Season 3, Episode 20: Here’s Your Sign

Can We Talk?
Here's Your Sign - Episode Description

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to come with their own set of caution labels? This week on the Peas and Carrots Podcast, we gear up for our much-anticipated vacation, sharing our quirky tradition of collecting crazy travel stories. Brian’s confessed addiction to Mexican food sparks a hilarious debate on the frequency and health implications of indulging in fajitas and chips. We also get nostalgic about the joy and immediate gratification of in-person shopping, lamenting the frustrations of the online retail world. To keep things interesting, we promise to return with some entertaining tales from our upcoming adventures.

Switching gears, we delve into the complexities of dealing with toxic individuals who should come with warning signs. From know-it-alls and drama magnets to the challenges of navigating political debates on social media, we share personal anecdotes and reflect on the importance of patience and self-preservation. We touch on the discomfort of family arguments and the draining nature of energy vampires while emphasizing the need for self-awareness and grace in our interactions. Wrapping up, we discuss the importance of embracing imperfections and finding laughter, inspired by a cherished father figure who taught us to stay grounded. Tune in for relatable discussions and plenty of laughs!

Here's Your Sign - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. I’m Brian and I’m Kayla. 

 

0:00:16 – Brian

Here we are, here we are. You are so excited. She is bouncing off the walls. Yeah, her smile is from ear to ear. Her eyes are even smiling. 

 

0:00:27 – Kayla

This is my last official. 

 

0:00:29 – Brian

Full day. 

 

0:00:31 – Kayla

Well, I was going to say project oh, on my task list. 

 

0:00:35 – Brian

Oh. 

 

0:00:36 – Kayla

Before vacation. I mean, it is our last official full day before vacation, but yeah, so spoiler, we are recording ahead yes but yeah, we’re getting ready to leave in a few days on vacation but flying out of here, so we will have stories. You are a crazy magnet, so if anything crazy is going to happen, you attract it, so stay. That’s hurtful. It’s truthful, okay. Well, there’s just gravity. Tell me someone who would say that’s wrong. B you come back with the best stories from vacations. 

 

0:01:14 – Brian

I think I have, because I’m such a large body, I have gravity and it attracts people to me, so I think that’s what’s going on. I need to make a confession. 

 

0:01:26 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

Okay, and this is a big deal for me. I want everybody, okay, to sit down. Okay, I’m addicted to Mexican food. Okay, you thought? 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

I was going to do something. I wasn’t sure where we were going there, fajitas, and how is that a problem I’m trying to understand. 

 

0:01:46 – Brian

Enchiladas. What is that thing we get when we go Fajitas? 

 

0:01:49 – Kayla

We do fajitas for two Chicken. 

 

0:01:53 – Brian

But I could eat. How often per week could you eat Mexican food? 

 

0:01:57 – Kayla

Oh, probably three times a week, but it’s not the greatest for us, I mean, if we skip the chips, and Well, where’s the fun in that? That’s what I was going to say. 

 

0:02:08 – Brian

I read the other day if you eat four baskets of chips, or you eat two baskets of chips, it’s like eating 30 tortillas, holy cow. I don’t know if that’s accurate or not. 

 

0:02:18 – Kayla

Well, aren’t they fried tortillas? Isn’t that what the chips are? 

 

0:02:22 – Brian

Maybe, but I think so. Yeah, no, but it ain’t 30 of them. I don’t think so, anyway, so anyway. Is anybody else addicted to like the Mexican food? 

 

0:02:37 – Kayla

I think most of America Okay. 

 

0:02:39 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:02:40 – Kayla

So you’ve had an interesting experience lately. We needed some parts for our grill and we needed some parts for some other things around the house. You are running into one. It’s the same issue over and over. You cannot get the part and you’re having to order it. 

 

0:02:58 – Brian

I’m having to order, and what? 

 

0:03:00 – Kayla

did you declare that you would like to be able to do? 

 

0:03:02 – Brian

To go back in the store and buy things To find what you need in the store. I’m tired of waiting five, six, seven, ten days. 

 

0:03:13 – Kayla

And then it gets lost in the mail and it gets lost in the mail. 

 

0:03:19 – Brian

I have to contact the people who sold it and I’ve heard that from a few friends and I’m wondering if in a few years now this might take a few years, not going to happen overnight if there might slowly be a desire for a return to like in-person retail. 

 

0:03:33 – Kayla

I actually read not long ago that retailers are making clear their demands that they want to go back to store. 

 

0:03:42 – Brian

Really Mm-hmm. You mean shoppers have made that clear that they want to go back to the store. Yeah, well, I would do that. I would like that, because now I do like the option to see before I go to the store if they have what I’m looking for. 

 

0:03:58 – Kayla

Yeah, but what I’m saying is the retailers are finding out that consumers are they’re you. They are disgruntled with the online experience. They want to be able to go in the store, to have it immediately, to have more options, to experience the whole experience again, not just sitting at their keyboard and ordering something and hoping it works. It was almost like it was a revelation to those that run the stores. 

 

0:04:30 – Brian

We’ve got to rethink our inventory and our and a lot of times our stuff will go through like North Carolina. 

 

0:04:37 – Kayla

Oh, we’ll go with God. 

 

0:04:39 – Brian

And if it goes through a certain place North Carolina, it’ll sit there for five days. 

 

0:04:42 – Kayla

It’ll sit there for five days. 

 

0:04:44 – Brian

I could drive down there and get that package and have it back by the time that they do. I’m not kidding, I mean, this is grumpy old man venting here, so you feel better Well. 

 

0:04:55 – Kayla

I want them to fix it Anyway stay tuned, some great stories coming soon. 

 

0:05:03 – Brian

Caution signs. You ever what does that mean? You ever been driving along the road and it says caution ahead. And then, and then you drive, you drive and there’s a few things there that you know it could be a wreck. It could be that they’re doing world road work, World road work, Spit it out. So there you go. So have you ever encountered someone that should have come with a caution sign? 

 

0:05:34 – Kayla

Oh ouch. 

 

0:05:36 – Brian

I wish people came with like warning labels, you know. 

 

0:05:40 – Kayla

I feel like some days maybe I need one. No, I mean, there are moments, but what do you mean by this? 

 

0:05:49 – Brian

give me an example people who are never wrong. Oh okay, yeah, now I need to say something here. 30 years ago, Brian Sanders was not wrong about anything life has a way of knocking that out of you doesn’t it? 

 

I mean, I would argue like theology, I’d argue with, I mean, the finest points of it Today, oh, we agree on, like the Apostles’ Creed and the gospel. You’re good to go, bro, move along. People want to sit, you know, we believe in like infant baptism, because we are Presbyterian, yeah, and then we have other friends who don’t. 

 

0:06:29 – Kayla

They believe in immersion and we have no issue with that. 

 

0:06:31 – Brian

I have no issue with that, but they’re like well, you’re sinning when you do that. Now listen, look of all the sins I could commit. If that’s a sin, I’m going to be OK. 

 

0:06:42 – Kayla

So I’ve got one. Be okay, so I’ve got one. Those who refuse to listen to other people’s viewpoints about anything, not just religion. But they have fixed their mind and they are not even willing to give audience to someone else’s point of view. 

 

0:06:58 – Brian

That’s why I am so nervous about being on social media as we enter this political season, because there’s going to be so much back and forth and people not listening to each other. 

 

0:07:08 – Kayla

So a normal day on Facebook, a normal day, just a normal. 

 

0:07:13 – Brian

I remember one time I mean speaking of this people refuse to listen to other people’s viewpoints. We were at one of our favorite restaurants about three or four years ago during the first election and you remember that family. They were sitting there and they had a knockdown drag out. 

 

0:07:28 – Kayla

I do remember that Yelling at each other. Yeah, it was very uncomfortable. 

 

0:07:32 – Brian

And they wouldn’t listen to each other’s viewpoints. Yeah, you don’t have to agree to somebody, but you don’t have to be a jerk about it, but show respect, just hear someone out. 

 

0:07:41 – Kayla

It doesn’t mean that you have to buy into everything that they’re saying. 

 

0:07:46 – Brian

But yeah, 100%, 100%. Here’s another one People who think that they’ve learned all there is to learn. There’s a famous quote I love that says be the dumbest person in the room and if you’re not, go find a new room. 

 

0:08:02 – Kayla

I read a book recently and it’s by Shauna Niequist and I think I actually referenced it here. It’s called I Guess I Haven’t Learned that Yet and it was a great book, and it just reminded me that we are all a work in progress. We’re all realizing things about the world around us, about each other, about ourselves. All realizing things about the world around us, about each other, about ourselves, and hopefully it helps us to change and grow in the areas that we need to change and grow. But those people scare me. Yeah, I’ve got another one. This one, you know me. This one is like high on the list for me Drama magnets. 

 

I am not a fan of drama. If it’s a legit like house on fire situation, I’m here for it, I’ll be there. 

 

0:08:51 – Brian

But if it’s like everything in your life is constantly chaotic and Let me say this there are people who think they have to create drama in order to get attention. 

 

0:09:01 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:09:02 – Brian

That drives me up a wall. Now let me say this I still try to be patient. Yeah, I’m not perfect. 

 

0:09:08 – Kayla

But I find something in my brain just flipping off from the situation. I just find myself just You’re flipping off your brain. 

 

0:09:15 – Brian

You’re not flipping off the people. 

 

0:09:17 – Kayla

Yes, okay. Because you were one word away there from Maybe we’ll say switching off. 

 

0:09:25 – Brian

Sorry. 

 

0:09:25 – Kayla

Yeah, behave. I kind of zone out, I just I get to the point where I think it’s a self-preservation thing that I just switch off. Better choice of words, sorry, and I can’t deal now because I want to. I want to absorb what’s going on, I want to fix what’s, and I just can’t always do that. It’s too heavy. 

 

0:09:50 – Brian

I want to I want to fix what’s happening, yeah, and resolve it, move on, yeah. And let me say this we’re not saying that like we’re perfect. 

 

0:09:59 – Kayla

We’re far oh, we’re coming to that, okay, we have. 

 

0:10:01 – Brian

Oh, we are. Yeah, I was just trying to do that one blank. I didn’t know it was going to get all detailed. Now we’re going to keyboard warriors, drive me up a wall. 

 

0:10:10 – Kayla

We’ve experienced some of those experience. 

 

0:10:13 – Brian

Uh, when I wrote my first book, leadership endurance, we met with a market each agency who actually walked us through this and said you need to be prepared, there’s going to be keyboard warriors. And I thought it’s a book about leadership, it’s Lincoln and FDR and Grant and yet Churchill, there’s not going to be anybody man. A lot of people got upset with me because I included FDR, I included Lincoln. I mean, people hate Lincoln, people hate FDR. Really, these people are dead. Yeah, they saved the nation and I’m just like wow. 

 

0:10:48 – Kayla

So I will actually share at this moment why I shut down my Facebook page. You know this Very few people know this. When you became an author and your book came out, I got some really nasty private messages, and you know that. Yeah, I got some really nasty private messages and you know that I got accused of being a joke of a wife that if I really loved you, I would take better care of you, I would cook healthy meals, I would make sure that you had a support system in place so that you would not be the size you were. I was accused of either oversharing about the book or undersharing about the book. It’s like I could never find the right balance to please people and I just got to the place where it was not what was happening in the day to day, believe it or not. I could kind of step over all the political banter and all the other stuff. It was the toxic private message and I realized I’m not here for this. I didn’t sign on for this and so I shut down. 

 

0:11:54 – Brian

Facebook. Do you miss it? I? 

 

0:11:55 – Kayla

don’t, I don’t even think about it, I really don’t. So, yeah, which lends to another one for me, someone who is often I’m going to throw in that key word often rude or ill-mannered, because there are days when we all have an off day and we may come across as-, but some people have them every single day. But if you’re constantly incapable of saying please and thank you, you or you’re not able to show kindness and general respect to someone else, if it’s just your nature to be just obnoxious, yeah yeah. 

 

0:12:37 – Brian

It, just it actually helped me with this. Now, I’m not trying to be rude, but like we’ll be somewhere and I’ll ask for like a refill of like a Coke Zero and it’s my grandmother coming out, that’s fine. But I try to say it kindly. 

 

0:12:52 – Kayla

You always say it kindly. 

 

0:12:53 – Brian

But as they walk away, you say say please, say please. And so I do, and so you would always. 

 

0:13:00 – Kayla

I was so proud of your tone and again, tone matters a lot. But you would say, could I have a refill or could I trouble you for? But I’m like say please, because my grandmother, she has refused meals to people before for a lack of please and thank you and tone’s a topic we could, we could, we could spend a whole other subject. 

 

0:13:22 – Brian

You do that, and then my executive assistant, Adam Read. I’ll be in meetings. 

 

0:13:27 – Kayla

What will he tell you to do? 

 

0:13:29 – Brian

I’ll be in a meeting for like 20, 30 minutes with a group of people and he’ll send me a text. It’ll have one word. You know what that word is, don’t you? 

 

0:13:36 – Kayla

Smile. 

 

0:13:37 – Brian

Smile, because you get so serious looking and I’m just, I mean, I don’t think I’m sitting there scowling at people, you know, but there you go. 

 

0:13:46 – Kayla

What’s another one for? 

 

0:13:47 – Brian

you Self-righteous people. Oh this is a big one for you. Huge Brian Sanders is who he is, at Walmart, Target and at church. If I’m flawed at Walmart and Target, I’m going to be flawed at church. If I say something inappropriate at Walmart and church, I’m going to say something inappropriate at church. That’s why I don’t want to be different people. I want to be the same person everywhere I go. I want to be authentic and I can’t stand plastic Christianity. 

 

I can’t stand plastic. Christianity Can’t stand fakeness. And again, I’ve got my own sides to it. I mean there are parts of me like when I have to put on my best face and have to smile, and like when I’m done with. There’s times when I’m done like, okay, I’m done with this, can we move this along? No, so I got to say I mean there’s sides to me that I still have to work on. But I think that self-righteousness does more harm to the kingdom than it does grow it. 

 

0:14:51 – Kayla

This is a huge caution sign for me, and you know this Someone who’s projecting their elitism, superiority or status on someone else. Something my daddy taught us from knee high is do not forget your roots, and what he meant by that was no matter how big your britches get, do not forget where you came from. 

 

And I am so challenged to engage people when they are just giving off this air of, well, I have more money, or I have more social status, or I’m more educated, or the list goes on. I’m not comfortable in environments where someone likes to project their status is better than everyone else. 

