Season 3, Episode 23: May We (Re)Introduce Ourselves!

Can We Talk?
May We (Re)Introduce Ourselves! - Episode Description

Join us for a lively and heartwarming episode of the Peas and Carrots Podcast, where we share an overview of our bustling July schedule filled with church picnics, summer camps, Bible studies, and baseball games. We have some light-hearted moments to share, like Kayla’s undeniable love for ballpark snacks and a late-night ice cream run that ended in an amusing encounter. We’ll also touch on our bedtime routines and the challenges of sticking to them during summer’s extended daylight. For our new listeners, we’ll recount our 31-year marriage, our work in ministry with Positive Alternative Radio, and the serendipitous way we met in New Orleans, complete with Brian’s unforgettable first impression of Kayla.

Next, we take a heartfelt look at the keys to success in our marriage, discussing the profound ways our faith and love for the Lord shape our relationship. We emphasize the importance of being “all in” on friendships, work, and life itself. From our different approaches to planning and spontaneity to our shared magnetism for unusual stories, we reflect on the quirks that make us unique. Foundational principles like making Jesus the center, dying to ourselves daily, and understanding each other’s love languages are highlighted, along with the significance of communication and never-ending dates to keep our relationship vibrant and cherished.

Finally, we engage in a playful game of “This or That,” exploring our preferences and quirks that have developed over 31 years together. From choosing swimming pools over oceans to debating cake versus pie, this conversation highlights the comfort and simplicity found in long-term relationships.

May We (Re)Introduce Ourselves! - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the peas and carrots podcast. Hi, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla, and Welcome to our little piece of the vegetable patch. I guess that’s how you say, it isn’t it? That is us, that’s us, mm-hmm. So what’s up in our world?

 

0:00:25 – Kayla

 July is busy. 

 

0:00:29 – Brian

Well, we got a church picnic. I’m cooking there, by the way. We got summer camp, which is a work event. We have a trip for that. 

 

0:00:39 – Kayla

Yeah, that’ll be a week. We’ve got various Bible studies we’re going to be part of. We have a ball game that we’re going to with our church family baseball. 

 

0:00:49 – Brian

We have other work trips. Let’s pause here. 

 

0:00:52 – Kayla

Miss Kayla doesn’t go to the ball game for the ball game now I do watch the game, but yes, I’m all about the snacks. I ain’t going to apologize. Cotton candy, maybe a little. 

 

0:01:06 – Brian

Nachos. 

 

0:01:07 – Kayla

Nachos and cheese. 

 

0:01:09 – Brian

Peanuts. 

 

0:01:10 – Kayla

No, I don’t do peanuts anymore because of your allergy. 

 

0:01:12 – Brian

Oh, I appreciate it. We all thank you. I thank you for that. You’re welcome. I don’t want to die If I ever get peanuts, it’s. 

 

0:01:18 – Kayla

you know I’m trying to bump you off, so so so if the hot dogs look good, I might have to. No, I’ll be. I’ll be better than I am usually, because you know whole healthy lifestyle thing we’re doing caramel, if they have caramel corn oh, forget it, it’s on you love caramel. I do don’t say yeah, okay, yeah, it’s a really fun, but busy month. 

 

0:01:42 – Brian

we have a lot of stuff going on, so does anybody find yourself? 

 

0:01:50 – Kayla

staying up a little bit later. I struggle with this because it’s summer and so it doesn’t get dark till what? 9:15? But there’s a spoiler what time do I? 

 

0:02:02 – Brian

like to go to bed 8.30 to 9. Yeah, but then we’ll lay there sharing reels till 10.30. Am I wrong or wrong. 

 

0:02:10 – Kayla

No, not usually that late. If we’ve got to be up at 5 the next morning, some nights we will share reels with each other for about 30 minutes. But yeah, You’re the worst. I wake up every morning to like 10 reels from you. 

 

0:02:26 – Brian

Well, I try to let you go to sleep. Thank you, you do so. Yeah, I have that CPAP. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

So, B, we’re going to tell on ourselves. There was a night last week that we did stay up later than we should have, and it kind of got us in trouble with Chick-fil-A. What did we do? 

 

0:02:41 – Brian

We told each other OK, we’re going to sneak over there, we’re going to get it’s five minutes from our house. We’re going to sneak over there, we’re going to get us an ice cream cone and we’ll get back home. This was the night of the debate and we said you know what, we’ll be back in time to watch the debate. And we both said we’re not going to tell anybody about this, it’s going to be our little secret, because we turned over a new leaf, you know we’ve been doing really well. 

 

0:03:08 – Kayla

We just decided we were going to splurge, but we didn’t want to have to fess up to this. But God checked us, as he always does. 

 

0:03:14 – Brian

Chick-fil-A drive-thru paid for it and we get up to where you collect your food, and so I hear Mr. Sanders turned, and it’s one of the youth from our church. 

 

0:03:27 – Kayla

Of course it is. 

 

0:03:28 – Brian

And so. 

 

0:03:32 – Kayla

He hands us our ice cream. 

 

0:03:32 – Brian

So we’re busted, just busted, so we couldn’t get away with that one, but the ice cream was really good. And it’s allergen free for me. Yeah, so I try to avoid there, but that night it was. 

 

0:03:46 – Kayla

Now I want ice cream. 

 

0:03:47 – Brian

Well, anything my darling wants, my darling gets. 

 

0:03:54 – Kayla

May we reintroduce ourselves. 

 

0:03:56 – Brian

Yes, we have a lot of new listeners to the podcast. We do so. I’m Brian, I’m Kayla, we’ve been married going on. 

 

0:04:05 – Kayla

It will be 31 years in August. Yeah. 

 

0:04:08 – Brian

We’re both believers in Jesus. We are conservative Presbyterians. I’d like to say that we both work in ministry. 

 

0:04:18 – Kayla

We do. We work with Positive Alternative Radio and it has five sister stations and we do also have an app that people can listen to, but we are located in Blacksburg. We have stations in Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, Virginia, but we are here. The hub is here in Blacksburg, Virginia, which is where our offices are. Hub is here in Blacksburg, Virginia, which is where our offices are. You are our executive vice president, I am our vice president for partner service. Yeah, for donor care. So how did we meet? 

 

0:04:56 – Brian

Oh gosh, I was serving at the Christian radio station in New Orleans, WBSN Life Songs, and our office manager went on maternity leave, and so you came in for the summer. I did, and took her role for the summer. 

 

0:05:14 – Kayla

And my parents purchased your boss’s trailer on campus. 

 

0:05:19 – Brian

So, and I remember walking in and I saw you the first time and I skipped, I didn’t even say hi to you, I just walked right past you Not even a. 

 

0:05:28 – Kayla

who are you? 

 

0:05:29 – Brian

Nope, I walked right past. You went back to my friend’s office, Stan, and I told him I have to kiss that girl or I will die. I found you were just that beautiful, and still are. 

 

0:05:43 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:05:45 – Brian

So that’s how we met. 

 

0:05:46 – Kayla

We spent the whole summer getting to know each other. You were a very curious person. 

 

0:05:50 – Brian

And you flirted, I did flirt with you. All throughout the summer. Yes, asked her out various times, three times. What did you tell me each time? 

 

0:05:57 – Kayla

No, because my grandma said do not date your boss. 

 

0:06:02 – Brian

But you flirted with me the whole time. Do not date your boss, but you flirted with me the whole time. 

 

0:06:06 – Kayla

I did, but it was a great summer, and then we did end up having our first date after I went back to college. You know, each couple has to decide this for themselves. We met in June, we started dating in September, we got engaged in December and we have been together for, like we said, nearly 31 years. 

 

0:06:26 – Brian

Got married in August. 

 

0:06:28 – Kayla

We have spent. 11 of those years we lived in New Orleans, Louisiana, and the last 20 years we have been here in Virginia. 

 

0:06:38 – Brian

We were never able to have children, no, but we did have— A very, very, very spooled dog we did. His name was Sprocket. We had him. For what? Very, very spool dog? We did, his name was Sprocket. 

 

0:06:46 – Kayla

We had him for what? 14 and a half years we did at 13. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

And 13, 14, I don’t know. He was with us a long time and it wasn’t long enough, but he was the world’s greatest pup. 

 

0:06:59 – Kayla

He really was. He had the quirkiest personality. 

 

0:07:03 – Brian

Love him, yeah Still do so, Miss Sanders, how would you describe me? 

 

0:07:10 – Kayla

How would I describe me? You have a heart the size of Texas. Your love for the Lord is undeniable. Anyone who meets you knows that you have a passion for exploring and understanding Scripture and getting to know God more deeply. You are all in. You’re all in on friendships. You’re all in on your work. You live out loud. You love life. You are exuberant, you are charming, you are generous. You’re one of the most hilarious people I’ve ever had the privilege of doing life with. Um. You’re a magnet for crazy. True, we share stories on here all the time of strange things that happen. It just seems to find you. I just show up. You are an incredible storyteller and you make others feel at ease. I find it amazing the way when we are with new people, you help them to feel instantly comfortable. You also have never left me wondering if I am cherished by you. Since day one, I have known where I stand with B. 

 

0:08:31 – Brian

How would I describe you? Beautiful? You’re more beautiful today than you were the day I married you. 

 

0:08:38 – Kayla

Whatever, I’m not even sure I come out of my hair today. 

 

0:08:41 – Brian

See, I didn’t say a word the whole time she said all of it. I didn’t say a word. 

 

0:08:46 – Kayla

Even though I disagree with most of it. 

 

0:08:50 – Brian

You are more beautiful today than the day that I married you. You are kind, you are patient, you are full of grace, you are stately, you are proper. 

 

0:09:03 – Kayla

I’m British. 

 

0:09:05 – Brian

She’s British. 

 

0:09:05 – Kayla

We have to be proper. 

 

0:09:07 – Brian

She is, she’s proper. You love Jesus, your faith. I’m jealous of your faith because you just believing and you just trusting and I can’t do that. You are a planner. You like for things A, b, c, d, e, f, g. You like that. I’m like, well, we’ll go to A, then we’ll bop over to Z, then we’ll come back to D. No, I mean so, but you’re a planner and I love that. You make me a better man and you make me want to know Jesus more, want to know Jesus more. You create a beautiful home where we are comfortable or things are at ease. When you enter a room, peace enters the room. So I thank God every day that he brought you into my life. 

 

0:09:58 – Kayla

No, what would you say? 

 

0:10:00 – Brian

Stop right there. Do you believe any of what I just said? 

 

0:10:03 – Kayla

Me I told you. What are the golden rules of our marriage? 

 

0:10:10 – Brian

Well. 

 

0:10:11 – Kayla

We have a few. We have a few things that these are the things that are sacred to us. 

 

0:10:15 – Brian

We strive daily to make Jesus the center of our relationship. We do devos, we usually discuss the devos with each other, and we try to live that out. When I say making Jesus the center of our relationship, what I mean by that? Well, I’ll say the first one we try to die to ourselves daily. In other words, I want to make much of you and I see you trying to make much of me. So it’s a little bit of a contest some days to see who can make the most of each other. 

 

0:10:48 – Kayla

But if you are always about what you can get out of a relationship, it’s going to be very contentious and it’s going to be a harder road because you’re going to live in a place where you’re constantly disappointed. If it’s all about taking rather than giving We’ve said this we acknowledge what makes the other person feel cherished. Early in our marriage, we had the privilege of going to a conference that was put on by Gary Smalley. 

 

0:11:19 – Brian

We had lunch with him that day we did. 

 

0:11:21 – Kayla

It was the five love languages, and we learned that your love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, mine are acts of service and quality time, and we kind of blend on that one. The more we’ve been together, you’re more about quality time as well. 

 

0:11:42 – Brian

I like being with you. 

 

0:11:43 – Kayla

So it’s important to us that we acknowledge those in each other Y’all. If he wants to make me feel adored, take the trash out. That’s all I need, and you do it all the time, so yeah. 

 

0:11:55 – Brian

Now the difference is I think you can put more in it than she does. Let’s just say that. We’ll leave that there um okay, um, sorry, we communicate and we talk a lot, yeah, so we talk in the morning, we talk during the day, we talk at night, we talk when we go to bed. We talk about everything now I will say there are. There are no secrets no, there are no secrets here. We just try to put everything on the table. Now I’ll say this she is more of the talker than I am. 

 

0:12:28 – Kayla

I’m a verbal processor, I’m not. Yeah, and you’re very good at enduring that, because I know there are times when I don’t endure that. 

 

Well, there are times when I really need to sit with something and I need to talk it through, and you are incredibly patient with that. I can tell when there is something bothering you. Sometimes I have to give you time before I smoke it out. You need to sit with things. I can tell when it’s time to say, okay, spill it. But the thing that makes me concerned for marriages is when people say, well, we’re too busy to communicate. 

 

0:13:02 – Brian

You’re not. That’s a danger sign. 

 

0:13:04 – Kayla

That’s a danger sign. That’s a red flag. Never stop dating. 

 

0:13:11 – Brian

We just had a lunch date yeah, we just went down to a little place and had shrimp tacos. 

 

0:13:14 – Kayla

They were amazing. Yeah, they were great. You have to make time for each other. 

 

0:13:18 – Brian

And we talked there. We were talking about our next vacation, we were talking about what I did this morning and some of the plans that I’m trying to get through that kind of stuff. So we do that. Let me go back to the whole thing about communication. My brain works that like. I will think something through and then I’m done with it and I’ll put it aside. What I’ve had to learn is I need to keep some kind of a checklist in my head that when we talk, I can share all that stuff with you. 

 

0:13:48 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:13:48 – Brian

Because we process stuff differently. Like you said, you’re a verbal processor. Yeah, I’m not. 

 

0:13:55 – Kayla

You’ve already worked it out and moved on. 

 

0:13:56 – Brian

I’ve already worked it out and moved on. 

 

0:13:57 – Kayla

Yeah, but you realize I may need to know that piece of the puzzle Correct so that I have a glimpse into your life. Yes, this one is a big deal. Protect each other and what you have, and I want to explain this just a little bit. There’s several ways to do this. I am always going to be B’s biggest cheerleader. I’m going to be the one that speaks positively of him to others and I’m encouraging him and cheering him. On. Another way that this kind of falls out we practice firm boundaries with others and that looks like we do not have friendships. I don’t have friendships with guys. You don’t have friendships with females. 

 

0:14:44 – Brian

Some people say that’s old school. I just find that it protects the marriage and it protects purity. 

 

0:14:49 – Kayla

Now we will have friendships together that are other couple.

 

0:14:53 – Brian

Yeah, we’ll go out as a couple. 

 

0:14:55 – Kayla

We don’t make a habit of you texting other women. Now let me clarify this because you do have to in your work. But if it’s a side relationship and someone is texting you, I’ll actually show you the text I’m going to get copied in on the response. 

 

0:15:11 – Brian

I’ll usually loop you in on that text thread, that kind of stuff. 

 

0:15:14 – Kayla

But we’ve had situations where people have asked things as simple as could you give me a ride to the airport? 

 

0:15:20 – Brian

No, no, sorry, I can’t, I’m not doing that. No, no, Sorry, I can’t, I’m not doing that. 

 

0:15:23 – Kayla

You know, we just be careful what limits you don’t put on your relationship that leave you kind of open and exposed to any potential. So yeah, that’s us. We’re not saying these are the rules that have to work for every marriage, but this is how we have been able to thrive. 

 

0:15:46 – Brian

And that’s what I want to say. I’ve never gotten bored with you. I still find you interesting. I still find how you respond to things fascinating. 

 

0:15:56 – Kayla

You still surprise me. I’m still learning things about you. I mean, at Disney, I just learned that you’re scared of heights. I never knew that. I mean we Disney, I just learned that you’re scared of heights. I never knew that. I mean we’ve been together, for we’ve known each other for 32 years.

