeks to sneaks. So basically I have to bend down and my behind has to touch the back of my shoes. I can hardly walk today. 

 

0:01:04 – Brian

Cheeks to sneaks. 

 

0:01:08 – Kayla

So he had you do this Tuesday, Wednesday 20 of them times I could only do three. Admittedly, I could only do three rounds. But he did 60 cheeks to sneaks and last night I could not sit in the bathtub. 

 

0:01:21 – Brian

When she got up, it’s like she needed a walker, and you can use your own imagination. 

 

0:01:33 – Kayla

Sitting down is precarious in all circumstances, so you’re talking about using the bathroom a little bit, but yeah, so I went to the gym this morning. 

 

0:01:38 – Brian

Did you do any cheeks to sneaks I? 

 

0:01:40 – Kayla

did not. 

 

0:01:41 – Brian

Not today. 

 

0:01:41 – Kayla

No, today was riding five miles on the bike, wow. So tomorrow I’m going to need a walker. That’s where we are. You’re doing some amazing stuff at the gym, though, too, and yes, we signed on for this. 

 

0:02:02 – Brian

Nobody’s forcing us. We pay these people to do this to us. I don’t understand that. 

 

0:02:06 – Kayla

But okay, in all seriousness, what did we admit Tuesday night? 

 

0:02:12 – Brian

I was deathly tired and needed a piece of cake. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We admitted that it’s good for us and that we are thankful for the people there. 

 

0:02:22 – Brian

That was a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:23 – Kayla

Okay, all right it does, it makes a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:25 – Brian

Okay, all right, it does. It makes a difference. I feel better, I’ve lost weight. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

We’re healthier physically, mentally, yeah, yeah, it’s good stuff, so but we’re also very sore. 

 

0:02:36 – Brian

Yes, killing us. 

 

0:02:38 – Kayla

Breaking news for those two people that are keeping score our Christmas tree is down. 

 

0:02:46 – Brian

It only took. 

 

0:02:48 – Kayla

Listen, it normally stays up until your birthday, which is what date? 

 

0:02:53 – Brian

I like having it up, I mean March 15th. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:02:56 – Brian

Are you trying to test my memory, if I remember stuff? 

 

0:02:58 – Kayla

I’m trying to see if you’re listening what you look a little zoned out. 

 

0:03:02 – Brian

That is not fair. 

 

0:03:03 – Kayla

This came from the person who didn’t know. You turned the microphones on. 

 

0:03:07 – Brian

This is my life, y’all. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

But seriously, I do want to say thank you to the friends who encouraged me to turn it into an Easter tree and then a spring tree and then a 4th of July tree. But it was time, it just felt time to tuck it away. 

 

0:03:21 – Brian

And now the den it looks huge, it looks massive. 

 

0:03:26 – Kayla

Yeah, I’m like, wow, we have all this space. 

 

0:03:27 – Brian

I’m happy to see that right corner of the tv again. I know you are. 

 

0:03:31 – Kayla

You’re very welcome so y’all. 

 

0:03:34 – Brian

Just I felt that comment. There you go, we’ve become those people. Uh-huh, we don’t start a movie after about 7, 30 or so seven is Because we’re typically asleep by 9. 

 

0:03:48 – Kayla

So if it’s a two-hour movie, we need to be starting it by 7 pm. The other night we went to bed at 7.45. And I am not sorry for it. I feel guilty. I don’t care. They don’t bother you. We get to make the rules. Oh, but we were awake at like three the next morning, so that’s probably not the greatest idea. 

 

0:04:07 – Brian

But there’s one more late breaking development I want to add to this. Ok, one of the engineers in PAR, his name is Alan. 

 

0:04:16 – Kayla

He’s bought us a popcorn machine. Now, when she says popcorn machine, we’re not talking about an air popper, no, we’re talking like one, you would go to the movie theater for, yeah, it is so cool. 

 

0:04:28 – Brian

And we just had our first bag of popcorn. 

 

0:04:30 – Kayla

We did so. Thank you, Alan. Thank you, it was very, very sweet, yeah, this is. The whole building smells like popcorn today. 

 

0:04:37 – Brian

I love popcorn, do you? 

 

0:04:38 – Kayla

I do. 

 

0:04:39 – Brian

Oh. 

 

0:04:45 – Kayla

Probably not trainer approved, but here we are. You don’t listen to them. I’ll put in another round next week. So we always say that a lot of what we talk about comes from real life, and I get that we’re probably for those of you who’ve been hanging with us for a while, we are probably revisiting some topics, and I think that’s okay, because as humans, we are ever growing, hopefully, and we start to see things differently as we experience things. And for us, we are both serving roles that require what we are going to talk about here, which is Healthy hard conversations. 

 

Yeah. 

 

0:05:27 – Brian

I’m a big believer in what’s called candor. I learned that from Jack Welch, yeah. Then Brene Brown followed that up with her book Dare to Lead, and she talks about rumbles. There’s also another book by Kim Scott that talks about candor a lot. So I’m a big believer in it. But candor doesn’t always mean hard conversations. But if you’re going to lead, if you’re going to invest in people, if you’re going to live life, you’re going to have to have some hard conversations. 

 

0:05:59 – Kayla

If you want to have a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean it’s interesting to me the people that are conflict averse. They equate hard conversations with conflict and maybe they will lead to some conflict, but if they’re done right, that’s not always the case, and so this is kind of a rule for me. I have learned as a leader and even as a spouse and even as a friend it’s better to have a hard conversation early than to let a situation or an issue fester, Because the other side of this is nobody deserves to be blindsided by something that’s apparently been an issue for a long time, but bam, all of a sudden it’s being addressed. It’s like annual reviews. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

I’m not a fan. Yeah, we do not do annual reviews either. You need to be having ongoing conversation. Yeah, and if you have ongoing conversations, you won’t have to have as many hard conversations. 

 

0:07:03 – Kayla

And you build trust. 

 

0:07:04 – Brian

Correct. 

 

0:07:04 – Kayla

During the regular day-to-day talking life with other people. So I think there’s this part of Brene Brown’s book where she talks about the marble jar. You remember that she talks about the marble jar and she talks about how, hopefully, you’re filling the jar with marbles. Well, there will come a point where you might have to take a marble or two out because of something that either there’s a felt lack of trust or there’s a there’s a change, and a hard conversation could possibly be perceived as one of those times. If you filled the jar full enough, it’s not going to be as hard to lose a marble here or there. 

 

0:07:48 – Brian

And I think what Ms. Kayla is referring to, as is Brene Brown, is that’s trust. You got to keep building trust, yeah, you got to keep building trust, yep, so that when those hard conversations come, you can actually take some of that out and use it to have a hard conversation In a healthy way. Yes, Now, within a lot of Christian circles let me just say this in a lot of Christian circles and some secular, it’s not considered Christian or nice to have hard conversations. 

 

0:08:17 – Kayla

But even Jesus did that. He modeled it for us in the Bible. 

 

0:08:21 – Brian

Yes, and let me say this the only way the gospel can be good news is if there’s bad news, that’s right. So you have to understand the bad news, which is we are sinners, we are separated from God. We were born this way. We are bent away from him, we are selfish, we want our own desires, and then Jesus comes to rescue us because we can’t earn our way to God. There’s no way. So he comes. The bad news is you can’t get there on your own. The bad news is you are condemned. 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

What is the good news? The good news is grace. Yes, he came, so you’ve got to have that hard conversation in order to get to the good stuff? Amen. Why do we, as humans, struggle to have hard conversations? What are some of the things that you and I have observed? 

 

0:09:09 – Brian

We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. 

 

0:09:11 – Kayla

We don’t want them to not like us. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

For me. I don’t want to be rejected or I don’t want to be not accepted. I don’t want to be unlovable or seen as unlovable. 

 

0:09:23 – Kayla

We don’t want to have the conversation used against us later on, huh I never thought about that. 

 

0:09:29 – Brian

That’s how selfish I am. 

 

0:09:31 – Kayla

I’ve never thought I’ve we we’re averse to conflict. We talked about that a minute ago. Maybe we don’t want to have that hard conversation because we don’t want to. What’s the expression? Upset the apple cart. We don’t want to have drama or we don’t want to have someone who’s not happy. 

 

0:09:50 – Brian

Some people will say well, you know you should avoid that, because a fruit of the spirit is peace. Well, you might need to have a hard conversation so you can get to peace. 