 

0:15:47 – Brian

Folks who are a wet blanket get on my nerves, like you. 

 

0:15:50 – Kayla

It wears you down, yours, and because I can’t. 

 

0:15:54 – Brian

I have to have some positivity. 

 

0:15:56 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:15:56 – Brian

I need somebody who’s a little bit happy. Now let me say this I don’t want to be around Tigger all day, but I wouldn’t mind a little time when we poo bit happy. Now let me say this I don’t want to be around Tigger all day either, but I wouldn’t mind a little time of ween, poo and rabbit. Okay, but Al drives me up the wall. We talked about that last week, but Eeyore. 

 

0:16:10 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:16:11 – Brian

Well, I’m going to go in the corner and die and I want to say you want to set an alarm clock? Oh, I, just that’s my imperfection coming out. Yeah, but I can’t. It just kills me, it just drives me up. 

 

0:16:27 – Kayla

No, I see that Well, it drains you. It’s like it sucks the life out of your battery. 

 

0:16:32 – Brian

Energy vampires. 

 

0:16:33 – Kayla

Yeah, I have one more and I have to give a shout out to our friend Tara. I asked her. I said if you were to come up with one of these, what would you say? And for her it was people who overshare. Get right up in your face and they just they tell you their whole life and you may know them for like 10 minutes. And they tell you, or they’re telling you intimate details of things. That it just makes it very uncomfortable. 

 

0:16:58 – Brian

When I was five, I actually burnt our house down. My parents still don’t know it to this day. Really, I don’t need to know that. I don’t need that kind of guilt on my conscience. Okay, please don’t tell me that. 

 

0:17:10 – Kayla

But let’s bring this back though, because it may sound like we are really ragging on some people. We are these people, so let’s just start here. 

 

0:17:20 – Brian

On any given day I can be prone to overshare and I and you can. You can say this I will get whenever we leave social functions, I’ll get in the truck and sometimes what’s? 

 

0:17:31 – Kayla

the first thing I say to you I said too much. 

 

0:17:32 – Brian

I said too much you. 

 

0:17:33 – Kayla

you are plagued by that. Oh, and we have actually learned a secret code with each other where there is a certain look that I will give you if I feel like you’ve hit that threshold. Not that one. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

Not that look. 

 

0:17:46 – Kayla

This one is, I’m kind of reminding you OK, be kind of hit the brakes so that you feel comfortable when you leave that situation. There’s a couple of key truths we want to say, first one being this All of sin will fall short of the glory of God. None of us are perfect, no. 

 

0:18:03 – Brian

I mean, I’m loud, I’m boisterous, I can overshare, I can be judgmental of people. I may not argue with you in person, but I may get in. I’ll be honest. I can get in my truck and say Lord, have mercy, what an idiot. I’m just saying, I’m being real Maybe that’s too honest. 

 

0:18:32 – Kayla

But to that point we’re kind of in jest sharing these, because we all at some point wear these caution signs and let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And I mean there are days that I’m a number of these.

 

0:18:43 – Brian

I shouldn’t get in the truck and call somebody Well probably not, but because that lends to. I need to ask myself a question Am I mindful in the ways in which I need to be sanctified? Am I mindful of my weak areas, where Christ still needs to do a lot of work on me? Yeah, not just a little bit of work, but a lot of work. 

 

0:19:06 – Kayla

Here’s another question that I often ask myself Am I involved enough in this person’s life that perhaps I should speak some truth and love? Should I help them to see their caution signs? If I’m going to do that, Iron sharpens iron. Again, this is. There’s a key phrase Am I involved enough in this person’s life? And then the spirit has to speak into whether it’s mine to do this or not. 

 

0:19:33 – Brian

Now, unlike leadership issues with, like, those who report to me, yes, I will address certain issues. Yeah, personal issues. Yeah, personal issues. Yeah, there’s probably three, four people in the world. I feel like I am close enough to that I can address certain issues. 

 

0:19:52 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:19:53 – Brian

And one of them. I still want to be able to sleep in my own house. 

 

0:20:00 – Kayla

Fair enough. Oh, all right, then I’m guessing we’re having a conversation. 

 

0:20:08 – Brian

Because I don’t ever have to, because you are near perfect, oh, whatever. You’re like Mary Poppins. 

 

0:20:13 – Kayla

Oh. 

 

0:20:14 – Brian

Practically perfect in every way. 

 

0:20:15 – Kayla

Here’s another question I ask myself Am I comfortable with just embracing the flawed parts of other people? Because, back to my, I guess I haven’t learned that yet. We are all hopefully growing and changing. Life has a way of when you were talking about 30 years ago, you felt like you knew everything. We all go through seasons that really humble us, take the wind out of our sails, teach us a different perspective, hopefully mature us and are we willing to let God be God sometimes and let him be the one that reveals those caution signs? So, yeah, may we not leave you thinking that we’re sitting here, going well, we are perfect, and everyone else is going around with caution, because there are many, many days that when I’m doing my journaling at night, I’m realizing I’ve got a lot to repent for. 

 

0:21:15 – Brian

No, no, I think you’re am got a lot to repent for. No, no, I think you’re. Am I comfortable with embracing flawed parts of others? It’s according to oh gosh, it’s so. So y’all don’t think less of me. It’s according to what that flawed part is. That’s horrible of me to admit. It’s honest. If they’re a little rough around the edges, I’ll probably get along with them. If they’re mopey and you’re, I’m going to have to. I’m sorry. 

 

0:21:41 – Kayla

You’re going to find a way to remove yourself from that? 

 

0:21:43 – Brian

Yes, that’s awful, but at the same time I can’t be everything to everybody. I’m not Jesus and I don’t see how he does it. That’s a little too honest. Not who does it, that’s a little too honest. 

 

0:21:53 – Kayla

Not at all. Oversharing there it is right there, so anyway. But yeah. 

 

0:21:58 – Brian

There’s our hearts on a platter today. We getting Mexican food later. I didn’t know it was going to be all this kind of personal. Last week’s podcast you had me crying. Now I’m all guts out on the page, okay, so there you go. 

 

0:22:22 – Kayla

So laughter is good for the soul and we have had a few things to laugh at recently. I love to laugh, so our friends Adam and Ronda they are with our WCQR station yep, they did some face swap videos. I and I have not laughed that hard in a very long time they put faces on, that look like Shrek and that Shrek’s wife and then they swapped faces and it was like that software where you can it’s hilarious I mean my cheeks hurt from we may have to do this for our peace and care yeah, this is something you want to do, but we’ll see. 

 

So you were going one Saturday morning. You went to get breakfast for us and what did you see? 

 

0:23:02 – Brian

in our town I was driving back and this truck full of stuff in the bed of the truck also had a trailer in the bed of the truck. There’s these two huge. Now y’all. When I say huge, I mean 30-foot wide and 20-foot-long Frankenstein feet in the bed of the truck. 

 

And then in the trailer was like a 50-foot plastic snake, disassembled, five skeletons and what looked like a body wrapped up in a rug. Well, I took a picture of that and put it on our town Facebook page Everything Christiansburg and I said meanwhile in Christiansburg. That post went viral. There’s like 300 people. 

 

0:23:49 – Kayla

And didn’t the driver actually post, oh, so embarrassed. 

 

0:23:53 – Brian

The woman that it belonged to saw the post and commented that there were no bodies there were no bodies on the trailer oh, I wanted. 

 

0:24:04 – Kayla

We laughed so hard. 

 

0:24:06 – Brian

When I read her comment I wanted to crawl under the desk. 

 

0:24:10 – Kayla

We’ve also been able to laugh with friends lately. We’ve also been able to laugh with friends lately. We’ve been able to reminisce with some friends about their mom, who passed away several years ago, and stories about my grandma and there is some healing balm in being able to remember your people. 

 

If someone is grieving, share the story because it does something for their heart that you haven’t forgotten their person. And watching this family as we were sitting there sharing stories about their mom, you could tell that it just was really blessing them that their mom had not been forgotten. And so, yeah, do that. 

 

0:24:55 – Brian

It was during the pandemic and it was near the end of it. We had not gone back to restaurants yet, yeah, but we had agreed we were going to order takeout from a particular restaurant here in town that does ribs and that kind of stuff. 

 

0:25:07 – Kayla

Well, we had learned that they had some very serious protocols in place for picking up meals, how the food was handled, all this kind of stuff. So you decided to surprise me with dinner one night. 

 

0:25:20 – Brian

And you are sitting at the table. I will never forget this image as long as I live. You’re sitting at the table, in one hand you got a fork, in the other hand you got a knife. And I pull back and there’s ribs in there and you start dancing. That little fork and knife start going up and down and your little body starts going left to right and I said, baby, are you excited? And you said was I dancing? I said yes, and you said yes, I’m excited about this. 

 

0:25:48 – Kayla

So it’s become my thing now. So that I will do a little jig when I like a meal. 

 

0:25:52 – Brian

You said the first meal. In four months I haven’t had to cook little jig when I like a meal. 

 

0:25:56 – Kayla

You said the first meal in four months I haven’t had to cook. Yes, yes. 

 

0:26:01 – Brian

So yeah, you get tickled at me because now, if I’m excited about a meal, I will do this little jig as of this recording. I was in Lynchburg, Virginia, yesterday for some business meetings and two of my leaders were there. 

 

And you guys went to lunch together at a Mexican restaurant were there and you guys went to lunch together at a Mexican restaurant and the waiter asked us if we wanted the lunch portion or the regular portion or the dinner portion. And so Adam Reed, he always orders the smaller portion. So me and Doug just said regular because we thought that meant the dinner portion portion they bring out like a dog bowl of food. Let me just say this First of all they bring Adam Reed he got a chimichanga lunch. That chimichanga had to be three inches long and like a half inch wide. It was the most pitiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And then me and Doug we both got this steak over rice with cheese and it was like five bites. 

 

0:26:59 – Kayla

Is that why you were so hungry for dinner? 

 

0:27:01 – Brian

I was starving yesterday and so we all got done. We were done eating in, like you know, five minutes. And we’re sitting there and Adam Reed says why didn’t you order something else? You don’t like pigs? Oh, if I’m at a Mexican restaurant, I don’t you order something else. 

 

0:27:15 – Kayla

You don’t look like pigs. Oh, if I’m at a Mexican restaurant I don’t care, well bring it. 

 

0:27:20 – Brian

You’re going to be eating 40 fajitas later. 40, call them things 40. What do you call them Fajitas? Is that what it’s called? Tortillas, tortillas, tortillas 56 has been rough on me, so anyway. 

 

0:27:38 – Kayla

Hey, we’ve been having lots of winners. We are blown away, yes, and we are loving hearing from you. So, yes, we have a couple of new items. It is possible that you could receive a notepad, some pens, a mug, some cute little stickers, that’s the prize pack. That’s our prize pack. If you go to our website and answer our question correctly, you could win. 

 

0:28:02 – Brian

You’ll get a mug pen, notepad and a pack of stickers. This week’s question is oh, I’ve got to think of one. Okay, so you go to our website, peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you get there, click the trivia question and this is this week’s question. 

 

0:28:21 – Kayla

What is your favorite restaurant of choice? 

 

0:28:25 – Brian

Oh, oh, that’s a good question. 

 

0:28:28 – Kayla

Why? Thank you, that’s good. So, yeah, go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Click the trivia button. Share with us what is your favorite restaurant of choice. You can give us that information and any other stories you’d like to share with us. If you’ve had a good laugh lately, share that with us Share it and we will send you a notepad, some stickers, a mug and some pens. 

 

0:28:52 – Brian

There you go. So yeah, hey, thanks for listening, and you can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcast or visit our website. 

 

0:29:02 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:29:05 – Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:29:10 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 19: Empty Nesters

Can We Talk?
Empty Nesters - Episode Description

Kayla can barely hold back her excitement about hugging Winnie the Pooh during our upcoming Disney vacation, and Brian finds himself humorously torn about whether to use the resort gym amidst all the walking. As we share our daily routines, from Kayla’s involvement in a women’s summer study at church to Brian’s newfound joy in grilling on a spotless grill, the conversation takes a heartfelt turn. We candidly explore the emotional complexities of Father’s Day, especially when faced with infertility and the reality of being empty nesters. We reflect on how certain holidays can be particularly challenging without children in the family, making this a deeply personal and relatable discussion.

We delve into themes of faith and gratitude, sharing touching stories about our experiences with other “children” God has given us and their profound impact on our lives. Amid these emotional moments, we lighten the atmosphere by discussing our favorite fictional characters and books, debating the age-old question of reading the book before watching the movie, and sharing our thoughts on Disney parks. We also spill the beans on our fears, future plans for getting a dog, and foods we absolutely refuse to eat. This episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with laughter, love, and unexpected insights that will keep you engaged from start to finish.

Empty Nesters - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. Hi, I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. Welcome to this week’s edition of the vegetable patch. I’ll tell you y’all, let’s just start here. Why are you so excited? 

 

0:00:25 – Kayla

The countdown is on. Countdown four we are leaving for vacation in a few days. 

 

0:00:32 – Brian

She’s got her little hands out in front of her like a little girl and she’s swinging them back and forth. 

 

0:00:38 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s vacation time. 

 

0:00:41 – Brian

Now, who are you going to see? 

 

0:00:43 – Kayla

Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore Piglet. 

 

0:00:49 – Brian

Mickey Minnie, you sound like an eight-year-old you going to hug Winnie the Pooh? Yes, absolutely. You going to hug Mickey Mouse, probably. 

 

0:01:00 – Kayla

Okay, I mean maybe not, I don’t know, Donald Duck, and I mean they’re all right, but you don’t like Donald, I do. 

 

0:01:10 – Brian

But you love Winnie. 

 

0:01:10 – Kayla

But I love Winnie the Pooh. Okay To me All right. But yeah, we are headed south for vacation. We are, and I’m so ready. 

 

0:01:20 – Brian

I talked to my friend who lives down there. He said to bring shorts. 

 

0:01:23 – Kayla

He says it’s hot yeah, it’s 98 degrees the day we land. 

 

0:01:26 – Brian

So a little bit toasty. Miss Sanders is outside of her comfort zone and God’s using you, I’ll say that because last night you started what. 

 

0:01:38 – Kayla

We started our women’s summer study at church and it was really sweet sitting in a room with about gosh, I don’t know probably 30 women who, seeing them huddled in groups talking about just life and their journey with Jesus, and it was pretty amazing. It took me a while to wind down. I’m a little tired today because it was after 11 o’clock before all the adrenaline left my body. 

 

0:02:07 – Brian

I was asleep by then. 