 

0:16:09 – Brian

I’m not necessarily scared of heights. I’m scared on a certain ride that makes you feel like you’re 80,000 feet in the air. Now, if I was sitting on the ground I’d be fine with that, but this ride it actually elevates you off the ground and it tilts you. I can’t handle that. Okay, I can’t. I can’t handle. But see, I’m fine in an airplane. For some reason my mind says my feet are on the ground, it’s on the plane, but there you go. 

 

0:16:37 – Kayla

Yeah, I’m not agreeing with you on that one. 

 

0:16:38 – Brian

I wish that they’d give us each like a little bouncy suit, like on the plane. Oh, my gosh so you’d hit and it’d blow up and it’d bounce off Well after the plane rides I’ve heard about this week we might need one. 

 

0:16:47 – Kayla

There you go. I will say this the beauty of 31-ish years, and we’ll spend a future podcast on this. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

there is a comfortable silence at times we talked about this the other night how we seem to hit a good rhythm. 

 

0:17:02 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:17:03 – Brian

That we do the day to day. 

 

0:17:04 – Kayla

Well, we talk and and it’s not always about the big showy moment. Sometimes it’s about the simplicity of life. Yeah, so yeah, we’ll come back to that. 

 

0:17:17 – Brian

I love this little game and you always. I never get to choose, you always get to choose. 

 

0:17:23 – Kayla

So the next time we play, no, I will let you choose. 

 

0:17:26 – Brian

My feelings are choose. 

 

0:17:27 – Kayla

You always get to choose, so the next time we play, I will let you choose my feelings are hurt, you’ll recover. You have a million times. 

 

0:17:32 – Brian

The compassion is deep, all right. 

 

0:17:35 – Kayla

This or that. 

 

0:17:35 – Brian

Okay, what’s the first one, ocean or swimming pool? 

 

0:17:39 – Kayla

I am swimming pool all the way. 

 

0:17:44 – Brian

I need to be able to see what’s underneath my feet. I will. Usually I’ll do neither because I’m just not comfortable, but if we’re at the ocean I’ll swim out midway so I can pee. Wow, like I can stand up to my waist. So I mean, nobody knows it’s the ocean. Oh my gosh, them fish pee in there. 

 

0:18:00 – Kayla

Will you do that this summer, knowing that one Like straight over there was a shark attack? 

 

0:18:07 – Brian

this summer. 

 

0:18:08 – Kayla

Will you really? 

 

0:18:10 – Brian

How big’s he got to be to take a bite out of me? Look at me, we’re talking jaws Quit. 

 

0:18:18 – Kayla

So snacks, Sweet or salty. 

 

0:18:23 – Brian

I can’t do sweet so I’m going to have to go with salty. But I’ve been doing like like carrots and little cherry tomatoes and broccoli and cheese, so I don’t think that’s really salty either you oh, I’m sweet all the way brownies, cookies chocolate, all right. 

 

0:18:42 – Kayla

No, you really haven’t regained your stuff, really not every once in a while I have a taste for dark chocolate. 

 

0:18:48 – Brian

Now give this woman a good gummy bear. 

 

0:18:51 – Kayla

Oh, a really good gummy bear, and, yeah, I’m taking it down.

 

0:18:53 – Brian

Yeah, she loves a good gummy bear, introvert or extrovert. 

 

0:18:58 – Kayla

I am an introvert all the way. 

 

0:19:07 – Brian

I am what’s called an ambivert I can be around people, yeah.

 

0:19:09 – Kayla

I love being around people, but after two or three hours you need to recharge. I need to go, get in a corner somewhere, recharge, yeah, and I’ll be fine but when we are in social settings, you are energized, whereas I am just dying on the vine. I just it’s like somebody take me out. 

 

0:19:26 – Brian

Yeah who are all these people and why will they not go home? And then I’m going to be awkward. 

 

0:19:34 – Kayla

I mean just last night, no, I am Be. Just last night at Bible study I realized Kay, just listen, don’t try to say anything because you’re going to step off in it. I just do all the time. It’s who I am, you’re not awkward Spender or saver. 

 

0:19:53 – Brian

I’d say we’re both savers. We are, but if I’m going to buy something, it’s usually your toys are expensive. Yeah, like right now I’m looking at a new backpack that has that’s like you just bought one. Can I explain what I’m looking at? It’s the Star Wars Empire. 

 

0:20:14 – Kayla

Oh God help me. 

 

0:20:16 – Brian

OK. 

 

0:20:16 – Kayla

OK, ok, drive or fly. 

 

0:20:22 – Brian

Based on that reaction, you know, I guess I’m probably not coming to my house. Go ahead, We’ll pray about it. You see that guess I’m probably not coming to my house. Go ahead. 

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

We’ll pray about it. You see, that’s a no. What is it a good, What is it a good mom always says Maybe, so yeah, okay, back to the questions. Drive or fly. 

 

0:20:42 – Brian

I’ll fly In a heartbeat, in a heartbeat, if it’s seven hours or under. 

 

0:20:48 – Kayla

I’m all about driving. 

 

0:20:50 – Brian

If it was 45 minutes, I’d fly. I hate Really. I would I mean, if I could have a private helicopter. 

 

0:20:56 – Kayla

No see, that’s on those little bitty planes. What? 

 

0:20:59 – Brian

if you had a private With like a two-seater? What if you had a private helicopter? No I don’t think I’d be down in a heartbeat, summer or winter summer, all the way. I’m gonna do spring and fall, even though it’s not a choice no, I’m gonna make you choose summer or winter probably summer. I can’t endure the cold, the cold is just too much now but I do agree with you. 

 

0:21:23 – Kayla

I’m a huge fan of spring and fall, but summer I can find ways to to cool down. I just my teeth stay clenched in the winter because it’s so cold. I can morning person or night out you can’t take enough clothes off to get cool okay, I didn’t see that coming oh, do what we should definitely move on Morning person or night owl. 

 

0:21:48 – Brian

Morning. You used to be a night owl. 

 

0:21:51 – Kayla

I used to be a night owl. 

 

0:21:54 – Brian

I think since joining the gym, the gym’s kicked you high. 

 

0:21:57 – Kayla

It’s kicked my tail into being, I will say this there is something amazing about the peace of the early morning. I totally grasp. Now new morning mercies, because watching the sun come up, watching a day restart, it’s quiet, it’s peaceful, until someone starts telling Lincoln stories. You’ve gotten better. 

 

0:22:21 – Brian

If you’re new to the podcast, I love Abraham Lincoln. He’s a hero. I wrote a book Leadership Endurance. About a third of it is about Abraham Lincoln. You can find it on Amazon. 

 

0:22:31 – Kayla

And it’s a great book and you have great stories. 

 

0:22:35 – Brian

But you just don’t want to hear them at 5. 

 

0:22:36 – Kayla

I just don’t want to hear them at 5 o’clock in the morning. Why that’s a new morning mercy for you, because it’s 5 o’clock in the morning. 

 

0:22:42 – Brian

All right Cake or pie Cake all the way. 

 

0:22:46 – Kayla

I can’t do either, but if I could I’m going to choose, I would say this would be my guess, cake with a little bit of milk. 

 

0:22:55 – Brian

I’d put a piece of cake in the bowl and pour milk over it. Yep. So steak or shrimp, both you got to choose one. 

 

0:23:07 – Kayla

I’ll choose steak. I’m going to oh, really, okay. Well, it depends on who’s cooking the shrimp. 

 

0:23:16 – Brian

I don’t want to die that’s not on this piece of paper. Right here it says steak or shrimp you’re a little sassy, aren’t you? 

 

0:23:23 – Kayla

I saw that. Look, Disney or universal, there’s no contest Disney, Disney, all the way universal. We have some friends who they prefer universal studios and they’re. 

 

0:23:27 – Brian

I saw that Look Disney or Universal, there’s no contest. 

 

0:23:29 – Kayla

Disney, Disney, all the way. Universal doesn’t even we have some friends who they prefer Universal. 

 

0:23:32 – Brian

Studios and they’re wrong. Oh snap, I mean they don’t have. There’s Mickey and Minnie and Donald and Daisy. Our preference is Disney World, if you’re a Christian, you go Disney World. 

 

0:23:45 – Kayla

Okay, that escalated quickly, so there we go. That’s this edition of this, or that. Do you have some others that you would like to add? 

 

0:23:55 – Brian

So which Disney park? Epcot all the way. Hollywood Studios. Yeah so what’s that? Ice cream or yogurt? Oh, ice cream, yeah cream. Yeah that’s up the Lord. Pork chop. Or ribs, oh, pork chop Really. You’re not a rib fan are you? 

 

0:24:20 – Kayla

I’m not a huge rib fan. Again, it depends on who cooked them. 

 

0:24:24 – Brian

Here we go. It’s all these little Y’all. It’s the fine print in the contract that gets me. 

 

0:24:30 – Kayla

It has for 31 years. That’s not. 

 

0:24:33 – Brian

There’s no fine print. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the podcast, and we’d like to send you a peas and carrots mug, a peas and carrots pen, a notepad and some Some stickers. No, what do you call them? Cute little stickers, cute little stickers. 

 

0:24:49 – Kayla

No what do you call them Cute little stickers? I’m sorry, though. The notepad is really cute too. It has little checkboxes where you can make your list, and it’s like a Post-it note. Each of the little sheets come off so they will stick to your refrigerator or wherever you need them to. Yeah, I’m in love. 

 

0:25:07 – Brian

I got tickled last week Adam Reed, who’s my executive assistant and one of my best friends in the world, because whenever y’all win something, he sends it out. He says, B, can I have some of these notepads? 

 

0:25:19 – Kayla

You’re the one that ships them. You don’t have to ask. 

 

0:25:23 – Brian

Oh, so you’ve got a thousand of them in your garage. Take as many as you want. 

 

0:25:27 – Kayla

So if you would like to have your own cute little stickers and notepad, the first couple of people or more I mean, we’ve not really held to this, honestly but the first few people that go to our website answer the question correctly and you will win all of the above. Our website is peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:25:47 – Brian

When you get there, you can go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you get there, you can go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you get there, click on the trivia button and this week’s question. 

 

0:25:57 – Kayla

Are you a morning person or a night owl? All right. 

 

0:26:01 – Brian

So you’re a morning person or night owl? Go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Answer that question. 

 

0:26:06 – Kayla

You can search the Peas and Carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website. Again, that is peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:26:17 – Brian

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots podcast. You know how the weatherman says there’s like a 60% chance of rain or a 40% chance of rain. 

 

0:26:28 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:26:29 – Brian

What’s the percentage chance of getting a Chick-fil-A ice cream today? 

 

0:26:33 – Kayla

Oh, probably 100. Okay, all right. There you go.

 

0:26:35 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

Season 3 Episode 16: His Mercy Is More

Can We Talk?
His Mercy Is More - Episode Description

It’s been a wild ride lately, with the heavens opening up just as we were about to get our hands dirty in the garden—talk about timing! But every cloud has its silver lining, or in my case, every bird “blessing” is a sign of good luck, right? This week, we’re inviting you into our world of contrasts and reflections, as we wrap up an incredible fundraising marathon, overflowing with gratitude. But it’s not all been smooth sailing; I faced a surprising challenge as I closed a book mid-narrative, honoring my own tastes over the pull of ‘writer’s guilt.’ Meanwhile, Kayla shares her steps on the road to recovery after her hip injury and we both buzz with excitement about our upcoming Disney escapade. And for those who can relate to the late-night symphony of a noisy sleep machine, I’ve got a tale that ends with sweet, silent slumber.

Our hearts are full as we recount the success of our latest fundraising efforts, reaching a milestone that seemed like a distant dream just weeks ago. The joys of a 103% goal completion, combined with the intimate moments of spiritual closeness and the recognition of life’s little mercies, have left us humbled and reflective. Self-acceptance is a dance, and we’re learning to move to its rhythm, discussing the often complicated relationship with societal expectations, body image, and finding grounding in something greater than ourselves. Joined by our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we delve into the power of tiny blessings in daily life, and we’re throwing a trivia prize giveaway your way—because who doesn’t love the chance to win a cozy coffee mug and some cheerful stickers? So grab your earbuds, get comfortable, and join us as we share this rollercoaster journey through life’s ups, downs, and everything in between.

His Mercy Is More - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer
We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.

0:00:11 – Kayla
Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:00:13 – Brian
I’m Brian and I’m Kayla. Welcome to this week’s edition of how does the garden grow… peas and carrots. You get it.

0:00:20 – Kayla
Oh Okay, it took me a sec, sorry, okay, here we are, all right. Well, right now it doesn’t because I haven’t planted anything, because all it’s done is rain, but bitter party of one. So here we are Anyway.

0:00:41 – Brian
Bitter party of one. Your table’s ready. Bitter party of one, and we have a special tonight on spaghetti, okay.

0:00:51 – Kayla
On a more positive note, what’s up in the world of peas and carrots? Actually, it’s what came down on the world of peas and carrots as I walked this morning. Oh yeah, you and a bird. We’ll leave it here. We’re going to keep this PG. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning. Yes, right, it here. We’re going to keep this pg. As I was walking my mile, a bird blessed you this morning.

0:01:07 – Brian
Yes, right on the front of your shirt. Yes, I wasn’t wearing a hat, so I’m thankful. I’m a little thankful. I have a gut that it hit that, because that sticks out and it didn’t hit me on my head. So, yeah, it’s first time in my life I’ve ever been blessed by a bird. It happened to me at the beach.

0:01:25 – Kayla
Yeah, I was so mad. I was just minding my business reading my book and bloop, and it even hit your chair. Yes, it was nasty. Well, seagulls put out a lot. Okay, let’s stop. I’m just saying it’s a wrap.

0:01:40 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:41 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done.

0:01:43 – Brian
It’s a wrap.

0:01:43 – Kayla
Our fundraising season is done. Yes, it officially ended yesterday, thank you Lord, and we’ll share our results here in just a few minutes. But we have seen the goodness of God.

0:01:53 – Brian
Yes, we have. We certainly have Thank you, I did something for the first time.

0:02:00 – Kayla
You did. Okay, so technically you did two things. For the first time, you actually picked up a fiction book, which I encouraged you to do, so I’m kind of feeling like I went up in flames on this, but you gave up on it.

0:02:15 – Brian
I actually read half of it. You did.

0:02:17 – Kayla
I read and out of kindness to the author we are not going to share the name but it just wasn’t for you, and this was the first time I’ve ever seen you set down a book.

0:02:26 – Brian
Because I have what’s called writer’s guilt, Like because I’m a writer, I’ve written two books and, like, I know the pain and the creativity and the hours and the work it takes to write a book. I know all that, yeah, but I got. This is a 400-page New York Times bestseller and I’m really I got this is a 400-page New York. Times bestseller and I’m really. I mean I read 200 pages of this and set it down.

0:02:53 – Kayla
I mean books need to move faster than I think. You might need to flex your muscle a little more. On fiction, though, I’m going to get another book for you to try again.

0:03:00 – Brian
No, I’m not reading. No frou-frou thing.

0:03:03 – Kayla
I don’t think I said frou-frou, I used the word fiction, okay.

0:03:07 – Brian
So calm it down. Well, you also read all that murder stuff.

0:03:10 – Kayla
I’m not going to make you do that yet. Okay, so Yet. So I started a new habit. The last couple of weeks I started walking a mile a day, really During my break. Really I thought I would miss running. So this was part of my hesitation, other than the fact that I’m just lazy and I kind of thought, well, this is going to make me feel me because I used to love running, but on my breaks I’ve been going and like walking near work and there’s this cute little church that I walk by and I go into the neighborhood and then I come back. I’m really enjoying this. And not to belabor this, but an update on the hip after the fall down the stairs, I think it’s really helped with that.

