Season 3, Episode 15: Goodbye, Grandest of Dames

Can We Talk?
Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Episode Description

Caught in the whirlwind of life’s changes, from celebrating the fruits of our ministry’s fundraising to navigating the emotional currents of a college town during graduation season, we’ve got a lot to catch up on. The hum of activity in our little corner of the world is as vibrant as ever, but there’s a special place in this episode for quiet reflection, especially as I honor the memory of my grandmother, Mary Slade, whose wit and wisdom have left an indelible mark on my heart.

Boundaries: we often misunderstand them, and yet they’re vital for nurturing healthy relationships—and that’s a big part of our discussion today. Far from being a sign of strained connections, they’re the scaffolding for peaceable living, as taught in Romans 12:18. We’ll share how these principles apply not just in ministry, but across the spectrum of life, and we hope to clear the fog surrounding boundaries with personal insights and some eye-opening anecdotes. It’s about carving out a space where self-care and respect for others coexist harmoniously.

Rounding off, we pay tribute to a woman of formidable character and humor—my grandmother, Mary Slade. From the enigma of her ever-present green purse to her no-nonsense take on taboo topics, her stories are sure to spark a smile. We invite you to join us in this emotional journey as we reminisce, laugh, and perhaps shed a tear, and we encourage you to share the tales of those who’ve shaped your life, too. So tune in, as we celebrate the legacies that continue to touch our lives long after loved ones have departed.

Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla and good to have you along. It’s been a while it has, and y’all you just need to know that the studio in which this is recorded is a mess is also the studio from which I do fundraising for the ministry here, and so Miss Sanders just came in about five minutes ago and you’ve been reorganizing. 

 

0:00:37 – Kayla

Cleaning up is what I would call it. Well, I didn’t leave trash, no, but there’s stuff everywhere, good stuff, anyway. Where have we been? 

 

0:00:48 – Brian

Nowhere. We have been right here fundraising for the ministry. 

 

0:00:54 – Kayla

So our ministry is a nonprofit and we actually have to raise our own funds, and we do that twice a year. So we apologize. We were very ambitious, thinking that we would get to keep recording. We have not had time to do that, so yeah lots of very full days, but our ministry is funded for several months 102% I believe, yes, so. 

 

0:01:22 – Brian

Congratulations, Ms. Sanders. It’s awesome. 

 

0:01:24 – Kayla

We have some amazing team members and, yeah, as we record this, what is happening in town this week? B? 

 

0:01:32 – Brian

Virginia Tech’s graduation. 

 

0:01:34 – Kayla

It’s like ants on a molehill out there. 

 

0:01:36 – Brian

And let me just say this 20 minutes ago we were at a little place downtown here that sells ice cream and we walked down there and it’s like 20 000 people it’s pretty busy. 

 

0:01:48 – Kayla

They need to leave. I want my town back well, our town is about to get much quieter because all these people are leaving. 

 

0:01:54 – Brian

All the students will leave yeah you’ll be able to get through target in 10 minutes instead of 55. We will not that I’m grumpy little bit. There you go. We are excited for summer. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

Why. 

 

0:02:09 – Brian

One month from today, I believe we’ll be, at Disney? We will. We are Going on vacation. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We have some vacations planned. We’ve had some opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that. 

 

0:02:26 – Brian

I’ll be teaching the gospel I mean the gospel, the life of Joseph and you’ll be leading a women’s study. 

 

0:02:32 – Kayla

I’ll be helping with. There’s several of us that are going to facilitate that. I’m excited about that and scared all at the same time, but I’m looking forward to time in the garden. Finally, there’s snakes there. Time on our back deck. 

 

0:02:45 – Brian

Spiders. 

 

0:02:47 – Kayla

We’ll whack them with a shovel or something I don’t know. 

 

0:02:50 – Brian

You said you was excited to be in the garden. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

You’re looking forward to getting outside. I am. 

 

0:02:58 – Brian

Our back deck is one of our favorite places and I really struggle with allergies, but it seems as if my allergist has me on a good cocktail, shall we say, of medications, when I can get them. 

 

0:03:14 – Kayla

At the end of April we lost a giant and we’re going to talk about that in a few minutes. My grandma passed away, so we will come back to that in just a few minutes, but we do have some reflections we would like to share. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

It’s going to be fun, so stick around Boundaries. It’s a favorite topic of yours. You read books about it and you talk about it every now and then. 

 

0:03:43 – Kayla

They’re very important to me, books about it and you talk about it every now and then. They’re very important to me. You and I have been talking about this some lately because there are a lot of hot takes on boundaries and a lot of myths, so we thought that we would take just a minute. You’ve read some of these books as well, so I want to give full credit that some of our resource here is coming from a book Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, and she is much more experienced in all this, but we have both been able to take some knowledge from what she has written about. But there’s this kind of mentality that when you say the word boundaries, some people, people, just they start to twitch because it’s like, oh, nobody should do that. So we’re going to dive in and just spend a very short amount of time because again today we really want to share with you about my grandma. But what would you say is the first myth? 

 

0:04:42 – Brian

That good Christians don’t need boundaries, because we’re called to love everyone. And we are called to love everyone and you are called to forgive, but it doesn’t mean you have to do life with that person. You can forgive them, you can set a boundary, but you don’t have to do life with them because you don’t have to keep taking that. 

 

0:05:00 – Kayla

Well, one of the things that you and I have learned. Thank you, therapy. Some people are not safe, and this can range from for various people. If this speaks to you, it’s because you’re feeling that someone is not safe physically or mentally or emotionally for you, and there is a verse Romans 12, 18 comes to mind If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 

 

0:05:28 – Brian

Yeah, as far as it depends on you. Yeah, if you’ve gone as far as you can go, if you’ve done all you can do and that person still is abusive or manipulative over and over again. Now, this is separate from forgiveness. You can forgive, but you don’t have to keep going back and taking that abuse. Yeah, so that’s a different thing. 

 

0:05:49 – Kayla

And here’s one truth that resonates for me we live in a broken world, and sometimes living in a broken world that has no boundaries. 

 

0:06:00 – Brian

Broken people continue to break others, and that’s not a good place so you know, some people are going to say to us that actually boundaries say that like I don’t care yeah, that’s our second myth and actually it’s saying you know, first of all I care about myself yeah but I can’t right now. What’s that mean? 