 

0:02:09 – Kayla

But I actually had to like people and talk, stand up in front of the group. 

 

0:02:14 – Brian

It didn’t kill me. So proud of you. Why? Thank you. God’s using you. 

 

0:02:21 – Kayla

You are a very, very happy man. 

 

0:02:23 – Brian

I am because I’m grilling again. You are a very, very happy man. I am because I’m grilling again. My beautiful bride this past weekend cleaned my grill for me. It really wasn’t bad. I would like to clean my grill, but this is a conversation. My standards of what is clean is different from other people’s standards and we’ll leave other people undefined at this time. Good choice, okay. Yeah, so miss sanders cleaned my grill for me. I did, and you’ve. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

I’ve planted all the flowers, and so the back deck is your little sanctuary. Oh, I love it you can sit out there I grilled us some steaks, grilled some chicken last night. 

 

0:03:03 – Brian

So it’s just chicken last night. I’m a happy, happy, happy boy. Summer is in full swing. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

I’m excited, so I may have floated an idea with you. Here we go, that while we were on vacation our Hang on Before we get this out. 

 

0:03:19 – Brian

The answer is no. The answer is no, but go ahead. The answer is maybe. The answer is no, our go ahead. 

 

0:03:24 – Kayla

Go ahead. The answer is maybe the answer is no, our resort has a really nice gym. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

Okay, let’s stop here. Okay, how many miles a day are we going to be walking at Disney? A lot, seven to eight. I do not see the need to go. 

 

0:03:42 – Kayla

But we could do some of our strength training. 

 

0:03:43 – Brian

No, no, I just still haven’t recovered from the to go, but we could do some of our strength training no no. I just still haven’t recovered from the look on your face by about 12 noon or 1 o’clock we’ll be strength training dragging my tail from here to get a Dole Whip ice cream across the thing in Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:03:57 – Kayla

That’s my strength training, okay good to know, so it’s a maybe. 

 

0:04:02 – Brian

No, it’s not a maybe. I will stretch forth a hand and pray for you as you go to the gym, while I lay in bed. 

 

0:04:09 – Kayla

In all seriousness, though, what is the gym next to at our resort? What is right next door to the gym? Ice cream, an ice cream store? 

 

0:04:18 – Brian

I will walk by you with an ice cream I’ll wave at you. I’ll even watch you. It doesn’t, no, but if I’m walking eight miles a day, I am not going to the gym. Okay, in 98-degree weather. So maybe I’ll have sweat rolling in places I haven’t seen in three years. Bless America, so that’s a hard pass for me. Are you really going to go to the gym on vacation? Maybe, Maybe I don’t believe it. I do not believe it. Best laid plans y’all Best laid plans. 

 

0:04:59 – Kayla

Forever empty nesters. It’s a good this is a good topic, but a hard topic Again, being that this is coming up on Father’s Day and that is a complicated holiday for you. You had a wonderful dad. 

 

0:05:17 – Brian

I had a great dad I mean the best ever, even wrote a book about him called Be Like Dad, which you can find on Amazon, by the way. But this is a tough holiday for me, and we’ve talked about this before on this podcast. We’ve talked about infertility. We never were able to have children and we were in that time period where we didn’t adopt either. Okay, let’s just be honest. And now, being 56, don’t take this wrong I don’t want a kid in my house. I’m too old, I’m setting my ways and I’m cranky. I want to go to bed about eight, 30. Okay, I’m just because by the time that kid’s coming out of diapers, I’ll be going into them. So I just say it. But Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are hard days. 

 

0:06:07 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:06:08 – Brian

And sometimes Christmas Day can be hard. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

Yeah, Because you see all these pictures of families snuggled up on the sofa in their matching pajamas and they’re doing all these things together. 

 

0:06:22 – Brian

But as many of our friends, it’s just me and you, which is great, it’s wonderful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

Yeah, we are a family. Yeah, but we were saying the other night, as it comes up on Father’s Day, there are so many of our friends entering the stage of life where they are becoming grandparents. We are reminded that life looks different for us. 

 

0:06:43 – Brian

Not bad, but different and we’re not asking you to feel sorry for us or something like that. No, we’re just sharing our struggle, how we’ve seen Christ be sufficient. Let me say it absolutely yeah. Let me say it like that yeah, there is no pity here. 

 

0:07:01 – Kayla

There is no woe is us, there is a may. We all remember each other’s situation, that our situation is also not the same as our single friends, and then our situation is not the same as those who would long to have an evening with a quiet home. So, yeah, it’s again. It’s different is not bad. It just means that we embrace a different reality. 

 

0:07:32 – Brian

Now. So let me just say this we’re never going to have a home that has grandkids squealing in it. 

 

0:07:38 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:07:39 – Brian

Their parents begging us not to spoil them. But I guarantee you we would. 

 

0:07:43 – Kayla

Oh, absolutely. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

I mean, I’d take them to Target and whatever they pointed at, I’d buy it. 

 

0:07:47 – Kayla

Yep, I have no doubt. 

 

0:07:50 – Brian

But let me say this we also have a history. Whenever we lived in New Orleans 20 years ago, we mentored college, we mentored seminary students and every Thursday night there’d be 10, 15 students in our home. 

 

0:08:09 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:10 – Brian

And when we moved here to Virginia, we just continued that tradition. We brought college students in our home and there were Thursday nights when we were here in Virginia, where there’d be 20 students in our home.

 

0:08:24 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:24 – Brian

And many of them called us mom and dad. 

 

0:08:27 – Kayla

And that was a real privilege to get to do life with them. So a typical Thursday, and again this started in New Orleans with seminary students who were single, lonely. They were part of our church but they did not have a home outside of church. They were really struggling some of them. So we would have dinner together and then we would spend probably 30 to 45 minutes talking about something theologically related. 

 

0:08:56 – Brian

We’d have a Bible study. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

And then we watched Survivor. It was a tradition that everyone would kind of choose who they thought was going to win Survivor and we would watch that together and then, honestly, some Thursdays at like 11 o’clock, we would say, okay, you people have to go home, we have to go to bed. 

 

0:09:14 – Brian

And it was always a race to see who could be there first Thursday night because they’d bring their laundry. 

 

0:09:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

And so they would always bring laundry. 

 

0:09:21 – Kayla

I’ve taught many a young man and young woman how to sort clothes. Well, I’m up for that lesson. So, yeah, no, you’re good you leave our laundry alone. 

 

0:09:31 – Brian

We also had a rule in New Orleans that Friday night was like date night. 

 

0:09:35 – Kayla

Yeah, our home was opened. Honestly, Thursday night was not the only night that they could visit, but Friday night was off limits. And I think we’ve shared this before. 

 

0:09:44 – Brian

We’ve shared this story before. How I jokingly said, Friday night’s off limits, I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday, that is off limits. I said now, if you show up at midnight, that’s okay, that’s Saturday. 

 

0:09:56 – Kayla

I never thought anybody would show up at 12.01 am. 

 

0:09:57 – Brian

DR Randall shows up at our door. 

 

0:10:01 – Kayla

Are y’all awake? Yeah, son, what’s up? 

 

0:10:05 – Brian

Well, you said we could stop by after 12. Well, what am I going to do? Come on in. 

 

0:10:12 – Kayla

You’re going to watch a movie, and that’s what you did. I think I fell asleep, yeah, but he was happy. So, yes, we have had a bounty of a really rich life with students who not only have we had a chance to pour into them, they’ve poured into us, and we now have young men and women who have families of their own and we get to delight in seeing them going through different stages with their kids, and they are incredible parents and it’s been fun watching various ones of them get married and then have kids and settling down and buying their first home. 

 

The call that we get of. I mean, I’ve lost count of the number of young men in particular that have said hey, would you all meet us for dinner? It’s important that you meet my fiancé, or hey, there was one in particular. We were sworn to secrecy that there was going to be a proposal, but it was important to him that we meet her beforehand. So different is not always bad, but here’s the reality that we are in. They have all grown and flown, as parents would say, and genuinely as they should. They have their grown and flown, as parents would say, and and genuinely as they should. They have their families to go to when, when Christmas rolls around, when easter hits, when they go and spend time with their biological parents, and that is exactly how it should be. Now we have been surprised and delighted on many a holiday where we’ve gotten a text saying hey, we’re in town, Can we get together? Can we visit Now? 

 

0:12:02 – Brian

I need to be honest. I’m just going to be very vulnerable. It still hurts some Sure. After all these years it still stings that kids and grandkids that they never show up, that kids and grandkids that they never show up. So I’m trying to grow in this to be satisfied with him. 

 

0:12:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:20 – Brian

Because he is to be my portion. 

 

0:12:23 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:12:23 – Brian

I am to taste and see the Lord is good. I’m not to taste and see what I wish I had. I’m to taste and see that he is good. Yeah, so that’s what I’m trying to do. 

 

0:12:37 – Kayla

And I will admit as well that there are times that that familiar ache returns, never knowing what it’s going to feel like to carry another human, never getting to answer questions such as okay, whose eye color would he have? Whose personality would she emulate? How tall would he be? What would she be when she grows up? I mean, these are questions that we’ll never have an answer, and yet the Lord has been faithful to fill our lives beyond full, just not with children of our own. And yet I also, at this stage in my life, I see friends of ours who they have raised children and then, for various reasons, their children have kind of gone their own way and so pouring out as a parent for 20 plus years, and then your child kind of turns and veers off, and I cannot imagine that heartache. And so everything is a little complicated. When you really stop and think about it, life is not just cut and dry. 

 

0:13:51 – Brian

No, I’ve come to this realization is that what they sell you in movies is a lie. It’s never that beautiful. It’s never that peaceful and it’s never where you get to put a bow on it and say life is perfect, it’s never like that. 

 

0:14:05 – Kayla

So I do worry. 

 

0:14:08 – Brian

Shock. 

 

0:14:09 – Kayla

I know what if god takes me first really that’s always been something that no, no this is something that plagues me and I worry that if god took me first, if we’d had kids, I could know that you had loved ones who were going to take care of you upon my passing, and that’s always plagued me a little bit. 

 

0:14:33 – Brian

That plagues me as well, because your worry is my worry. I mean I get up at 2 o’clock in the morning to go do what 56-year-old men do at that time of the morning and I come back to lay down and those things start. I mean it keeps me awake. Like you know, if I don’t wake up in the morning, she’s alone. There’s nobody there, and so I try to yeah. That’s why church, community and that kind of stuff sometimes is important, because now I don’t want to leave, tomorrow I’d like to have another. 

 

0:15:03 – Kayla

Yeah, please don’t. 

 

0:15:04 – Brian

I’d like to have another 20, 30 years with you. Yeah, as long as I can get around well, but I do worry about that. But I have to trust that the God who’s gotten us this far, he will be faithful to get us home. Yeah so. 

 

0:15:18 – Kayla

Yeah, and another beauty in this is we can see that God continues to surround us with couples. They’re beginning their journey. We can encourage them, we can support them, we can help them to see that it won’t always be this hard. But I may not ever fully understand his ways. I know enough of him that I can assure that younger couple that God is good and I can share with them, that he can be trusted and that he’s faithful and he’s true, and that his plans for them are way better than any plans we could ever have of our own. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

I didn’t think I was going to cry today. You’re just ripping my heart out. You’re just ripping my heart out. I guess I got a little bit further to go than you. I would tell those couples that he’s true and he’s faithful and he’s loving and he’s caring. But part of your life might also be a little bit of bitter profit, because God doesn’t always operate. 

 

0:16:29 – Kayla

But hopefully that will drive you closer to him. Gotta get a Kleenex. 

 

0:16:35 – Brian

I wasn’t expecting this today. I mean here you roll up in here. So sorry, now my mascara’s running Stop. Will I ever be 100%? Okay with this? I’m trying. 

 

0:16:54 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:16:55 – Brian

I am trying, but I’m thankful for Jesus. I’m thankful for you, darling, I mean it. I’m also thankful for all the kids who’ve passed through our home kids who’ve? 

 

passed through our home, yeah, I mean. And when they’re in town, they make a point to see us and introduce us to all their littles. And some of them they’ll call us and they’ll say Mom, Dad, we’re expecting baby number five. And I’m like, look, y’all need to figure out what’s causing this and stop it. You’re on five or six now, okay, so, but we love it. But I just want to say this what you just said deeply impacted me. I’m trying yeah. 

 

And I can tell couples that he’s faithful and he’s good, and I’ll do a better job of that. So that’s too much for me. Thank you, getting to know you. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

Yeah, okay, that was pretty heavy, so we need a little lighthearted. 

 

0:18:00 – Brian

I’m still wiping tears in my eyes. Yeah, I need a candy bar Piece of fried chicken. All right, what you got. 

 

0:18:10 – Kayla

Just a few questions about us. Some of these we get from people and some of these that I came up with on my own Just to kind of let them get to know us just a little bit better. Who is your favorite fictional character? 

 

0:18:23 – Brian

Darth Vader or Godzilla? Quick answer, or can I give one more? Sure? Willy Wonka, oh good one. Gene Wilder yeah, you favorite fictional character. 

 

0:18:36 – Kayla

Mine would be Mary Poppins. 

 

0:18:40 – Brian

Practically perfect in every way. 

 

0:18:42 – Kayla

Or, of course, any of the Winnie the Pooh characters. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

I don’t understand Al. I don’t even know why he’s in the mix. He’s wise. No, he’s not, he’s crazy. 

 

0:18:51 – Kayla

Oh Well, all right then Best book you have read to date? 

 

0:18:58 – Brian

This year To date Best book Not this year. 

 

0:19:00 – Kayla

Just To date Best book Not this year just To date, unreasonable Hospitality. 

 

0:19:06 – Brian

Oh, phenomenal, phenomenal book, loved it you. 

 

0:19:14 – Kayla

The Diary of Anne Frank Wow. 

 

0:19:17 – Brian

That’s gone a little bit back. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Okay, I’ve read some good books, but that one still impacts me more than I think any other. I mean not including the bible, but yeah somebody’s going to somebody gonna be like you people need some Jesus. Will you ever get another dog? We get this question a lot the answer is yes, okay we’re just not in a season to have a dog we’re not. 

 

0:19:42 – Brian

We’re way too busy and we wouldn’t be home enough. 

 

0:19:46 – Kayla

We are typically home two, two and a half hours a night, and that would be well. Let me clarify that. 

 

0:19:54 – Brian

Hang on, where are we sleeping? 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

Before we go to sleep. That would just seem very selfish at this stage of our life, but we do. We have plans to get another dog. What are you most afraid of? 