0:04:01 – Brian
It’s healed.

0:04:01 – Kayla
So my hip is well and I think the walking is only doing.

0:04:06 – Brian
We got a Disney trip in about three weeks. Do not fall, you’re welcome.

0:04:10 – Kayla
Okay, okay, just felt that you are picking up a new sleep machine at the day of this recording. Can I say hallelujah and amen.

0:04:26 – Brian
Because at the beginning of fundraising season I guess the first or second night of fundraising season- the motor decided to start dying.

0:04:35 – Kayla
So this is all I’ve heard for six weeks, as your motor is.

0:04:44 – Brian
Interacting with my breathing. That’s what it’s doing, and so we’ve had everybody loves Raymond playing at night. All kind of things, trying to drown it out what I liked is when I got up to pee at one o’clock Golden Girls was on.

0:04:57 – Kayla
Oh, my word, that was pretty good.

0:04:59 – Brian
TMI. Oh, but there we go. I’m sure the people on this podcast, the people listening, go pee.

0:05:06 – Kayla
Okay, some of us use the word potty, oh, but all right.

0:05:09 – Brian
Okay, potty, wow. Okay, this is where we are. This is the end of five weeks of fundraising. Six, six, my filter’s a little broken.

0:05:20 – Kayla
Not to be clarifying or anything, but Not to be.

0:05:26 – Brian
We got to get to the next segment.

0:05:31 – Kayla
Life is a series of ups and downs. That’s a given. We all know that there’s no perfect day. You’re not promised anything, but I am not sure that we have ever seen a season as wild as the past three months.

0:05:48 – Brian
Yeah, there’s a spiritual principle here. If you listen to the episodes where we talked with our friends Adam and Tricia Reed, we actually talked about this spiritual principle and I told Kay this morning I’d like to dedicate a segment of our podcast back to this principle. Again, it’s a principle that I call tiny mercies. Okay, because when there’s so much stuff going on, that’s bad. Yeah, I have to look for the good. Because here’s my thing If you’re constantly hearing the bad, it’s going to bring you down. Or if you constantly focus on the bad, guess what it’s going to do to you? Yeah, it’s going to bring you down. So you got to look for the good. For me, when you’re going through bad things, when you’re walking through the valley of the shadow, don’t just focus on that. Look for where else God is working and remind yourself of that.

0:06:45 – Kayla
We’ve hinted at this in other ways. When my dad passed away you know that I went through a very hard season. I developed a habit of keeping a gratitude journal.

0:06:55 – Brian
Hmm.

0:06:56 – Kayla
This is kind of like a living breathing gratitude journal, and I still do that to this day because we all trend toward the negative. There’s just so much of it in the world. Tiny mercies, seeing them, accepting who they are from, keep us from just drowning in the negative. So we’re going to walk through some things that have happened.

0:07:23 – Brian
In just the last five to six weeks.

0:07:26 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:27 – Brian
So first of all, probably one of my I mean, he’s one of my best friends in the world. He’s my executive assistant. He’s navigating the house fire.

0:07:37 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:07:37 – Brian
His house caught on fire.

0:07:38 – Kayla
And every week comes with a new layer to it. Yes, now they’re okay, nobody got hurt. The house is yeah, his house caught on fire, and every week comes with a new layer to it.

0:07:41 – Brian
Yes, now they’re okay. Nobody got hurt, the house is being cleaned, so there’s that, and then.

0:07:48 – Kayla
We have a sweet friend who she suddenly lost her dog and then learned on the heels of that that she was going to need a biopsy after a mammogram that showed some concerns.

0:08:01 – Brian
Then we had the sudden loss of a team member at PAR. He was a friend. He was on our future leadership team, which meant I interacted with him a lot as a mentor.

0:08:13 – Kayla
You two basically texted daily.

0:08:15 – Brian
Yes, I loved him. He was like a son, he was like a younger brother and just pouring into him and the Lord took him home. I mean 44 years old, I was just crushed.

0:08:30 – Kayla
We have a friend who lost her mother-in-law and within days of that she lost her aunt.

0:08:34 – Brian
Yes, we have a friend whose daughter was also in a car accident. Everybody’s listening to this right now and going. We are not getting around the Sanders for the next few months. We are going to avoid y’all.

0:08:48 – Kayla
We have a friend who’s walking a relative through dementia.

0:08:52 – Brian
And then your grandma passed away.

0:08:53 – Kayla
Yeah, we lost my grandma, and one of your best friends lost his dad.

0:08:57 – Brian
Yes.

0:08:58 – Kayla
And I mean there are things that forgive us if we have not highlighted it. That is just the icing on the cake of what has been going on behind the scenes.

And at the same time now, this is not to belabor this point we’ve been in a fundraising season which is it’s exhausting and it’s a spiritual attack at times, because you’re putting God’s message out there 12, 13 hours a day and you’re asking people to worship him with their money, and the enemy does not like that, and so it’s a given. We know that hard things are going to happen during fundraising season. This one has just felt to use one of the kids’ terms it’s felt extra, I mean.

0:09:45 – Brian
What’s that More?

0:09:47 – Kayla
A lot.

0:09:48 – Brian
Okay.

0:09:49 – Kayla
But even so we have seen so many tiny mercies.

0:09:55 – Brian
The Lord’s protection of our friends and the provision as they almost literally rebuild their home, I mean the Lord’s taking care of them.

0:10:03 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:10:04 – Brian
And provided, and I will try to help him focus on that too.

0:10:09 – Kayla
on the good, the reminders. Yeah, we got news that the biopsy that revealed some issues. None of them are invasive carcinoma and all of them are benign. We’re thankful for that so thankful.

0:10:25 – Brian
A team of 65 people that’s poured out love, even as they collectively grieve so many losses. This team fundraised through grief. They fundraised through all these different. It’s been like a pinball machine getting hit here, hit here, and yet they kept moving forward.

0:10:42 – Kayla
The resilience.

0:10:43 – Brian
Yes.

0:10:44 – Kayla
And the care. Yeah, we have both seen. Now this is something you and I talk about a lot and we could spend an hour just on this. Prayer comes easy to me. It’s hard. I love to pray, but it’s been a growth process for you.

0:11:01 – Brian
For years.

0:11:02 – Kayla
You find studying and reading easier.

0:11:04 – Brian
Oh, it comes like a second nature, I feel like.

0:11:06 – Kayla
Talking to God is just. It’s a constant for me, and yet we have both seen a deepening of that.

0:11:13 – Brian
In the last two or three months, the Lord’s turned my heart. Now I still read, I still study, I still love it.

0:11:19 – Kayla
Yeah.

0:11:22 – Brian
But I also find myself throughout the day I’ll just be praying. I’ve never been like that before, Never. I will still do my main prayers in the morning, but throughout the day I’ll just be praying and I’m like, who am I? Now? That’s not bragging on me, it’s that. That’s a tiny mercy the Lord has given me during this season, he’s changed your heart. Well, you needed changing.

0:11:46 – Kayla
There’s been a true slowing down. We’ve had to choose rest at times and we have found peace in the simplest of things. It’s not been anything grand or epic that has given us joy. It’s been the little things.

0:12:00 – Brian
We have a church family that’s continued to bless and grow us, and Bible study classes and sermons reminded us again and again of who he is, no matter how life is. I was texting with our pastor the other night and this is just another tiny mercy. And it’s also hilarious. I got a new book on theology and so I just took a picture of it and I texted it to him. And what does he text me back? A picture of a Dr Seuss book. In other words, you’re reading that and I’m reading this. That’s hilarious.

0:12:32 – Kayla
Absolutely hilarious. We had had a really tough day. It was just. Leadership comes with its own level of drama, but this day just had about three days worth. On our drive home, there was a beautiful rainbow. Reminder of a promise, and it was a reminder of a promise, and it was as if God was whispering I’ve got this, and it was just. It was a very sweet moment. A friend left random flowers on the front porch.

0:13:04 – Brian
Nobody does that for me. I don’t get random flowers.

0:13:07 – Kayla
Oh, OK.

0:13:08 – Brian
Well, you got to enjoy them I found that sweet for you that during your grief, your friend.

0:13:14 – Kayla
Oh, it was.

0:13:15 – Brian
it was beautiful, just showed up with the just left him on the front porch.

0:13:18 – Kayla
And I enjoyed them for like two and a half weeks. I just I didn’t want to let them go.

0:13:24 – Brian
A fundraising season that went from four weeks to six because of the loss of a team member, and yet the Lord blessed us with 103% of goal. Who would have thought? I mean, I’m sitting here, blown away.

0:13:38 – Kayla
Knowing what people are having to spend for groceries and gas, and there’s all the things. There’s graduation parties, there’s end of year this and end of year that, and for people to say, oh, I want to support this ministry, Absolutely wild.

0:13:53 – Brian
I’ve also felt the closeness of the Lord in this season. I mean, I don’t say that lightly, because most of the times I don’t feel him, and that’s normal life, but he has been near to us in the last four to six weeks.

0:14:09 – Kayla
Yeah, it’s nothing to shake off. When you feel a peace that is unnatural, when you’re going through hard thing after hard thing and you see the Lord’s goodness in giving you peace, even for moments of the day. I hope you can stop and say that’s God, Because we’re not wired for that as humans. We just aren’t.

0:14:36 – Brian
I’m also thankful for the kindness of friendships.

0:14:39 – Kayla
Oh, my goodness, yes, we have had so many text messages and cards, and a friend even took the time. This blew me away. She had some wind chimes inscribed with my grandmother’s name, and so when I see them and the wind blows, it’s to remind me of her and the Lord’s goodness. People have gifted us plants and I’m going to do my best, y’all, to keep them alive. Don’t get your hopes up. Y’all Stop. We’ve been given meals and, yeah, it’s just and not just us. I have seen this play out for team member after team member. I’ve seen our church do this for loved ones in our church that are going through hard times or in different seasons, and this is what it looks like. This is what the tiny mercies look like when life is tough.

0:15:36 – Brian
So again, here’s the spiritual principle when you’re going through stuff, even on days when you’re not, keep a little folder or keep a journal and write down the tiny mercies, write down the good you see, don’t just focus on the negative stuff you’re going through. Turn your head and look and see where else he is working, what you’re learning about him, what you’re learning about yourself, and that will actually encourage your heart to keep on going.

0:16:05 – Kayla
It will. It’s twofold. I will say this when you are able to reframe your thinking and see his mercy, you also become a person that shows it to others.

0:16:18 – Brian
Amen, so keep hope alive. Look for the tiny mercies. Well, this is your topic. You’ve been bringing this up.

0:16:32 – Kayla
I have and, okay, I’m going to be brave because this comes with. First of all, it comes with a confession. I was getting ready for church a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those weeks where I had not planned well. I did not get my outfit together.

0:16:49 – Brian
the night before. When have we planned? There’s that.

0:16:54 – Kayla
I was trying to get ready for church, I was trying to put an outfit together. Everything I tried on it was either too tight or it was uncomfortable, or I just it didn’t feel appropriate for the weather and I had a little bit of a meltdown, and you didn’t know it at the time. But I mean I had a mini meltdown because I was just so irked with myself and with this phase of life.

0:17:22 – Brian
And I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person. This phase of life.

0:17:26 – Kayla
I’m downstairs watching Meet the Press, thinking you know, everything’s fine and I, just I am that person, and please don’t roll your eyes if you’re listening to this. For 45 years of my life, the number on the scale was exactly the same. It may have fluctuated one or two degrees, but I had this crazy metabolism. I could eat anything. Now, if I sniff cake, I gain three pounds.

0:17:49 – Brian
That’s not true. It is it’s not true?

0:17:52 – Kayla
I sniff cake. So it was just. It was this moment where I, just I was so frustrated because I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, closet full of beautiful clothes that I felt like were just haunting me, which led me into a spiral of well, this is your own fault because of this, this, this and this. But then I had to take a step back and remind myself of some things. Loving ourselves, even when we don’t like certain aspects, is crucial to remembering whose we are. God doesn’t define any of us by the way we look, or by our weight, or by how many goals we’re crushing.

0:18:35 – Brian
This is a huge hurdle for me. I’m trying not to get emotional because I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. Yeah, I have been on. I’ve been on over probably over 200 diets in my time, my lifetime member of Jenny Craig. I don’t go there anymore.

0:18:53 – Kayla
Do they even still exist?

0:18:54 – Brian
Yeah, you go online. Oh, okay, but this is a huge issue for me because this is really personal. Every day, in my prayer app, I actually ask forgiveness for my size and I ask him to forgive me for being this large, because I feel like it’s a sin for me to be like this.

0:19:16 – Kayla
Oh mercy.

0:19:17 – Brian
So I appreciate your words that we have to love ourselves, even though there may not be certain aspects of ourselves that we don’t like.

0:19:25 – Kayla
Yeah, and that’s hard to do. It just is Because we can easily become our own critic.

0:19:33 – Brian
Every day. Now let me say this there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a healthier us.

0:19:39 – Kayla
No, because we’re both doing that. Yes, yeah.

0:19:43 – Brian
But you’ve got to pursue Christ more yes, then you got to pursue Christ more yes, then you have to pursue that. So, because I can’t believe, I’m going to say this you’re not a number on a scale you’re not I feel like I am yeah but we’re not and my appearance and certain things I mean the aesthetic of our home or the life’s comforts that we’ve acquired.

0:20:09 – Kayla
None of that sits higher than our image in Christ. And so, yeah, it’s. Am I seeing the needs of those around me as I see my own goals and desires? Am I accepting again whose I am, rather than the conditions that I’ve put on being seen as good and yeah, and fitting into this mold of society? That, yeah, which lends me to this, and this is the whole thing that I’ve been chewing on for the last few weeks. It really matters the voices we listen to. Not everyone needs to cold plunge. That’s this big trend now where everyone’s doing these cold plunges or detox or drink a gallon of water every day.

0:21:02 – Brian
Is a cold plunge, like where you jump in the ice water.

0:21:05 – Kayla
Yeah. I ain’t doing that well it’s. It’s this big trend right now, but it’s not necessarily safe for everyone jacket I’d give it a go but also, just because I may embrace minimal minimalism in some areas of my life, it doesn’t mean that everyone has to, and there’ll be other areas where I don’t so, but here’s the thing.

So this is kind of two-sided and I may sound like I’m contradicting myself. When we do refuse to hear from others because we don’t want to feel challenged or perhaps gifted a perspective that can help us to learn and grow, then we’re limiting ourselves, because this is why it is so important to assess the voices that are yours.

This kind of builds on the whole boundary thing we talked about last time, but you need people who are speaking truth to you. So this is not saying that no one gets to have a say, but you have to be the one to decide what you take away from that. And if you block everyone out and say, well, no one’s going to tell me what’s good for me or what’s bad for me, and I’m just going to put on my blinders, because, truthfully, one of the best things I did was listen to a trainer who helped me to believe that I could accomplish things that I never would have dreamed I could, and helped me overcome a sugar addiction and helped me to focus on specific goals, but at the same time, I’ve had to find my own way on a few things like something as silly as okay, this is how much water I should drink today. But we live in a world where so much messaging is coming at us.

0:22:53 – Brian
Everybody.

0:22:55 – Kayla
And there’s this bent towards and I’m just being real, I had to even check myself there is this bent towards secular messaging that is drowning out biblical truth and what Christ would tell us to do in relationships and in taking care of the temple that he’s given us, which is our body, and various other things. And so, yeah, it’s a lot more to unpack, but yeah, y’all, don’t forget this Our bodies, they are complicated.