 

0:10:00 – Kayla

But if you’re living in a toxic space where both people are just practicing like silent anger or passive aggressiveness, is that really peace? Because when you don’t have hard conversations that’s sometimes what it looks like is, well, I’m just going to sit over here and ice you out, or I’m going to pout, or I’m going to sit here and just stew over what happened, whereas a 10-minute conversation, it gives you the opportunity to practice kindness in choosing your words. You can practice forgiveness if you’re the one that’s having to receive the hard words. There’s just there’s so many layers to it. But I’m not a fan and this is from being married to you for 31 years, because I’ll be the first to admit you know this. 

 

When we first married, I did not do hard conversations. I would clam up anytime you tried to have a conversation with me and you finally said we got to about our third year of marriage and you said there is something you have to do for me. You have to stop putting up a wall when we need to have a conversation about something, and so I committed to that. It was hard, still is sometimes. 

 

0:11:22 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

Especially when I think I’m right and I don’t want to hear it, which you normally are right. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

Let’s just go on the record and say that. 

 

0:11:30 – Kayla

So what are we really saying to the other person when we lean into a hard conversation? 

 

0:11:35 – Brian

I think I’m saying to them I love you, I care about you, I care about you. I care about this relationship. 

 

0:11:40 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:11:41 – Brian

Yeah, let me say this we’re not saying that a hard conversation is you can be a jerk Not at all. That’s not what we’re saying. What we’re saying is that you have to be kind and clear, caring. You don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t go after the person. 

 

0:11:59 – Kayla

Oh, you go after the issue Go after the issue yes, and if the person is the issue, then find kind ways to express that issue. You don’t have to tear them down in the process, Because you and I have both we’ve been on the receiving end of that before and nothing good comes from that. But and I’m sure that we’ve not perfectly executed our conversations with others but but what is it that we want to say when we’re having a hard conversation to that person? 

 

0:12:31 – Brian

That I want to address this issue so I can save the relationship. 

 

0:12:36 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:12:36 – Brian

Or I want to address this issue so I can make the relationship better, I can make things better between us, I can make the process better. Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do, and it’s to either restore something or improve something. Yes. 

 

0:12:52 – Kayla

That’s got to be the goal of it, and it’s to communicate. I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough. I value you that I’m not just going to write you off. We’re going to work through this. 

 

0:13:06 – Brian

I would say if you can use some humor, yeah, but get to the point. And let me say this: Please don’t talk in riddles, oh no, get to the point, be honest. 

 

0:13:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:13:18 – Brian

And be clear and communicate that you love that person. 

 

0:13:23 – Kayla

There’s another tenant to this that I always practice when I’m having a really hard conversation with someone. 

 

If it hits a point in the conversation, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, or maybe the person or myself is feeling kind of threatened. Then what I will do is I will say we’re going to pause this, but we’re going to come back to this at this time and I will commit to coming back to it, hopefully that day. If it’s a situation where I know, okay, we’re going to pause this, we’re going to go get done what we need to get done, but then we’re going to come back together and we’re going to revisit this. It may look like you need to give the person a couple of days if it was a really contentious conversation, but it has to be something that when you start you’re committed to finishing it, that you’re not just going to get halfway and go okay, we’ll find we’ll walk away from this, because then nothing’s been accomplished. 

 

0:14:27 – Brian

You need to get to where what I call tie the shoe, because there’s nothing worse than walk around with your shoes untied. You could trip over it. That’s like an unfinished conversation. You need to be able to finish it. Land the plane Now. Y’all may not end up agreeing okay, but you’ll need to find a framework in which you can move forward together. 

 

0:14:48 – Kayla

With mutual respect. 

 

0:14:49 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:49 – Kayla

Yeah, that’s the end game. 

 

0:14:51 – Brian

Yeah Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Meh Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Let me say this it’s according as to the size of the issue. 

 

0:15:04 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:15:05 – Brian

As to the seriousness of the issue. Some of those conversations, they flow well. Some conversations are not going to flow so well because people can feel attacked, they can feel that you are coming against them personally, and I would just make that clear up front. This is not about you personally. Yeah, this is about what this is happening over here. 

 

0:15:28 – Kayla

They hopefully get easier in one respect. That is, that the more you embrace them, the less terrified you are of having a hard conversation and the less of your own value you tie to them, and what I mean by that is the more we are willing to say. Let’s sit in this space together and let’s talk this out. You’re not fretting over the fact that, ok, if I do this, this person’s going to hate me for the rest of my life, because, truthfully, that’s a whole nother topic for another day. 

 

0:16:05 – Brian

Hard conversations will make you and your relationships better. Yeah, know that, but you have to build the trust with the person before you can have them and you cannot let emotion rule the day. Exactly. So just know that Now, as Miss Kayla said, we have not perfected this. 

 

0:16:23 – Kayla

No, I bumble them. From time to time I have to go back and say can we revisit this or can I clarify that, or is there anything that you would want to say? And that’s the other part of this is the conversation has to be two-sided. A hard conversation is not just something that you like pour out, it’s something that you have to let filter in as well. So anytime a hard conversation is entered into, it’s got to be two-way. It’s got to be listening as well as speaking. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

If it’s not, you’re just wasting your time. That’s right. So be brave, but also be kind. 

 

0:17:00 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:17:01 – Brian

Have those conversations. 

 

0:17:02 – Kayla

And the last thing I would say is this sounds trite to some people, but before you go into any hard conversation, pray. And ask the spirit to give you the right things to say. Sometimes he will literally put a guard over your mouth to keep you from saying things. 

 

0:17:20 – Brian

Well, I’m pretty strong. I’ve beaten that guard down a few times, but you’re exactly right. You’re 100% right. 

 

0:17:28 – Kayla

But you can do this, yes. 

 

0:17:33 – Brian

Living the dream baby. 

 

0:17:35 – Kayla

We were and we are. Oh baby, we were and we are, oh yeah. Okay, there’s just a few things that we were thinking through our last. I mean almost 31 years now. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

I’m getting old. 

 

0:17:47 – Kayla

I mean we’ve known each other almost 32 years. Oh my gosh, here we are and here you’ve stuck with me. So there’s just a few things that you know as you think back over your time with someone. I’m going to say with your person, because for us that’s each other. Our financial status, for example, it has changed in the last 31-ish years, but our values toward each other have not. My dad always said money’s gained and lost every single day. You can always make more money, but the most precious commodity we have is each other. 

 

0:18:24 – Brian

That’s exactly right To the point that I’ve tried to embrace. This is that I can replace stuff. I can always earn more money. Yeah, I can’t replace you, yep. So as we look back over these 31 years, you know taking care of you has been my greatest delight, that’s very sweet, because jobs come and go. Why are you being so nice today? 

 

0:18:49 – Kayla

I had popcorn. 

 

0:18:53 – Brian

I set you up for a great sentimental moment. I had popcorn. She’s so proud of herself right now. What I was going to say. What I was going to say is we have worked so hard to get certain things and I look back and it isn’t the thing that made the memory. It’s working with you. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:19:20 – Brian

It was through the struggle, it was doing those things together. 

 

0:19:23 – Kayla

The things pale in comparison. Yes, yeah. 

 

0:19:27 – Brian

I would also say this looking back, you aren’t meant to have it all immediately. 

 

0:19:32 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:19:33 – Brian

And maybe you never should. So there’s two things here. One you aren’t meant to have it all to me. You should have to work hard, you should have to learn some lessons, you should have to. 

 

0:19:43 – Kayla

And lean into each other. For that. 

 

0:19:45 – Brian

At the same time, there might be some things that you’ll never have enough money for, Like I’ll never have enough money to buy an autographed letter by Abraham Lincoln no-transcript. 

 

0:20:05 – Kayla

But in all seriousness, we could have spent the entire last 31 years chasing after all the things. When do you get to enjoy what you already have, if that’s your mindset? 

 

0:20:19 – Brian

I enjoy. This is going to sound really stupid. I enjoy a simple life. When we leave here every day from the offices we go home, I’m going to be serious. We do not live a big, exciting life. I mean being serious.

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

And most people don’t. 

 

0:20:32 – Brian

Most people don’t. I mean, we go home and I’ll plop down and I’ll watch the news for a little while. 

 

0:20:38 – Kayla

I’ll cook dinner. 

 

0:20:40 – Brian

We’ll cook dinner We’ll watch an episode of West Wing or something. 

 

0:20:45 – Kayla

Or read. Some nights the TV doesn’t even go on. 