 

0:06:21 – Kayla

I can’t right it means maybe, that someone has so much on their plate already. I can’t take that on right now, or I can’t be available right now, or I can’t make time for that right now, or I want to help you, but I don’t feel I’m qualified to give the help you need. Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. A professional. 

 

0:06:44 – Brian

Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. 

 

0:06:46 – Kayla

Yeah to a professional. We aren’t all necessarily meant to fix everyone else’s problems. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

And it’s okay to say I’d prefer not to talk about that. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. 

 

0:06:59 – Kayla

Think about Thanksgiving dinner, some of the questions that the family member you haven’t seen for 364 days. I’re on turkey. I know, I realize that there are certain things that you may want to be able to look at them and say I’d prefer not to talk about that. If it’s your personal life or it’s your decisions you’re making, what’s something else that comes to mind? 

 

0:07:21 – Brian

I’m not seeking advice. I just need to decompress, and that’s something that you say to me on a weekly basis. 

 

0:07:27 – Kayla

I say it a little different than that, though. What is it? I usually say to you B I’m not looking for you to fix this. I just want you to listen, but I’m built to fix, but you’ve gotten so good at it you really have. 

 

0:07:40 – Brian

As long as. 

 

0:07:41 – Kayla

I give the disclaimer. Don’t try to fix this. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

Okay, all right, I’m a good fixer. There’s another one. 

 

0:07:49 – Kayla

I’m sorry, but we disagree over this. However, my love for you has not changed. So there are people that they don’t like the boundary of disagreeing, that they feel like if you’re really a good, a friend or spouse or I don’t know what a family member, you’re going to always agree that’s not true, and it’s not true you can have different opinions and yeah and still get along. 

 

0:08:17 – Brian

Uh, my no is to protect both of us no is a complete sentence I guess for me I say no. There are certain people like you and maybe two other people that I should explain that to if it’s a personal nature but others. No, I don’t owe you an explanation about certain things in my life or certain things that I’ve been through. 

 

0:08:44 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:45 – Brian

And I think that that’s a very good boundary. What’s the third myth, Ms Kayla? 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

Boundaries are just a justification for holding people at arm’s length. 

 

0:08:55 – Brian

That’s. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

But they can actually include things like what Well, not sharing confidences. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. You don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. 

 

0:09:08 – Brian

You don’t have to demand people’s time, yeah. 

 

0:09:12 – Kayla

Sometimes you have to refuse space to others. You literally have to say I cannot do this relationship or I cannot spend this time with you.

 

0:09:24 – Brian

Here’s something I’m guilty of is telling people how to feel. So, because I like everything to be at peace, I like everybody to be happy, I like everything to be like a calm sea, and it’s not because, if it’s not, it affects me in a negative manner and that’s selfish and that’s that’s just. That’s just my broken, but I don’t have the right to tell people well, this is how you should feel about that. That’s the Lord’s job to do that. 

 

0:09:55 – Kayla

And another one, finally, is for this myth is not respecting their boundaries. There’s got to be give and take. If I’m asking someone to accept that I’d prefer not to talk about certain things, or I’d prefer to be able to feel how I want to feel, or I want to be okay with us disagreeing, or I can’t, right now, I’ve got to give other people the same freedom. And then finally, our fourth, and this one’s a quick hit Only people in dysfunctional relationships need boundaries. 

 

0:10:28 – Brian

No, that’s not true, and let me say this Everybody practices boundaries. Yes, you need to know that, whether you think you do or not. Whether you, think you do or not. Yeah, because with your best friend you’re going to share the bulk of your thoughts and your feelings, or whatever, somebody who you just met. Hopefully, not, hopefully not. 

 

0:10:47 – Kayla

You see, that’s a little awkward. 

 

0:10:49 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:10:53 – Kayla

So boundaries actually create healthy relationships. That’s the whole point of this is if you are willing to accept that boundaries exist and they have value, to accept that boundaries exist and they have value. The last thing we will say if someone is telling you that boundaries make you an evil person, that’s a red flag, because it definitely means that they don’t handle boundaries well. 

 

0:11:17 – Brian

Yeah, so be cautious and be wise and remember boundaries are good things whenever they’re practiced within a biblical context. Your grandma.

 

0:11:31 – Kayla

Yeah, so a couple of weeks ago I got word that my grandmother had passed away. Now let me start by saying this she was 94 years old. 

 

She lived in Hadley she lived in Hadley, Suffolk in England. She had a full and wonderful life. A half of her family lives in America. The other half lives in England. She spent a lot of time coming back and forth across the ocean to visit with all of us. She stood at four feet 11 and a half an inch. We were talking about Four foot 11 and a half an inch. Sorry four foot 11 inches and half an inch. Do not forget her half an inch. 

 

0:12:08 – Brian

We were talking about this last night and I said why you got to say half an inch and how would she respond if you didn’t include the half an inch? Oh, she was ticked yeah. Was she really oh? 

 

0:12:17 – Kayla

that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So she was little, but to us as a family she was a giant. 

 

0:12:27 – Brian

Made out of metal. Made out of steel. 

 

0:12:30 – Kayla

For me, she was a safe place when I was growing up. She was the glue that held our family together. I remember her roses chocolate candy tin, which she gifted to me later in life and I still have it. She would watch the original Poseidon Adventure movie with me over and over. 

 

0:12:52 – Brian

How many times do you think you’ve seen that? 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

Well, let’s just say that the last time she visited our house and I asked her if she’d watch it, her response was oh, bloody hell. Okay, and she sat through it, but it kind of let me know that she’d had enough.

 

0:13:07 – Brian

Okay, so Grandma, she was married to Norman, her husband 50 years at least, 50, 51. 

 

0:13:16 – Kayla

Right at 50 years. He passed away after that so they were very spicy with each other. I mean he loved to wind her up, so she would go to the pub almost every night. She would walk down to the pub. 

 

0:13:30 – Brian

Y’all are getting the real y’all getting the underbelly this week. 

 

0:13:33 – Kayla

One summer I had gone to spend three months with my grandmother, and I’d gone to the pub with her most every night. But this night I was tired and so I opted to stay home and just spend some time, you know, chilling on the couch. Well, that front door clicked shut, and no sooner had she left than my granddad comes out of his room. Context my grandfather had a stroke when I was very young, so I hear these feet shuffling down the hall. He comes and sits down on the couch next to me. 

 

0:14:05 – Brian

Michaela. 