0:23:26 – Brian
In the relationship that we have with them, and even the people that, like you, adore, like I’d like to be like that person, there’s things about their body that they hate. Yeah, they absolutely hate. So find your best path and walk. It’s all I can say. Is that wisdom, or is that?

0:23:43 – Kayla
Oh, absolutely, and I love what a friend shared with me several years back. What if we take a moment to appreciate all the seasons that our bodies have carried us through? What if we think about all the ways that our bodies have cared for us in good and bad times?

0:24:03 – Brian
We haven’t given up yet that get you.

0:24:09 – Kayla
Yeah, that got me.

0:24:12 – Brian
I can tell you this I’m out of summer and fall. I think I’m in winter.

0:24:15 – Kayla
Stop Seriously. If we take a step back and think about all that our bodies have done to serve us, maybe we would be a little kinder to them.

0:24:29 – Brian
I will try, I’m going to promise. Oh, I know.

0:24:32 – Kayla
Well, this is hard for all of us.

0:24:34 – Brian
It could carry a little bit more ice cream, and I’m sure that there’s going to be another meltdown when I need to put an outfit together.

0:24:41 – Kayla
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there, clueless watching Meet the Press outfit together.

0:24:42 – Brian
Well, let me know, so I’m not down there clueless watching Meet the Press. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s edition of the Peas and Carrots podcast and, by the way, we’d like to send you a Peas and Carrots coffee mug.

0:24:55 – Kayla
Yes, and Cute little stickers.

0:24:58 – Brian
There’s a How’s that go. Cute little stickers.

0:25:02 – Kayla
She loves. I love the stickers. She does so the first two folks to go to our website, which is Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:10 – Brian
When you get there, what do you look for?

0:25:12 – Kayla
Look for the trivia button. Okay, and you answer this week’s trivia question, which is “what is a tiny mercy in your life?” So go to our website Peasandcarrotspodcast.com.

0:25:28 – Brian
Click on the trivia button and what’s this week’s question?

0:25:31 – Kayla
What is a tiny mercy in your life?

0:25:34 – Brian
Yeah, answer that question. We’ll send you a coffee mug and some cute little stickers.

0:25:41 – Kayla
You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots podcast. And hey, you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:25:47 – Brian
And, hey, you can also search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit us at our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. And, by the way, what are those stickers again, what do you call them? They’re cute and little.

0:26:05 – Announcer
For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

Season 3, Episode 15: Goodbye, Grandest of Dames

Can We Talk?
Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Episode Description

Caught in the whirlwind of life’s changes, from celebrating the fruits of our ministry’s fundraising to navigating the emotional currents of a college town during graduation season, we’ve got a lot to catch up on. The hum of activity in our little corner of the world is as vibrant as ever, but there’s a special place in this episode for quiet reflection, especially as I honor the memory of my grandmother, Mary Slade, whose wit and wisdom have left an indelible mark on my heart.

Boundaries: we often misunderstand them, and yet they’re vital for nurturing healthy relationships—and that’s a big part of our discussion today. Far from being a sign of strained connections, they’re the scaffolding for peaceable living, as taught in Romans 12:18. We’ll share how these principles apply not just in ministry, but across the spectrum of life, and we hope to clear the fog surrounding boundaries with personal insights and some eye-opening anecdotes. It’s about carving out a space where self-care and respect for others coexist harmoniously.

Rounding off, we pay tribute to a woman of formidable character and humor—my grandmother, Mary Slade. From the enigma of her ever-present green purse to her no-nonsense take on taboo topics, her stories are sure to spark a smile. We invite you to join us in this emotional journey as we reminisce, laugh, and perhaps shed a tear, and we encourage you to share the tales of those who’ve shaped your life, too. So tune in, as we celebrate the legacies that continue to touch our lives long after loved ones have departed.

Goodbye, Grandest of Dames - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hello, I’m Brian, I’m Kayla and good to have you along. It’s been a while it has, and y’all you just need to know that the studio in which this is recorded is a mess is also the studio from which I do fundraising for the ministry here, and so Miss Sanders just came in about five minutes ago and you’ve been reorganizing. 

 

0:00:37 – Kayla

Cleaning up is what I would call it. Well, I didn’t leave trash, no, but there’s stuff everywhere, good stuff, anyway. Where have we been? 

 

0:00:48 – Brian

Nowhere. We have been right here fundraising for the ministry. 

 

0:00:54 – Kayla

So our ministry is a nonprofit and we actually have to raise our own funds, and we do that twice a year. So we apologize. We were very ambitious, thinking that we would get to keep recording. We have not had time to do that, so yeah lots of very full days, but our ministry is funded for several months 102% I believe, yes, so. 

 

0:01:22 – Brian

Congratulations, Ms. Sanders. It’s awesome. 

 

0:01:24 – Kayla

We have some amazing team members and, yeah, as we record this, what is happening in town this week? B? 

 

0:01:32 – Brian

Virginia Tech’s graduation. 

 

0:01:34 – Kayla

It’s like ants on a molehill out there. 

 

0:01:36 – Brian

And let me just say this 20 minutes ago we were at a little place downtown here that sells ice cream and we walked down there and it’s like 20 000 people it’s pretty busy. 

 

0:01:48 – Kayla

They need to leave. I want my town back well, our town is about to get much quieter because all these people are leaving. 

 

0:01:54 – Brian

All the students will leave yeah you’ll be able to get through target in 10 minutes instead of 55. We will not that I’m grumpy little bit. There you go. We are excited for summer. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

Why. 

 

0:02:09 – Brian

One month from today, I believe we’ll be, at Disney? We will. We are Going on vacation. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We have some vacations planned. We’ve had some opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that opportunities presented to us to serve within our church and we’re excited about that. 

 

0:02:26 – Brian

I’ll be teaching the gospel I mean the gospel, the life of Joseph and you’ll be leading a women’s study. 

 

0:02:32 – Kayla

I’ll be helping with. There’s several of us that are going to facilitate that. I’m excited about that and scared all at the same time, but I’m looking forward to time in the garden. Finally, there’s snakes there. Time on our back deck. 

 

0:02:45 – Brian

Spiders. 

 

0:02:47 – Kayla

We’ll whack them with a shovel or something I don’t know. 

 

0:02:50 – Brian

You said you was excited to be in the garden. 

 

0:02:53 – Kayla

You’re looking forward to getting outside. I am. 

 

0:02:58 – Brian

Our back deck is one of our favorite places and I really struggle with allergies, but it seems as if my allergist has me on a good cocktail, shall we say, of medications, when I can get them. 

 

0:03:14 – Kayla

At the end of April we lost a giant and we’re going to talk about that in a few minutes. My grandma passed away, so we will come back to that in just a few minutes, but we do have some reflections we would like to share. 

 

0:03:30 – Brian

It’s going to be fun, so stick around Boundaries. It’s a favorite topic of yours. You read books about it and you talk about it every now and then. 

 

0:03:43 – Kayla

They’re very important to me, books about it and you talk about it every now and then. They’re very important to me. You and I have been talking about this some lately because there are a lot of hot takes on boundaries and a lot of myths, so we thought that we would take just a minute. You’ve read some of these books as well, so I want to give full credit that some of our resource here is coming from a book Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, and she is much more experienced in all this, but we have both been able to take some knowledge from what she has written about. But there’s this kind of mentality that when you say the word boundaries, some people, people, just they start to twitch because it’s like, oh, nobody should do that. So we’re going to dive in and just spend a very short amount of time because again today we really want to share with you about my grandma. But what would you say is the first myth? 

 

0:04:42 – Brian

That good Christians don’t need boundaries, because we’re called to love everyone. And we are called to love everyone and you are called to forgive, but it doesn’t mean you have to do life with that person. You can forgive them, you can set a boundary, but you don’t have to do life with them because you don’t have to keep taking that. 

 

0:05:00 – Kayla

Well, one of the things that you and I have learned. Thank you, therapy. Some people are not safe, and this can range from for various people. If this speaks to you, it’s because you’re feeling that someone is not safe physically or mentally or emotionally for you, and there is a verse Romans 12, 18 comes to mind If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 

 

0:05:28 – Brian

Yeah, as far as it depends on you. Yeah, if you’ve gone as far as you can go, if you’ve done all you can do and that person still is abusive or manipulative over and over again. Now, this is separate from forgiveness. You can forgive, but you don’t have to keep going back and taking that abuse. Yeah, so that’s a different thing. 

 

0:05:49 – Kayla

And here’s one truth that resonates for me we live in a broken world, and sometimes living in a broken world that has no boundaries. 

 

0:06:00 – Brian

Broken people continue to break others, and that’s not a good place so you know, some people are going to say to us that actually boundaries say that like I don’t care yeah, that’s our second myth and actually it’s saying you know, first of all I care about myself yeah but I can’t right now. What’s that mean? 

 

0:06:21 – Kayla

I can’t right it means maybe, that someone has so much on their plate already. I can’t take that on right now, or I can’t be available right now, or I can’t make time for that right now, or I want to help you, but I don’t feel I’m qualified to give the help you need. Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. A professional. 

 

0:06:44 – Brian

Sometimes people genuinely need to go talk to a therapist. 

 

0:06:46 – Kayla

Yeah to a professional. We aren’t all necessarily meant to fix everyone else’s problems. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

And it’s okay to say I’d prefer not to talk about that. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. 

 

0:06:59 – Kayla

Think about Thanksgiving dinner, some of the questions that the family member you haven’t seen for 364 days. I’re on turkey. I know, I realize that there are certain things that you may want to be able to look at them and say I’d prefer not to talk about that. If it’s your personal life or it’s your decisions you’re making, what’s something else that comes to mind? 

 

0:07:21 – Brian

I’m not seeking advice. I just need to decompress, and that’s something that you say to me on a weekly basis. 

 

0:07:27 – Kayla

I say it a little different than that, though. What is it? I usually say to you B I’m not looking for you to fix this. I just want you to listen, but I’m built to fix, but you’ve gotten so good at it you really have. 

 

0:07:40 – Brian

As long as. 

 

0:07:41 – Kayla

I give the disclaimer. Don’t try to fix this. 

 

0:07:44 – Brian

Okay, all right, I’m a good fixer. There’s another one. 

 

0:07:49 – Kayla

I’m sorry, but we disagree over this. However, my love for you has not changed. So there are people that they don’t like the boundary of disagreeing, that they feel like if you’re really a good, a friend or spouse or I don’t know what a family member, you’re going to always agree that’s not true, and it’s not true you can have different opinions and yeah and still get along. 

 

0:08:17 – Brian

Uh, my no is to protect both of us no is a complete sentence I guess for me I say no. There are certain people like you and maybe two other people that I should explain that to if it’s a personal nature but others. No, I don’t owe you an explanation about certain things in my life or certain things that I’ve been through. 

 

0:08:44 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:08:45 – Brian

And I think that that’s a very good boundary. What’s the third myth, Ms Kayla? 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

Boundaries are just a justification for holding people at arm’s length. 

 

0:08:55 – Brian

That’s. 

 

0:08:57 – Kayla

But they can actually include things like what Well, not sharing confidences. Yeah, you don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. You don’t have to be an open book to everybody. No, you’re not meant to be. 

 

0:09:08 – Brian

You don’t have to demand people’s time, yeah. 

 

0:09:12 – Kayla

Sometimes you have to refuse space to others. You literally have to say I cannot do this relationship or I cannot spend this time with you.

 

0:09:24 – Brian

Here’s something I’m guilty of is telling people how to feel. So, because I like everything to be at peace, I like everybody to be happy, I like everything to be like a calm sea, and it’s not because, if it’s not, it affects me in a negative manner and that’s selfish and that’s that’s just. That’s just my broken, but I don’t have the right to tell people well, this is how you should feel about that. That’s the Lord’s job to do that. 

 

0:09:55 – Kayla

And another one, finally, is for this myth is not respecting their boundaries. There’s got to be give and take. If I’m asking someone to accept that I’d prefer not to talk about certain things, or I’d prefer to be able to feel how I want to feel, or I want to be okay with us disagreeing, or I can’t, right now, I’ve got to give other people the same freedom. And then finally, our fourth, and this one’s a quick hit Only people in dysfunctional relationships need boundaries. 

 

0:10:28 – Brian

No, that’s not true, and let me say this Everybody practices boundaries. Yes, you need to know that, whether you think you do or not. Whether you, think you do or not. Yeah, because with your best friend you’re going to share the bulk of your thoughts and your feelings, or whatever, somebody who you just met. Hopefully, not, hopefully not. 

 

0:10:47 – Kayla

You see, that’s a little awkward. 

 

0:10:49 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:10:53 – Kayla

So boundaries actually create healthy relationships. That’s the whole point of this is if you are willing to accept that boundaries exist and they have value, to accept that boundaries exist and they have value. The last thing we will say if someone is telling you that boundaries make you an evil person, that’s a red flag, because it definitely means that they don’t handle boundaries well. 

 

0:11:17 – Brian

Yeah, so be cautious and be wise and remember boundaries are good things whenever they’re practiced within a biblical context. Your grandma.

 

0:11:31 – Kayla

Yeah, so a couple of weeks ago I got word that my grandmother had passed away. Now let me start by saying this she was 94 years old. 

 

She lived in Hadley she lived in Hadley, Suffolk in England. She had a full and wonderful life. A half of her family lives in America. The other half lives in England. She spent a lot of time coming back and forth across the ocean to visit with all of us. She stood at four feet 11 and a half an inch. We were talking about Four foot 11 and a half an inch. Sorry four foot 11 inches and half an inch. Do not forget her half an inch. 

 

0:12:08 – Brian

We were talking about this last night and I said why you got to say half an inch and how would she respond if you didn’t include the half an inch? Oh, she was ticked yeah. Was she really oh? 

 

0:12:17 – Kayla

that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So that half an inch was important because she was nearly five feet tall. So she was little, but to us as a family she was a giant. 

 

0:12:27 – Brian

Made out of metal. Made out of steel. 

 

0:12:30 – Kayla

For me, she was a safe place when I was growing up. She was the glue that held our family together. I remember her roses chocolate candy tin, which she gifted to me later in life and I still have it. She would watch the original Poseidon Adventure movie with me over and over. 

 

0:12:52 – Brian

How many times do you think you’ve seen that? 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

Well, let’s just say that the last time she visited our house and I asked her if she’d watch it, her response was oh, bloody hell. Okay, and she sat through it, but it kind of let me know that she’d had enough.

 

0:13:07 – Brian

Okay, so Grandma, she was married to Norman, her husband 50 years at least, 50, 51. 

 

0:13:16 – Kayla

Right at 50 years. He passed away after that so they were very spicy with each other. I mean he loved to wind her up, so she would go to the pub almost every night. She would walk down to the pub. 

 

0:13:30 – Brian

Y’all are getting the real y’all getting the underbelly this week. 

 

0:13:33 – Kayla

One summer I had gone to spend three months with my grandmother, and I’d gone to the pub with her most every night. But this night I was tired and so I opted to stay home and just spend some time, you know, chilling on the couch. Well, that front door clicked shut, and no sooner had she left than my granddad comes out of his room. Context my grandfather had a stroke when I was very young, so I hear these feet shuffling down the hall. He comes and sits down on the couch next to me. 

 

0:14:05 – Brian

Michaela. 

 

0:14:06 – Kayla

Michaela, you want to watch TV. So we watch television together. Five minutes before it’s time for her to come home from the pub, he doesn’t say goodnight, goodbye, sayonara. He gets up off the couch, shuffles back down the hall, click and shuts his bedroom door and my grandmother walks in five minutes later and I am dying laughing on the inside. 

 

0:14:30 – Brian

Now she went to the pub every night. 

 

0:14:32 – Kayla

At that time yes, she would go to the pub Three hours a night. About three hours a night. If you visited her, that’s fine, but you were going to visit her at the pub at that time of night. 