 

0:20:51 – Brian

I’m usually asleep in the recliner by about 815. But that’s our simple life, and if there’s a topic we need to talk about, we’ll do it. 

 

0:20:59 – Kayla

But for me, here’s what I’ll say this might sound ooey and gooey, but living the dream for me has been doing all these moments with you. Yeah, it’s in the mundane that a life is built, so to build on that, we started out together with a gifted couch, a gifted chair and a gifted bed. And what we can tell you now, 31 years in, is memories aren’t made around the stuff. It’s made around the day-to-day. The memories we have are about us. We can’t tell you what we were wearing when those memories were made. 

 

0:21:38 – Brian

It’s about the doing, it’s about the living, it’s about the decisions. It’s about being there together, facing the hardships. 

 

0:21:45 – Kayla

It’s about the shared experiences, not the stuff. It’s not the life you build with stuff, it’s the life you build with each other. And so, yeah, Friday night, date night. It always has been and it always will be. 

 

0:22:00 – Brian

We lived in New Orleans, we’d go to Texas Steakhouse Roadhouse, something. 

 

0:22:06 – Kayla

Texas Steakhouse. I think Texas Steakhouse we’d go to and we’d get a little meal yeah, and we’d go to a little. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

I think we went to Walmart probably and then we’d come home. That was our date night and very, very rarely. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

If we had been gifted some money, we would do our bi-weekly dinner. We could not afford to go out every Friday night. We would go out every other Friday night and then we would go to a movie if we had been gifted some money. Otherwise it was game nights or watching a show or a movie at home. And yeah, I mean it was a very date nights now are. 

 

0:22:48 – Brian

we’ll go out to dinner and we might hit up a bookstore or go to Target or something. 

 

0:22:55 – Kayla

Come home, we’ll watch or we might go to a movie in the afternoon. Yeah, if we have a Friday afternoon. Sometimes we’ll go to a movie, but yeah, but it’s about the carving out space for each other. 

 

0:23:11 – Brian

I’m gonna say something here you have to enjoy the person before you enjoy the experience, because you need to be more in love with who you’re spending time with than being in love with what you’re trying to do, because that’s not where life is built. Yeah, so that was pretty good. You is smart. Stop. You need to carve out some sacred time for each other. Now. We spend a great deal of time together, so that’s not an issue for us, but now Friday nights are a sacred time for us. Yeah. 

 

0:23:47 – Kayla

There’s some eye rolling happening right now. I feel it. There’s some really, but you’re not chasing kids around and you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that. I get that, I do, but there were many years and there are many seasons where we are very, very busy, and yet it’s what we’ve prioritized. We have made sure that Friday night is sacred. We have often said no to things. 

 

Because that’s date night Because it’s date night and it’s not because we don’t love other people. It’s because we love each other. And there’s value in figuring out. How do you make this almost a habit at first and then it becomes something that you hate to miss it. 

 

0:24:34 – Brian

There’s a lot of truth to the statement that marriages work. Yeah, it’s a choice to love that person more than yourself, to lay down your own selfishness, to prioritize them over all the world’s demands, to place boundaries with others who don’t honor what you have. You’ve got to do that. So marriage is work. It doesn’t come easy. 

 

0:24:54 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:24:54 – Brian

But if you put the work in you know relationship does find a rhythm that works and brings joy. 

 

0:25:01 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

So, and it really is. It is a daily dying to yourself because I love me, some me. But if you love that person, you want what they want. If you love that person, then you are willing to prioritize their needs over your own and that becomes almost second nature in some ways. There are things that it’s just if you’re happy, I’m happy, and when you get to that place it doesn’t feel like as much work. I’m speaking to those of you who are fresh into marriage or fresh into a relationship. Yeah, it’s going to take some work and sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re giving a whole lot more than you’re getting. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

But the end result is that if you really love that person and you want what’s best for them, then you’re not worried about what you get out of it, exactly right, and you’re going to make them a priority and you’re going to push some other things out of the way so you can spend time with that person. 

 

0:26:09 – Kayla

I think the last one we would share is dream together. 

 

0:26:14 – Brian

Dream on, dream on. Oh dear, just saying. 

 

0:26:26 – Kayla

And we’ve always made time for dreaming like places we want to go, things we want to accomplish and then chase as many of those dreams as you can. 

 

0:26:32 – Brian

Yes, miss Kayla has a dream of when we retire at some point we will have two labs, and she has a vision that one will be hers, one will be mine. I want to tell you right now they’ll both be hers. Okay, they will both be hers. 

 

0:26:44 – Kayla

Man. 

 

0:26:44 – Brian

I’ll let you pet them, but you need to figure out what you share in common as a dream and then go for it yeah. And yeah, you’re going to be afraid, yeah, things are going to go haywire, but keep pushing after it and that dream will actually draw you closer together. 

 

0:27:00 – Kayla

Yeah, and some of you are sitting there going. Well, that’s kind of contradictory to what you just said five minutes ago about keeping it simple. 

 

0:27:07 – Brian

Honey, we’re all full of contradictions. 

 

0:27:09 – Kayla

But the truth is it’s okay to have things that you aspire to, it’s okay to have trips that you want to take and memories are made on those trips, and it’s okay to have things that you want to enjoy in your journey. Don’t be ruled by them is what we were saying. But yeah, we have a dream to one day have a place on a lake, have two labs brother, sister maybe, I don’t know. 

 

0:27:38 – Brian

One of the rooms has to be a library. Yes, like to have a dark paneled room with a library that has a couple of leather chairs, some lamps that’s just a dream, but that’s something we look forward to down the road. 

 

0:27:50 – Kayla

Yeah, again, our whole point in sharing all this is where did you come from and where are you going? And, as we’re looking forward to our 32nd year, there’s just so much more to look forward to, and we hope that for all of you, yes, in your relationships. 

 

0:28:10 – Brian

Take the time to make it a priority. Yeah, say that. Hey, thanks for listening. We appreciate you tuning in this week. Share this episode with a friend or two. We’d appreciate that. 

 

0:28:20 – Kayla

Anybody want to get mugged? 

 

0:28:22 – Brian

No. Not that kind of mug? Oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes, first of mug, oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes. First of all, our friend Michelle won a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. And thank you, Michelle, from South Carolina, for listening. Yeah, but hey, you can win a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. All you have to do go to our website. 

 

0:28:44 – Kayla

Yep, it’s the peasandcarrotspodcast.com. If you’ll there, click the trivia button and then we always have like a random question. 

 

0:28:53 – Brian

This week’s question is what are you looking forward to this month? 

 

0:28:57 – Kayla

It’s getting a little warmer Spring is coming. I promise it’s coming. 

 

0:29:02 – Brian

Snowed here today. 

 

0:29:03 – Kayla

I know? Well, actually it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed again, then it sleeted, and now it looks like I don’t know what it’s going to do. South Florida, yeah. 

 

0:29:13 – Brian

So, hey, you can win yourself a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. You go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com, you click the trivia button and when you get there, you answer this question. 

 

0:29:22 – Kayla

What are you looking forward to this month? You can search the Search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:29:35 – Brian

Also find us on Facebook and Instagram, Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:29:40 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 10: Biggest Fan

Biggest Fan - Episode Description

Join us this week on Peas and Carrots Podcast for a heartwarming and hilarious journey through the daily dance of our lives together. We share the ins and outs of trying to stick to new habits and routines, from daily trackers to a clever snack bucket system that keeps us on the path to healthier choices. Laugh along as we confess to the quirks in our habit-maintaining strategies and reveal our weekend plans to finally take down our Christmas tree.

We open up about the strength of support and encouragement in a marriage, emphasizing the need for both partners to be each other’s biggest fans. As we chat, you’ll discover the humor and humility in swapping household roles and the comedic results that can ensue. Our conversation is an ode to the idea that being there for each other through thick and thin fortifies a relationship, especially when facing the trials of everyday life. So tune in to hear how we navigate these dynamics with love, laughter, and a touch of grace.

In this installment, we also share some interesting facts about ourselves, discussing everything from the trivial frustrations of ‘reply all’ emails to the more profound personal struggles like dealing with nightmares. We reflect on the ways we each show up in the world, hiding our vulnerabilities behind loudness or stoicism. We’ll also have a few laughs as we share some of our comical quirks. So, grab your headphones, settle in, and let’s share life from our piece of the vegetable patch.

Biggest Fan - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:00:13 – Brian

I’m Brian and I’m Kayla, and thanks for being here this week. Right before, I mean just 10 seconds ago, before I press this button to record…

 

0:00:21 – Kayla

Uh-huh. 