 

0:14:06 – Kayla

Michaela, you want to watch TV. So we watch television together. Five minutes before it’s time for her to come home from the pub, he doesn’t say goodnight, goodbye, sayonara. He gets up off the couch, shuffles back down the hall, click and shuts his bedroom door and my grandmother walks in five minutes later and I am dying laughing on the inside. 

 

0:14:30 – Brian

Now she went to the pub every night. 

 

0:14:32 – Kayla

At that time yes, she would go to the pub Three hours a night. About three hours a night. If you visited her, that’s fine, but you were going to visit her at the pub at that time of night. 

 

0:14:42 – Brian

She wasn’t giving that up. That was her that was her thing, that was her people, that was her community. They’d play trivia. 

 

0:14:47 – Kayla

She had an amazing community there, to the degree that there will be a wake at the pub in my grandmother’s honor, I think that’s fantastic, but we’ve had some fun with her through the years B. What happened at our wedding. 

 

0:15:02 – Brian

Hang on. Before we do that, we went to England for your grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. We did. We walked in the house, uh-huh, and I love your grandmother Can you describe the kitchen to our listeners Well.

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

It was chaotic, but she had done her bit for years. I mean, in her defense she used to be. There’s a British phrase she had done her bit. 

 

0:15:29 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:15:30 – Kayla

Towards the end, she just it didn’t matter so, but that was. Yeah, I want to be careful what I share and what I don’t. But yeah, she just she wasn’t much for housecleaning. Towards the end, okay, but at our wedding, something happened that caught you totally off guard. 

 

0:15:51 – Brian

We were leaving to go on the honeymoon. We were outside. 

 

0:15:54 – Kayla

We were saying goodbye to everybody. 

 

0:15:57 – Brian

And they were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:01 – Kayla

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she comes up to me, pulls the back of my pants out and pours bird seed down my bucket down my hind end. That was an uncomfortable ride to the hotel. 

 

0:16:18 – Kayla

Let me just say Three hours yes. 

 

0:16:20 – Brian

Birds were attacking the truck. And I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just say Three hours yes, birds were attacking the truck, and I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just found that hysterical, also at the wedding. 

 

0:16:28 – Kayla

If you watch the wedding video you might see her put her teeth in. 

 

0:16:33 – Brian

She goes down the aisle to her seat With her big green purse. What was in that purse? 

 

0:16:40 – Kayla

Everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:41 – Brian

Oh, everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:42 – Kayla

Oh, her life insurance papers, her will, her certificates, her bank books. Okay, and that purse went everywhere. 

 

0:16:49 – Brian

When you say everywhere Bathroom. She didn’t yes sir. She took if she was in the living room. 

 

0:16:57 – Kayla

If she was at our house and she went to the bathroom, she took a purse with her. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

What about in her own house? 

 

0:17:01 – Kayla

I don’t think so, but she was at home. 

 

0:17:05 – Brian

I love her and your grandma’s name. 

 

0:17:08 – Kayla

Mary. 

 

0:17:09 – Brian

Mary Slade. 

 

0:17:11 – Kayla

She was the OG for practicing boundaries. You did not discuss government politics, religion or money in front of her. 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

Or sex. 

 

0:17:22 – Kayla

With family in two countries. She knew or money in front of her or sex With family in two countries. She knew how to minimize squabbles and that’s how she did it. She was brilliant. So back in the day, before boundaries even had like a label, she made clear that we were, and I mean, you did not want to incur her wrath so you did not. But I will say this. I watched her sit with you for about two and a half hours One day. You were curious about British government and she knew you weren’t taking fun at her. So she sat there and answered every question that you had about British government, and the rest of us were just in awe of the fact that you were getting away with this. So we’re going to we’re going to say this delicately she had an issue Grandma had a flatulence issue. 

 

She did. That’s a very nice way to put it. 

 

0:18:12 – Brian

But she never took responsibility for it. It was always something Okay. So we’re going to meet her for the first time. I think she was actually coming over here and you pull me aside and you say, baby, I need to tell you something? 

 

0:18:26 – Kayla

What was the first time you were meeting her?

 

0:18:28 – Brian

I said baby, I need to be with you for something, that’s okay. You said my grandma farts a lot. I said wait a minute. Run that by me one more time. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

But she’s the most pristine woman you could ever have wanted to meet. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

But that was her thing if she was sitting, but she never took responsibility for it, for example like a sailor. So if she passed it would, it’d be bloody cough syrup, bloody coke, oh, bloody liver and onions, I mean. And here’s the thing, she knew what’s going to happen because she’d actually raise up, like she would literally raise up to push it out. This happened and I am in, I am in awe. We’re delicately in the oversharing place of life there’s this little four foot eleven and a half lady blowing, I mean, but never took, I mean she never said it was her fault. No, it was always something else that attributed to it Bloody medicine. 

 

0:19:33 – Kayla

It’s just something and the rest of us are just trying to keep a straight face. Oh it’s hysterical. 

 

0:19:39 – Brian

Now we told y’all that she went to the pub every night the day of the wedding or the day before the wedding. 

 

0:19:48 – Kayla

The morning of the wedding, my grandmother wanted to host a brunch for my bridesmaids and my wedding party. Well, the place that we could figure out that could do this for us at that time of day was Applebee’s. So we end up at Applebee’s. I’m wiping away tears, and she offered everyone at the table a beer and Kayla and all of her bridesmaids come from this little conservative. Baptist college. Yeah, but that was her and she, oh girls. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

would y’all like a brew? 

 

0:20:24 – Kayla

She was the most responsible and yet generous woman when it came to her money. She saved relentlessly, but she gave so big heartedly. I have to say this on a serious note. I embraced her love of family gardening. I remember many times she and I would be out weeding her garden, taking care of her flowers. We loved puzzles. We loved dogs. She always called sprocket pooch how’s the pooch? I inherited her practicality with money and resources. I don’t like to waste anything, and I get that from her. I have watched my grandmother sit and knit her own sweater set, wear it for several months, then unravel it and re-knit in another pattern. She was that generation that you just did not waste things. You used them until they were no longer usable, and so I had a front row seat to that. She did not have much for lavish. 

 

0:21:32 – Brian

Well, let’s be honest, though, but yet you don’t knit Right.

 

0:21:35 – Kayla

We’ll get to that, okay, yeah, that’s just no. So she tried.