 

0:14:42 – Brian

She wasn’t giving that up. That was her that was her thing, that was her people, that was her community. They’d play trivia. 

 

0:14:47 – Kayla

She had an amazing community there, to the degree that there will be a wake at the pub in my grandmother’s honor, I think that’s fantastic, but we’ve had some fun with her through the years B. What happened at our wedding. 

 

0:15:02 – Brian

Hang on. Before we do that, we went to England for your grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. We did. We walked in the house, uh-huh, and I love your grandmother Can you describe the kitchen to our listeners Well.

 

0:15:20 – Kayla

It was chaotic, but she had done her bit for years. I mean, in her defense she used to be. There’s a British phrase she had done her bit. 

 

0:15:29 – Brian

Yeah. 

 

0:15:30 – Kayla

Towards the end, she just it didn’t matter so, but that was. Yeah, I want to be careful what I share and what I don’t. But yeah, she just she wasn’t much for housecleaning. Towards the end, okay, but at our wedding, something happened that caught you totally off guard. 

 

0:15:51 – Brian

We were leaving to go on the honeymoon. We were outside. 

 

0:15:54 – Kayla

We were saying goodbye to everybody. 

 

0:15:57 – Brian

And they were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:01 – Kayla

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she were supposed to throw bird seed at us as we walked down this thing. 

 

0:16:03 – Brian

Well, somebody had given my grandmother a bucket, yeah, and she comes up to me, pulls the back of my pants out and pours bird seed down my bucket down my hind end. That was an uncomfortable ride to the hotel. 

 

0:16:18 – Kayla

Let me just say Three hours yes. 

 

0:16:20 – Brian

Birds were attacking the truck. And I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just say Three hours yes, birds were attacking the truck, and I’m kidding, oh, they were not. But she just found that hysterical, also at the wedding. 

 

0:16:28 – Kayla

If you watch the wedding video you might see her put her teeth in. 

 

0:16:33 – Brian

She goes down the aisle to her seat With her big green purse. What was in that purse? 

 

0:16:40 – Kayla

Everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:41 – Brian

Oh, everything. No, what was in it? 

 

0:16:42 – Kayla

Oh, her life insurance papers, her will, her certificates, her bank books. Okay, and that purse went everywhere. 

 

0:16:49 – Brian

When you say everywhere Bathroom. She didn’t yes sir. She took if she was in the living room. 

 

0:16:57 – Kayla

If she was at our house and she went to the bathroom, she took a purse with her. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

What about in her own house? 

 

0:17:01 – Kayla

I don’t think so, but she was at home. 

 

0:17:05 – Brian

I love her and your grandma’s name. 

 

0:17:08 – Kayla

Mary. 

 

0:17:09 – Brian

Mary Slade. 

 

0:17:11 – Kayla

She was the OG for practicing boundaries. You did not discuss government politics, religion or money in front of her. 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

Or sex. 

 

0:17:22 – Kayla

With family in two countries. She knew or money in front of her or sex With family in two countries. She knew how to minimize squabbles and that’s how she did it. She was brilliant. So back in the day, before boundaries even had like a label, she made clear that we were, and I mean, you did not want to incur her wrath so you did not. But I will say this. I watched her sit with you for about two and a half hours One day. You were curious about British government and she knew you weren’t taking fun at her. So she sat there and answered every question that you had about British government, and the rest of us were just in awe of the fact that you were getting away with this. So we’re going to we’re going to say this delicately she had an issue Grandma had a flatulence issue. 

 

She did. That’s a very nice way to put it. 

 

0:18:12 – Brian

But she never took responsibility for it. It was always something Okay. So we’re going to meet her for the first time. I think she was actually coming over here and you pull me aside and you say, baby, I need to tell you something? 

 

0:18:26 – Kayla

What was the first time you were meeting her?

 

0:18:28 – Brian

I said baby, I need to be with you for something, that’s okay. You said my grandma farts a lot. I said wait a minute. Run that by me one more time. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

But she’s the most pristine woman you could ever have wanted to meet. 

 

0:18:45 – Brian

But that was her thing if she was sitting, but she never took responsibility for it, for example like a sailor. So if she passed it would, it’d be bloody cough syrup, bloody coke, oh, bloody liver and onions, I mean. And here’s the thing, she knew what’s going to happen because she’d actually raise up, like she would literally raise up to push it out. This happened and I am in, I am in awe. We’re delicately in the oversharing place of life there’s this little four foot eleven and a half lady blowing, I mean, but never took, I mean she never said it was her fault. No, it was always something else that attributed to it Bloody medicine. 

 

0:19:33 – Kayla

It’s just something and the rest of us are just trying to keep a straight face. Oh it’s hysterical. 

 

0:19:39 – Brian

Now we told y’all that she went to the pub every night the day of the wedding or the day before the wedding. 

 

0:19:48 – Kayla

The morning of the wedding, my grandmother wanted to host a brunch for my bridesmaids and my wedding party. Well, the place that we could figure out that could do this for us at that time of day was Applebee’s. So we end up at Applebee’s. I’m wiping away tears, and she offered everyone at the table a beer and Kayla and all of her bridesmaids come from this little conservative. Baptist college. Yeah, but that was her and she, oh girls. 

 

0:20:21 – Brian

would y’all like a brew? 

 

0:20:24 – Kayla

She was the most responsible and yet generous woman when it came to her money. She saved relentlessly, but she gave so big heartedly. I have to say this on a serious note. I embraced her love of family gardening. I remember many times she and I would be out weeding her garden, taking care of her flowers. We loved puzzles. We loved dogs. She always called sprocket pooch how’s the pooch? I inherited her practicality with money and resources. I don’t like to waste anything, and I get that from her. I have watched my grandmother sit and knit her own sweater set, wear it for several months, then unravel it and re-knit in another pattern. She was that generation that you just did not waste things. You used them until they were no longer usable, and so I had a front row seat to that. She did not have much for lavish. 

 

0:21:32 – Brian

Well, let’s be honest, though, but yet you don’t knit Right.

 

0:21:35 – Kayla

We’ll get to that, okay, yeah, that’s just no. So she tried.

 

0:21:39 – Brian

There’s another favorite story of mine yeah, you and your mom took your grandma out to a Chinese restaurant. It’s one of these buffets. Yeah, like you had all this Chinese food, Chinese food, and there’s one long thing of desserts. Tell everybody. 

 

0:21:52 – Kayla

She had so much dessert we could not see her head. She had her plate, she was walking back to the table. 

 

0:22:01 – Brian

Hang on, is this her? It’s stacked that high but she had not gone to any, that was her dinner. So she didn’t eat any egg, fuyon or General Tso’s chicken. 

 

0:22:08 – Kayla

She went straight to the desserts. She was my hero, I mean a plate as tall as her head. We could not see her face behind her dessert. 

 

0:22:16 – Brian

Did y’all laugh. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

Died laughing. What could not see her face behind her dessert? Did y’all laugh? Did you died laughing? What’d she say shut up. So yeah, so we were at a wedding, my brother was getting married and you were supposed to be unbeknownst to you. You were supposed to be babysitting grandma the wedding’s outside. 

 

0:22:33 – Brian

It’s in Arizona, 110 degrees, I kid you not and so stayed in the it’s attached to this resort. So I stayed inside the resort until wedding’s supposed to be at 10 o’clock. At 9:59, I walk out because I know I’m going to be sweating like a dog. Well, I did not know, grandma had been looking for me and there’s two or 300 people already seated facing the front. Grandma is facing the front as well, but she’s been looking for me. Well, I walk out and in front of and she sees me. 

 

0:23:04 – Kayla

She stands up. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

In front of all these people. Brian, where the bloody hell have you been? I’m dying up here. Well, they had hauled in this fan A stadium fan it’s some kind of huge fan and turn this on. I I mean, there’s 300 people, there’s 300 sets of eyes watching this. I turn on the fan and it had one speed and it was it just, oh, that blew her hair back. Her hair is now blown back. So she said it’s too much, it’s too much, so I got to turn it off. Oh, and then the wedding started. 

 

We couldn’t get her hair fixed for the pictures no afterwards you couldn’t get her hair fixed One of my favorite, favorite memories of her. I have one more memory I want to share. I’ve never seen this. 

 

0:24:00 – Kayla

Okay. 

 

0:24:01 – Brian

But I love this image. 

 

0:24:03 – Kayla

Grandma used to smoke Mm-hmm and she would fly to New Orleans Now, hang on, I need to set the stage, okay. 

 

0:24:11 – Brian

And there was this half a wall. As you come off the jetway, there was half a wall and this is when you could actually go back to the gate. Yeah, people back then and y’all said you couldn’t see her, we couldn’t see, but we could see the trail of smoke. Trail of smoke y’all like there’s grandma, there she comes, yeah, and she turned the corner have her cigarette. 

 

0:24:32 – Kayla

Yep, oh yeah, they say I have her hands and I find myself staring them a lot and sadly. But this is where it gets funny. These hands did not figure out knitting and sewing. I tried, Grandma, I really did. She was very patient, she tried to teach me to knit, but it just wasn’t working. 

 

You did cross-stitch for a while I did cross stitch but knitting and sewing. That gene did not pass to me. So I’m proud to have her hands, but sadly my clothes come from the store. And she even gave up and handed me an envelope full of money and said oh, go shopping. So yeah, we tried. The most important thing to me was that she loved you. 

 

0:25:21 – Brian

Oh, I loved her. 

 

0:25:23 – Kayla

And that meant a lot to me. I needed my grandmother’s approval, oh, and it came quick and easy and watching you with both my grandfather and her. She absolutely delighted in you, so we will miss her. But, as you can tell, we could go on for hours. We have a lot of stories. 

 

0:25:44 – Brian

We have time for one more. Can I tell one more story? 

 

0:25:47 – Kayla

Maybe. Okay, I’m already in so much trouble about some of what you’ve shared. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

This is before I knew you. They came to America to visit and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom. 

 

0:25:59 – Kayla

But and your grandfather got the shingles, oh my goodness, and he was in the back bedroom, but we did not know. 

 

0:26:01 – Brian

he had shingles, so and it’s August and he’s in Louisiana and he’s wearing thermal underwear. Ok, so he’s in the back bedroom suffering. She didn’t know this. Well, they’d be sitting there, so let us role play this, because she was tired of dealing with. 

 

0:26:19 – Kayla

Well, he, legit, was just sitting around. It was to the point where he was just sitting around in his shorts and his like tank top, but they were thermal and it’s August in Louisiana, so everybody just assumed the poor man had a heat rash. 

 

So he’s sitting under the fan Picture that he’s in the living room just sitting in nothing but his skivvies under the fan and he’s not healing. The. The air quotes rash is not going away. So we finally take him to the doctor. The doctor says this poor man does not have heat rash, he’s got shingles and so he’s miserable. He wants to go home. 

 

0:26:56 – Brian

So he’s in the bed fast forward to. 

 

0:26:58 – Kayla

He’s pouting and he’s laying in the bed. 

 

0:27:00 – Brian

So here we go, my grandma’s in the living room. 

 

0:27:03 – Kayla

Mary, what Mary, oh, what the bloody hell do you want Norman. 

 

0:27:09 – Brian

This went on for how long? Like 10 minutes, and it finally got to where it was Mary and she’d respond with Norman. They just went back and forth Like a tennis match. Miss Kayla, you’d make her proud and she was very, very proud of you and you know that, and she loved you dearly. 

 

0:27:27 – Kayla

And one day we will get to spend the rest of our life with her. 

 

0:27:32 – Brian

So yeah, so y’all, before we all start crying here, we’d like to give you a peas and carrots coffee mug, as well as some, as Miss Kayla calls them, cute little stickers. Yes, you have to answer a trivia question to get that, and to do that, you go to our website. 

 

0:27:48 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you go to the website, look for the trivia button. If you will click that button, again that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:27:58 – Brian

The question is who in your life has had a positive impact to who you are today? Yeah, who in your life has so influenced you that you’re a better person because of it? 

 

0:28:10 – Kayla

And we’d love to know why. Yeah, so yeah, go to our website. Click the trivia button. 

 

0:28:19 – Brian

You can search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com, and when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:28:26 – Kayla

You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Mary! Norman!

 

0:28:33 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

Season 3, Episode 12: Can We Talk?

Can We Talk?
Can We Talk? - Episode Description

Join us on a heartfelt journey through the ups and downs of self-improvement and relationship building. Listen in as we laugh about the aches and triumphs of our gym escapades, including the notorious “cheeks to sneaks” challenge, and share a personal triumph as our Christmas tree finally gets packed away. But it’s not all fun and games; we get real about the necessity of engaging in tough conversations for leadership and personal growth. Hear about our commitment to candor in our lives and how these essential, yet often uncomfortable, discussions keep our relationships thriving.

In our latest chat, we reflect on the 31-year adventure of our relationship, weaving through the lessons of love and the evolution of our financial journey together. We explore the art of nurturing a lasting bond, emphasizing the role of trust, kindness, and the power of prayer before entering difficult dialogues. Plus, don’t miss the anticipation as we usher in the spring season, sharing our excitement for warmer days and inviting you to participate in our podcast giveaway. Tune in for these stories and more, wrapped up in the warmth of our shared experiences and laughter.

Can We Talk? - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. Hi, I’m Brian. 

 

0:00:15 – Kayla

I’m Kayla, I may not have known you started the microphones on or anything. I don’t know what day is this. Microphones on or anything, I don’t know what day is this? 

 

0:00:30 – Brian

Let’s just, I want to start here, I just want to start here. Oh, my goodness, the trainer at our gym has you doing something new? 

 

0:00:39 – Kayla

It’s not new, I’ve done it before, but admittedly I have not done it for a while. 

 

0:00:44 – Brian

And tell them what this is called. 

 

0:00:46 – Kayla

It’s called a squat. It has a technical name, but you’re basically no. What’s he call it? Well, he calls it cheeks to sneaks. So basically I have to bend down and my behind has to touch the back of my shoes. I can hardly walk today. 

 

0:01:04 – Brian

Cheeks to sneaks. 

 

0:01:08 – Kayla

So he had you do this Tuesday, Wednesday 20 of them times I could only do three. Admittedly, I could only do three rounds. But he did 60 cheeks to sneaks and last night I could not sit in the bathtub. 

 

0:01:21 – Brian

When she got up, it’s like she needed a walker, and you can use your own imagination. 

 

0:01:33 – Kayla

Sitting down is precarious in all circumstances, so you’re talking about using the bathroom a little bit, but yeah, so I went to the gym this morning. 

 

0:01:38 – Brian

Did you do any cheeks to sneaks I? 

 

0:01:40 – Kayla

did not. 

 

0:01:41 – Brian

Not today. 

 

0:01:41 – Kayla

No, today was riding five miles on the bike, wow. So tomorrow I’m going to need a walker. That’s where we are. You’re doing some amazing stuff at the gym, though, too, and yes, we signed on for this. 

 

0:02:02 – Brian

Nobody’s forcing us. We pay these people to do this to us. I don’t understand that. 

 

0:02:06 – Kayla

But okay, in all seriousness, what did we admit Tuesday night? 

 

0:02:12 – Brian

I was deathly tired and needed a piece of cake. 

 

0:02:17 – Kayla

We admitted that it’s good for us and that we are thankful for the people there. 

 

0:02:22 – Brian

That was a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:23 – Kayla

Okay, all right it does, it makes a weak moment in my life. 

 

0:02:25 – Brian

Okay, all right, it does. It makes a difference. I feel better, I’ve lost weight. 

 

0:02:30 – Kayla

We’re healthier physically, mentally, yeah, yeah, it’s good stuff, so but we’re also very sore. 