 

0:20:09 – Brian

How honest do I want to be? 

 

0:20:10 – Kayla

Oh, you have to tell the truth or I will. 

 

0:20:13 – Brian

Spiders and being alone. 

 

0:20:16 – Kayla

Getting lost because it’s happened before. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

Yes, yes, getting. 

 

0:20:23 – Kayla

I cannot handle feeling lost or not knowing where I’m going.

 

0:20:26 – Brian

That GPS takes this all throughout. Oh, I freak out. 

 

0:20:29 – Kayla

So what has to be first for you the book or the movie? 

 

0:20:33 – Brian

I really don’t care. Oh really. Yeah, I’ve never read the Harry Potter books. I’ve seen the movies 50 times a piece, though. 

 

0:20:41 – Kayla

What. 

 

0:20:43 – Brian

I’ve never read Chronicles of Narnia. I’ve watched those crappy movies too. Rude. Well, they got trees walking in them. 

 

0:20:54 – Kayla

And yet Godzilla is okay. This is where we are. Are we going to do this. 

 

0:21:02 – Brian

I feel a little judged. I didn’t criticize. 

 

0:21:06 – Kayla

We need to poo and you called chronicles of Narnia crappy. 

 

0:21:11 – Brian

Well it’s not my cup of tea. 

 

0:21:13 – Kayla

Well, okay, Godzilla’s not mine, but he’s awesome. Anyway, your punishment is you will now read the first Narnia book. 

 

0:21:21 – Brian

I am not Yep, I will go to book jail. I am not reading that Book jail. I am not reading that. 

 

0:21:27 – Kayla

Favorite Disney part. 

 

0:21:28 – Brian

No, you got to answer that Book or movie. 

 

0:21:30 – Kayla

Oh, I have to read the book first, really, because then I want to compare to see how true they stay to the book when I watch the movie. Why is that important? It matters to me. Maybe if you’d read the Chronicles of Narnia. You would like the movies have you ever read it. 

 

0:21:46 – Brian

Yes, all of them my uncle gifted me this set you read all that Prince Caspian stuff and all that. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

Yes, I did. Walking it back a little bit now. 

 

0:21:55 – Brian

No, I’m just because Carol Lass again take me to book jail. 

 

0:22:01 – Kayla

Favorite Disney park. 

 

0:22:03 – Brian

Hollywood Studios Easy Hollywood Studios. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

It’s a toss-up between Hollywood Studios and Epcot for me, because Epcot has the International Village and I love that. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

You love the English village. I love all of it Fish and Chip. They have a little tea shop there in the English village. You like that. 

 

0:22:25 – Kayla

What is a food you refuse to eat? 

 

0:22:29 – Brian

Mushrooms, Brussels sprouts. Unless they’re doused in garlic and bacon. I’m not going to touch a Brussels sprout. If you can still taste Brussels, I ain’t touching the sprout. 

 

0:22:40 – Kayla

Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra. Oh yeah, ain’t touching this brown. Yeah, it’s not happening. Probably okra, oh yeah. 

 

0:22:47 – Brian

Mushy okra, yeah, bell peppers. 

 

0:22:49 – Kayla

Okay. We don’t have to list all of them. 

 

0:22:51 – Brian

Oh, sorry yeah. 

 

0:22:52 – Kayla

Okay, what is your Enneagram? 

 

0:22:55 – Brian

I’m an eight with a seven wing. 

 

0:22:57 – Kayla

And I’m a one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. A one with a two wing, and none of that surprises anybody who’s listening. So yeah, but there we are. So those are just some random questions about us. Speaking of questions, the first two people to go to our website and answer the question correctly, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug what is this week’s trivia question? 

 

0:23:19 – Brian

so, our. 

 

0:23:20 – Kayla

Our question is book or movie which comes first for you? Do you have to read? 

 

0:23:27 – Brian

the book first, or I mean it doesn’t matter it’s just an honest answer. They can say I don’t care, but so hey, if you go to our website, the first few people go to our website. Answer that question correctly yeah, so book or movie. You’ll win a peas and carrots coffee mug, a good pack of Cute little stickers, and then we’ve added a pen a peas and carrots it’s very, very nice. They just came in. 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So click that trivia button. Answer that question. Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. You can search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:24:09 – Brian

You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. See you all later. I’m off to book jail. 

 

0:24:18 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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Season 3 Episode 16: His Mercy Is More

Can We Talk?
His Mercy Is More - Episode Description

It’s been a wild ride lately, with the heavens opening up just as we were about to get our hands dirty in the garden—talk about timing! But every cloud has its silver lining, or in my case, every bird “blessing” is a sign of good luck, right? This week, we’re inviting you into our world of contrasts and reflections, as we wrap up an incredible fundraising marathon, overflowing with gratitude. But it’s not all been smooth sailing; I faced a surprising challenge as I closed a book mid-narrative, honoring my own tastes over the pull of ‘writer’s guilt.’ Meanwhile, Kayla shares her steps on the road to recovery after her hip injury and we both buzz with excitement about our upcoming Disney escapade. And for those who can relate to the late-night symphony of a noisy sleep machine, I’ve got a tale that ends with sweet, silent slumber.

Our hearts are full as we recount the success of our latest fundraising efforts, reaching a milestone that seemed like a distant dream just weeks ago. The joys of a 103% goal completion, combined with the intimate moments of spiritual closeness and the recognition of life’s little mercies, have left us humbled and reflective. Self-acceptance is a dance, and we’re learning to move to its rhythm, discussing the often complicated relationship with societal expectations, body image, and finding grounding in something greater than ourselves. Joined by our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we delve into the power of tiny blessings in daily life, and we’re throwing a trivia prize giveaway your way—because who doesn’t love the chance to win a cozy coffee mug and some cheerful stickers? So grab your earbuds, get comfortable, and join us as we share this rollercoaster journey through life’s ups, downs, and everything in between.

His Mercy Is More - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer
We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.

0:00:11 – Kayla
Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:00:13 – Brian
I’m Brian and I’m Kayla. Welcome to this week’s edition of how does the garden grow… peas and carrots. You get it.

0:00:20 – Kayla
Oh Okay, it took me a sec, sorry, okay, here we are, all right. Well, right now it doesn’t because I haven’t planted anything, because all it’s done is rain, but bitter party of one. So here we are Anyway.

0:00:41 – Brian
Bitter party of one. Your table’s ready. Bitter party of one, and we have a special tonight on spaghetti, okay.

0:00:51 – Kayla
On a more positive note, what’s up in the world of peas and carrots? Actually, it’s what came down on the world of peas and carrots as I walked this morning. Oh yeah, you and a bird. We’ll leave it here. We’re going to keep this PG. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning. Yes, right, it here. We’re going to keep this pg. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning.

0:01:07 – Brian
Yes, right on the front of your shirt. Yes, I wasn’t wearing a hat, so I’m thankful. I’m a little thankful. I have a gut that it hit that, because that sticks out and it didn’t hit me on my head. So, yeah, it’s first time in my life I’ve ever been blessed by a bird. It happened to me at the beach.

0:01:25 – Kayla
Yeah, I was so mad. I was just minding my business reading my book and bloop, and it even hit your chair. Yes, it was nasty. Well, seagulls put out a lot. Okay, let’s stop. I’m just saying it’s a wrap.

0:01:40 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:41 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done.

0:01:43 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:43 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done. Yes, it officially ended yesterday, thank you Lord, and we’ll share our results here in just a few minutes. But we have seen the goodness of God.

0:01:53 – Brian
Yes, we have. We certainly have Thank you, I did something for the first time.

0:02:00 – Kayla
You did. Okay, so technically you did two things. For the first time, you actually picked up a fiction book, which I encouraged you to do, so I’m kind of feeling like I went up in flames on this, but you gave up on it.

0:02:15 – Brian
I actually read half of it. You did.

0:02:17 – Kayla
I read and out of kindness to the author we are not going to share the name but it just wasn’t for you, and this was the first time I’ve ever seen you set down a book.

0:02:26 – Brian
Because I have what’s called writer’s guilt, Like because I’m a writer, I’ve written two books and, like, I know the pain and the creativity and the hours and the work it takes to write a book. I know all that, yeah, but I got. This is a 400-page New York Times bestseller and I’m really I got this is a 400-page New York. Times bestseller and I’m really. I mean I read 200 pages of this and set it down.

0:02:53 – Kayla
I mean books need to move faster than I think. You might need to flex your muscle a little more. On fiction, though, I’m going to get another book for you to try again.

0:03:00 – Brian
No, I’m not reading. No frou-frou thing.

0:03:03 – Kayla
I don’t think I said frou-frou, I used the word fiction, okay.

0:03:07 – Brian
So calm it down. Well, you also read all that murder stuff.

0:03:10 – Kayla
I’m not going to make you do that yet. Okay, so Yet. So I started a new habit. The last couple of weeks I started walking a mile a day, really During my break. Really I thought I would miss running. So this was part of my hesitation, other than the fact that I’m just lazy and I kind of thought, well, this is going to make me feel me because I used to love running, but on my breaks I’ve been going and like walking near work and there’s this cute little church that I walk by and I go into the neighborhood and then I come back. I’m really enjoying this. And not to belabor this, but an update on the hip after the fall down the stairs, I think it’s really helped with that.

0:04:01 – Brian
It’s healed.

0:04:01 – Kayla
So my hip is well and I think the walking is only doing.

0:04:06 – Brian
We got a Disney trip in about three weeks. Do not fall, you’re welcome.

0:04:10 – Kayla
Okay, okay, just felt that you are picking up a new sleep machine at the day of this recording. Can I say hallelujah and amen.

0:04:26 – Brian
Because at the beginning of fundraising season I guess the first or second night of fundraising season- the motor decided to start dying.

0:04:35 – Kayla
So this is all I’ve heard for six weeks, as your motor is.

0:04:44 – Brian
Interacting with my breathing. That’s what it’s doing, and so we’ve had everybody loves Raymond playing at night. All kind of things, trying to drown it out what I liked is when I got up to pee at one o’clock Golden Girls was on.

0:04:57 – Kayla
Oh, my word, that was pretty good.

0:04:59 – Brian
TMI. Oh, but there we go. I’m sure the people on this podcast, the people listening, go pee.

0:05:06 – Kayla
Okay, some of us use the word potty, oh, but all right.

0:05:09 – Brian
Okay, potty, wow. Okay, this is where we are. This is the end of five weeks of fundraising. Six, six, my filter’s a little broken.

0:05:20 – Kayla
Not to be clarifying or anything, but Not to be.

0:05:26 – Brian
We got to get to the next segment.

0:05:31 – Kayla
Life is a series of ups and downs. That’s a given. We all know that there’s no perfect day. You’re not promised anything, but I am not sure that we have ever seen a season as wild as the past three months.

0:05:48 – Brian
Yeah, there’s a spiritual principle here. If you listen to the episodes where we talked with our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we actually talked about this spiritual principle and I told Kay this morning I’d like to dedicate a segment of our podcast back to this principle. Again, it’s a principle that I call tiny mercies. Okay, because when there’s so much stuff going on, that’s bad. Yeah, I have to look for the good. Because here’s my thing If you’re constantly hearing the bad, it’s going to bring you down. Or if you constantly focus on the bad, guess what it’s going to do to you? Yeah, it’s going to bring you down. So you got to look for the good. For me, when you’re going through bad things, when you’re walking through the valley of the shadow, don’t just focus on that. Look for where else God is working and remind yourself of that.

0:06:45 – Kayla
We’ve hinted at this in other ways. When my dad passed away you know that I went through a very hard season. I developed a habit of keeping a gratitude journal.

0:06:55 – Brian
Hmm.

0:06:56 – Kayla
This is kind of like a living breathing gratitude journal, and I still do that to this day because we all trend toward the negative. There’s just so much of it in the world. Tiny mercies, seeing them, accepting who they are from, keep us from just drowning in the negative. So we’re going to walk through some things that have happened.

0:07:23 – Brian
In just the last five to six weeks.

0:07:26 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:27 – Brian
So first of all, probably one of my I mean, he’s one of my best friends in the world. He’s my executive assistant. He’s navigating the house fire.

0:07:37 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:37 – Brian
His house caught on fire.

0:07:38 – Kayla
And every week comes with a new layer to it. Yes, now they’re okay, nobody got hurt. The house is yeah, his house caught on fire, and every week comes with a new layer to it.

0:07:41 – Brian
Yes, now they’re okay. Nobody got hurt, the house is being cleaned, so there’s that, and then.

0:07:48 – Kayla
We have a sweet friend who she suddenly lost her dog and then learned on the heels of that that she was going to need a biopsy after a mammogram that showed some concerns.

0:08:01 – Brian
Then we had the sudden loss of a team member at PAR. He was a friend. He was on our future leadership team, which meant I interacted with him a lot as a mentor.

0:08:13 – Kayla
You two basically texted daily.

0:08:15 – Brian
Yes, I loved him. He was like a son, he was like a younger brother and just pouring into him and the Lord took him home. I mean 44 years old, I was just crushed.

0:08:30 – Kayla
We have a friend who lost her mother-in-law and within days of that she lost her aunt.

0:08:34 – Brian
Yes, we have a friend whose daughter was also in a car accident. Everybody’s listening to this right now and going. We are not getting around the Sanders for the next few months. We are going to avoid y’all.

0:08:48 – Kayla
We have a friend who’s walking a relative through dementia.

0:08:52 – Brian
And then your grandma passed away.

0:08:53 – Kayla
Yeah, we lost my grandma, and one of your best friends lost his dad.

0:08:57 – Brian
Yes.

0:08:58 – Kayla
And I mean there are things that forgive us if we have not highlighted it. That is just the icing on the cake of what has been going on behind the scenes.

And at the same time now, this is not to belabor this point we’ve been in a fundraising season which is it’s exhausting and it’s a spiritual attack at times, because you’re putting God’s message out there 12, 13 hours a day and you’re asking people to worship him with their money, and the enemy does not like that, and so it’s a given. We know that hard things are going to happen during fundraising season. This one has just felt to use one of the kids’ terms it’s felt extra, I mean.

0:09:45 – Brian
What’s that More?

0:09:47 – Kayla
A lot.

0:09:48 – Brian
Okay.

0:09:49 – Kayla
But even so we have seen so many tiny mercies.

0:09:55 – Brian
The Lord’s protection of our friends and the provision as they almost literally rebuild their home, I mean the Lord’s taking care of them.

0:10:03 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:10:04 – Brian
And provided, and I will try to help him focus on that too.