 

0:21:39 – Brian

There’s another favorite story of mine yeah, you and your mom took your grandma out to a Chinese restaurant. It’s one of these buffets. Yeah, like you had all this Chinese food, Chinese food, and there’s one long thing of desserts. Tell everybody. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

She had so much dessert we could not see her head. She had her plate, she was walking back to the table. 

 

0:22:01 – Brian

Hang on, is this her? It’s stacked that high but she had not gone to any, that was her dinner. So she didn’t eat any egg, fuyon or General Tso’s chicken. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

She went straight to the desserts. She was my hero, I mean a plate as tall as her head. We could not see her face behind her dessert. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

Did y’all laugh. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

Died laughing. What could not see her face behind her dessert? Did y’all laugh? Did you died laughing? What’d she say shut up. So yeah, so we were at a wedding, my brother was getting married and you were supposed to be unbeknownst to you. You were supposed to be babysitting grandma the wedding’s outside. 

 

0:22:33 – Brian

It’s in Arizona, 110 degrees, I kid you not and so stayed in the it’s attached to this resort. So I stayed inside the resort until wedding’s supposed to be at 10 o’clock. At 9:59, I walk out because I know I’m going to be sweating like a dog. Well, I did not know, grandma had been looking for me and there’s two or 300 people already seated facing the front. Grandma is facing the front as well, but she’s been looking for me. Well, I walk out and in front of and she sees me. 

 

0:23:04 – Kayla

She stands up. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

In front of all these people. Brian, where the bloody hell have you been? I’m dying up here. Well, they had hauled in this fan A stadium fan it’s some kind of huge fan and turn this on. I I mean, there’s 300 people, there’s 300 sets of eyes watching this. I turn on the fan and it had one speed and it was it just, oh, that blew her hair back. Her hair is now blown back. So she said it’s too much, it’s too much, so I got to turn it off. Oh, and then the wedding started. 

 

We couldn’t get her hair fixed for the pictures no afterwards you couldn’t get her hair fixed One of my favorite, favorite memories of her. I have one more memory I want to share. I’ve never seen this. 

 

0:24:00 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:24:01 – Brian

But I love this image. 

 

0:24:03 – Kayla

Grandma used to smoke Mm-hmm and she would fly to New Orleans Now, hang on, I need to set the stage, okay. 

 

0:24:11 – Brian

And there was this half a wall. As you come off the jetway, there was half a wall and this is when you could actually go back to the gate. Yeah, people back then and y’all said you couldn’t see her, we couldn’t see, but we could see the trail of smoke. Trail of smoke y’all like there’s grandma, there she comes, yeah, and she turned the corner have her cigarette. 

 

0:24:32 – Kayla

Yep, oh yeah, they say I have her hands and I find myself staring them a lot and sadly. But this is where it gets funny. These hands did not figure out knitting and sewing. I tried, Grandma, I really did. She was very patient, she tried to teach me to knit, but it just wasn’t working. 

 

You did cross-stitch for a while I did cross stitch but knitting and sewing. That gene did not pass to me. So I’m proud to have her hands, but sadly my clothes come from the store. And she even gave up and handed me an envelope full of money and said oh, go shopping. So yeah, we tried. The most important thing to me was that she loved you. 

 

0:25:21 – Brian

Oh, I loved her. 

 

0:25:23 – Kayla

And that meant a lot to me. I needed my grandmother’s approval, oh, and it came quick and easy and watching you with both my grandfather and her. She absolutely delighted in you, so we will miss her. But, as you can tell, we could go on for hours. We have a lot of stories. 

 

0:25:44 – Brian

We have time for one more. Can I tell one more story? 

 

0:25:47 – Kayla

Maybe. Okay, I’m already in so much trouble about some of what you’ve shared. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

This is before I knew you. They came to America to visit and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom. 

 

0:25:59 – Kayla

But and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom, but we did not know. 

 

0:26:01 – Brian

he had shingles, so and it’s August and he’s in Louisiana and he’s wearing thermal underwear. Ok, so he’s in the back bedroom suffering. She didn’t know this. Well, they’d be sitting there, so let us role play this, because she was tired of dealing with. 

 

0:26:19 – Kayla

Well, he, legit, was just sitting around. It was to the point where he was just sitting around in his shorts and his like tank top, but they were thermal and it’s August in Louisiana, so everybody just assumed the poor man had a heat rash. 

 

So he’s sitting under the fan Picture that he’s in the living room just sitting in nothing but his skivvies under the fan and he’s not healing. The. The air quotes rash is not going away. So we finally take him to the doctor. The doctor says this poor man does not have heat rash, he’s got shingles and so he’s miserable. He wants to go home. 

 

0:26:56 – Brian

So he’s in the bed fast forward to. 

 

0:26:58 – Kayla

He’s pouting and he’s laying in the bed. 

 

0:27:00 – Brian

So here we go, my grandma’s in the living room. 

 

0:27:03 – Kayla

Mary, what Mary, oh, what the bloody hell do you want Norman. 

 

0:27:09 – Brian

This went on for how long? Like 10 minutes, and it finally got to where it was Mary and she’d respond with Norman. They just went back and forth Like a tennis match. Miss Kayla, you’d make her proud and she was very, very proud of you and you know that, and she loved you dearly. 

 

0:27:27 – Kayla

And one day we will get to spend the rest of our life with her. 

 

0:27:32 – Brian

So yeah, so y’all, before we all start crying here, we’d like to give you a peas and carrots coffee mug, as well as some, as Miss Kayla calls them, cute little stickers. Yes, you have to answer a trivia question to get that, and to do that, you go to our website. 

 

0:27:48 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you go to the website, look for the trivia button. If you will click that button, again that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:27:58 – Brian

The question is who in your life has had a positive impact to who you are today? Yeah, who in your life has so influenced you that you’re a better person because of it? 

 

0:28:10 – Kayla

And we’d love to know why. Yeah, so yeah, go to our website. Click the trivia button. 

 

0:28:19 – Brian

You can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, and when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:28:26 – Kayla

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Mary! Norman!

 

0:28:33 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

Season 3, Episode 12: Can We Talk?

Can We Talk?
Can We Talk? - Episode Description

Join us on a heartfelt journey through the ups and downs of self-improvement and relationship building. Listen in as we laugh about the aches and triumphs of our gym escapades, including the notorious “cheeks to sneaks” challenge, and share a personal triumph as our Christmas tree finally gets packed away. But it’s not all fun and games; we get real about the necessity of engaging in tough conversations for leadership and personal growth. Hear about our commitment to candor in our lives and how these essential, yet often uncomfortable, discussions keep our relationships thriving.