 

0:02:36 – Brian

Yes, killing us. 

 

0:02:38 – Kayla

Breaking news for those two people that are keeping score our Christmas tree is down. 

 

0:02:46 – Brian

It only took. 

 

0:02:48 – Kayla

Listen, it normally stays up until your birthday, which is what date? 

 

0:02:53 – Brian

I like having it up, I mean March 15th. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:02:56 – Brian

Are you trying to test my memory, if I remember stuff? 

 

0:02:58 – Kayla

I’m trying to see if you’re listening what you look a little zoned out. 

 

0:03:02 – Brian

That is not fair. 

 

0:03:03 – Kayla

This came from the person who didn’t know. You turned the microphones on. 

 

0:03:07 – Brian

This is my life, y’all. 

 

0:03:09 – Kayla

But seriously, I do want to say thank you to the friends who encouraged me to turn it into an Easter tree and then a spring tree and then a 4th of July tree. But it was time, it just felt time to tuck it away. 

 

0:03:21 – Brian

And now the den it looks huge, it looks massive. 

 

0:03:26 – Kayla

Yeah, I’m like, wow, we have all this space. 

 

0:03:27 – Brian

I’m happy to see that right corner of the tv again. I know you are. 

 

0:03:31 – Kayla

You’re very welcome so y’all. 

 

0:03:34 – Brian

Just I felt that comment. There you go, we’ve become those people. Uh-huh, we don’t start a movie after about 7, 30 or so seven is Because we’re typically asleep by 9. 

 

0:03:48 – Kayla

So if it’s a two-hour movie, we need to be starting it by 7 pm. The other night we went to bed at 7.45. And I am not sorry for it. I feel guilty. I don’t care. They don’t bother you. We get to make the rules. Oh, but we were awake at like three the next morning, so that’s probably not the greatest idea. 

 

0:04:07 – Brian

But there’s one more late breaking development I want to add to this. Ok, one of the engineers in PAR, his name is Alan. 

 

0:04:16 – Kayla

He’s bought us a popcorn machine. Now, when she says popcorn machine, we’re not talking about an air popper, no, we’re talking like one, you would go to the movie theater for, yeah, it is so cool. 

 

0:04:28 – Brian

And we just had our first bag of popcorn. 

 

0:04:30 – Kayla

We did so. Thank you, Alan. Thank you, it was very, very sweet, yeah, this is. The whole building smells like popcorn today. 

 

0:04:37 – Brian

I love popcorn, do you? 

 

0:04:38 – Kayla

I do. 

 

0:04:39 – Brian

Oh. 

 

0:04:45 – Kayla

Probably not trainer approved, but here we are. You don’t listen to them. I’ll put in another round next week. So we always say that a lot of what we talk about comes from real life, and I get that we’re probably for those of you who’ve been hanging with us for a while, we are probably revisiting some topics, and I think that’s okay, because as humans, we are ever growing, hopefully, and we start to see things differently as we experience things. And for us, we are both serving roles that require what we are going to talk about here, which is Healthy hard conversations. 

 

Yeah. 

 

0:05:27 – Brian

I’m a big believer in what’s called candor. I learned that from Jack Welch, yeah. Then Brene Brown followed that up with her book Dare to Lead, and she talks about rumbles. There’s also another book by Kim Scott that talks about candor a lot. So I’m a big believer in it. But candor doesn’t always mean hard conversations. But if you’re going to lead, if you’re going to invest in people, if you’re going to live life, you’re going to have to have some hard conversations. 

 

0:05:59 – Kayla

If you want to have a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean a functioning relationship. Yeah, Because I mean it’s interesting to me the people that are conflict averse. They equate hard conversations with conflict and maybe they will lead to some conflict, but if they’re done right, that’s not always the case, and so this is kind of a rule for me. I have learned as a leader and even as a spouse and even as a friend it’s better to have a hard conversation early than to let a situation or an issue fester, Because the other side of this is nobody deserves to be blindsided by something that’s apparently been an issue for a long time, but bam, all of a sudden it’s being addressed. It’s like annual reviews. 

 

0:06:51 – Brian

I’m not a fan. Yeah, we do not do annual reviews either. You need to be having ongoing conversation. Yeah, and if you have ongoing conversations, you won’t have to have as many hard conversations. 

 

0:07:03 – Kayla

And you build trust. 

 

0:07:04 – Brian

Correct. 

 

0:07:04 – Kayla

During the regular day-to-day talking life with other people. So I think there’s this part of Brene Brown’s book where she talks about the marble jar. You remember that she talks about the marble jar and she talks about how, hopefully, you’re filling the jar with marbles. Well, there will come a point where you might have to take a marble or two out because of something that either there’s a felt lack of trust or there’s a there’s a change, and a hard conversation could possibly be perceived as one of those times. If you filled the jar full enough, it’s not going to be as hard to lose a marble here or there. 

 

0:07:48 – Brian

And I think what Ms. Kayla is referring to, as is Brene Brown, is that’s trust. You got to keep building trust, yeah, you got to keep building trust, yep, so that when those hard conversations come, you can actually take some of that out and use it to have a hard conversation In a healthy way. Yes, Now, within a lot of Christian circles let me just say this in a lot of Christian circles and some secular, it’s not considered Christian or nice to have hard conversations. 

 

0:08:17 – Kayla

But even Jesus did that. He modeled it for us in the Bible. 

 

0:08:21 – Brian

Yes, and let me say this the only way the gospel can be good news is if there’s bad news, that’s right. So you have to understand the bad news, which is we are sinners, we are separated from God. We were born this way. We are bent away from him, we are selfish, we want our own desires, and then Jesus comes to rescue us because we can’t earn our way to God. There’s no way. So he comes. The bad news is you can’t get there on your own. The bad news is you are condemned. 

 

0:08:51 – Kayla

What is the good news? The good news is grace. Yes, he came, so you’ve got to have that hard conversation in order to get to the good stuff? Amen. Why do we, as humans, struggle to have hard conversations? What are some of the things that you and I have observed? 

 

0:09:09 – Brian

We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. 

 

0:09:11 – Kayla

We don’t want them to not like us. 

 

0:09:19 – Brian

For me. I don’t want to be rejected or I don’t want to be not accepted. I don’t want to be unlovable or seen as unlovable. 

 

0:09:23 – Kayla

We don’t want to have the conversation used against us later on, huh I never thought about that. 

 

0:09:29 – Brian

That’s how selfish I am. 

 

0:09:31 – Kayla

I’ve never thought I’ve we we’re averse to conflict. We talked about that a minute ago. Maybe we don’t want to have that hard conversation because we don’t want to. What’s the expression? Upset the apple cart. We don’t want to have drama or we don’t want to have someone who’s not happy. 

 

0:09:50 – Brian

Some people will say well, you know you should avoid that, because a fruit of the spirit is peace. Well, you might need to have a hard conversation so you can get to peace. 

 

0:10:00 – Kayla

But if you’re living in a toxic space where both people are just practicing like silent anger or passive aggressiveness, is that really peace? Because when you don’t have hard conversations that’s sometimes what it looks like is, well, I’m just going to sit over here and ice you out, or I’m going to pout, or I’m going to sit here and just stew over what happened, whereas a 10-minute conversation, it gives you the opportunity to practice kindness in choosing your words. You can practice forgiveness if you’re the one that’s having to receive the hard words. There’s just there’s so many layers to it. But I’m not a fan and this is from being married to you for 31 years, because I’ll be the first to admit you know this. 

 

When we first married, I did not do hard conversations. I would clam up anytime you tried to have a conversation with me and you finally said we got to about our third year of marriage and you said there is something you have to do for me. You have to stop putting up a wall when we need to have a conversation about something, and so I committed to that. It was hard, still is sometimes. 

 

0:11:22 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

Especially when I think I’m right and I don’t want to hear it, which you normally are right. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

Let’s just go on the record and say that. 

 

0:11:30 – Kayla

So what are we really saying to the other person when we lean into a hard conversation? 

 

0:11:35 – Brian

I think I’m saying to them I love you, I care about you, I care about you. I care about this relationship. 

 

0:11:40 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:11:41 – Brian

Yeah, let me say this we’re not saying that a hard conversation is you can be a jerk Not at all. That’s not what we’re saying. What we’re saying is that you have to be kind and clear, caring. You don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t go after the person. 

 

0:11:59 – Kayla

Oh, you go after the issue Go after the issue yes, and if the person is the issue, then find kind ways to express that issue. You don’t have to tear them down in the process, Because you and I have both we’ve been on the receiving end of that before and nothing good comes from that. But and I’m sure that we’ve not perfectly executed our conversations with others but but what is it that we want to say when we’re having a hard conversation to that person? 

 

0:12:31 – Brian

That I want to address this issue so I can save the relationship. 

 

0:12:36 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:12:36 – Brian

Or I want to address this issue so I can make the relationship better, I can make things better between us, I can make the process better. Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do, and it’s to either restore something or improve something. Yes. 

 

0:12:52 – Kayla

That’s got to be the goal of it, and it’s to communicate. I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough, whoever this person is, I love you enough. I value you that I’m not just going to write you off. We’re going to work through this. 

 

0:13:06 – Brian

I would say if you can use some humor, yeah, but get to the point. And let me say this: Please don’t talk in riddles, oh no, get to the point, be honest. 

 

0:13:18 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:13:18 – Brian

And be clear and communicate that you love that person. 

 

0:13:23 – Kayla

There’s another tenant to this that I always practice when I’m having a really hard conversation with someone. 

 

If it hits a point in the conversation, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, perhaps we’ve had to rumble a little bit and it’s gotten a little uncomfortable, or maybe the person or myself is feeling kind of threatened. Then what I will do is I will say we’re going to pause this, but we’re going to come back to this at this time and I will commit to coming back to it, hopefully that day. If it’s a situation where I know, okay, we’re going to pause this, we’re going to go get done what we need to get done, but then we’re going to come back together and we’re going to revisit this. It may look like you need to give the person a couple of days if it was a really contentious conversation, but it has to be something that when you start you’re committed to finishing it, that you’re not just going to get halfway and go okay, we’ll find we’ll walk away from this, because then nothing’s been accomplished. 

 

0:14:27 – Brian

You need to get to where what I call tie the shoe, because there’s nothing worse than walk around with your shoes untied. You could trip over it. That’s like an unfinished conversation. You need to be able to finish it. Land the plane Now. Y’all may not end up agreeing okay, but you’ll need to find a framework in which you can move forward together. 

 

0:14:48 – Kayla

With mutual respect. 

 

0:14:49 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:49 – Kayla

Yeah, that’s the end game. 

 

0:14:51 – Brian

Yeah Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Meh Well, do these conversations ever get easier? Let me say this it’s according as to the size of the issue. 

 

0:15:04 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:15:05 – Brian

As to the seriousness of the issue. Some of those conversations, they flow well. Some conversations are not going to flow so well because people can feel attacked, they can feel that you are coming against them personally, and I would just make that clear up front. This is not about you personally. Yeah, this is about what this is happening over here. 

 

0:15:28 – Kayla

They hopefully get easier in one respect. That is, that the more you embrace them, the less terrified you are of having a hard conversation and the less of your own value you tie to them, and what I mean by that is the more we are willing to say. Let’s sit in this space together and let’s talk this out. You’re not fretting over the fact that, ok, if I do this, this person’s going to hate me for the rest of my life, because, truthfully, that’s a whole nother topic for another day. 

 

0:16:05 – Brian

Hard conversations will make you and your relationships better. Yeah, know that, but you have to build the trust with the person before you can have them and you cannot let emotion rule the day. Exactly. So just know that Now, as Miss Kayla said, we have not perfected this. 

 

0:16:23 – Kayla

No, I bumble them. From time to time I have to go back and say can we revisit this or can I clarify that, or is there anything that you would want to say? And that’s the other part of this is the conversation has to be two-sided. A hard conversation is not just something that you like pour out, it’s something that you have to let filter in as well. So anytime a hard conversation is entered into, it’s got to be two-way. It’s got to be listening as well as speaking. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

If it’s not, you’re just wasting your time. That’s right. So be brave, but also be kind. 

 

0:17:00 – Kayla

Yes. 

 

0:17:01 – Brian

Have those conversations. 

 

0:17:02 – Kayla

And the last thing I would say is this sounds trite to some people, but before you go into any hard conversation, pray. And ask the spirit to give you the right things to say. Sometimes he will literally put a guard over your mouth to keep you from saying things. 

 

0:17:20 – Brian

Well, I’m pretty strong. I’ve beaten that guard down a few times, but you’re exactly right. You’re 100% right. 

 

0:17:28 – Kayla

But you can do this, yes. 

 

0:17:33 – Brian

Living the dream baby. 

 

0:17:35 – Kayla

We were and we are. Oh baby, we were and we are, oh yeah. Okay, there’s just a few things that we were thinking through our last. I mean almost 31 years now. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

I’m getting old. 

 

0:17:47 – Kayla

I mean we’ve known each other almost 32 years. Oh my gosh, here we are and here you’ve stuck with me. So there’s just a few things that you know as you think back over your time with someone. I’m going to say with your person, because for us that’s each other. Our financial status, for example, it has changed in the last 31-ish years, but our values toward each other have not. My dad always said money’s gained and lost every single day. You can always make more money, but the most precious commodity we have is each other. 

 

0:18:24 – Brian

That’s exactly right To the point that I’ve tried to embrace. This is that I can replace stuff. I can always earn more money. Yeah, I can’t replace you, yep. So as we look back over these 31 years, you know taking care of you has been my greatest delight, that’s very sweet, because jobs come and go. Why are you being so nice today? 

 

0:18:49 – Kayla

I had popcorn. 

 

0:18:53 – Brian

I set you up for a great sentimental moment. I had popcorn. She’s so proud of herself right now. What I was going to say. What I was going to say is we have worked so hard to get certain things and I look back and it isn’t the thing that made the memory. It’s working with you. 

 

0:19:19 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:19:20 – Brian

It was through the struggle, it was doing those things together. 

 

0:19:23 – Kayla

The things pale in comparison. Yes, yeah. 

 

0:19:27 – Brian

I would also say this looking back, you aren’t meant to have it all immediately. 

 

0:19:32 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:19:33 – Brian

And maybe you never should. So there’s two things here. One you aren’t meant to have it all to me. You should have to work hard, you should have to learn some lessons, you should have to. 

 

0:19:43 – Kayla

And lean into each other. For that. 

 

0:19:45 – Brian

At the same time, there might be some things that you’ll never have enough money for, Like I’ll never have enough money to buy an autographed letter by Abraham Lincoln no-transcript. 

 

0:20:05 – Kayla

But in all seriousness, we could have spent the entire last 31 years chasing after all the things. When do you get to enjoy what you already have, if that’s your mindset? 

 

0:20:19 – Brian

I enjoy. This is going to sound really stupid. I enjoy a simple life. When we leave here every day from the offices we go home, I’m going to be serious. We do not live a big, exciting life. I mean being serious.

 

0:20:31 – Kayla

And most people don’t. 

 

0:20:32 – Brian

Most people don’t. I mean, we go home and I’ll plop down and I’ll watch the news for a little while. 

 

0:20:38 – Kayla

I’ll cook dinner. 

 

0:20:40 – Brian

We’ll cook dinner We’ll watch an episode of West Wing or something. 

 

0:20:45 – Kayla

Or read. Some nights the TV doesn’t even go on. 

 

0:20:51 – Brian

I’m usually asleep in the recliner by about 815. But that’s our simple life, and if there’s a topic we need to talk about, we’ll do it. 