 

0:00:22 – Brian

We were having a marital moment.

 

0:00:28 – Kayla

It wasn’t a big deal. When we test the microphones. I always say hello there, and you always growl and say mic check one, two right so I got a little sideways and said what is wrong with me saying hello there? So I admit I just got a lesson as to why the mic check one. Two is important is to make sure that my p’s are not popping well, and also it’s so my t’s don’t sound like and so it’s a long still think I should be able to say hello there. I’ll tell you what baby? 

 

you say whatever so anyway, hello there um, I’ll tell you what baby you say, whatever you want. 

 

0:01:06 – Brian

So anyway, hello there. Y’all see what she did there, don’t you? 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

How are we doing with our new habits? We’re keeping a daily tracker. 

 

0:01:15 – Brian

We’ve changed the way we grocery shop. I did great during February. It’s March, whatever, and I haven’t. I got to copy that over. 

 

0:01:22 – Kayla

Have you even created it? No, there’s only one more week of March. 

 

0:01:30 – Brian

I’ll start in April. Oh, I forgot all about that. I even have a little daily reminder, and he hasn’t asked no he hasn’t asked. Well then, why am? 

 

0:01:39 – Kayla

I filling this out because I haven’t missed a day. Okay, technically I think I missed yesterday. 

 

0:01:45 – Brian

Okay, see now. This is a perfect illustration of the difference between B and K. 

 

0:01:49 – Kayla

K is very detailed, and that is what I hoped was going to come out here. K is very detailed you seriously have not done March at all. I’ve not copied that over yet and Jesse has not asked. 

 

0:02:00 – Brian

No, because I’m killing myself in there. 

 

0:02:03 – Kayla

You are. We’ll come back to that, but. 

 

0:02:06 – Brian

I’ve not kept up with a single day. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

See, I guess we should explain what this is. In the morning we have certain habits that we can choose, like I am choosing to drink 20 ounces of pure water before 10 am, and then I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2. And then after 4, I am weaving in some like healthy vitamins. I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2, and then after 4,. I am weaving in some healthy vitamins. I’m journaling. I’m reading one chapter a day for leadership or personal growth. 

 

0:02:34 – Brian

What are you journaling? 

 

0:02:35 – Kayla

You just journal your thoughts. I keep a gratitude journal. I sometimes write down thoughts about the day I ain’t got time for that. Well, obviously you ain’t got time to fill out a habit tracker. 

 

0:02:48 – Brian

Well, mine had. I can’t remember what mine had on it. It was like drink water, but I can’t. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

But we do like a weekly snack budget or bucket, sorry, not well, we do budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket, budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket. It’s just weaving in some new habits so that if we are hungry you will go get a fruit bowl instead of we don’t keep crackers and chips and it’s very sad our pantry is very sad so, but our fridge is very happy, well, so yeah, what are we doing this weekend? 

 

0:03:28 – Brian

Oh Well, I know that this is so if people need to feel better about themselves oh. Oh, we’re taking down the Christmas tree. 

 

0:03:36 – Kayla

We are. 

 

0:03:38 – Brian

But I still like it being out. 

 

0:03:39 – Kayla

Well, it’s a winter tree. We turned it into a winter, but it’s spring. It’s officially spring. 

 

0:03:45 – Brian

I’m in a hoodie today. 

 

0:03:46 – Kayla

It is cold outside, but still Okay. So it’s coming down. For those of you who may feel like you’re behind in life, you’re not. 

 

0:03:54 – Brian

I’ll get to see the right corner of the TV for the first time in like 120 days. 

 

0:03:59 – Kayla

That’d be pretty awesome For the record. You are the one that asked me to leave the tree up. I am you. You are the record. 

 

0:04:04 – Brian

You are the one that asked me to leave the trio. I am, you are. I don’t mean I can’t complain about it. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m not going to complain about it. 

 

0:04:10 – Kayla

So there was a moment this morning. 

 

0:04:12 – Brian

Here we go. 

 

0:04:15 – Kayla

You have really I’ve got to brag on you. You have really stepped up with your workouts. You braved going to our trainer and telling him I need more, I need more intensity. 

 

0:04:25 – Brian

I’m down like 104 pounds you are. I’m down another pant size, but there was a very funny moment this morning. I’m on this exercise bike. I normally do like two miles and I’m at like 40 RPM. Okay, and that’s comfortable for me, I’ll do that. Well, he’s been challenging me to like really step up the pace. 

 

0:04:47 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:04:48 – Brian

So I went walking and I walked a mile and I cut six minutes off my one minute mile. Then I got on that bike and he’s like all right, let’s just crank it up. Well, I went as hard as I could. I had that mug up to like 54, 55 RPM and I went like over half a mile, like 0.6, almost overheated and I used that phrase. 

 

0:05:11 – Kayla

And this is how she, You’re not a car Well. 

 

0:05:18 – Brian

I started seeing stars. That’s the only phrase I could come up with. Overheated. Well yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with overheated. Well, yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with. And so I crawled off that bike and I’m sitting there on the box and Jesse, our trainer, comes up. He says you OK? I said no, I almost overheated. Then he got tickled and started laughing at me and that kind of stuff. But it’s working. I’ll say that I mean. 

 

0:05:42 – Kayla

You’re doing great. In all seriousness, you are pushing yourself so hard. 

 

0:05:47 – Brian

As are you and I can see the results. 

 

0:05:50 – Kayla

I really can. You’re feeling good about yourself. You had to buy some new blue jeans. 

 

0:05:55 – Brian

And a new belt. 

 

0:05:56 – Kayla

Even suspenders weren’t cutting it anymore. 

 

0:05:58 – Brian

So and your clothes are looking great, I mean you always do look classy. 

 

0:06:05 – Kayla

Oh, you’re very kind, but I did have to go down a size in all my pants. 

 

0:06:10 – Brian

And yeah. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

So, Finally from our cabbage patch. 

 

0:06:15 – Brian

Can I just say something? I am proud of myself, I’m proud of you, but y’all, we can’t walk or move in the evenings. Heating pads and Advil, and the next morning is just awful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

We just grunt and groan. 

 

0:06:27 – Brian

Snap, crackle, pop when you get up. 

 

0:06:31 – Kayla

Many have asked. 

 

0:06:33 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:06:34 – Kayla

How is my hip doing, and thank you to all who have asked. I can tell you when a front’s coming, so I do still have some fluid on my hip. It’s not as large, it’s not as pronounced, I guess, is the word I’m looking for. That’s a good word. And sitting for long periods is not as painful as it was. But I’m not ready to sign up for a marathon just yet. But hey, guess what it’s going to rain tomorrow. My hip tells me. 

 

0:07:05 – Brian

Kayla “the weathervane” Sanders. You had a conversation with a friend the other night about supporting one another in like ministry, because her and her husband are in ministry and we’re in ministry together, and that’s what led to this topic. Okay, yeah. So from there, why don’t you kind of ease us into this topic a little bit? 

 

0:07:34 – Kayla

Well, you and I have had this conversation several times over the last few months, but it did come up and it got me to thinking. What does it look like to support each other and to show up for each other in a relationship? Now, yes, this can be friendship, this can be family, this can be marriage. We are going to spend a good portion of the time talking about marriage, because we’re talking about B and K and how we do this for each other, or I guess I should say pea and carrot. There we go, but okay, it feels really weird to refer to yourself as vegetable. But anyway, what we’ve come to realize is that we are each other’s biggest fan, and so we want to unpack that and spend a little time For me, one of the first things I want to share I could not have navigated the career that I’ve had without your full and unwavering support. 

 

0:08:35 – Brian

And you’ll always have it, always. I feel like that’s part of the reason why God made me. That’s my role as a husband. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to cheer you, I’m supposed to support you. So, yeah, you will always have it For me. I could not be the leader I am without your willingness to be a sounding board and to hold a mirror up to me to show me who I really am, because I am very naive. I believe the best about people and I believe the best about me, and that’s part of my broken. So I need you to hold up a mirror sometimes. Say B, do you see this? 

 

0:09:17 – Kayla

Yeah, that also comes with caution, though. There are times when, as a spouse, if your person is really struggling, that may not be the time to hold up the mirror, just even if you know that there’s something that needs to be addressed, as with all things, kind of read the room on when you might need to. I did not say that, but I do try to be very careful. If you’ve had a really tough week and it’s come with a lot of hits, I’m probably not going to like pile on at that moment. 