In our latest chat, we reflect on the 31-year adventure of our relationship, weaving through the lessons of love and the evolution of our financial journey together. We explore the art of nurturing a lasting bond, emphasizing the role of trust, kindness, and the power of prayer before entering difficult dialogues. Plus, don’t miss the anticipation as we usher in the spring season, sharing our excitement for warmer days and inviting you to participate in our podcast giveaway. Tune in for these stories and more, wrapped up in the warmth of our shared experiences and laughter.

Can We Talk? - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hi, I’m Brian. 

 

0:00:15 – Kayla

I’m Kayla, I may not have known you started the microphones on or anything. I don’t know what day is this. Microphones on or anything, I don’t know what day is this? 

 

0:00:30 – Brian

Let’s just, I want to start here, I just want to start here. Oh, my goodness, the trainer at our gym has you doing something new? 

 

0:00:39 – Kayla

It’s not new, I’ve done it before, but admittedly I have not done it for a while. 

 

0:00:44 – Brian

And tell them what this is called. 

 

0:00:46 – Kayla

It’s called a squat. It has a technical name, but you’re basically no. What’s he call it? Well, he calls it cheeks to sneaks. So basically I have to bend down and my behind has to touch the back of my shoes. I can hardly walk today. 

 

0:01:04 – Brian

Cheeks to sneaks. 

 

0:01:08 – Kayla

So he had you do this Tuesday, Wednesday 20 of them times I could only do three. Admittedly, I could only do three rounds. But he did 60 cheeks to sneaks and last night I could not sit in the bathtub. 

 

0:01:21 – Brian

When she got up, it’s like she needed a walker, and you can use your own imagination. 

 

0:01:33 – Kayla

Sitting down is precarious in all circumstances, so you’re talking about using the bathroom a little bit, but yeah, so I went to the gym this morning. 

 

0:01:38 – Brian

Did you do any cheeks to sneaks I? 

 

0:01:40 – Kayla

did not. 

 

0:01:41 – Brian

Not today. 

 

0:01:41 – Kayla

No, today was riding five miles on the bike, wow. So tomorrow I’m going to need a walker. That’s where we are. You’re doing some amazing stuff at the gym, though, too, and yes, we signed on for this. 

 

0:02:02 – Brian

Nobody’s forcing us. We pay these people to do this to us. I don’t understand that. 

 

0:02:06 – Kayla

But okay, in all seriousness, what did we admit Tuesday night? 

 

0:02:12 – Brian

I was deathly tired and needed a piece of cake. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We admitted that it’s good for us and that we are thankful for the people there. 

 

0:02:22 – Brian

That was a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:23 – Kayla

Okay, all right it does, it makes a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:25 – Brian

Okay, all right, it does. It makes a difference. I feel better, I’ve lost weight. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

We’re healthier physically, mentally, yeah, yeah, it’s good stuff, so but we’re also very sore. 

 

0:02:36 – Brian

Yes, killing us. 

 

0:02:38 – Kayla

Breaking news for those two people that are keeping score our Christmas tree is down. 

 

0:02:46 – Brian

It only took. 

 

0:02:48 – Kayla

Listen, it normally stays up until your birthday, which is what date? 

 

0:02:53 – Brian

I like having it up, I mean March 15th. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:02:56 – Brian

Are you trying to test my memory, if I remember stuff? 

 

0:02:58 – Kayla

I’m trying to see if you’re listening what you look a little zoned out. 

 

0:03:02 – Brian

That is not fair. 

 

0:03:03 – Kayla

This came from the person who didn’t know. You turned the microphones on. 

 

0:03:07 – Brian

This is my life, y’all. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

But seriously, I do want to say thank you to the friends who encouraged me to turn it into an Easter tree and then a spring tree and then a 4th of July tree. But it was time, it just felt time to tuck it away. 

 

0:03:21 – Brian

And now the den it looks huge, it looks massive. 

 

0:03:26 – Kayla

Yeah, I’m like, wow, we have all this space. 

 

0:03:27 – Brian

I’m happy to see that right corner of the tv again. I know you are. 

 

0:03:31 – Kayla

You’re very welcome so y’all. 

 

0:03:34 – Brian

Just I felt that comment. There you go, we’ve become those people. Uh-huh, we don’t start a movie after about 7, 30 or so seven is Because we’re typically asleep by 9. 

 

0:03:48 – Kayla

So if it’s a two-hour movie, we need to be starting it by 7 pm. The other night we went to bed at 7.45. And I am not sorry for it. I feel guilty. I don’t care. They don’t bother you. We get to make the rules. Oh, but we were awake at like three the next morning, so that’s probably not the greatest idea. 

 

0:04:07 – Brian

But there’s one more late breaking development I want to add to this. Ok, one of the engineers in PAR, his name is Alan. 

 

0:04:16 – Kayla

He’s bought us a popcorn machine. Now, when she says popcorn machine, we’re not talking about an air popper, no, we’re talking like one, you would go to the movie theater for, yeah, it is so cool. 

 

0:04:28 – Brian

And we just had our first bag of popcorn. 

 

0:04:30 – Kayla

We did so. Thank you, Alan. Thank you, it was very, very sweet, yeah, this is. The whole building smells like popcorn today. 

 

0:04:37 – Brian

I love popcorn, do you? 

 

0:04:38 – Kayla

I do. 

 

0:04:39 – Brian

Oh. 

 

0:04:45 – Kayla

Probably not trainer approved, but here we are. You don’t listen to them. I’ll put in another round next week. So we always say that a lot of what we talk about comes from real life, and I get that we’re probably for those of you who’ve been hanging with us for a while, we are probably revisiting some topics, and I think that’s okay, because as humans, we are ever growing, hopefully, and we start to see things differently as we experience things. And for us, we are both serving roles that require what we are going to talk about here, which is Healthy hard conversations. 

 

Yeah. 

 

0:05:27 – Brian

I’m a big believer in what’s called candor. I learned that from Jack Welch, yeah. Then Brene Brown followed that up with her book Dare to Lead, and she talks about rumbles. There’s also another book by Kim Scott that talks about candor a lot. So I’m a big believer in it. But candor doesn’t always mean hard conversations. But if you’re going to lead, if you’re going to invest in people, if you’re going to live life, you’re going to have to have some hard conversations. 