 

0:20:59 – Kayla

But for me, here’s what I’ll say this might sound ooey and gooey, but living the dream for me has been doing all these moments with you. Yeah, it’s in the mundane that a life is built, so to build on that, we started out together with a gifted couch, a gifted chair and a gifted bed. And what we can tell you now, 31 years in, is memories aren’t made around the stuff. It’s made around the day-to-day. The memories we have are about us. We can’t tell you what we were wearing when those memories were made. 

 

0:21:38 – Brian

It’s about the doing, it’s about the living, it’s about the decisions. It’s about being there together, facing the hardships. 

 

0:21:45 – Kayla

It’s about the shared experiences, not the stuff. It’s not the life you build with stuff, it’s the life you build with each other. And so, yeah, Friday night, date night. It always has been and it always will be. 

 

0:22:00 – Brian

We lived in New Orleans, we’d go to Texas Steakhouse Roadhouse, something. 

 

0:22:06 – Kayla

Texas Steakhouse. I think Texas Steakhouse we’d go to and we’d get a little meal yeah, and we’d go to a little. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

I think we went to Walmart probably and then we’d come home. That was our date night and very, very rarely. 

 

0:22:20 – Kayla

If we had been gifted some money, we would do our bi-weekly dinner. We could not afford to go out every Friday night. We would go out every other Friday night and then we would go to a movie if we had been gifted some money. Otherwise it was game nights or watching a show or a movie at home. And yeah, I mean it was a very date nights now are. 

 

0:22:48 – Brian

we’ll go out to dinner and we might hit up a bookstore or go to Target or something. 

 

0:22:55 – Kayla

Come home, we’ll watch or we might go to a movie in the afternoon. Yeah, if we have a Friday afternoon. Sometimes we’ll go to a movie, but yeah, but it’s about the carving out space for each other. 

 

0:23:11 – Brian

I’m gonna say something here you have to enjoy the person before you enjoy the experience, because you need to be more in love with who you’re spending time with than being in love with what you’re trying to do, because that’s not where life is built. Yeah, so that was pretty good. You is smart. Stop. You need to carve out some sacred time for each other. Now. We spend a great deal of time together, so that’s not an issue for us, but now Friday nights are a sacred time for us. Yeah. 

 

0:23:47 – Kayla

There’s some eye rolling happening right now. I feel it. There’s some really, but you’re not chasing kids around and you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that. I get that, I do, but there were many years and there are many seasons where we are very, very busy, and yet it’s what we’ve prioritized. We have made sure that Friday night is sacred. We have often said no to things. 

 

Because that’s date night Because it’s date night and it’s not because we don’t love other people. It’s because we love each other. And there’s value in figuring out. How do you make this almost a habit at first and then it becomes something that you hate to miss it. 

 

0:24:34 – Brian

There’s a lot of truth to the statement that marriages work. Yeah, it’s a choice to love that person more than yourself, to lay down your own selfishness, to prioritize them over all the world’s demands, to place boundaries with others who don’t honor what you have. You’ve got to do that. So marriage is work. It doesn’t come easy. 

 

0:24:54 – Kayla

No. 

 

0:24:54 – Brian

But if you put the work in you know relationship does find a rhythm that works and brings joy. 

 

0:25:01 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

So, and it really is. It is a daily dying to yourself because I love me, some me. But if you love that person, you want what they want. If you love that person, then you are willing to prioritize their needs over your own and that becomes almost second nature in some ways. There are things that it’s just if you’re happy, I’m happy, and when you get to that place it doesn’t feel like as much work. I’m speaking to those of you who are fresh into marriage or fresh into a relationship. Yeah, it’s going to take some work and sometimes you’re going to feel like you’re giving a whole lot more than you’re getting. 

 

0:25:51 – Brian

But the end result is that if you really love that person and you want what’s best for them, then you’re not worried about what you get out of it, exactly right, and you’re going to make them a priority and you’re going to push some other things out of the way so you can spend time with that person. 

 

0:26:09 – Kayla

I think the last one we would share is dream together. 

 

0:26:14 – Brian

Dream on, dream on. Oh dear, just saying. 

 

0:26:26 – Kayla

And we’ve always made time for dreaming like places we want to go, things we want to accomplish and then chase as many of those dreams as you can. 

 

0:26:32 – Brian

Yes, miss Kayla has a dream of when we retire at some point we will have two labs, and she has a vision that one will be hers, one will be mine. I want to tell you right now they’ll both be hers. Okay, they will both be hers. 

 

0:26:44 – Kayla

Man. 

 

0:26:44 – Brian

I’ll let you pet them, but you need to figure out what you share in common as a dream and then go for it yeah. And yeah, you’re going to be afraid, yeah, things are going to go haywire, but keep pushing after it and that dream will actually draw you closer together. 

 

0:27:00 – Kayla

Yeah, and some of you are sitting there going. Well, that’s kind of contradictory to what you just said five minutes ago about keeping it simple. 

 

0:27:07 – Brian

Honey, we’re all full of contradictions. 

 

0:27:09 – Kayla

But the truth is it’s okay to have things that you aspire to, it’s okay to have trips that you want to take and memories are made on those trips, and it’s okay to have things that you want to enjoy in your journey. Don’t be ruled by them is what we were saying. But yeah, we have a dream to one day have a place on a lake, have two labs brother, sister maybe, I don’t know. 

 

0:27:38 – Brian

One of the rooms has to be a library. Yes, like to have a dark paneled room with a library that has a couple of leather chairs, some lamps that’s just a dream, but that’s something we look forward to down the road. 

 

0:27:50 – Kayla

Yeah, again, our whole point in sharing all this is where did you come from and where are you going? And, as we’re looking forward to our 32nd year, there’s just so much more to look forward to, and we hope that for all of you, yes, in your relationships. 

 

0:28:10 – Brian

Take the time to make it a priority. Yeah, say that. Hey, thanks for listening. We appreciate you tuning in this week. Share this episode with a friend or two. We’d appreciate that. 

 

0:28:20 – Kayla

Anybody want to get mugged? 

 

0:28:22 – Brian

No. Not that kind of mug? Oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes, first of mug, oh, coffee mug, that kind of mug, yes. First of all, our friend Michelle won a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. And thank you, Michelle, from South Carolina, for listening. Yeah, but hey, you can win a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. All you have to do go to our website. 

 

0:28:44 – Kayla

Yep, it’s the peasandcarrotspodcast.com. If you’ll there, click the trivia button and then we always have like a random question. 

 

0:28:53 – Brian

This week’s question is what are you looking forward to this month? 

 

0:28:57 – Kayla

It’s getting a little warmer Spring is coming. I promise it’s coming. 

 

0:29:02 – Brian

Snowed here today. 

 

0:29:03 – Kayla

I know? Well, actually it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed, then it sleeted, then the sunshine, then it snowed again, then it sleeted, and now it looks like I don’t know what it’s going to do. South Florida, yeah. 

 

0:29:13 – Brian

So, hey, you can win yourself a coffee mug and a pack of stickers. You go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com, you click the trivia button and when you get there, you answer this question. 

 

0:29:22 – Kayla

What are you looking forward to this month? You can search the Search the Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website. Again, that’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com. When you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

 

0:29:35 – Brian

Also find us on Facebook and Instagram, Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:29:40 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM

Season 3, Episode 10: Biggest Fan

Biggest Fan - Episode Description

Join us this week on Peas and Carrots Podcast for a heartwarming and hilarious journey through the daily dance of our lives together. We share the ins and outs of trying to stick to new habits and routines, from daily trackers to a clever snack bucket system that keeps us on the path to healthier choices. Laugh along as we confess to the quirks in our habit-maintaining strategies and reveal our weekend plans to finally take down our Christmas tree.

We open up about the strength of support and encouragement in a marriage, emphasizing the need for both partners to be each other’s biggest fans. As we chat, you’ll discover the humor and humility in swapping household roles and the comedic results that can ensue. Our conversation is an ode to the idea that being there for each other through thick and thin fortifies a relationship, especially when facing the trials of everyday life. So tune in to hear how we navigate these dynamics with love, laughter, and a touch of grace.

In this installment, we also share some interesting facts about ourselves, discussing everything from the trivial frustrations of ‘reply all’ emails to the more profound personal struggles like dealing with nightmares. We reflect on the ways we each show up in the world, hiding our vulnerabilities behind loudness or stoicism. We’ll also have a few laughs as we share some of our comical quirks. So, grab your headphones, settle in, and let’s share life from our piece of the vegetable patch.

Biggest Fan - Transcript

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders. 

 

0:00:11 – Kayla

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. 

 

0:00:13 – Brian

I’m Brian and I’m Kayla, and thanks for being here this week. Right before, I mean just 10 seconds ago, before I press this button to record…

 

0:00:21 – Kayla

Uh-huh. 

 

0:00:22 – Brian

We were having a marital moment.

 

0:00:28 – Kayla

It wasn’t a big deal. When we test the microphones. I always say hello there, and you always growl and say mic check one, two right so I got a little sideways and said what is wrong with me saying hello there? So I admit I just got a lesson as to why the mic check one. Two is important is to make sure that my p’s are not popping well, and also it’s so my t’s don’t sound like and so it’s a long still think I should be able to say hello there. I’ll tell you what baby? 

 

you say whatever so anyway, hello there um, I’ll tell you what baby you say, whatever you want. 

 

0:01:06 – Brian

So anyway, hello there. Y’all see what she did there, don’t you? 

 

0:01:11 – Kayla

How are we doing with our new habits? We’re keeping a daily tracker. 

 

0:01:15 – Brian

We’ve changed the way we grocery shop. I did great during February. It’s March, whatever, and I haven’t. I got to copy that over. 

 

0:01:22 – Kayla

Have you even created it? No, there’s only one more week of March. 

 

0:01:30 – Brian

I’ll start in April. Oh, I forgot all about that. I even have a little daily reminder, and he hasn’t asked no he hasn’t asked. Well then, why am? 

 

0:01:39 – Kayla

I filling this out because I haven’t missed a day. Okay, technically I think I missed yesterday. 

 

0:01:45 – Brian

Okay, see now. This is a perfect illustration of the difference between B and K. 

 

0:01:49 – Kayla

K is very detailed, and that is what I hoped was going to come out here. K is very detailed you seriously have not done March at all. I’ve not copied that over yet and Jesse has not asked. 

 

0:02:00 – Brian

No, because I’m killing myself in there. 

 

0:02:03 – Kayla

You are. We’ll come back to that, but. 

 

0:02:06 – Brian

I’ve not kept up with a single day. 

 

0:02:08 – Kayla

See, I guess we should explain what this is. In the morning we have certain habits that we can choose, like I am choosing to drink 20 ounces of pure water before 10 am, and then I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2. And then after 4, I am weaving in some like healthy vitamins. I’m choosing to do that again between 10 and 2, and then after 4,. I am weaving in some healthy vitamins. I’m journaling. I’m reading one chapter a day for leadership or personal growth. 

 

0:02:34 – Brian

What are you journaling? 

 

0:02:35 – Kayla

You just journal your thoughts. I keep a gratitude journal. I sometimes write down thoughts about the day I ain’t got time for that. Well, obviously you ain’t got time to fill out a habit tracker. 

 

0:02:48 – Brian

Well, mine had. I can’t remember what mine had on it. It was like drink water, but I can’t. 

 

0:02:55 – Kayla

But we do like a weekly snack budget or bucket, sorry, not well, we do budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket, budget for it, but we keep a snack bucket. We keep a fruit bucket. It’s just weaving in some new habits so that if we are hungry you will go get a fruit bowl instead of we don’t keep crackers and chips and it’s very sad our pantry is very sad so, but our fridge is very happy, well, so yeah, what are we doing this weekend? 

 

0:03:28 – Brian

Oh Well, I know that this is so if people need to feel better about themselves oh. Oh, we’re taking down the Christmas tree. 

 

0:03:36 – Kayla

We are. 

 

0:03:38 – Brian

But I still like it being out. 

 

0:03:39 – Kayla

Well, it’s a winter tree. We turned it into a winter, but it’s spring. It’s officially spring. 

 

0:03:45 – Brian

I’m in a hoodie today. 

 

0:03:46 – Kayla

It is cold outside, but still Okay. So it’s coming down. For those of you who may feel like you’re behind in life, you’re not. 

 

0:03:54 – Brian

I’ll get to see the right corner of the TV for the first time in like 120 days. 

 

0:03:59 – Kayla

That’d be pretty awesome For the record. You are the one that asked me to leave the tree up. I am you. You are the record. 

 

0:04:04 – Brian

You are the one that asked me to leave the trio. I am, you are. I don’t mean I can’t complain about it. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m not going to complain about it. 

 

0:04:10 – Kayla

So there was a moment this morning. 

 

0:04:12 – Brian

Here we go. 

 

0:04:15 – Kayla

You have really I’ve got to brag on you. You have really stepped up with your workouts. You braved going to our trainer and telling him I need more, I need more intensity. 

 

0:04:25 – Brian

I’m down like 104 pounds you are. I’m down another pant size, but there was a very funny moment this morning. I’m on this exercise bike. I normally do like two miles and I’m at like 40 RPM. Okay, and that’s comfortable for me, I’ll do that. Well, he’s been challenging me to like really step up the pace. 

 

0:04:47 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:04:48 – Brian

So I went walking and I walked a mile and I cut six minutes off my one minute mile. Then I got on that bike and he’s like all right, let’s just crank it up. Well, I went as hard as I could. I had that mug up to like 54, 55 RPM and I went like over half a mile, like 0.6, almost overheated and I used that phrase. 

 

0:05:11 – Kayla

And this is how she, You’re not a car Well. 

 

0:05:18 – Brian

I started seeing stars. That’s the only phrase I could come up with. Overheated. Well yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with overheated. Well, yes, I mean that’s the best word I could come up with. And so I crawled off that bike and I’m sitting there on the box and Jesse, our trainer, comes up. He says you OK? I said no, I almost overheated. Then he got tickled and started laughing at me and that kind of stuff. But it’s working. I’ll say that I mean. 

 

0:05:42 – Kayla

You’re doing great. In all seriousness, you are pushing yourself so hard. 

 

0:05:47 – Brian

As are you and I can see the results. 

 

0:05:50 – Kayla

I really can. You’re feeling good about yourself. You had to buy some new blue jeans. 

 

0:05:55 – Brian

And a new belt. 

 

0:05:56 – Kayla

Even suspenders weren’t cutting it anymore. 

 

0:05:58 – Brian

So and your clothes are looking great, I mean you always do look classy. 

 

0:06:05 – Kayla

Oh, you’re very kind, but I did have to go down a size in all my pants. 

 

0:06:10 – Brian

And yeah. 

 

0:06:11 – Kayla

So, Finally from our cabbage patch. 

 

0:06:15 – Brian

Can I just say something? I am proud of myself, I’m proud of you, but y’all, we can’t walk or move in the evenings. Heating pads and Advil, and the next morning is just awful. 

 

0:06:26 – Kayla

We just grunt and groan. 

 

0:06:27 – Brian

Snap, crackle, pop when you get up. 

 

0:06:31 – Kayla

Many have asked. 

 

0:06:33 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:06:34 – Kayla

How is my hip doing, and thank you to all who have asked. I can tell you when a front’s coming, so I do still have some fluid on my hip. It’s not as large, it’s not as pronounced, I guess, is the word I’m looking for. That’s a good word. And sitting for long periods is not as painful as it was. But I’m not ready to sign up for a marathon just yet. But hey, guess what it’s going to rain tomorrow. My hip tells me. 

 

0:07:05 – Brian

Kayla “the weathervane” Sanders. You had a conversation with a friend the other night about supporting one another in like ministry, because her and her husband are in ministry and we’re in ministry together, and that’s what led to this topic. Okay, yeah. So from there, why don’t you kind of ease us into this topic a little bit? 