 

0:09:54 – Brian

So pile on spaghetti and meat sauce. 

 

0:09:58 – Kayla

We just had lunch, but does that matter? We’re no, it’s time. 

 

0:10:02 – Brian

We’re hungry all the time now. 

 

0:10:05 – Kayla

This may be an unpopular opinion, but neither of our careers is superior to the other. We aren’t threatened by how God’s using the other or blessing the other, and there have been seasons where it feels like God has given a bounty to you in what you’re doing. And then there have been seasons where I’ve been the receiver of good gifts and we’re not the couple that one outshines the other. 

 

0:10:37 – Brian

So, building on that, let me say this we are each other’s advocates. 

 

0:10:40 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:10:41 – Brian

We don’t compete, you know. 

 

0:10:44 – Kayla

I am your biggest cheerleader and you are mine. 

 

0:10:46 – Brian

Yes, so let me so let me say this. It’s a huge flaw of mine. Whenever you’re venting to me or you’re sharing your heart, I oftentimes want to recommend solutions, and if I had a $10 bill for every time that you’ve said to me baby, just listen. 

 

0:11:09 – Kayla

I’m not asking you to fix anything. We could retire tomorrow. 

 

0:11:14 – Brian

We could retire tomorrow. But I got these great solutions, but for you, you just need to get this stuff off your heart, yeah. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

I have learned to say up front though, I’m not looking for a solution. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

How’s that working out? 

 

0:11:29 – Kayla

It’s gotten better. 

 

You have you really have gotten better at? Just I can tell you’re twitching a little bit because you just really want to fix it, but you are trying just to listen and not go in. But that’s one of your strengths as a leader is you’re a problem solver and you are a fixer. But sometimes I’m coming to you as a spouse and I’ve even said that, haven’t I? I’ve said to you B, I’m coming to you as K, not as one of your team members right now, and so that helps. There are seasons we have both seen this where I may need to carry more of the load at home due to outside work, and there are seasons where you may need to carry more of the work at home. 

 

0:12:15 – Brian

Okay, and speaking of, let me just say this, let me just say this up front. This, let me just say this up front the only way I can carry more of the load at home is like by helping to cook with food and cooking pick up dinner why don’t you wash clothes b? This has been over 30 years ago. Okay, I think you can trust me now nope what did you use? Too much of bleach and it put white splotches all over my clothes my clothes. I thought this happened before we got married. 

 

0:12:44 – Kayla

Oh, you tried this. You also shrunk one of my wool sweaters and it fit my friend’s four-year-old daughter. 

 

0:12:50 – Brian

I think that was somebody else, but I can cook and go pick up food. 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

What else do you try to keep clean for us? 

 

0:12:55 – Brian

My bathroom. But there’s a definition, there’s a moving definition of clean. 

 

0:13:03 – Kayla

Yeah, but here’s the thing We’ve learned that it’s a privilege to come alongside each other and show tangible ways to be a support in busy times. It’s not like there’s this job description that we stick rigidly to, especially in busy seasons, I agree. 

 

0:13:21 – Brian

Now I in busy seasons, I agree. Now I do not wash clothes. No, I wash dishes. But if I wash them, I rewash them. 

 

0:13:32 – Kayla

Well, sometimes you just use that little wand and you haven’t put any soap on it. 

 

0:13:37 – Brian

There is soap in the wand. 

 

0:13:39 – Kayla

No, there’s not anyway. 

 

0:13:41 – Brian

All right, moving on. 

 

0:13:42 – Kayla

Back. There’s not, anyway, all right. Moving on back to the cheerleader. You have always been my biggest cheerleader because you challenge me when I embrace negative self-talk. You encourage me when I’m trying something new or scary, and you know my tells, you know what’s going on when I’m scared or when I’m afraid to take a risk. You offer help without expecting to receive the credit or the spotlight, although I am quick to give shout outs when you do. 

 

0:14:09 – Brian

That’s a very big gift of yours. 

 

0:14:10 – Kayla

But you can tell when I’m stuck. 

 

0:14:14 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:15 – Kayla

And so you will cheer me on. This is the big thing here. You don’t allow me to give up or walk away from something. 

 

0:14:23 – Brian

You will make me stick it out because you see my potential and you want me to live into it yeah, there’s nothing I’m so grateful for that there’s nothing because I’ve done a lot of stuff scared I mean, you have embraced what god has given you and there’s nothing worse than walking away from that. 

 

0:14:42 – Kayla

Well, I had a great teacher, and he’s sitting across from me. 

 

0:14:46 – Brian

Let me just say this is that Kay is my rock and she steadies me. You speak life to me because I can spiral pretty quick. I can get very, I can get very down. I doubt myself so much and my personality type is that I will take care of everybody else but I’m going to ignore myself and you make sure that Brian gets taken care of. So thank you for that. I mean that, thank you. 

 

0:15:16 – Kayla

So the bottom line is this A relationship based on genuine love is one in which you’re constantly dying to yourself, and what that looks like is it’s easy to fall into that trap that I am more important than you are, my needs are more important than you are, my career is more important than you are. When you love a person and you see them as made in the image of Christ, you choose to cherish them and put them first. 

 

0:15:45 – Brian

I could not agree more. And scripture even says to husbands to love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. In other words, I’m supposed to even be willing to give up my life for you, and I do that in certain circumstances. Okay. 

 

0:16:06 – Kayla

On that note. 

 

0:16:07 – Brian

I’m kidding. In any circumstance, I believe that that’s my calling and that’s what I’m supposed to do, and I just want to say this baby, thank you for believing in me and supporting me. 

 

0:16:17 – Kayla

Right back at you. 

 

0:16:21 – Brian

Well, this should be fun, Just a few random facts about us. Okay. 

 

0:16:27 – Kayla

I hate to drive oh. 

 

0:16:29 – Brian

I don’t mind driving, I don’t mind taking you places. 

 

0:16:32 – Kayla

It is a necessary evil for me Now. You don’t want me driving after dark. I have night vision issues. 

 

0:16:40 – Brian

And let me say this and if it’s like more than two or three turns, I will take you, because you get prone to get. 

 

0:16:48 – Kayla

I won’t come back to that one. It might be on my list. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I hate to be bored. 

 

0:16:52 – Kayla

Oh, my goodness, yes. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

I like to be entertained, which? 

 

0:16:56 – Kayla

is part of why you read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

Yeah, but I can’t read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. Yeah, but I can’t stand, I cannot stand to be bored. I need to have a show, a book. There needs to be a person talking to me, yep. Or like this morning when I got up oh my gosh 4.30 in the morning. 

 

0:17:16 – Kayla

Ok, no, I had to go to the bathroom. No, I just need to get this out? 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

No, I looked out the window, and what? 

 

0:17:27 – Kayla

do I see there where your flowers are planted around the mailbox? Do I need to know at 430 in the morning that deer are eating my plant?

 

0:17:32 – Brian

Kay, come here, come look at this. I peeped my head. I said, kay, I was whispering. 

 

0:17:37 – Kayla

It doesn’t matter that you were whispering what it’s 430 in the morning I said come look, anyway, moving on. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

If it’d been a bear, you’d have come look, wouldn’t you, mm-mm, not at 4.30. 

 

0:17:48 – Kayla

Really, go with God, bear Zombies. 

 

0:17:52 – Brian

Nope, okay. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

I love gardening, but I’m known for killing houseplants. 

 

0:17:58 – Brian

Houseplant assassin right here. Now you’ve got this one in the kitchen. That’s just going nuts. 

 

0:18:03 – Kayla

I ignore it, I do. It has beautiful sunlight where it sits and I basically just pour leftover water from the coffee pot on it Now each week I’m going to say something I’ve thought for years. 

 

0:18:15 – Brian

You know, every week we go to Kroger and we grocery shop and your first stop is a little flower section. You’ll buy a couple of bouquets of flowers. You ever wonder if those flowers are like screaming their guts out because they’ve been cut. Like you know, they’ve been cut off from their life source and all those bouquets are just going because they’re just sitting there legless. No, that doesn’t cross your mind. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

Moving on. Speaking of flowers. 

 

0:18:44 – Brian

But you love flowers? I do, and you do too. But you have a confession here. I love looking at them, but I could care less if I plant them.

 

0:18:52 – Kayla

Well, that’s why we get them. 

 

0:18:55 – Brian

I remember that we used to down in New Orleans. We planned this little garden. We put tomatoes and beans and peas and that’s about eight weeks in I realized I could walk over to the grocery store and spend five dollars and buy more than what this is producing. So no, I’m not into that. That’s just me. But I know that that makes you happy, happy, yes. 