 

0:05:59 – Kayla

If you want to have a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean it’s interesting to me the people that are conflict averse. They equate hard conversations with conflict and maybe they will lead to some conflict, but if they’re done right, that’s not always the case, and so this is kind of a rule for me. I have learned as a leader and even as a spouse and even as a friend it’s better to have a hard conversation early than to let a situation or an issue fester, Because the other side of this is nobody deserves to be blindsided by something that’s apparently been an issue for a long time, but bam, all of a sudden it’s being addressed. It’s like annual reviews. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

I’m not a fan. Yeah, we do not do annual reviews either. You need to be having ongoing conversation. Yeah, and if you have ongoing conversations, you won’t have to have as many hard conversations. 

 

0:07:03 – Kayla

And you build trust. 

 

0:07:04 – Brian

Correct. 

 

0:07:04 – Kayla

During the regular day-to-day talking life with other people. So I think there’s this part of Brene Brown’s book where she talks about the marble jar. You remember that she talks about the marble jar and she talks about how, hopefully, you’re filling the jar with marbles. Well, there will come a point where you might have to take a marble or two out because of something that either there’s a felt lack of trust or there’s a there’s a change, and a hard conversation could possibly be perceived as one of those times. If you filled the jar full enough, it’s not going to be as hard to lose a marble here or there. 

 

0:07:48 – Brian

And I think what Ms. Kayla is referring to, as is Brene Brown, is that’s trust. You got to keep building trust, yeah, you got to keep building trust, yep, so that when those hard conversations come, you can actually take some of that out and use it to have a hard conversation In a healthy way. Yes, Now, within a lot of Christian circles let me just say this in a lot of Christian circles and some secular, it’s not considered Christian or nice to have hard conversations. 

 

0:08:17 – Kayla

But even Jesus did that. He modeled it for us in the Bible. 

 

0:08:21 – Brian

Yes, and let me say this the only way the gospel can be good news is if there’s bad news, that’s right. So you have to understand the bad news, which is we are sinners, we are separated from God. We were born this way. We are bent away from him, we are selfish, we want our own desires, and then Jesus comes to rescue us because we can’t earn our way to God. There’s no way. So he comes. The bad news is you can’t get there on your own. The bad news is you are condemned. 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

What is the good news? The good news is grace. Yes, he came, so you’ve got to have that hard conversation in order to get to the good stuff? Amen. Why do we, as humans, struggle to have hard conversations? What are some of the things that you and I have observed? 

 

0:09:09 – Brian

We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. 

 

0:09:11 – Kayla

We don’t want them to not like us. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

For me. I don’t want to be rejected or I don’t want to be not accepted. I don’t want to be unlovable or seen as unlovable. 

 

0:09:23 – Kayla

We don’t want to have the conversation used against us later on, huh I never thought about that. 

 

0:09:29 – Brian

That’s how selfish I am. 

 

0:09:31 – Kayla

I’ve never thought I’ve we we’re averse to conflict. We talked about that a minute ago. Maybe we don’t want to have that hard conversation because we don’t want to. What’s the expression? Upset the apple cart. We don’t want to have drama or we don’t want to have someone who’s not happy. 

 

0:09:50 – Brian

Some people will say well, you know you should avoid that, because a fruit of the spirit is peace. Well, you might need to have a hard conversation so you can get to peace. 

 

0:10:00 – Kayla

But if you’re living in a toxic space where both people are just practicing like silent anger or passive aggressiveness, is that really peace? Because when you don’t have hard conversations that’s sometimes what it looks like is, well, I’m just going to sit over here and ice you out, or I’m going to pout, or I’m going to sit here and just stew over what happened, whereas a 10-minute conversation, it gives you the opportunity to practice kindness in choosing your words. You can practice forgiveness if you’re the one that’s having to receive the hard words. There’s just there’s so many layers to it. But I’m not a fan and this is from being married to you for 31 years, because I’ll be the first to admit you know this. 

 

When we first married, I did not do hard conversations. I would clam up anytime you tried to have a conversation with me and you finally said we got to about our third year of marriage and you said there is something you have to do for me. You have to stop putting up a wall when we need to have a conversation about something, and so I committed to that. It was hard, still is sometimes. 

 

0:11:22 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

Especially when I think I’m right and I don’t want to hear it, which you normally are right. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

Let’s just go on the record and say that. 

 

0:11:30 – Kayla

So what are we really saying to the other person when we lean into a hard conversation? 

 

0:11:35 – Brian

I think I’m saying to them I love you, I care about you, I care about you. I care about this relationship. 

 

0:11:40 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:11:41 – Brian

Yeah, let me say this we’re not saying that a hard conversation is you can be a jerk Not at all. That’s not what we’re saying. What we’re saying is that you have to be kind and clear, caring. You don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t go after the person. 

 

0:11:59 – Kayla

Oh, you go after the issue Go after the issue yes, and if the person is the issue, then find kind ways to express that issue. You don’t have to tear them down in the process, Because you and I have both we’ve been on the receiving end of that before and nothing good comes from that. But and I’m sure that we’ve not perfectly executed our conversations with others but but what is it that we want to say when we’re having a hard conversation to that person? 

 

0:12:31 – Brian

That I want to address this issue so I can save the relationship. 

 

0:12:36 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:12:36 – Brian

Or I want to address this issue so I can make the relationship better, I can make things better between us, I can make the process better. Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do, and it’s to either restore something or improve something. Yes. 

 

0:12:52 – Kayla

That’s got to be the goal of it, and it’s to communicate. I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough. I value you that I’m not just going to write you off. We’re going to work through this. 

 

0:13:06 – Brian

I would say if you can use some humor, yeah, but get to the point. And let me say this: Please don’t talk in riddles, oh no, get to the point, be honest. 

 

0:13:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:13:18 – Brian

And be clear and communicate that you love that person. 

 

0:13:23 – Kayla

There’s another tenant to this that I always practice when I’m having a really hard conversation with someone. 