 

0:07:34 – Kayla

Well, you and I have had this conversation several times over the last few months, but it did come up and it got me to thinking. What does it look like to support each other and to show up for each other in a relationship? Now, yes, this can be friendship, this can be family, this can be marriage. We are going to spend a good portion of the time talking about marriage, because we’re talking about B and K and how we do this for each other, or I guess I should say pea and carrot. There we go, but okay, it feels really weird to refer to yourself as vegetable. But anyway, what we’ve come to realize is that we are each other’s biggest fan, and so we want to unpack that and spend a little time For me, one of the first things I want to share I could not have navigated the career that I’ve had without your full and unwavering support. 

 

0:08:35 – Brian

And you’ll always have it, always. I feel like that’s part of the reason why God made me. That’s my role as a husband. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to cheer you, I’m supposed to support you. So, yeah, you will always have it For me. I could not be the leader I am without your willingness to be a sounding board and to hold a mirror up to me to show me who I really am, because I am very naive. I believe the best about people and I believe the best about me, and that’s part of my broken. So I need you to hold up a mirror sometimes. Say B, do you see this? 

 

0:09:17 – Kayla

Yeah, that also comes with caution, though. There are times when, as a spouse, if your person is really struggling, that may not be the time to hold up the mirror, just even if you know that there’s something that needs to be addressed, as with all things, kind of read the room on when you might need to. I did not say that, but I do try to be very careful. If you’ve had a really tough week and it’s come with a lot of hits, I’m probably not going to like pile on at that moment. 

 

0:09:54 – Brian

So pile on spaghetti and meat sauce. 

 

0:09:58 – Kayla

We just had lunch, but does that matter? We’re no, it’s time. 

 

0:10:02 – Brian

We’re hungry all the time now. 

 

0:10:05 – Kayla

This may be an unpopular opinion, but neither of our careers is superior to the other. We aren’t threatened by how God’s using the other or blessing the other, and there have been seasons where it feels like God has given a bounty to you in what you’re doing. And then there have been seasons where I’ve been the receiver of good gifts and we’re not the couple that one outshines the other. 

 

0:10:37 – Brian

So, building on that, let me say this we are each other’s advocates. 

 

0:10:40 – Kayla

Yeah. 

 

0:10:41 – Brian

We don’t compete, you know. 

 

0:10:44 – Kayla

I am your biggest cheerleader and you are mine. 

 

0:10:46 – Brian

Yes, so let me so let me say this. It’s a huge flaw of mine. Whenever you’re venting to me or you’re sharing your heart, I oftentimes want to recommend solutions, and if I had a $10 bill for every time that you’ve said to me baby, just listen. 

 

0:11:09 – Kayla

I’m not asking you to fix anything. We could retire tomorrow. 

 

0:11:14 – Brian

We could retire tomorrow. But I got these great solutions, but for you, you just need to get this stuff off your heart, yeah. 

 

0:11:22 – Kayla

I have learned to say up front though, I’m not looking for a solution. 

 

0:11:28 – Brian

How’s that working out? 

 

0:11:29 – Kayla

It’s gotten better. 

 

You have you really have gotten better at? Just I can tell you’re twitching a little bit because you just really want to fix it, but you are trying just to listen and not go in. But that’s one of your strengths as a leader is you’re a problem solver and you are a fixer. But sometimes I’m coming to you as a spouse and I’ve even said that, haven’t I? I’ve said to you B, I’m coming to you as K, not as one of your team members right now, and so that helps. There are seasons we have both seen this where I may need to carry more of the load at home due to outside work, and there are seasons where you may need to carry more of the work at home. 

 

0:12:15 – Brian

Okay, and speaking of, let me just say this, let me just say this up front. This, let me just say this up front the only way I can carry more of the load at home is like by helping to cook with food and cooking pick up dinner why don’t you wash clothes b? This has been over 30 years ago. Okay, I think you can trust me now nope what did you use? Too much of bleach and it put white splotches all over my clothes my clothes. I thought this happened before we got married. 

 

0:12:44 – Kayla

Oh, you tried this. You also shrunk one of my wool sweaters and it fit my friend’s four-year-old daughter. 

 

0:12:50 – Brian

I think that was somebody else, but I can cook and go pick up food. 

 

0:12:53 – Kayla

What else do you try to keep clean for us? 

 

0:12:55 – Brian

My bathroom. But there’s a definition, there’s a moving definition of clean. 

 

0:13:03 – Kayla

Yeah, but here’s the thing We’ve learned that it’s a privilege to come alongside each other and show tangible ways to be a support in busy times. It’s not like there’s this job description that we stick rigidly to, especially in busy seasons, I agree. 

 

0:13:21 – Brian

Now I in busy seasons, I agree. Now I do not wash clothes. No, I wash dishes. But if I wash them, I rewash them. 

 

0:13:32 – Kayla

Well, sometimes you just use that little wand and you haven’t put any soap on it. 

 

0:13:37 – Brian

There is soap in the wand. 

 

0:13:39 – Kayla

No, there’s not anyway. 

 

0:13:41 – Brian

All right, moving on. 

 

0:13:42 – Kayla

Back. There’s not, anyway, all right. Moving on back to the cheerleader. You have always been my biggest cheerleader because you challenge me when I embrace negative self-talk. You encourage me when I’m trying something new or scary, and you know my tells, you know what’s going on when I’m scared or when I’m afraid to take a risk. You offer help without expecting to receive the credit or the spotlight, although I am quick to give shout outs when you do. 

 

0:14:09 – Brian

That’s a very big gift of yours. 

 

0:14:10 – Kayla

But you can tell when I’m stuck. 

 

0:14:14 – Brian

Yes. 

 

0:14:15 – Kayla

And so you will cheer me on. This is the big thing here. You don’t allow me to give up or walk away from something. 

 

0:14:23 – Brian

You will make me stick it out because you see my potential and you want me to live into it yeah, there’s nothing I’m so grateful for that there’s nothing because I’ve done a lot of stuff scared I mean, you have embraced what god has given you and there’s nothing worse than walking away from that. 

 

0:14:42 – Kayla

Well, I had a great teacher, and he’s sitting across from me. 

 

0:14:46 – Brian

Let me just say this is that Kay is my rock and she steadies me. You speak life to me because I can spiral pretty quick. I can get very, I can get very down. I doubt myself so much and my personality type is that I will take care of everybody else but I’m going to ignore myself and you make sure that Brian gets taken care of. So thank you for that. I mean that, thank you. 

 

0:15:16 – Kayla

So the bottom line is this A relationship based on genuine love is one in which you’re constantly dying to yourself, and what that looks like is it’s easy to fall into that trap that I am more important than you are, my needs are more important than you are, my career is more important than you are. When you love a person and you see them as made in the image of Christ, you choose to cherish them and put them first. 

 

0:15:45 – Brian

I could not agree more. And scripture even says to husbands to love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. In other words, I’m supposed to even be willing to give up my life for you, and I do that in certain circumstances. Okay. 

 

0:16:06 – Kayla

On that note. 

 

0:16:07 – Brian

I’m kidding. In any circumstance, I believe that that’s my calling and that’s what I’m supposed to do, and I just want to say this baby, thank you for believing in me and supporting me. 

 

0:16:17 – Kayla

Right back at you. 

 

0:16:21 – Brian

Well, this should be fun, Just a few random facts about us. Okay. 

 

0:16:27 – Kayla

I hate to drive oh. 

 

0:16:29 – Brian

I don’t mind driving, I don’t mind taking you places. 

 

0:16:32 – Kayla

It is a necessary evil for me Now. You don’t want me driving after dark. I have night vision issues. 

 

0:16:40 – Brian

And let me say this and if it’s like more than two or three turns, I will take you, because you get prone to get. 

 

0:16:48 – Kayla

I won’t come back to that one. It might be on my list. 

 

0:16:51 – Brian

I hate to be bored. 

 

0:16:52 – Kayla

Oh, my goodness, yes. 

 

0:16:54 – Brian

I like to be entertained, which? 

 

0:16:56 – Kayla

is part of why you read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. 

 

0:17:00 – Brian

Yeah, but I can’t read so much, I think, because it gives you something to do. Yeah, but I can’t stand, I cannot stand to be bored. I need to have a show, a book. There needs to be a person talking to me, yep. Or like this morning when I got up oh my gosh 4.30 in the morning. 

 

0:17:16 – Kayla

Ok, no, I had to go to the bathroom. No, I just need to get this out? 

 

0:17:21 – Brian

No, I looked out the window, and what? 

 

0:17:27 – Kayla

do I see there where your flowers are planted around the mailbox? Do I need to know at 430 in the morning that deer are eating my plant?

 

0:17:32 – Brian

Kay, come here, come look at this. I peeped my head. I said, kay, I was whispering. 

 

0:17:37 – Kayla

It doesn’t matter that you were whispering what it’s 430 in the morning I said come look, anyway, moving on. 

 

0:17:45 – Brian

If it’d been a bear, you’d have come look, wouldn’t you, mm-mm, not at 4.30. 

 

0:17:48 – Kayla

Really, go with God, bear Zombies. 

 

0:17:52 – Brian

Nope, okay. 

 

0:17:54 – Kayla

I love gardening, but I’m known for killing houseplants. 

 

0:17:58 – Brian

Houseplant assassin right here. Now you’ve got this one in the kitchen. That’s just going nuts. 

 

0:18:03 – Kayla

I ignore it, I do. It has beautiful sunlight where it sits and I basically just pour leftover water from the coffee pot on it Now each week I’m going to say something I’ve thought for years. 

 

0:18:15 – Brian

You know, every week we go to Kroger and we grocery shop and your first stop is a little flower section. You’ll buy a couple of bouquets of flowers. You ever wonder if those flowers are like screaming their guts out because they’ve been cut. Like you know, they’ve been cut off from their life source and all those bouquets are just going because they’re just sitting there legless. No, that doesn’t cross your mind. 

 

0:18:41 – Kayla

Moving on. Speaking of flowers. 

 

0:18:44 – Brian

But you love flowers? I do, and you do too. But you have a confession here. I love looking at them, but I could care less if I plant them.

 

0:18:52 – Kayla

Well, that’s why we get them. 

 

0:18:55 – Brian

I remember that we used to down in New Orleans. We planned this little garden. We put tomatoes and beans and peas and that’s about eight weeks in I realized I could walk over to the grocery store and spend five dollars and buy more than what this is producing. So no, I’m not into that. That’s just me. But I know that that makes you happy, happy, yes. 

 

0:19:16 – Kayla

In conjunction with my fear not fear of driving, I just hate driving. I do have an irrational fear of getting lost. When we go somewhere new, I have to remind myself. There are apps with maps. I can find my way home, but I am not good in situations where I don’t know where we’re going. And again, I have a tell you can figure out and you’ll assure me that everything’s good. 

 

0:19:43 – Brian

You know where we are Start taking that little hand, scratching that little head. Oh, just like this, Just sitting there scratching it. I know I said okay, we’ve entered. I struggle with having nightmares. 

 

0:19:55 – Kayla

And. 

 

0:19:55 – Brian

I have them probably twice a week. I’m part of the 3% of Americans who actually struggle with this. 

 

0:20:01 – Kayla

We have learned, though it’s your brain doing what? 

 

0:20:04 – Brian

Processing? Processing things, yeah, and the way it does, that is through nightmares occasionally and I’ve been the doctor and therapist that kind of stuff. 

 

0:20:12 – Kayla

So okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Oh, okay, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for this. Nothing makes me crazier than reply all email threads. I’m sorry. I get that they are sometimes necessary, but I would prefer to reply personally to people. And yet then comes the next person who hits reply all and yet then comes the next person who hits reply all, and then I feel like a heel because people think I’m never responding but I am I’m typically doing it one-on-one, though, so okay, well, I’m not a fan of email overall I know you’re not 

 

but I mean, if it has more than four lines, I’m click delete I have to tell you the beginning in the end or the middle, because you read the beginning and the end. 

 

0:20:59 – Brian

I hate email. I hate entering my password using a TV remote control. 

 

0:21:07 – Kayla

So like when Netflix signs itself out or your Apple TV goes down. 

 

0:21:12 – Brian

It is the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. I get so upset about that. It’s the dumbest thing. But my anger level can go from zero to 60 in one second. I mean I am down the highway. 

 

0:21:21 – Kayla

I get so upset about that First world problems that we live with. 

 

0:21:23 – Brian

Create something that will read I mean, MacBook has it, apple has it. You just read your fingerprint. Do that with that remote. I feel better now. 

 

0:21:33 – Kayla

Okay, kind of like me with the emails, All right. So one thing about my personality. I’ll end with this. I can present myself as very stoic. Hello, I’m British, but I feel things very deeply and. I care very personally, you do, so those two things can often kind of seem contradictory. 

 

0:21:54 – Brian

I’ll say this is that sometimes the outside doesn’t match the inside. I was a compliment, oh okay. I mean, you appear very stoic, but you’ve got a lot happening. 

 

0:22:07 – Kayla

There’s a lot going on. 

 

0:22:08 – Brian

Yeah, yeah. 

 

0:22:10 – Kayla

But I was taught you know stiff upper lip. 

 

0:22:12 – Brian

Yeah, that’s that British in you, but on the inside, I may be like in tears. 

 

0:22:17 – Kayla

Yeah, whereas for me it’s all out there, baby okay, that was a little what’s your last one. 

 

0:22:23 – Brian

You did not have to answer that so quickly I didn’t say I don’t like it about you no, but you answered it just like that boom. Okay, I’m sorry no, you’re not read your last I’m loud revelation about yourself I’m loud, I’m boisterous and it’s usually a shield to get you to like or even accept me and usually to help you look past my size no and let you see me as a person now. I’m not going to change who I am. 

 

0:22:51 – Kayla

I’m loud, I’m boisterous you’re a roaming party is what I call you. 

 

0:22:57 – Brian

But these days I got to be home by 830. 

 

0:23:00 – Kayla

Party’s got to end on time. Party’s got to end about 8:30. Okay, good to know so there’s that, hey. 

 

0:23:05 – Brian

It’s been our joy to spend this time with you and we’d like to give you a coffee mug and a pack of stickers and news. There’s a bunch more peas and carrots swag coming our way. 

 

0:23:17 – Kayla

There is, so stay tuned. But the first two people who go to our website and answer our trivia question, you will win a peas and carrots coffee mug, some stickers and apparently some of you are getting pens. Oh, and that was a very funny story that fell out this week Our dear friend Adam he’s my executive assistant. 

 

This is a teaser he and his wife will be joining our podcast soon. Yes, Adam actually includes a pen for the Encouraging Radio brand, which is part of our PAR family, right, well, someone thought that they accidentally got a pen. 

 

0:23:52 – Brian

So hey, are y’all missing a pen by accident? 

 

0:23:54 – Kayla

So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. A pen by accident? So nope, the pen was purposeful, it was there. But if you will click our website, yeah, you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:03 – Brian

Click on the trivia button and answer this question. 

 

0:24:07 – Kayla

Share with us one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:10 – Brian

Now look, please don’t put on there like how many moles or warts you got. 

 

0:24:15 – Kayla

Or you killed somebody in 1985. Right, we don’t need that, we don’t need to know that, but just one random fact about yourself. 

 

0:24:23 – Brian

So you go to peasandcarrotspodcast.com. 

 

0:24:25 – Kayla

Click that trivia button and you can win. Answer that question. You’ll win a coffee mug and some stickers and a pen. 

 

0:24:31 – Brian

So thanks for listening. Hey, you can search the Peas and Parrots. 

 

0:24:37 – Kayla

Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you get your podcast or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com and, when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

 

0:24:54 – Brian

Peas and parrots. 

 

0:24:55 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out jesusfixit.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts. 

 

FACEBOOK

INSTAGRAM