0:10:09 – Kayla
on the good, the reminders. Yeah, we got news that the biopsy that revealed some issues. None of them are invasive carcinoma and all of them are benign. We’re thankful for that so thankful.

0:10:25 – Brian
A team of 65 people that’s poured out love, even as they collectively grieve so many losses. This team fundraised through grief. They fundraised through all these different. It’s been like a pinball machine getting hit here, hit here, and yet they kept moving forward.

0:10:42 – Kayla
The resilience.

0:10:43 – Brian
Yes.

0:10:44 – Kayla
And the care. Yeah, we have both seen. Now this is something you and I talk about a lot and we could spend an hour just on this. Prayer comes easy to me. It’s hard. I love to pray, but it’s been a growth process for you.

0:11:01 – Brian
For years.

0:11:02 – Kayla
You find studying and reading easier.

0:11:04 – Brian
Oh, it comes like a second nature, I feel like.

0:11:06 – Kayla
Talking to God is just. It’s a constant for me, and yet we have both seen a deepening of that.

0:11:13 – Brian
In the last two or three months, the Lord’s turned my heart. Now I still read, I still study, I still love it.

0:11:19 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:11:22 – Brian
But I also find myself throughout the day I’ll just be praying. I’ve never been like that before, Never. I will still do my main prayers in the morning, but throughout the day I’ll just be praying and I’m like, who am I? Now? That’s not bragging on me, it’s that. That’s a tiny mercy the Lord has given me during this season, he’s changed your heart. Well, you needed changing.

0:11:46 – Kayla
There’s been a true slowing down. We’ve had to choose rest at times and we have found peace in the simplest of things. It’s not been anything grand or epic that has given us joy. It’s been the little things.

0:12:00 – Brian
We have a church family that’s continued to bless and grow us, and Bible study classes and sermons reminded us again and again of who he is, no matter how life is. I was texting with our pastor the other night and this is just another tiny mercy. And it’s also hilarious. I got a new book on theology and so I just took a picture of it and I texted it to him. And what does he text me back? A picture of a Dr Seuss book. In other words, you’re reading that and I’m reading this. That’s hilarious.

0:12:32 – Kayla
Absolutely hilarious. We had had a really tough day. It was just. Leadership comes with its own level of drama, but this day just had about three days worth. On our drive home, there was a beautiful rainbow. Reminder of a promise, and it was a reminder of a promise, and it was as if God was whispering I’ve got this, and it was just. It was a very sweet moment. A friend left random flowers on the front porch.

0:13:04 – Brian
Nobody does that for me. I don’t get random flowers.

0:13:07 – Kayla
Oh, OK.

0:13:08 – Brian
Well, you got to enjoy them I found that sweet for you that during your grief, your friend.

0:13:14 – Kayla
Oh, it was.

0:13:15 – Brian
it was beautiful, just showed up with the just left him on the front porch.

0:13:18 – Kayla
And I enjoyed them for like two and a half weeks. I just I didn’t want to let them go.

0:13:24 – Brian
A fundraising season that went from four weeks to six because of the loss of a team member, and yet the Lord blessed us with 103% of goal. Who would have thought? I mean, I’m sitting here, blown away.

0:13:38 – Kayla
Knowing what people are having to spend for groceries and gas, and there’s all the things. There’s graduation parties, there’s end of year this and end of year that, and for people to say, oh, I want to support this ministry, Absolutely wild.

0:13:53 – Brian
I’ve also felt the closeness of the Lord in this season. I mean, I don’t say that lightly, because most of the times I don’t feel him, and that’s normal life, but he has been near to us in the last four to six weeks.

0:14:09 – Kayla
Yeah, it’s nothing to shake off. When you feel a peace that is unnatural, when you’re going through hard thing after hard thing and you see the Lord’s goodness in giving you peace, even for moments of the day. I hope you can stop and say that’s God, Because we’re not wired for that as humans. We just aren’t.

0:14:36 – Brian
I’m also thankful for the kindness of friendships.

0:14:39 – Kayla
Oh, my goodness, yes, we have had so many text messages and cards, and a friend even took the time. This blew me away. She had some wind chimes inscribed with my grandmother’s name, and so when I see them and the wind blows, it’s to remind me of her and the Lord’s goodness. People have gifted us plants and I’m going to do my best, y’all, to keep them alive. Don’t get your hopes up. Y’all Stop. We’ve been given meals and, yeah, it’s just and not just us. I have seen this play out for team member after team member. I’ve seen our church do this for loved ones in our church that are going through hard times or in different seasons, and this is what it looks like. This is what the tiny mercies look like when life is tough.

0:15:36 – Brian
So again, here’s the spiritual principle when you’re going through stuff, even on days when you’re not, keep a little folder or keep a journal and write down the tiny mercies, write down the good you see, don’t just focus on the negative stuff you’re going through. Turn your head and look and see where else he is working, what you’re learning about him, what you’re learning about yourself, and that will actually encourage your heart to keep on going.

0:16:05 – Kayla
It will. It’s twofold. I will say this when you are able to reframe your thinking and see his mercy, you also become a person that shows it to others.

0:16:18 – Brian
Amen, so keep hope alive. Look for the tiny mercies. Well, this is your topic. You’ve been bringing this up.

0:16:32 – Kayla
I have and, okay, I’m going to be brave because this comes with. First of all, it comes with a confession. I was getting ready for church a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those weeks where I had not planned well. I did not get my outfit together.

0:16:49 – Brian
the night before. When have we planned? There’s that.

0:16:54 – Kayla
I was trying to get ready for church, I was trying to put an outfit together. Everything I tried on it was either too tight or it was uncomfortable, or I just it didn’t feel appropriate for the weather and I had a little bit of a meltdown, and you didn’t know it at the time. But I mean I had a mini meltdown because I was just so irked with myself and with this phase of life.

0:17:22 – Brian
And I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person. This phase of life.

0:17:26 – Kayla
I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person, and please don’t roll your eyes if you’re listening to this. For 45 years of my life, the number on the scale was exactly the same. It may have fluctuated one or two degrees, but I had this crazy metabolism. I could eat anything. Now, if I sniff cake, I gain three pounds.

0:17:49 – Brian
That’s not true. It is it’s not true?

0:17:52 – Kayla
I sniff cake. So it was just. It was this moment where I, just I was so frustrated because I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, which led me into a spiral of well, this is your own fault because of this, this, this and this. But then I had to take a step back and remind myself of some things. Loving ourselves, even when we don’t like certain aspects, is crucial to remembering whose we are. God doesn’t define any of us by the way we look, or by our weight, or by how many goals we’re crushing.

0:18:35 – Brian
This is a huge hurdle for me. I’m trying not to get emotional because I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. Yeah, I have been on. I’ve been on over probably over 200 diets in my time, my lifetime member of Jenny Craig. I don’t go there anymore.

0:18:53 – Kayla
Do they even still exist?

0:18:54 – Brian
Yeah, you go online. Oh, okay, but this is a huge issue for me because this is really personal. Every day, in my prayer app, I actually ask forgiveness for my size and I ask him to forgive me for being this large, because I feel like it’s a sin for me to be like this.

0:19:16 – Kayla
Oh mercy.

0:19:17 – Brian
So I appreciate your words that we have to love ourselves, even though there may not be certain aspects of ourselves that we don’t like.

0:19:25 – Kayla
Yeah, and that’s hard to do. It just is Because we can easily become our own critic.

0:19:33 – Brian
Every day. Now let me say this there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a healthier us.

0:19:39 – Kayla
No, because we’re both doing that. Yes, yeah.

0:19:43 – Brian
But you’ve got to pursue Christ more yes, then you got to pursue Christ more yes, then you have to pursue that. So, because I can’t believe, I’m going to say this you’re not a number on a scale you’re not I feel like I am yeah but we’re not and my appearance and certain things I mean the aesthetic of our home or the life’s comforts that we’ve acquired.

0:20:09 – Kayla
None of that sits higher than our image in Christ. And so, yeah, it’s. Am I seeing the needs of those around me as I see my own goals and desires? Am I accepting again whose I am, rather than the conditions that I’ve put on being seen as good and yeah, and fitting into this mold of society? That, yeah, which lends me to this, and this is the whole thing that I’ve been chewing on for the last few weeks. It really matters the voices we listen to. Not everyone needs to cold plunge. That’s this big trend now where everyone’s doing these cold plunges or detox or drink a gallon of water every day.

0:21:02 – Brian
Is a cold plunge, like where you jump in the ice water.

0:21:05 – Kayla
Yeah. I ain’t doing that well it’s. It’s this big trend right now, but it’s not necessarily safe for everyone jacket I’d give it a go but also, just because I may embrace minimal minimalism in some areas of my life, it doesn’t mean that everyone has to, and there’ll be other areas where I don’t so, but here’s the thing.

So this is kind of two-sided and I may sound like I’m contradicting myself. When we do refuse to hear from others because we don’t want to feel challenged or perhaps gifted a perspective that can help us to learn and grow, then we’re limiting ourselves, because this is why it is so important to assess the voices that are yours.

This kind of builds on the whole boundary thing we talked about last time, but you need people who are speaking truth to you. So this is not saying that no one gets to have a say, but you have to be the one to decide what you take away from that. And if you block everyone out and say, well, no one’s going to tell me what’s good for me or what’s bad for me, and I’m just going to put on my blinders, because, truthfully, one of the best things I did was listen to a trainer who helped me to believe that I could accomplish things that I never would have dreamed I could, and helped me overcome a sugar addiction and helped me to focus on specific goals, but at the same time, I’ve had to find my own way on a few things like something as silly as okay, this is how much water I should drink today. But we live in a world where so much messaging is coming at us.

0:22:53 – Brian
Everybody.

0:22:55 – Kayla
And there’s this bent towards and I’m just being real, I had to even check myself there is this bent towards secular messaging that is drowning out biblical truth and what Christ would tell us to do in relationships and in taking care of the temple that he’s given us, which is our body, and various other things. And so, yeah, it’s a lot more to unpack, but yeah, y’all, don’t forget this Our bodies, they are complicated.

0:23:26 – Brian
In the relationship that we have with them, and even the people that, like you, adore, like I’d like to be like that person, there’s things about their body that they hate. Yeah, they absolutely hate. So find your best path and walk. It’s all I can say. Is that wisdom, or is that?

0:23:43 – Kayla
Oh, absolutely, and I love what a friend shared with me several years back. What if we take a moment to appreciate all the seasons that our bodies have carried us through? What if we think about all the ways that our bodies have cared for us in good and bad times?

0:24:03 – Brian
We haven’t given up yet that get you.

0:24:09 – Kayla
Yeah, that got me.

0:24:12 – Brian
I can tell you this I’m out of summer and fall. I think I’m in winter.

0:24:15 – Kayla
Stop Seriously. If we take a step back and think about all that our bodies have done to serve us, maybe we would be a little kinder to them.

0:24:29 – Brian
I will try, I’m going to promise. Oh, I know.

0:24:32 – Kayla
Well, this is hard for all of us.

0:24:34 – Brian
It could carry a little bit more ice cream, and I’m sure that there’s going to be another meltdown when I need to put an outfit together.

0:24:41 – Kayla
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there, clueless watching Meet the Press outfit together.

0:24:42 – Brian
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there clueless watching Meet the Press. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the Peas and Carrots podcast and, by the way, we’d like to send you a Peas and Carrots coffee mug.

0:24:55 – Kayla
Yes, and Cute little stickers.

0:24:58 – Brian
There’s a How’s that go. Cute little stickers.

0:25:02 – Kayla
She loves. I love the stickers. She does so the first two folks to go to our website, which is Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:10 – Brian
When you get there, what do you look for?

0:25:12 – Kayla
Look for the trivia button. Okay, and you answer this week’s trivia question, which is “what is a tiny mercy in your life?” So go to our website Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:28 – Brian
Click on the trivia button and what’s this week’s question?

0:25:31 – Kayla
What is a tiny mercy in your life?

0:25:34 – Brian
Yeah, answer that question. We’ll send you a coffee mug and some cute little stickers.

0:25:41 – Kayla
You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots podcast. And hey, you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:25:47 – Brian
And, hey, you can also search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit us at our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. And, by the way, what are those stickers again, what do you call them? They’re cute and little.

0:26:05 – Announcer
For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

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Season 3, Episode 11: Progress Over Perfection

Progress Over Perfection
Progress Over Perfection - Episode Description
Our studio is bursting with quirks and chuckles, and we, Brian and Kayla, can’t wait to bring you into the fold. Picture this: a Christmas tree and an Easter rabbit in a humorous standoff, a Star Wars pen collection growing faster than the Millennium Falcon can make the Kessel Run, and us – the couple who opts for a single entrée to avoid dozing off at the dinner table. But it’s not all giggles and themed mugs; we’re baring our souls too. Sit with us as we navigate the winding roads of healing and growth that follow life’s setbacks, drawing powerful parallels between bouncing back from personal struggles and recovering from major surgery. It’s an intimate look at how embracing change makes us tougher, wiser, and ready for the next chapter.
Then, buckle up for both laughter and learnings as we recount travel tales that veer off the beaten path. You’ll get our top tips to keep your travels smooth, including the lifesaving power of snacks and the art of staying zen amidst chaos. Stories of our own misadventures, like a treacherous hike at Nakalula Falls and a dental fiasco in Greece, will remind you to pack flexibility alongside your sense of humor. Share a laugh with us and pick up some travel wisdom that might just save your next vacation from going awry. And who knows? Your own travel tip could land you a cozy spot on our show – plus, some Peas and Carrots swag to boot.
Progress Over Perfection - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. I’m Kayla and I’m Brian. Hello to this week’s vegetable patch edition. Mm-hmm. And we’re surrounded now by like new critters. 

 

0:00:24 – Kayla

We are and we were gifted a mug, a new critters we are. And we were gifted a mug, a new mug. 

 

0:00:28 – Brian

Yeah, like a camp style mug. 

 

0:00:31 – Kayla

It’s very cute. 

 

0:00:32 – Brian

From Joy FM, one of the PAR radio stations. They did a Peas and Carrots edition mug. 

 

0:00:39 – Kayla

And we have these new mic flags. What in the world does that mean? 

 

0:00:43 – Brian

These go on the end of the microphone so that when we do pictures or video or something like that, you’ll see the logo. 

 

0:00:51 – Kayla

I see a little pea and a carrot looking at me, so it’s very cute. 

 

0:00:55 – Brian

Very, what Cute. You love cute stuff, don’t you? I do. 