 

If it hits a point in the conversation, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, or maybe the person or myself is feeling kind of threatened. Then what I will do is I will say we’re going to pause this, but we’re going to come back to this at this time and I will commit to coming back to it, hopefully that day. If it’s a situation where I know, okay, we’re going to pause this, we’re going to go get done what we need to get done, but then we’re going to come back together and we’re going to revisit this. It may look like you need to give the person a couple of days if it was a really contentious conversation, but it has to be something that when you start you’re committed to finishing it, that you’re not just going to get halfway and go okay, we’ll find we’ll walk away from this, because then nothing’s been accomplished. 

 

0:14:27 – Brian

You need to get to where what I call tie the shoe, because there’s nothing worse than walk around with your shoes untied. You could trip over it. That’s like an unfinished conversation. You need to be able to finish it. Land the plane Now. Y’all may not end up agreeing okay, but you’ll need to find a framework in which you can move forward together. 

 

0:14:48 – Kayla

With mutual respect. 

 

0:14:49 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:49 – Kayla

Yeah, that’s the end game. 

 

0:14:51 – Brian

Yeah Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Meh Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Let me say this it’s according as to the size of the issue. 

 

0:15:04 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:15:05 – Brian

As to the seriousness of the issue. Some of those conversations, they flow well. Some conversations are not going to flow so well because people can feel attacked, they can feel that you are coming against them personally, and I would just make that clear up front. This is not about you personally. Yeah, this is about what this is happening over here. 

 

0:15:28 – Kayla

They hopefully get easier in one respect. That is, that the more you embrace them, the less terrified you are of having a hard conversation and the less of your own value you tie to them, and what I mean by that is the more we are willing to say. Let’s sit in this space together and let’s talk this out. You’re not fretting over the fact that, ok, if I do this, this person’s going to hate me for the rest of my life, because, truthfully, that’s a whole nother topic for another day. 

 

0:16:05 – Brian

Hard conversations will make you and your relationships better. Yeah, know that, but you have to build the trust with the person before you can have them and you cannot let emotion rule the day. Exactly. So just know that Now, as Miss Kayla said, we have not perfected this. 

 

0:16:23 – Kayla

No, I bumble them. From time to time I have to go back and say can we revisit this or can I clarify that, or is there anything that you would want to say? And that’s the other part of this is the conversation has to be two-sided. A hard conversation is not just something that you like pour out, it’s something that you have to let filter in as well. So anytime a hard conversation is entered into, it’s got to be two-way. It’s got to be listening as well as speaking. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

If it’s not, you’re just wasting your time. That’s right. So be brave, but also be kind. 

 

0:17:00 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:17:01 – Brian

Have those conversations. 

 

0:17:02 – Kayla

And the last thing I would say is this sounds trite to some people, but before you go into any hard conversation, pray. And ask the spirit to give you the right things to say. Sometimes he will literally put a guard over your mouth to keep you from saying things. 

 

0:17:20 – Brian

Well, I’m pretty strong. I’ve beaten that guard down a few times, but you’re exactly right. You’re 100% right. 

 

0:17:28 – Kayla

But you can do this, yes. 

 

0:17:33 – Brian

Living the dream baby. 

 

0:17:35 – Kayla

We were and we are. Oh baby, we were and we are, oh yeah. Okay, there’s just a few things that we were thinking through our last. I mean almost 31 years now. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

I’m getting old. 

 

0:17:47 – Kayla

I mean we’ve known each other almost 32 years. Oh my gosh, here we are and here you’ve stuck with me. So there’s just a few things that you know as you think back over your time with someone. I’m going to say with your person, because for us that’s each other. Our financial status, for example, it has changed in the last 31-ish years, but our values toward each other have not. My dad always said money’s gained and lost every single day. You can always make more money, but the most precious commodity we have is each other. 

 

0:18:24 – Brian

That’s exactly right To the point that I’ve tried to embrace. This is that I can replace stuff. I can always earn more money. Yeah, I can’t replace you, yep. So as we look back over these 31 years, you know taking care of you has been my greatest delight, that’s very sweet, because jobs come and go. Why are you being so nice today? 

 

0:18:49 – Kayla

I had popcorn. 

 

0:18:53 – Brian

I set you up for a great sentimental moment. I had popcorn. She’s so proud of herself right now. What I was going to say. What I was going to say is we have worked so hard to get certain things and I look back and it isn’t the thing that made the memory. It’s working with you. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:19:20 – Brian

It was through the struggle, it was doing those things together. 

 

0:19:23 – Kayla

The things pale in comparison. Yes, yeah. 

 

0:19:27 – Brian

I would also say this looking back, you aren’t meant to have it all immediately. 

 

0:19:32 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:19:33 – Brian

And maybe you never should. So there’s two things here. One you aren’t meant to have it all to me. You should have to work hard, you should have to learn some lessons, you should have to. 

 

0:19:43 – Kayla

And lean into each other. For that. 

 

0:19:45 – Brian

At the same time, there might be some things that you’ll never have enough money for, Like I’ll never have enough money to buy an autographed letter by Abraham Lincoln no-transcript. 

 

0:20:05 – Kayla

But in all seriousness, we could have spent the entire last 31 years chasing after all the things. When do you get to enjoy what you already have, if that’s your mindset? 

 

0:20:19 – Brian

I enjoy. This is going to sound really stupid. I enjoy a simple life. When we leave here every day from the offices we go home, I’m going to be serious. We do not live a big, exciting life. I mean being serious.

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

And most people don’t. 

 

0:20:32 – Brian

Most people don’t. I mean, we go home and I’ll plop down and I’ll watch the news for a little while. 

 

0:20:38 – Kayla

I’ll cook dinner. 

 

0:20:40 – Brian

We’ll cook dinner We’ll watch an episode of West Wing or something. 

 

0:20:45 – Kayla

Or read. Some nights the TV doesn’t even go on. 

 

0:20:51 – Brian

I’m usually asleep in the recliner by about 815. But that’s our simple life, and if there’s a topic we need to talk about, we’ll do it. 

 

0:20:59 – Kayla

But for me, here’s what I’ll say this might sound ooey and gooey, but living the dream for me has been doing all these moments with you. Yeah, it’s in the mundane that a life is built, so to build on that, we started out together with a gifted couch, a gifted chair and a gifted bed. And what we can tell you now, 31 years in, is memories aren’t made around the stuff. It’s made around the day-to-day. The memories we have are about us. We can’t tell you what we were wearing when those memories were made. 

 

0:21:38 – Brian

It’s about the doing, it’s about the living, it’s about the decisions. It’s about being there together, facing the hardships. 