 

0:19:16 – Kayla

In conjunction with my fear not fear of driving, I just hate driving. I do have an irrational fear of getting lost. When we go somewhere new, I have to remind myself. There are apps with maps. I can find my way home, but I am not good in situations where I don’t know where we’re going. And again, I have a tell you can figure out and you’ll assure me that everything’s good. 

 

0:19:43 – Brian

You know where we are Start taking that little hand, scratching that little head. Oh, just like this, Just sitting there scratching it. I know I said okay, we’ve entered. I struggle with having nightmares. 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

And. 

 

0:19:55 – Brian

I have them probably twice a week. I’m part of the 3% of Americans who actually struggle with this. 

 

0:20:01 – Kayla

We have learned, though it’s your brain doing what? 

 

0:20:04 – Brian

Processing? Processing things, yeah, and the way it does, that is through nightmares occasionally and I’ve been the doctor and therapist that kind of stuff. 

 

0:20:12 – Kayla

So okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Oh, okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Nothing makes me crazier than reply all email threads. I’m sorry. I get that they are sometimes necessary, but I would prefer to reply personally to people. And yet then comes the next person who hits reply all and yet then comes the next person who hits reply all, and then I feel like a heel because people think I’m never responding but I am I’m typically doing it one-on-one, though, so okay, well, I’m not a fan of email overall I know you’re not 

 

but I mean, if it has more than four lines, I’m click delete I have to tell you the beginning in the end or the middle, because you read the beginning and the end. 

 

0:20:59 – Brian

I hate email. I hate entering my password using a TV remote control. 

 

0:21:07 – Kayla

So like when Netflix signs itself out or your Apple TV goes down. 

 

0:21:12 – Brian

It is the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. I get so upset about that. It’s the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. 

 

0:21:21 – Kayla

I get so upset about that First world problems that we live with. 

 

0:21:23 – Brian

Create something that will read I mean, MacBook has it, apple has it. You just read your fingerprint. Do that with that remote. I feel better now. 

 

0:21:33 – Kayla

Okay, kind of like me with the emails, All right. So one thing about my personality. I’ll end with this. I can present myself as very stoic. Hello, I’m British, but I feel things very deeply and. I care very personally, you do, so those two things can often kind of seem contradictory. 

 

0:21:54 – Brian

I’ll say this is that sometimes the outside doesn’t match the inside. I was a compliment, oh okay. I mean, you appear very stoic, but you’ve got a lot happening. 

 

0:22:07 – Kayla

There’s a lot going on. 

 

0:22:08 – Brian

Yeah, yeah. 

 

0:22:10 – Kayla

But I was taught you know stiff upper lip. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

Yeah, that’s that British in you, but on the inside, I may be like in tears. 

 

0:22:17 – Kayla

Yeah, whereas for me it’s all out there, baby okay, that was a little what’s your last one. 

 

0:22:23 – Brian

You did not have to answer that so quickly I didn’t say I don’t like it about you no, but you answered it just like that boom. Okay, I’m sorry no, you’re not read your last I’m loud revelation about yourself I’m loud, I’m boisterous and it’s usually a shield to get you to like or even accept me and usually to help you look past my size no and let you see me as a person now. I’m not going to change who I am. 

 

0:22:51 – Kayla

I’m loud, I’m boisterous you’re a roaming party is what I call you. 

 

0:22:57 – Brian

But these days I got to be home by 830. 

 

0:23:00 – Kayla

Party’s got to end on time. Party’s got to end about 8:30. Okay, good to know so there’s that, hey. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

It’s been our joy to spend this time with you and we’d like to give you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers and news. There’s a bunch more peas and carrots swag coming our way. 

 

0:23:17 – Kayla

There is, so stay tuned. But the first two people who go to our website and answer our trivia question, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug, some stickers and apparently some of you are getting pens. Oh, and that was a very funny story that fell out this week Our dear friend Adam he’s my executive assistant. 

 

This is a teaser he and his wife will be joining our podcast soon. Yes, Adam actually includes a pen for the Encouraging Radio brand, which is part of our PAR family, right, well, someone thought that they accidentally got a pen. 

 

0:23:52 – Brian

So hey, are y’all missing a pen by accident? 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. A pen by accident? So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. But if you will click our website, yeah, you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:03 – Brian

Click on the trivia button and answer this question. 

 

0:24:07 – Kayla

Share with us one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:10 – Brian

Now look, please don’t put on there like how many moles or warts you got. 

 

0:24:15 – Kayla

Or you killed somebody in 1985. Right, we don’t need that, we don’t need to know that, but just one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:23 – Brian

So you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:25 – Kayla

Click that trivia button and you can win. Answer that question. You’ll win a coffee mug and some stickers and a pen. 

 

0:24:31 – Brian

So thanks for listening. Hey, you can search the Peas and Parrots. 

 

0:24:37 – Kayla

Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcast or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com and, when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

 

0:24:54 – Brian

Peas and parrots. 

 

0:24:55 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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Season 3, Episode 4: I See You

I See You - Episode Description

Join Brian and Kayla on their Peas and Carrots Podcast as they wrap up January and step into February with lively discussions on relationships and the challenge of loving difficult people. They reflect on altering vacation plans, delve into communication within marriage, and share the soreness of a new fitness routine. Inspired by Bob Goff, they tackle the art of dealing with rudeness, bullies, and drama, advocating for grace and support in abusive dynamics. The episode lightens with a ‘Getting to Know You’ segment, childhood memories, and a playful giveaway. It’s an honest, enriching, and fun conversation that’s part of the growing Peas and Carrots family.

 

I See You- Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:00:13 – Brian

I’m Brian and I’m Kayla, what’s up in the world of Peas and Carrots?

 

0:00:18 – Kayla

Hallelujah, it’s February. Why are you so happy? Why are you so happy about that? Because January felt like it was six months long. I don’t know why it just did. 

 

0:00:29 – Brian

Oh, here’s my quandary with this. Uh-huh. The older we get, we actually complain about how time flies by so fast not January, but then when there’s a month that seems like it lasts forever, we complain that lasts forever. 

 

0:00:41 – Kayla

Well, apparently we just like to complain, but here we are. Here we are as we record today. 

 

0:00:50 – Brian

It’s groundhog day the day of this recording is a groundhog day and this rat is predicting an early spring. 

 

0:00:55 – Kayla

He is so putting a lot of faith in him. But here we are here we are and I hope he’s right. So there, happy groundhog day. 

 

0:01:06 – Brian

We made a huge decision regarding our vacation. 

 

0:01:09 – Kayla

We did. I was really struggling with telling you how I felt, but this is where communication and marriage is so important. I finally got brave and told you be, I really don’t feel that this is the year we should be doing international travel. And your response was hallelujah. 

 

0:01:29 – Brian

You thank God, praise God. 

 

0:01:31 – Kayla

So we shifted gears. We’re gonna do something in the continental United States and we’ll reveal those plans later, yeah so, but we’re both very happy and at peace with this. Italy. Yes, one day, Greece, revisit that. Loved going the first time. I know we’ll love going the second time, but it’s just not for us this year, yeah. So here’s where we are. That’s us, and we’re excited and we’re also very sore. And why is that? 

 

0:02:02 – Brian

Our trainer started us on a new routine this past Tuesday and today like. 

 

0:02:09 – Kayla

Today was day three of her. 

 

0:02:11 – Brian

Yeah, my every joint in my body is screaming. 

 

0:02:14 – Kayla

I can’t laugh. It hurts to laugh, so yeah so yeah, so it’s good for us really it is. We’ve started this week not only, not only tracking our physical activity, but we’re also committing to accountability with what food, food, sleep. Habits. 

 

0:02:35 – Brian

I think he’s doing this to us to make us into like pretty corpses. That’s the whole point of this. So everybody needs accountability and so for my accountability, I’m mine being killed a little bit each week over time. That’s what I’m mine. 

 

0:02:54 – Kayla

Drama party of one. Well, you’re not sore, I am sore, okay. You’re not hurting, I am okay, but I’m a little less dramatic about why I’m grumpy. Okay, well, tell Godzilla, because apparently, yes, he’s joined us again. 

 

0:03:10 – Brian

Yes, he’s here, he’s with me. 

 

0:03:12 – Kayla

Oh, my goodness. 

 

0:03:13 – Brian

He’s my face. 

 

0:03:14 – Kayla

Please stop hugging him. It’s just awkward. He’s lovable. 

 

0:03:22 – Brian

What is that now rallying for? Here we go. Oh my word, you jealous of that? 

 

0:03:30 – Kayla

well, you seem to be. No, he’s just a little crazy. 

 

0:03:34 – Brian

Okay, all right, I think he’s wonderful, mm-hmm my friend. Mm-hmm, so how are you supposed to deal with them? 

 

0:03:46 – Kayla

And we’re putting them in air quotes. So I think back to a quote that Bob Goff shared several years ago. That gutted me when I read it. Love difficult people. You are one. Mm-hmm, and I remember when I read that I thought, well, how do you think you are? But it’s true, at times all of us you have had. We are not going to share any of the details, but this prompted us to start a conversation with each other. You have had a couple of very specific Incidences lately when God has put some difficult people in your path and you’ve had to navigate very publicly around how to deal with that. So we thought that we would spend a few minutes talking about various types of difficult people that all of us encounter or are at some point. For example, how are we supposed to deal with someone who is rude? 

 

0:04:52 – Brian

Okay, my initial response to this is going to be the way Brian’s wired. My first response is going to be what did I do to make them rude? 

 

0:05:02 – Kayla

Hmm. 

 

0:05:02 – Brian

What did I do to mess this up? Am I being an idiot? Am I being rude in response, or something like that? But I’ve got to step back and say you know what? I didn’t do anything. I just showed up here and target. 

 

0:05:18 – Kayla

It’s probably more reflective of what’s going on inside of them than anything that the other person has done and when you can reframe it, as I don’t know what they’re walking with today. Sometimes it can look like grace to say that was uncalled for, but Maybe they just got some bad news. 

 

0:05:42 – Brian

Maybe they if it’s a one-off, yeah, if it’s a one-off, I’m not gonna say anything. 

 

0:05:48 – Kayla

Absolutely. Now, if it’s a pattern, I’m gonna say something and yeah, cuz then it becomes toxic, right a bully. 

 

0:05:59 – Brian

I’ll normally just pull away. 

 

0:06:01 – Kayla

Mm-hmm. 

 

0:06:02 – Brian

I’m just not going to engage you, I’m just not going to say anything. 

 

0:06:07 – Kayla

Yeah, because engaging is fuel for a bully. When they don’t typically get the reaction they’re seeking, they’ll go find someone else. Yeah, and maybe that’s wrong of me, but I don’t have the mental now again, if someone is bullying someone that I care about, then I’m gonna step in and just call them out for it, but nine times out of ten if I feel bullied by someone, it’s because they’re lacking control in an area, and that’s how they feel that they’re seizing control. 

 

They’re trying, so I just have to take the fuel out of there. Yeah, oh, this one’s hard for me one who seems to love drama. Drama makes me insane. It just yeah. How do you deal with people like that? 

 

0:06:59 – Brian

I will listen and I will try to reframe something again. If it’s a pattern, I will probably listen and then move on to a different topic. That’s what I will do because everybody you know, there’s a lot of people who invite drama, a lot of people who like drama, and for some people that’s how they get attention. 

 

0:07:22 – Kayla

So I’ve also found with drama try to get to its sores and try to ask very specific questions like well, was this your perception of a situation or was this actually what happened? Is this actually what was said or done? 

 

0:07:38 – Brian

Nice or not. 

 

0:07:39 – Kayla

Or is this? And then, if it’s someone that they truly seem to thrive in that space, I kind of whisper to them you may need to talk to someone. 

 

0:07:50 – Brian

And You’re a lot nicer and I am no, not always. 

 

0:07:53 – Kayla

I think so, because you don’t know what’s going on inside this head. 

 

0:07:56 – Brian

Well, how do you deal with? 

 

0:07:59 – Kayla

these drive you up a wall. Constant complainers. 

 

0:08:04 – Brian

Yeah, I can’t stick her. I can’t. I have to have hope. 

 

0:08:08 – Kayla

Mm, hmm. 

 

0:08:10 – Brian

I’m wired for hope, I have to have hope. And if every time I talk to you oh, whoa is me? Oh, this is wrong, that’s I’m done, I’m out, I’ve got to have some hope. And if all that you ever see is the bad stuff, if all you ever come talk about is the bad stuff, let me just say this I will spiral into a serious depression. I’ve got to have people around me. 

 

0:08:40 – Kayla

Yeah, see the good. What is that saying? You steer where you stare. Yeah, it’s kind of the same with negative people. Yeah you’re constantly around. Negative, you become negative. And there’s one unifying thought with all of these it reveals the what the heart, the heart. 

 

0:08:56 – Brian

And people are stupid, oh well that took a turn. Well, I’m just saying some of this is some of this is people don’t think before they talk. Yeah, and I’m guilty of that every single day of my life. 

 

0:09:10 – Kayla

Ok, but a lot of these reveal character traits that stem back to there is something going on inside. This one is hard because I think we’ve all either been guilty of this or we’ve been involved in this. A transactional air quotes friend, someone who only seeks you out when they need something from you or you’re benefiting them in some way. 

 

0:09:36 – Brian

Yeah, I’ve lived this several times in my life, I find friendship to be very difficult, extremely difficult, and I think we’ve talked about this on the podcast before. If the only time I hear from you is when you need something, if the only time you reach out is like is when you’re going through a crisis. 

 

0:09:56 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:09:57 – Brian

To me that’s a transactional friend. 

 

0:09:59 – Kayla

Mm-hmm. Or if you only want me when I can help pay for something, yeah, help provide something for you or make your life more comfortable. 

 

0:10:09 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:10:10 – Kayla

I’m not sure we’re really friends, correct, and that’s probably not gonna last long term and a lot of guys aren’t wired like me. 

 

0:10:19 – Brian

In other words, I like to chat, I like to talk, I like to share jokes. I like to do that. Some guys they don’t even want to talk to each other unless they’re sitting around a car they’re trying to fix or drinking beers or watching football. Yeah, you know I want to laugh. Cut up, be involved in your life. You’d be involved in mine. 

 

0:10:39 – Kayla

You’re an enneagram 2. Yeah, I want, yes 100%, you know so and that’s not a bad thing. So yeah, yeah, so. I think it just reminds all of us Be more of a giver than a taker in relationships, seeing less of what yourself is gaining and what you can be pouring out in that moment Someone who doesn’t share your faith. 

 

0:11:06 – Brian

I Don’t struggle with this as much, because I find them to be intriguing. I love talking to them, I love doing things for them because I feel like it’s an opportunity to show Jesus. That doesn’t bother me, I don’t. 

 

0:11:21 – Kayla

I’m not. You chose this one and I don’t struggle with this one. I just stay curious. 

 

0:11:27 – Brian

Love them, do a meal with them. Listen, you know people say well you know, if you Take them out to a meal, well then you’re you become like the five people you hang around. 

 

0:11:39 – Kayla

There’s truth in that, but also you can’t, just you’re not compromising your faith either. Yeah. 

 

0:11:46 – Brian

Look who Jesus hung around. Yes, so there’s that. How do you deal with people who live a lifestyle that you disagree with? Let me just say this every day I wake up, I wake up arrogant. I wake up selfish. I wake up cranky, I wake up just sinful. I Live a lifestyle by being arrogant, selfish, bent toward myself, bent away from God that you would disagree with. The this is the real issue is getting along with with people who sin differently Than we do. 

 

0:12:26 – Kayla

I think of the woman at the well, yeah, and I think of the moment when Jesus communicates to her I See you, and he doesn’t shy away Because of her sin. He know of all people, he knows her life, he knows the choices she’s made and yet he chooses to, in that exact moment, see her and he, he forgives her, a person. Now he does tell her go and live differently. But the first challenge in this is he didn’t just walk in there and blast her. 

 

0:13:07 – Brian

No, he loved her. 

 

0:13:08 – Kayla

It was he loved her first. He saw her as she was, and we’re never going to be able to. I’m trying to say this the right way. We are never going to be able to have influence with people who live different lifestyles If all we do is judge and hate. 

 

0:13:29 – Brian

And never let him into your life. 

 

0:13:31 – Kayla

We have to love and see people first. Amen and then perhaps God will open a door for them to hear something that draws them to him. 

 

0:13:40 – Brian

Preach. Here’s the final one. How do you deal with somebody who’s a control freak or abusive? 

 

0:13:47 – Kayla

You don’t. 

 

0:13:47 – Brian

You don’t. Let me just say that Full stop you don’t? 

 

0:13:51 – Kayla

There is a point where, regardless of what anyone else thinks of your choice, you have to do what is safest and best for you and perhaps those around you. 

 

0:14:03 – Brian

You are made in the image of God and you have value and you have worth, and so I would tell you to run as fast as you can get out of an abusive relationship. 

 

0:14:12 – Kayla

And get the help you need. Yes, because this one there is no, but I have to love them and I know if. If it’s a situation that is unsafe, you don’t see it, you, you get out of it. So, maybe some would disagree with that. You’re free to disagree, but nobody deserves to sit in that I agree. 

 

0:14:34 – Brian

So I’m going to say this go with God, love who you can. Yeah, Be the best you can be and don’t put up with people’s crap. 

 

0:14:43 – Kayla

And the hard truth. You have to coexist with difficult people. 

 

0:14:48 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:49 – Kayla

Because, again, sometimes I am one. 

 

0:14:51 – Brian

No. 

 

0:14:52 – Kayla

But how can you cut through the? We all have it, that moment where you just tense up when that person comes around. How can you choose to see them differently If you’re willing to? 

 

0:15:05 – Brian

Hmm. 

 

0:15:08 – Kayla

Oh, this is going to be fun. 

 

0:15:10 – Brian

What. 

 

0:15:11 – Kayla

Today we’re going to play a little game called getting to know you. 

 

0:15:14 – Brian

Oh, I thought we were playing Yahtzee. 

 

0:15:16 – Kayla

Well, that would be interesting on a podcast, but okay. 

 

0:15:18 – Brian

When’s the last time we played Yahtzee? 

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

I don’t know, years ago. Okay, we have it at home, I think we have a Yahtzee game. 

 

0:15:26 – Brian

We do. 

 

0:15:27 – Kayla

Anyway, conversation starters here you go. These are some fun topics that you can bring up at your next dinner with friends or at family dinner night. What are three foods you refuse to eat? 

 

0:15:41 – Brian

Sushi oh beets. 

 

0:15:43 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:15:45 – Brian

And probably. 

 

0:15:48 – Kayla

I can’t believe it’s this hard for you. Sushi Beats and probably Brussels sprouts see my first one quickly is Brussels sprouts. Greens can’t handle. 

 

0:16:02 – Brian

Yeah, I turn up greens, not a fan. 

 

0:16:05 – Kayla

And yeah, so she’s not happy fish should be fried. I am. 

 

0:16:11 – Brian

I am from Louisiana. You need to batter that baby up, put it in some grease. Do not eat that mess raw. Okay, what would you say is one toxic or quirky habit you have? 

 

0:16:22 – Kayla

So this is a quirky one for me. Some would consider it toxic. I have hidden chocolate in multiple spots, everywhere. 

 

0:16:32 – Brian

And I’m okay with that toxic or quirk and when I answer this, that it could be toxic for me that I solve my stress with food and apparently, I do with chocolate so, and it used to be fried chicken, so I used to go get fried chicken a lot, so that was my thing. I miss it too. We were great friends. 

 

0:16:56 – Kayla

What is one thing that’s hard for you to comprehend? 

 

0:16:59 – Brian

The Trinity? I don’t understand. 

 

0:17:03 – Kayla

How they, how God is three and one. 

 

0:17:05 – Brian

Yeah, people give these examples, but every example falls short. 

 

0:17:09 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:17:10 – Brian

I’d like to understand that. And then in this passage you get this glimpse, and that passage you get that glimpse. So I believe in it. 

 

0:17:18 – Kayla

Wow, yours is so deep, mine is just people who say they hate to read. I struggle to understand. 

 

0:17:26 – Brian

Well, they’re not Christians. Oh, that’s a joke. Don’t write the podcast. 

 

0:17:31 – Kayla

Go ahead, so next one. 

 

0:17:33 – Brian

What was your favorite childhood toy? It had to be something Star Wars. It would have to be something Star Wars not your Batman mobile oh. I love. 

 

0:17:43 – Kayla

okay, I also had? 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

I am shocked. I had a bat cave, a bat mobile, uh-huh. I had the figures Batman Robin, Joker, Riddler and then also Ping. 

 

0:17:56 – Kayla

I have to say I think that was your favorite childhood back and they’re actually for sale on eBay. 

 

0:18:02 – Brian

What I had, oh my, I’d love to have it to display in the podcast studio, but I’m not gonna pay $300. 

 

0:18:10 – Kayla

Oh, okay. So you mine was a toss-up. I had a panda bear. Here we go. 

 

0:18:16 – Brian

I know it’s gonna be Pandy and I love it is dead. 

 

0:18:20 – Kayla

Stop it. I loved Pandy. See, even Godzilla fell over on that. Okay, he gets me. Okay, I might be back to being friends with Godzilla, thank you. Thank you for having my back. 

 

I’m gonna post a picture Godzilla and then I also had this may sound really creepy, but I had this doll that you could cut her hair and then you could turn this crank and it would grow new hair that then you could style and cut. It was weird now that I think back, but it was really cool wouldn’t run out of hair after, I guess so eventually. But yeah, I think they were hoping against hope that you wouldn’t continually cut her hair. 

 

0:18:57 – Brian

But we’ll go buy a new doll. I guess so. But wow, I think I remember those commercials. 

 

0:19:02 – Kayla

Yeah, it was fun. 

 

0:19:05 – Brian

My G I gel didn’t do that Just yeah, good to know. What is one thing you feel society would be better without? 

 

0:19:12 – Kayla

Social media platforms. I’m just gonna say it. 

 

0:19:16 – Brian

I’m gonna say, politicians, I wish we had a king. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Wow. 

 

0:19:20 – Brian

A lot less argument, a lot less fussing and that kind of stuff. I’m a royalist. Bring on the king. 

 

0:19:28 – Kayla

Mark it down, gracious sakes. 

 

0:19:32 – Brian

So there’s, that. 

 

0:19:33 – Kayla

If you could adopt one new hobby or interest, what would it be? 

 

0:19:37 – Brian

Napping, buffet surfing. 

 

0:19:44 – Kayla

Stop. In all seriousness. 

 

0:19:47 – Brian

Napping. 

 

0:19:47 – Kayla

Napping for real. 

 

0:19:48 – Brian

Yes, I’d be down for napping. 

 

0:19:52 – Kayla

I would love to try my hand at painting Just for fun, I have no interest, I could care less. We would be terrible, but I would love to. I did this paint class one time with a friend and I really enjoyed it and it surprised me because I was terrified when we went in. But I think I would love to try my hand at it. 

 

0:20:11 – Brian

I’ve toyed with like photography. 

 

0:20:14 – Kayla

I could see you doing that. You’re really good this is my struggle except taking pictures of me, because you think every picture of me is great. It is, and I’m like really. 

 

0:20:23 – Brian

Let me say this Like to be a photographer. You got to go to these places, walk these miles, take a picture. I’m not going to spend two hours getting somewhere to spend two minutes to take a picture, Because that’s going to interrupt your new nap routine. Whoa, I see how this day is going to be. All right, well. 

 

0:20:42 – Kayla

So there we go. Those are some conversation starters. 

 

0:20:45 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:20:45 – Kayla

Apparently we just got it and some conversation enders too. I’m just saying. 

 

0:20:50 – Brian

I’m all righty. Hey, god save, the king, god save. Thanks for listening to this week’s podcast it’s. We are honored and we are privileged that you’re part of the peas and carrots family, and we had a winner yesterday. Each week, we give away a few of our peas and carrots coffee mugs. 

 

0:21:07 – Kayla

We do. There is a free mug and a pack of stickers. 

 

0:21:11 – Brian

Miss Kayla loves the stickers. 

 

0:21:12 – Kayla

Y’all the stickers are so cute. They really are. When you go to our website, look for the trivia button. Click that button at again peasandcarrotspodcast.com. This week’s question. 

 

0:21:25 – Brian

What was your favorite childhood toy? What was your favorite childhood toy? Yes, okay, so search the peas and carrots podcast at peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

 

0:21:36 – Kayla

Click that trivia button, answer that question. You’ll get an adorable mug and some very cute stickers. 

 

0:21:42 – Brian

Hey, and if you’re new to the podcast, you can get caught up on all the episodes. You just search peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe. Also, Hey, come and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. 

 

0:21:58 – Kayla

Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:22:00 – Brian

Da na na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman.

 

0:22:03 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out JesusFixIt.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

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