 

0:00:58 – Kayla

So for those keeping score, our Christmas tree did not come down. I’m okay with that well, it was a very cold and dreary week so it kind of worked out it was a dark and stormy night. 

 

It worked out in our favor, but we ended up. We had a very busy weekend last weekend and we were traveling for the first half of the week, so I just never got to it. And and now the Easter rabbit is staring at the tree. So I think we have a showdown. Coming Easter rabbit. I have this stuffed. Well, it’s not really stuffed. 

 

0:01:34 – Brian

I’ve always called him the Easter bunny. 

 

0:01:36 – Kayla

Well, he’s a rabbit, the one I’m talking about. It’s the one that I got before Pier 1 closed. 

 

0:01:42 – Brian

He sits on the I know what he’s talking about before Pier 1 closed. 

 

0:01:45 – Kayla

He sits on the. I know what you’re talking about. He’s got attitude, he’s so cute, but he’s staring at the tree. So yeah, anyway, easter and Christmas are colliding at our house. This is where we are. We’re just a hot mess. You have a new obsession. 

 

0:01:57 – Brian

I do. 

 

0:01:59 – Kayla

It’s fun. 

 

0:01:59 – Brian

It is. My executive assistant, Adam, got me a Darth Vader pin for Christmas, and, as you know, I’m a Star Wars fan, so he told me where he got it from. So now I have a Kylo Ren pin, an R2-D2 pin as well, and there’s a Yoda one as well, so I’m probably going to order that one soon as well. Hilarious, they write so well, do they? Yeah, they write well, so I’m probably going to order that one soon as well. Hilarious they write so well do they, yeah, they write well. 

 

0:02:28 – Kayla

B. 

 

0:02:29 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

We have become that couple. 

 

0:02:32 – Brian

In what way? 

 

0:02:34 – Kayla

What do we do when we go to a restaurant, we now share one entree. 

 

0:02:37 – Brian

Yes, we most certainly do. I’m not ashamed of it. And if it’s dinner, we definitely do, because we can’t go to bed on a full stomach, no, and we go to bed so early now that yeah, I went to bed at 7:45 last night and I fell asleep, napped for an hour and a half in the chair, hour and a half before that. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

So yeah, again, it’s been a busy week, but we are those people. We used to make fun of those people. 

 

0:03:01 – Brian

You know that right, yes, so here we are, the knw cafeteria. So yeah, I mean I don’t. This is like I’m not ashamed. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not ashamed. I thought I had healed from that. I thought I was over it yeah, yeah, oh. 

 

0:03:23 – Kayla

I recently found myself dealing with a situation that just shook me. It left me questioning so many things and it was a trigger and I know everyone throws that word around but I found myself in a situation that just upended me. And yet here was my takeaway my initial reaction was not the greatest, but I found myself processing and responding, ultimately, in healthier ways than my old self would have. I got there a lot faster than I used to, so there were a few things that I realized, and you and I started talking about this because we’ve both had some hard situations lately. And do you ever feel like you kind of want to climb out of your own skin and just observe and watch how you’re doing with certain things? 

 

0:04:19 – Brian

If it helped me lose weight. 

 

0:04:20 – Kayla

I’d do that. 

 

0:04:22 – Brian

Go ahead. 

 

0:04:24 – Kayla

But the first thing that I realized is healing is not linear. It’s natural to experience setbacks up and down and it’s a choice to just not go back to the old ways or to default to the negative thinking. But yes, it is very it’s like up, down down two steps forward, one steps back. So that’s the first thing I realized. 

 

0:04:50 – Brian

What I liken that to is that consider having major surgery, that you have some major surgery for something and yet the doctor says you will recover, yeah, okay. Well, whenever I hear recover, I’m thinking I’m going to feel exactly the way before. I ever had this problem. Well, that may not be the case, because you may leave with a limp, you can still walk, you can still do it, and the healing works. Or you may need some rehab, or just some rehab, yeah, but you may not return to your former self. But you’re able to move forward. And in that example, what I like to think is that you probably leave tougher. Yeah, you probably leave wiser. 

 

0:05:35 – Kayla

Because you have to be a little bit scrappy in the recovery.

 

0:05:39 – Brian

Yeah, so for me in that is, we have this false thing that because I’ve been through this, okay, I want to go back to what life was like before that happened. You’re not going to be able to go through that at all. Okay, for example, whenever my dad died, whenever your dad died, you can’t go back to life before that happened. You can’t have that kind of peace again, but you can have a new life. 

 

0:06:09 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:06:11 – Brian

And a life will actually grow up around that grief. That’s just an example. I’m using. 

 

0:06:16 – Kayla

That’s good. I’ve also been reminded that I’m not responsible all the time for what happens, because there are things outside of our control, but I am responsible for how I react in those situations. That is on me and that’s hard because we’re all human and sometimes that looks like we want to react in anger or we want to react in. 

 

0:06:46 – Brian

I would react in anger. 

 

0:06:48 – Kayla

Or we want justice or we want to have our say, and that’s not always the way it should be. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is just sit with it and ultimately ask God what are you trying to teach me here? What is it about me that you’re trying to grow in this process? 

 

0:07:10 – Brian

That makes me think of Joseph in the Old Testament. He was thrown into a pit sold into slavery. He was accused of a sexual crime that he didn’t commit, forgotten about in prison, finally got out, became governor of Egypt. 

 

0:07:27 – Kayla

And this was all after his brother sold him. 

 

0:07:29 – Brian

Yeah, this is all after yeah, he had such a smooth ride. Yeah, Got off on a great foot there. But throughout that whole time, when you read it, Joseph kept saying but the Lord is with me. 

 

0:07:42 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:07:43 – Brian

And I don’t know I’m going to be honest. I don’t know if I could say that I’m just being brutally honest. 

 

0:07:50 – Kayla

No, because I’d be like God where are you? 

 

0:07:52 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:07:53 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:07:54 – Brian

That’s a faith, but at the same time, I also believe this that Joseph, while he’s in that pit, while he’s in that prison, the Lord would give grace for you to believe that, for you to trust in that. 

 

0:08:10 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:11 – Brian

So that’s where I am. So there’s a truth here. Joseph is a good reminder that God will use our mess and he’s not abandoned us. It may not feel like he’s there. 

 

0:08:24 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:26 – Brian

But he’s there. Therefore, think about this how many different things did Joseph have to go through before he felt healed, before he felt delivered? 

 

0:08:37 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:38 – Brian

And all that stuff he was going through. It was equipping him, getting him ready for what was coming. 

 

0:08:42 – Kayla

That’s right. Yeah Well, it made him a heck of a leader one day. 

 

0:08:45 – Brian

It did, yeah, it did. 

 

0:08:47 – Kayla

Another one for me. I can choose not to be defined by what is happening. 

 

0:08:54 – Brian

I don’t really want to talk about that. 

 

0:08:55 – Kayla

Rejection does not make me a reject. Being overlooked does not make me invisible. Making others feel small does not make me bigger. Make me bigger. Those are all truths that when we’re going through a hard situation, it’s good to reject those voices or those patterns of behavior that well, if I could just feel better about myself. At what cost are we going to do that? I think that’s the question we have to ask ourselves. And it’s hard. 

 

0:09:31 – Brian

You said I can be rejected, but I’m not a rejection. 

 

0:09:37 – Kayla

A reject yeah. 

 

0:09:38 – Brian

Reject. There’s a meme that keeps coming up on my Instagram and I haven’t shared it and it’s very personal to me. I don’t know how this meme keeps finding me. It says you have fat, you are not fat, and I’ve seen this like two or three times now and I get so emotional when I see it. 

 

0:10:03 – Kayla

Yeah. Because, you fear that. That’s how you are defined. 

 

0:10:07 – Brian

Oh yes, a hundred percent. Because whenever I walk into a room, the first thing you see about me is my size. Now, at the same time, you’re talking about rejection. This is hard for me, because I struggle with acceptance and rejection. That’s a big deal for me as an Enneagram too. A big deal for me as an Enneagram too. So I try to stay grounded, and I mean this because I remind myself that Jesus loves me, Jesus accepts me, and that you, Miss Kayla, you love me and that you have accepted me. 

 

0:10:41 – Kayla

And the truth is so do many others. But when you’re struggling with something that’s kind of kicked you on the back of your heels, it’s hard to believe that. Yes, the last one for me is progress over perfection. I live by the once. I know better, do better mindset, and as God reveals areas to me that I still need to work some more in it’s on me to embrace that, but also to accept that the truth is I’m created in his image. He loves me. He knows the things that I’m going to need some pruning or some time, and it doesn’t take anything away from how he sees me and how valued I am by him, from how he sees me and how valued I am by him. 

 

When I need to learn that lesson for the 10th or the 20th time or I regress to something that I thought that I had outgrown, it’s hard for me to forgive myself. When I do go back to either a pattern of behavior or a mindset where I’m believing all those worst like tapes running through my head. Well, you should have figured this out by now. You should have grown in this. This shouldn’t bother you anymore. This shouldn’t be something that you struggle with. God’s in the midst of all that, and there’s something he’s still wanting me to learn, and that’s why he keeps presenting these situations for me. 

 

0:12:13 – Brian

I struggle with perfection in certain areas, like whenever I speak before people. I want to be perfect. I don’t want to stutter, I want to have all the right points, and sometimes I’ll get trapped within my own personality, like I want to share a joke or something like that and that can derail me and that will beat me up. I want to be perfect when it comes to food, but I love pepperoni, so that gets me in trouble. 

 

0:12:46 – Kayla

You are brutal to yourself if you make a mistake during the day, like if you feel like you mis-stepped with a team member. 

 

0:12:54 – Brian

I feel like I’ve disappointed them and OK, this goes back to this, and now they’re not going to accept me, they’re going to reject me and ultimately they could leave the organization, and I’m trying hard to lay that expectation down. 

 

0:13:08 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:13:08 – Brian

Because it does suffocate me. And the bottom line there is remembering that we don’t have that expectation down. 

 

0:13:11 – Kayla

Yeah, because it does suffocate me, and the bottom line there is remembering that we don’t have that much control. God is ultimately sovereign over all of this. 

 

0:13:19 – Brian

That got said. You’re 100% right. Why do you have to be so smart and be so wise? 

 

0:13:26 – Kayla

Oh, I wish, oh, you are, you are. So there we go. Just some thoughts on if there’s something in your life that you’re struggling with and you feel like it’s just a broken record and you keep having to face this again and again, you keep having to revisit this hard situation, look back at how a former version of you would have dealt with it and see even the incremental ways that God is working in and through you. 

 

0:13:59 – Brian

Very powerful. Before we get started on this next segment, I just want to paint a picture for folks to, here we go. 

 

0:14:13 – Kayla

I just want to paint a picture for folks behind Miss Kayla. 

 

0:14:14 – Brian

There’s a table what in the world? 

 

0:14:16 – Kayla

and there are one two, three, you have four Godzillas sitting there are four Godzillas and there’s two or three more in my office. 

 

0:14:21 – Brian

I need to bring over this is out of control, but this is what a podcast studio should look like no, it should not yes and then behind her, against the wall, is Abraham L… 

 

0:14:30 – Kayla

It’s a real mix match of things in here. 

 

0:14:34 – Brian

I’ve got. 

 

0:14:34 – Kayla

Darth Vader to my left. 

 

0:14:37 – Brian

Wow, and then here on the studio console. 

 

0:14:40 – Kayla

Apparently, my only contribution is a Peas and Carrots stuffy, so.

 

0:14:48 – Brian

Bitter party of one. Your table is ready, anyway. Party of one. Here’s ready. Anyway, party of one. Here we are okay. 

 

0:14:53 – Kayla

So I, just now, I’m creeped out by what’s behind me he’s not gonna bother you he’s. He’s a titan. He saves, oh my gosh. Okay. So here we are our best travel tips and a couple of travel stories. So this will be fun. Um, it’s getting close to you. There’s spring break trips. It’s that time of year where people are going to start planning their summer vacation. So we thought we would share with you just a few things we’ve learned as a couple, and, of course, we’re being self-deprecating, so just bear with us. 

 

0:15:28 – Brian

But, for example, you need to accept that one of you likes to arrive at the airport three hours before the flight and the other one doesn’t mind getting there one hour before. So go ahead and accept that you’re going to get there Three hours before yes, you’re welcome. 

 

0:15:46 – Kayla

Never missed a flight because of me. 

 

0:15:47 – Brian

We live with an airport that has six gates. I don’t care, six Uh-huh. Never missed a flight because of me. We live with an airport that has six gates. Don’t care, six Uh-huh. We could get there 45 minutes before the flight and we’d be fine. 

 

0:15:58 – Kayla

So that leads to my next tip Pack snacks, because nothing says a bad travel day, like two hangry people who are likely also tired because one of them insisted on that three-hour pre-flight window. So pack snacks. 

 

0:16:17 – Brian

I’m a snack fan, you know. So yeah, crackers, that kind of stuff I’m good, and usually we’re there. So early in the morning that the little store, the little place isn’t open yet. Not that I’m angry about that. 

 

0:16:28 – Kayla

I’m a little sassy about this. 

 

0:16:29 – Brian

Okay, I’m not. You were going after Godzilla earlier. Oh my gosh, there it is there. If I can get one of those a day, I consider that a win, a successful day for the day. I can go home. I can go home all right. 

 

0:16:44 – Kayla

What would you say is your next tip? 

 

0:16:46 – Brian

okay, for me, my tip would be don’t create extra stress. Be the calm one. 

 

0:16:53 – Kayla

What does that mean? Tread carefully. 

 

0:16:59 – Brian

One of you is probably going to worry about everything. Is the gate going to change, is the plane going to be on time, will we land there on time? And your point I’m giving out a travel tip, okay, okay. So one of you will probably be worried about everything, the other one of you. You need to be calm and project that and that everything will be okay. And even if it’s not, what can you change about it? And you might get there a little bit later. So to me, that kind of helps balance things out. Okay, that’s my tip. 

 

0:17:35 – Kayla

Which lends to what you were also about to share, which is another good one Leverage your strengths, and that’s kind of what you were hinting at. Who can keep up with the details? That would be me we’re not naming names, oh, as if we weren’t with the. Don’t create stress. And who can weave in spontaneity and fun? Because you do. Sometimes you just need to chill out and there are things again. Wow, there’s a lot about control in this episode, but there are things that you can control and there are things you can’t. So one of you needs to keep up with the time of the flights and all that jazz, but one of you needs to make sure that you’re having fun along the way. So there we go. 

 

0:18:23 – Brian

For this is my final tip Go somewhere you love Now. I don’t mind trying a new adventure. That’s fine, but be comfortable with wherever you’re going to go. 

 

0:18:31 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:18:32 – Brian

Now we have changed our plans because, after we thought about it, we’re like, we’re not. 

 

0:18:36 – Kayla

There’s a lot going on in the world. We were actually we’ve shared in another podcast we were going to go to Italy this summer. After some discussion and just looking at well, first of all, some things going on in life around us and then things going on in the world around us, we opted to stay in the United. States this summer. So yeah, so yeah. Make sure that you’re both on the same page with your travel plans. Which lends us to a couple of stories. 

 

0:19:06 – Brian

A couple of stories. There was a concert series that would always show up in Gadsden, Alabama. I’m a big Southern Gospel music guy. There’s two groups Gold City and then the Kingsman. I’m a huge Kingsman fan. 

 

0:19:20 – Kayla

And we would go for their reunion. 

 

0:19:22 – Brian

Yes, we would go there for that, and there’s a place there called. 

 

0:19:27 – Kayla

Nakalula Falls. It’s beautiful. 

 

0:19:29 – Brian

It is, and it’s named after an Indian girl. 

 

0:19:32 – Kayla

Yeah, there’s this whole story. There’s a whole story there.

 

0:19:35 – Brian

But you can go hiking down to Noccalula Falls. We were told it was a moderate hike. 

 

0:19:43 – Kayla

Well, their definition of a moderate hiking trail does not match ours, because we nearly died. 

 

0:19:49 – Brian

Coming back up that. 

 

0:19:50 – Kayla

We got to the bottom it wasn’t bad. 

 

0:19:52 – Brian

Oh, it was too coming back up that. 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

We got to the bottom. Going down wasn’t bad. Oh it was too. 

 

0:19:58 – Brian

But coming back up, but getting back up from I thought y’all were going to leave me down there. 

 

0:20:00 – Kayla

Listen, if they’d had cell phones back then, we’d have been texting somebody and saying send a helicopter. 

 

0:20:06 – Brian

Because it was rough, it was hot. 

 

0:20:08 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:20:09 – Brian

Oh, I think we have a picture of us coming up. Oh, hot, yes, oh, I think we have a picture of us coming up. 

 

0:20:12 – Kayla

Oh my gosh, yeah, it was not a good and y’all, this was back in the 90s and some girl had the idea to wear her denim overalls and I was dying by the time we got back to the top. 

 

0:20:23 – Brian

So then there was a time that we took a trip to Turkey, to the seven churches of the Revelation, uh-huh. On the way back, maybe was it to Greece or to Turkey. 

 

0:20:34 – Kayla

It was to Greece. This was when we went to Greece. 

 

0:20:37 – Brian

So we’re coming back from Greece on the plane and I look at you and your mouth is swollen. 

 

0:20:42 – Kayla

Like a chipmunk. 

 

0:20:43 – Brian

I said baby, are you okay? You’re like I’m hurting. 

 

0:20:46 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:20:47 – Brian

And on the flight from Greece to back to new Orleans, 14 hours. 

 

0:20:54 – Kayla

The dentist told me the next day that due to the change in pressure on the plane, an already aggravated wisdom tooth it caused a reaction. And it was impacted and it got very angry and so my entire jaw swelled. We got very angry and so my entire jaw swelled. We got home Sunday. I was at the dentist on Monday and on Wednesday I had all of my wisdom teeth out, so it was quite an adventure. 

 

0:21:22 – Brian

It was yeah, and it was. 

 

0:21:24 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:21:25 – Brian

I guess we’re scaring our people with our travel stories here. 

 

0:21:28 – Kayla

No, I mean, it was good. 

 

0:21:30 – Brian

You got to be flexible because stuff’s going to happen. That’s right, and remember this that whatever does happen, it will create a great story. 

 

0:21:38 – Kayla

Oh, absolutely. It’s very random, but anytime we mentor a young couple, the one thing we tell them about your wedding is something’s going to go wrong that day. 

 

0:21:49 – Brian

But you’re going to laugh about it later. 

 

0:21:51 – Kayla

It’s going to be the thing that you remember and you will laugh about it for years to come. So, as you are making your travel plans, just prepare for something to go sideways and just have fun with it. 

 

0:22:05 – Brian

I remember one time at Disney we were down there and we saw this family, probably five or six of them, leaving the hotel and they’re like are y’all ready to go to the happiest place on earth? And all the little kids. 

 

0:22:16 – Kayla

Everybody’s smiling, everybody’s smiling. 

 

0:22:18 – Brian

The girls are in their little princess outfits and we see them, I guess, four or five hours later at a Disney park and there’s a total meltdown. 

 

0:22:29 – Kayla

And it’s the adults having a meltdown, not the kids. The dad is losing it. 

 

0:22:33 – Brian

The dad says this is not the happiest. I mean he’s having a fit. We just kept on walking. 

 

0:22:39 – Kayla

We just kept laughing. 

 

0:22:40 – Brian

Dad needed a nap. Yeah, that would have been good. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s episode, and you could win a peas and carrots coffee mug and Miss Kayla’s favorite, the stickers. A pack of stickers. Yeah so, but you have to answer a trivia question correctly, so you have to go to our website go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:23:04 – Kayla

Look for the trivia button, click that and here’s what we want to know. Okay, what is a travel tip that you would share with us? Because I know there are many, many more. We did not share all of them, but what would you share with us and we’ll share that on a future podcast. 

 

0:23:23 – Brian

So what’s your travel tip? If you answer that question, you simply go to our website. 

 

0:23:28 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com 

 

0:23:30 – Brian

And you click on the trivia button, answer that question. When you do, we’ll send you a mug and some cute stickers. 

 

0:23:37 – Kayla

You can search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website at peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:23:47 – Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. I love all the Godzillas behind me. 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

Oh my gosh. 

 

0:23:55 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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Season 3, Episode 10: Biggest Fan

Biggest Fan - Episode Description

Join us this week on Peas and Carrots Podcast for a heartwarming and hilarious journey through the daily dance of our lives together. We share the ins and outs of trying to stick to new habits and routines, from daily trackers to a clever snack bucket system that keeps us on the path to healthier choices. Laugh along as we confess to the quirks in our habit-maintaining strategies and reveal our weekend plans to finally take down our Christmas tree.

We open up about the strength of support and encouragement in a marriage, emphasizing the need for both partners to be each other’s biggest fans. As we chat, you’ll discover the humor and humility in swapping household roles and the comedic results that can ensue. Our conversation is an ode to the idea that being there for each other through thick and thin fortifies a relationship, especially when facing the trials of everyday life. So tune in to hear how we navigate these dynamics with love, laughter, and a touch of grace.

In this installment, we also share some interesting facts about ourselves, discussing everything from the trivial frustrations of ‘reply all’ emails to the more profound personal struggles like dealing with nightmares. We reflect on the ways we each show up in the world, hiding our vulnerabilities behind loudness or stoicism. We’ll also have a few laughs as we share some of our comical quirks. So, grab your headphones, settle in, and let’s share life from our piece of the vegetable patch.

Biggest Fan - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:00:13 – Brian

I’m Brian and I’m Kayla, and thanks for being here this week. Right before, I mean just 10 seconds ago, before I press this button to record…

 

0:00:21 – Kayla

Uh-huh. 

 

0:00:22 – Brian

We were having a marital moment.

 

0:00:28 – Kayla

It wasn’t a big deal. When we test the microphones. I always say hello there, and you always growl and say mic check one, two right so I got a little sideways and said what is wrong with me saying hello there? So I admit I just got a lesson as to why the mic check one. Two is important is to make sure that my p’s are not popping well, and also it’s so my t’s don’t sound like and so it’s a long still think I should be able to say hello there. I’ll tell you what baby? 

 

you say whatever so anyway, hello there um, I’ll tell you what baby you say, whatever you want. 

 

0:01:06 – Brian

So anyway, hello there. Y’all see what she did there, don’t you? 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

How are we doing with our new habits? We’re keeping a daily tracker. 

 

0:01:15 – Brian

We’ve changed the way we grocery shop. I did great during February. It’s March, whatever, and I haven’t. I got to copy that over. 

 

0:01:22 – Kayla

Have you even created it? No, there’s only one more week of March. 

 

0:01:30 – Brian

I’ll start in April. Oh, I forgot all about that. I even have a little daily reminder, and he hasn’t asked no he hasn’t asked. Well then, why am? 

 

0:01:39 – Kayla

I filling this out because I haven’t missed a day. Okay, technically I think I missed yesterday. 

 

0:01:45 – Brian

Okay, see now. This is a perfect illustration of the difference between B and K. 

 

0:01:49 – Kayla

K is very detailed, and that is what I hoped was going to come out here. K is very detailed you seriously have not done March at all. I’ve not copied that over yet and Jesse has not asked. 

 

0:02:00 – Brian

No, because I’m killing myself in there. 

 

0:02:03 – Kayla

You are. We’ll come back to that, but. 

 

0:02:06 – Brian

I’ve not kept up with a single day. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

See, I guess we should explain what this is. In the morning we have certain habits that we can choose, like I am choosing to drink 20 ounces of pure water before 10 am, and then I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2. And then after 4, I am weaving in some like healthy vitamins. I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2, and then after 4,. I am weaving in some healthy vitamins. I’m journaling. I’m reading one chapter a day for leadership or personal growth. 

 

0:02:34 – Brian

What are you journaling? 

 

0:02:35 – Kayla

You just journal your thoughts. I keep a gratitude journal. I sometimes write down thoughts about the day I ain’t got time for that. Well, obviously you ain’t got time to fill out a habit tracker. 

 

0:02:48 – Brian

Well, mine had. I can’t remember what mine had on it. It was like drink water, but I can’t. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

But we do like a weekly snack budget or bucket, sorry, not well, we do budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket, budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket. It’s just weaving in some new habits so that if we are hungry you will go get a fruit bowl instead of we don’t keep crackers and chips and it’s very sad our pantry is very sad so, but our fridge is very happy, well, so yeah, what are we doing this weekend? 

 

0:03:28 – Brian

Oh Well, I know that this is so if people need to feel better about themselves oh. Oh, we’re taking down the Christmas tree. 

 

0:03:36 – Kayla

We are. 

 

0:03:38 – Brian

But I still like it being out. 

 

0:03:39 – Kayla

Well, it’s a winter tree. We turned it into a winter, but it’s spring. It’s officially spring. 

 

0:03:45 – Brian

I’m in a hoodie today. 

 

0:03:46 – Kayla

It is cold outside, but still Okay. So it’s coming down. For those of you who may feel like you’re behind in life, you’re not. 

 

0:03:54 – Brian

I’ll get to see the right corner of the TV for the first time in like 120 days. 

 

0:03:59 – Kayla

That’d be pretty awesome For the record. You are the one that asked me to leave the tree up. I am you. You are the record. 

 

0:04:04 – Brian

You are the one that asked me to leave the trio. I am, you are. I don’t mean I can’t complain about it. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m not going to complain about it. 

 

0:04:10 – Kayla

So there was a moment this morning. 

 

0:04:12 – Brian

Here we go. 

 

0:04:15 – Kayla

You have really I’ve got to brag on you. You have really stepped up with your workouts. You braved going to our trainer and telling him I need more, I need more intensity. 

 

0:04:25 – Brian

I’m down like 104 pounds you are. I’m down another pant size, but there was a very funny moment this morning. I’m on this exercise bike. I normally do like two miles and I’m at like 40 RPM. Okay, and that’s comfortable for me, I’ll do that. Well, he’s been challenging me to like really step up the pace. 

 

0:04:47 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:04:48 – Brian

So I went walking and I walked a mile and I cut six minutes off my one minute mile. Then I got on that bike and he’s like all right, let’s just crank it up. Well, I went as hard as I could. I had that mug up to like 54, 55 RPM and I went like over half a mile, like 0.6, almost overheated and I used that phrase. 

 

0:05:11 – Kayla

And this is how she, You’re not a car Well. 

 

0:05:18 – Brian

I started seeing stars. That’s the only phrase I could come up with. Overheated. Well yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with overheated. Well, yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with. And so I crawled off that bike and I’m sitting there on the box and Jesse, our trainer, comes up. He says you OK? I said no, I almost overheated. Then he got tickled and started laughing at me and that kind of stuff. But it’s working. I’ll say that I mean. 

 

0:05:42 – Kayla

You’re doing great. In all seriousness, you are pushing yourself so hard. 

 

0:05:47 – Brian

As are you and I can see the results. 

 

0:05:50 – Kayla

I really can. You’re feeling good about yourself. You had to buy some new blue jeans. 

 

0:05:55 – Brian

And a new belt. 

 

0:05:56 – Kayla

Even suspenders weren’t cutting it anymore. 

 

0:05:58 – Brian

So and your clothes are looking great, I mean you always do look classy. 

 

0:06:05 – Kayla

Oh, you’re very kind, but I did have to go down a size in all my pants. 

 

0:06:10 – Brian

And yeah. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

So, Finally from our cabbage patch. 

 

0:06:15 – Brian

Can I just say something? I am proud of myself, I’m proud of you, but y’all, we can’t walk or move in the evenings. Heating pads and Advil, and the next morning is just awful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

We just grunt and groan. 

 

0:06:27 – Brian

Snap, crackle, pop when you get up. 

 

0:06:31 – Kayla

Many have asked. 

 

0:06:33 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:06:34 – Kayla

How is my hip doing, and thank you to all who have asked. I can tell you when a front’s coming, so I do still have some fluid on my hip. It’s not as large, it’s not as pronounced, I guess, is the word I’m looking for. That’s a good word. And sitting for long periods is not as painful as it was. But I’m not ready to sign up for a marathon just yet. But hey, guess what it’s going to rain tomorrow. My hip tells me. 

 

0:07:05 – Brian

Kayla “the weathervane” Sanders. You had a conversation with a friend the other night about supporting one another in like ministry, because her and her husband are in ministry and we’re in ministry together, and that’s what led to this topic. Okay, yeah. So from there, why don’t you kind of ease us into this topic a little bit? 

 

0:07:34 – Kayla

Well, you and I have had this conversation several times over the last few months, but it did come up and it got me to thinking. What does it look like to support each other and to show up for each other in a relationship? Now, yes, this can be friendship, this can be family, this can be marriage. We are going to spend a good portion of the time talking about marriage, because we’re talking about B and K and how we do this for each other, or I guess I should say pea and carrot. There we go, but okay, it feels really weird to refer to yourself as vegetable. But anyway, what we’ve come to realize is that we are each other’s biggest fan, and so we want to unpack that and spend a little time For me, one of the first things I want to share I could not have navigated the career that I’ve had without your full and unwavering support. 

 

0:08:35 – Brian

And you’ll always have it, always. I feel like that’s part of the reason why God made me. That’s my role as a husband. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to cheer you, I’m supposed to support you. So, yeah, you will always have it For me. I could not be the leader I am without your willingness to be a sounding board and to hold a mirror up to me to show me who I really am, because I am very naive. I believe the best about people and I believe the best about me, and that’s part of my broken. So I need you to hold up a mirror sometimes. Say B, do you see this? 

 

0:09:17 – Kayla

Yeah, that also comes with caution, though. There are times when, as a spouse, if your person is really struggling, that may not be the time to hold up the mirror, just even if you know that there’s something that needs to be addressed, as with all things, kind of read the room on when you might need to. I did not say that, but I do try to be very careful. If you’ve had a really tough week and it’s come with a lot of hits, I’m probably not going to like pile on at that moment. 

 

0:09:54 – Brian

So pile on spaghetti and meat sauce. 

 

0:09:58 – Kayla

We just had lunch, but does that matter? We’re no, it’s time. 

 

0:10:02 – Brian

We’re hungry all the time now. 

 

0:10:05 – Kayla

This may be an unpopular opinion, but neither of our careers is superior to the other. We aren’t threatened by how God’s using the other or blessing the other, and there have been seasons where it feels like God has given a bounty to you in what you’re doing. And then there have been seasons where I’ve been the receiver of good gifts and we’re not the couple that one outshines the other. 

 

0:10:37 – Brian

So, building on that, let me say this we are each other’s advocates. 

 

0:10:40 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:10:41 – Brian

We don’t compete, you know. 

 

0:10:44 – Kayla

I am your biggest cheerleader and you are mine. 

 

0:10:46 – Brian

Yes, so let me so let me say this. It’s a huge flaw of mine. Whenever you’re venting to me or you’re sharing your heart, I oftentimes want to recommend solutions, and if I had a $10 bill for every time that you’ve said to me baby, just listen. 

 

0:11:09 – Kayla

I’m not asking you to fix anything. We could retire tomorrow. 

 

0:11:14 – Brian

We could retire tomorrow. But I got these great solutions, but for you, you just need to get this stuff off your heart, yeah. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

I have learned to say up front though, I’m not looking for a solution. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

How’s that working out? 

 

0:11:29 – Kayla

It’s gotten better. 

 

You have you really have gotten better at? Just I can tell you’re twitching a little bit because you just really want to fix it, but you are trying just to listen and not go in. But that’s one of your strengths as a leader is you’re a problem solver and you are a fixer. But sometimes I’m coming to you as a spouse and I’ve even said that, haven’t I? I’ve said to you B, I’m coming to you as K, not as one of your team members right now, and so that helps. There are seasons we have both seen this where I may need to carry more of the load at home due to outside work, and there are seasons where you may need to carry more of the work at home. 

 

0:12:15 – Brian

Okay, and speaking of, let me just say this, let me just say this up front. This, let me just say this up front the only way I can carry more of the load at home is like by helping to cook with food and cooking pick up dinner why don’t you wash clothes b? This has been over 30 years ago. Okay, I think you can trust me now nope what did you use? Too much of bleach and it put white splotches all over my clothes my clothes. I thought this happened before we got married. 

 

0:12:44 – Kayla

Oh, you tried this. You also shrunk one of my wool sweaters and it fit my friend’s four-year-old daughter. 

 

0:12:50 – Brian

I think that was somebody else, but I can cook and go pick up food. 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

What else do you try to keep clean for us? 

 

0:12:55 – Brian

My bathroom. But there’s a definition, there’s a moving definition of clean. 

 

0:13:03 – Kayla

Yeah, but here’s the thing We’ve learned that it’s a privilege to come alongside each other and show tangible ways to be a support in busy times. It’s not like there’s this job description that we stick rigidly to, especially in busy seasons, I agree. 

 

0:13:21 – Brian

Now I in busy seasons, I agree. Now I do not wash clothes. No, I wash dishes. But if I wash them, I rewash them. 

 

0:13:32 – Kayla

Well, sometimes you just use that little wand and you haven’t put any soap on it. 

 

0:13:37 – Brian

There is soap in the wand. 

 

0:13:39 – Kayla

No, there’s not anyway. 

 

0:13:41 – Brian

All right, moving on. 

 

0:13:42 – Kayla

Back. There’s not, anyway, all right. Moving on back to the cheerleader. You have always been my biggest cheerleader because you challenge me when I embrace negative self-talk. You encourage me when I’m trying something new or scary, and you know my tells, you know what’s going on when I’m scared or when I’m afraid to take a risk. You offer help without expecting to receive the credit or the spotlight, although I am quick to give shout outs when you do. 

 

0:14:09 – Brian

That’s a very big gift of yours. 

 

0:14:10 – Kayla

But you can tell when I’m stuck. 

 

0:14:14 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:15 – Kayla

And so you will cheer me on. This is the big thing here. You don’t allow me to give up or walk away from something. 

 

0:14:23 – Brian

You will make me stick it out because you see my potential and you want me to live into it yeah, there’s nothing I’m so grateful for that there’s nothing because I’ve done a lot of stuff scared I mean, you have embraced what god has given you and there’s nothing worse than walking away from that. 

 

0:14:42 – Kayla

Well, I had a great teacher, and he’s sitting across from me. 

 

0:14:46 – Brian

Let me just say this is that Kay is my rock and she steadies me. You speak life to me because I can spiral pretty quick. I can get very, I can get very down. I doubt myself so much and my personality type is that I will take care of everybody else but I’m going to ignore myself and you make sure that Brian gets taken care of. So thank you for that. I mean that, thank you. 

 

0:15:16 – Kayla

So the bottom line is this A relationship based on genuine love is one in which you’re constantly dying to yourself, and what that looks like is it’s easy to fall into that trap that I am more important than you are, my needs are more important than you are, my career is more important than you are. When you love a person and you see them as made in the image of Christ, you choose to cherish them and put them first. 

 

0:15:45 – Brian

I could not agree more. And scripture even says to husbands to love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. In other words, I’m supposed to even be willing to give up my life for you, and I do that in certain circumstances. Okay. 

 

0:16:06 – Kayla

On that note. 

 

0:16:07 – Brian

I’m kidding. In any circumstance, I believe that that’s my calling and that’s what I’m supposed to do, and I just want to say this baby, thank you for believing in me and supporting me. 

 

0:16:17 – Kayla

Right back at you. 

 

0:16:21 – Brian

Well, this should be fun, Just a few random facts about us. Okay. 

 

0:16:27 – Kayla

I hate to drive oh. 

 

0:16:29 – Brian

I don’t mind driving, I don’t mind taking you places. 

 

0:16:32 – Kayla

It is a necessary evil for me Now. You don’t want me driving after dark. I have night vision issues. 

 

0:16:40 – Brian

And let me say this and if it’s like more than two or three turns, I will take you, because you get prone to get. 

 

0:16:48 – Kayla

I won’t come back to that one. It might be on my list. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I hate to be bored. 

 

0:16:52 – Kayla

Oh, my goodness, yes. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

I like to be entertained, which? 

 

0:16:56 – Kayla

is part of why you read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

Yeah, but I can’t read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. Yeah, but I can’t stand, I cannot stand to be bored. I need to have a show, a book. There needs to be a person talking to me, yep. Or like this morning when I got up oh my gosh 4.30 in the morning. 

 

0:17:16 – Kayla

Ok, no, I had to go to the bathroom. No, I just need to get this out? 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

No, I looked out the window, and what? 

 

0:17:27 – Kayla

do I see there where your flowers are planted around the mailbox? Do I need to know at 430 in the morning that deer are eating my plant?

 

0:17:32 – Brian

Kay, come here, come look at this. I peeped my head. I said, kay, I was whispering. 

 

0:17:37 – Kayla

It doesn’t matter that you were whispering what it’s 430 in the morning I said come look, anyway, moving on. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

If it’d been a bear, you’d have come look, wouldn’t you, mm-mm, not at 4.30. 

 

0:17:48 – Kayla

Really, go with God, bear Zombies. 

 

0:17:52 – Brian

Nope, okay. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

I love gardening, but I’m known for killing houseplants. 

 

0:17:58 – Brian

Houseplant assassin right here. Now you’ve got this one in the kitchen. That’s just going nuts. 

 

0:18:03 – Kayla

I ignore it, I do. It has beautiful sunlight where it sits and I basically just pour leftover water from the coffee pot on it Now each week I’m going to say something I’ve thought for years. 

 

0:18:15 – Brian

You know, every week we go to Kroger and we grocery shop and your first stop is a little flower section. You’ll buy a couple of bouquets of flowers. You ever wonder if those flowers are like screaming their guts out because they’ve been cut. Like you know, they’ve been cut off from their life source and all those bouquets are just going because they’re just sitting there legless. No, that doesn’t cross your mind. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

Moving on. Speaking of flowers. 

 

0:18:44 – Brian

But you love flowers? I do, and you do too. But you have a confession here. I love looking at them, but I could care less if I plant them.

 

0:18:52 – Kayla

Well, that’s why we get them. 

 

0:18:55 – Brian

I remember that we used to down in New Orleans. We planned this little garden. We put tomatoes and beans and peas and that’s about eight weeks in I realized I could walk over to the grocery store and spend five dollars and buy more than what this is producing. So no, I’m not into that. That’s just me. But I know that that makes you happy, happy, yes. 

 

0:19:16 – Kayla

In conjunction with my fear not fear of driving, I just hate driving. I do have an irrational fear of getting lost. When we go somewhere new, I have to remind myself. There are apps with maps. I can find my way home, but I am not good in situations where I don’t know where we’re going. And again, I have a tell you can figure out and you’ll assure me that everything’s good. 

 

0:19:43 – Brian

You know where we are Start taking that little hand, scratching that little head. Oh, just like this, Just sitting there scratching it. I know I said okay, we’ve entered. I struggle with having nightmares. 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

And. 

 

0:19:55 – Brian

I have them probably twice a week. I’m part of the 3% of Americans who actually struggle with this. 

 

0:20:01 – Kayla

We have learned, though it’s your brain doing what? 

 

0:20:04 – Brian

Processing? Processing things, yeah, and the way it does, that is through nightmares occasionally and I’ve been the doctor and therapist that kind of stuff. 

 

0:20:12 – Kayla

So okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Oh, okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Nothing makes me crazier than reply all email threads. I’m sorry. I get that they are sometimes necessary, but I would prefer to reply personally to people. And yet then comes the next person who hits reply all and yet then comes the next person who hits reply all, and then I feel like a heel because people think I’m never responding but I am I’m typically doing it one-on-one, though, so okay, well, I’m not a fan of email overall I know you’re not 

 

but I mean, if it has more than four lines, I’m click delete I have to tell you the beginning in the end or the middle, because you read the beginning and the end. 

 

0:20:59 – Brian

I hate email. I hate entering my password using a TV remote control. 

 

0:21:07 – Kayla

So like when Netflix signs itself out or your Apple TV goes down. 

 

0:21:12 – Brian

It is the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. I get so upset about that. It’s the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. 

 

0:21:21 – Kayla

I get so upset about that First world problems that we live with. 

 

0:21:23 – Brian

Create something that will read I mean, MacBook has it, apple has it. You just read your fingerprint. Do that with that remote. I feel better now. 

 

0:21:33 – Kayla

Okay, kind of like me with the emails, All right. So one thing about my personality. I’ll end with this. I can present myself as very stoic. Hello, I’m British, but I feel things very deeply and. I care very personally, you do, so those two things can often kind of seem contradictory. 

 

0:21:54 – Brian

I’ll say this is that sometimes the outside doesn’t match the inside. I was a compliment, oh okay. I mean, you appear very stoic, but you’ve got a lot happening. 

 

0:22:07 – Kayla

There’s a lot going on. 

 

0:22:08 – Brian

Yeah, yeah. 

 

0:22:10 – Kayla

But I was taught you know stiff upper lip. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

Yeah, that’s that British in you, but on the inside, I may be like in tears. 

 

0:22:17 – Kayla

Yeah, whereas for me it’s all out there, baby okay, that was a little what’s your last one. 

 

0:22:23 – Brian

You did not have to answer that so quickly I didn’t say I don’t like it about you no, but you answered it just like that boom. Okay, I’m sorry no, you’re not read your last I’m loud revelation about yourself I’m loud, I’m boisterous and it’s usually a shield to get you to like or even accept me and usually to help you look past my size no and let you see me as a person now. I’m not going to change who I am. 

 

0:22:51 – Kayla

I’m loud, I’m boisterous you’re a roaming party is what I call you. 

 

0:22:57 – Brian

But these days I got to be home by 830. 

 

0:23:00 – Kayla

Party’s got to end on time. Party’s got to end about 8:30. Okay, good to know so there’s that, hey. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

It’s been our joy to spend this time with you and we’d like to give you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers and news. There’s a bunch more peas and carrots swag coming our way. 

 

0:23:17 – Kayla

There is, so stay tuned. But the first two people who go to our website and answer our trivia question, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug, some stickers and apparently some of you are getting pens. Oh, and that was a very funny story that fell out this week Our dear friend Adam he’s my executive assistant. 

 

This is a teaser he and his wife will be joining our podcast soon. Yes, Adam actually includes a pen for the Encouraging Radio brand, which is part of our PAR family, right, well, someone thought that they accidentally got a pen. 

 

0:23:52 – Brian

So hey, are y’all missing a pen by accident? 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. A pen by accident? So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. But if you will click our website, yeah, you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:03 – Brian

Click on the trivia button and answer this question. 

 

0:24:07 – Kayla

Share with us one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:10 – Brian

Now look, please don’t put on there like how many moles or warts you got. 

 

0:24:15 – Kayla

Or you killed somebody in 1985. Right, we don’t need that, we don’t need to know that, but just one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:23 – Brian

So you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:25 – Kayla

Click that trivia button and you can win. Answer that question. You’ll win a coffee mug and some stickers and a pen. 

 

0:24:31 – Brian

So thanks for listening. Hey, you can search the Peas and Parrots. 

 

0:24:37 – Kayla

Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcast or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com and, when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

 

0:24:54 – Brian

Peas and parrots. 

 

0:24:55 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

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