 

0:21:45 – Kayla

It’s about the shared experiences, not the stuff. It’s not the life you build with stuff, it’s the life you build with each other. And so, yeah, Friday night, date night. It always has been and it always will be. 

 

0:22:00 – Brian

We lived in New Orleans, we’d go to Texas Steakhouse Roadhouse, something. 

 

0:22:06 – Kayla

Texas Steakhouse. I think Texas Steakhouse we’d go to and we’d get a little meal yeah, and we’d go to a little. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

I think we went to Walmart probably and then we’d come home. That was our date night and very, very rarely. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

If we had been gifted some money, we would do our bi-weekly dinner. We could not afford to go out every Friday night. We would go out every other Friday night and then we would go to a movie if we had been gifted some money. Otherwise it was game nights or watching a show or a movie at home. And yeah, I mean it was a very date nights now are. 

 

0:22:48 – Brian

we’ll go out to dinner and we might hit up a bookstore or go to Target or something. 

 

0:22:55 – Kayla

Come home, we’ll watch or we might go to a movie in the afternoon. Yeah, if we have a Friday afternoon. Sometimes we’ll go to a movie, but yeah, but it’s about the carving out space for each other. 

 

0:23:11 – Brian

I’m gonna say something here you have to enjoy the person before you enjoy the experience, because you need to be more in love with who you’re spending time with than being in love with what you’re trying to do, because that’s not where life is built. Yeah, so that was pretty good. You is smart. Stop. You need to carve out some sacred time for each other. Now. We spend a great deal of time together, so that’s not an issue for us, but now Friday nights are a sacred time for us. Yeah. 

 

0:23:47 – Kayla

There’s some eye rolling happening right now. I feel it. There’s some really, but you’re not chasing kids around and you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that. I get that, I do, but there were many years and there are many seasons where we are very, very busy, and yet it’s what we’ve prioritized. We have made sure that Friday night is sacred. We have often said no to things. 

 

Because that’s date night Because it’s date night and it’s not because we don’t love other people. It’s because we love each other. And there’s value in figuring out. How do you make this almost a habit at first and then it becomes something that you hate to miss it. 

 

0:24:34 – Brian

There’s a lot of truth to the statement that marriages work. Yeah, it’s a choice to love that person more than yourself, to lay down your own selfishness, to prioritize them over all the world’s demands, to place boundaries with others who don’t honor what you have. You’ve got to do that. So marriage is work. It doesn’t come easy. 

 

0:24:54 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:24:54 – Brian

But if you put the work in you know relationship does find a rhythm that works and brings joy. 

 

0:25:01 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

So, and it really is. It is a daily dying to yourself because I love me, some me. But if you love that person, you want what they want. If you love that person, then you are willing to prioritize their needs over your own and that becomes almost second nature in some ways. There are things that it’s just if you’re happy, I’m happy, and when you get to that place it doesn’t feel like as much work. I’m speaking to those of you who are fresh into marriage or fresh into a relationship. Yeah, it’s going to take some work and sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re giving a whole lot more than you’re getting. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

But the end result is that if you really love that person and you want what’s best for them, then you’re not worried about what you get out of it, exactly right, and you’re going to make them a priority and you’re going to push some other things out of the way so you can spend time with that person. 

 

0:26:09 – Kayla

I think the last one we would share is dream together. 

 

0:26:14 – Brian

Dream on, dream on. Oh dear, just saying. 

 

0:26:26 – Kayla

And we’ve always made time for dreaming like places we want to go, things we want to accomplish and then chase as many of those dreams as you can. 

 

0:26:32 – Brian

Yes, miss Kayla has a dream of when we retire at some point we will have two labs, and she has a vision that one will be hers, one will be mine. I want to tell you right now they’ll both be hers. Okay, they will both be hers. 

 

0:26:44 – Kayla

Man. 

 

0:26:44 – Brian

I’ll let you pet them, but you need to figure out what you share in common as a dream and then go for it yeah. And yeah, you’re going to be afraid, yeah, things are going to go haywire, but keep pushing after it and that dream will actually draw you closer together. 

 

0:27:00 – Kayla

Yeah, and some of you are sitting there going. Well, that’s kind of contradictory to what you just said five minutes ago about keeping it simple. 

 

0:27:07 – Brian

Honey, we’re all full of contradictions. 

 

0:27:09 – Kayla

But the truth is it’s okay to have things that you aspire to, it’s okay to have trips that you want to take and memories are made on those trips, and it’s okay to have things that you want to enjoy in your journey. Don’t be ruled by them is what we were saying. But yeah, we have a dream to one day have a place on a lake, have two labs brother, sister maybe, I don’t know. 

 

0:27:38 – Brian

One of the rooms has to be a library. Yes, like to have a dark paneled room with a library that has a couple of leather chairs, some lamps that’s just a dream, but that’s something we look forward to down the road. 

 

0:27:50 – Kayla

Yeah, again, our whole point in sharing all this is where did you come from and where are you going? And, as we’re looking forward to our 32nd year, there’s just so much more to look forward to, and we hope that for all of you, yes, in your relationships. 

 

0:28:10 – Brian

Take the time to make it a priority. Yeah, say that. Hey, thanks for listening. We appreciate you tuning in this week. Share this episode with a friend or two. We’d appreciate that. 

 

0:28:20 – Kayla

Anybody want to get mugged? 

 

0:28:22 – Brian

No. Not that kind of mug? Oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes, first of mug, oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes. First of all, our friend Michelle won a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. And thank you, Michelle, from South Carolina, for listening. Yeah, but hey, you can win a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. All you have to do go to our website. 

 

0:28:44 – Kayla

Yep, it’s the peasandcarrotspodcast.com. If you’ll there, click the trivia button and then we always have like a random question. 

 

0:28:53 – Brian

This week’s question is what are you looking forward to this month? 

 

0:28:57 – Kayla

It’s getting a little warmer Spring is coming. I promise it’s coming. 

 

0:29:02 – Brian

Snowed here today. 

 

0:29:03 – Kayla

I know? Well, actually it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed again, then it sleeted, and now it looks like I don’t know what it’s going to do. South Florida, yeah. 

 

0:29:13 – Brian

So, hey, you can win yourself a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. You go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com, you click the trivia button and when you get there, you answer this question. 

 

0:29:22 – Kayla

What are you looking forward to this month? You can search the Search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:29:35 – Brian

Also find us on Facebook and Instagram, Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:29:40 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM