I See You - Episode Description
Join Brian and Kayla on their Peas and Carrots Podcast as they wrap up January and step into February with lively discussions on relationships and the challenge of loving difficult people. They reflect on altering vacation plans, delve into communication within marriage, and share the soreness of a new fitness routine. Inspired by Bob Goff, they tackle the art of dealing with rudeness, bullies, and drama, advocating for grace and support in abusive dynamics. The episode lightens with a ‘Getting to Know You’ segment, childhood memories, and a playful giveaway. It’s an honest, enriching, and fun conversation that’s part of the growing Peas and Carrots family.
I See You- Transcript
0:00:00 – Announcer
We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.
0:00:11 – Kayla
Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast.
0:00:13 – Brian
I’m Brian and I’m Kayla, what’s up in the world of Peas and Carrots?
0:00:18 – Kayla
Hallelujah, it’s February. Why are you so happy? Why are you so happy about that? Because January felt like it was six months long. I don’t know why it just did.
0:00:29 – Brian
Oh, here’s my quandary with this. Uh-huh. The older we get, we actually complain about how time flies by so fast not January, but then when there’s a month that seems like it lasts forever, we complain that lasts forever.
0:00:41 – Kayla
Well, apparently we just like to complain, but here we are. Here we are as we record today.
0:00:50 – Brian
It’s groundhog day the day of this recording is a groundhog day and this rat is predicting an early spring.
0:00:55 – Kayla
He is so putting a lot of faith in him. But here we are here we are and I hope he’s right. So there, happy groundhog day.
0:01:06 – Brian
We made a huge decision regarding our vacation.
0:01:09 – Kayla
We did. I was really struggling with telling you how I felt, but this is where communication and marriage is so important. I finally got brave and told you be, I really don’t feel that this is the year we should be doing international travel. And your response was hallelujah.
0:01:29 – Brian
You thank God, praise God.
0:01:31 – Kayla
So we shifted gears. We’re gonna do something in the continental United States and we’ll reveal those plans later, yeah so, but we’re both very happy and at peace with this. Italy. Yes, one day, Greece, revisit that. Loved going the first time. I know we’ll love going the second time, but it’s just not for us this year, yeah. So here’s where we are. That’s us, and we’re excited and we’re also very sore. And why is that?
0:02:02 – Brian
Our trainer started us on a new routine this past Tuesday and today like.
0:02:09 – Kayla
Today was day three of her.
0:02:11 – Brian
Yeah, my every joint in my body is screaming.
0:02:14 – Kayla
I can’t laugh. It hurts to laugh, so yeah so yeah, so it’s good for us really it is. We’ve started this week not only, not only tracking our physical activity, but we’re also committing to accountability with what food, food, sleep. Habits.
0:02:35 – Brian
I think he’s doing this to us to make us into like pretty corpses. That’s the whole point of this. So everybody needs accountability and so for my accountability, I’m mine being killed a little bit each week over time. That’s what I’m mine.
0:02:54 – Kayla
Drama party of one. Well, you’re not sore, I am sore, okay. You’re not hurting, I am okay, but I’m a little less dramatic about why I’m grumpy. Okay, well, tell Godzilla, because apparently, yes, he’s joined us again.
0:03:10 – Brian
Yes, he’s here, he’s with me.
0:03:12 – Kayla
Oh, my goodness.
0:03:13 – Brian
He’s my face.
0:03:14 – Kayla
Please stop hugging him. It’s just awkward. He’s lovable.
0:03:22 – Brian
What is that now rallying for? Here we go. Oh my word, you jealous of that?
0:03:30 – Kayla
well, you seem to be. No, he’s just a little crazy.
0:03:34 – Brian
Okay, all right, I think he’s wonderful, mm-hmm my friend. Mm-hmm, so how are you supposed to deal with them?
0:03:46 – Kayla
And we’re putting them in air quotes. So I think back to a quote that Bob Goff shared several years ago. That gutted me when I read it. Love difficult people. You are one. Mm-hmm, and I remember when I read that I thought, well, how do you think you are? But it’s true, at times all of us you have had. We are not going to share any of the details, but this prompted us to start a conversation with each other. You have had a couple of very specific Incidences lately when God has put some difficult people in your path and you’ve had to navigate very publicly around how to deal with that. So we thought that we would spend a few minutes talking about various types of difficult people that all of us encounter or are at some point. For example, how are we supposed to deal with someone who is rude?
0:04:52 – Brian
Okay, my initial response to this is going to be the way Brian’s wired. My first response is going to be what did I do to make them rude?
0:05:02 – Kayla
Hmm.
0:05:02 – Brian
What did I do to mess this up? Am I being an idiot? Am I being rude in response, or something like that? But I’ve got to step back and say you know what? I didn’t do anything. I just showed up here and target.
0:05:18 – Kayla
It’s probably more reflective of what’s going on inside of them than anything that the other person has done and when you can reframe it, as I don’t know what they’re walking with today. Sometimes it can look like grace to say that was uncalled for, but Maybe they just got some bad news.
0:05:42 – Brian
Maybe they if it’s a one-off, yeah, if it’s a one-off, I’m not gonna say anything.
0:05:48 – Kayla
Absolutely. Now, if it’s a pattern, I’m gonna say something and yeah, cuz then it becomes toxic, right a bully.
0:05:59 – Brian
I’ll normally just pull away.
0:06:01 – Kayla
Mm-hmm.
0:06:02 – Brian
I’m just not going to engage you, I’m just not going to say anything.
0:06:07 – Kayla
Yeah, because engaging is fuel for a bully. When they don’t typically get the reaction they’re seeking, they’ll go find someone else. Yeah, and maybe that’s wrong of me, but I don’t have the mental now again, if someone is bullying someone that I care about, then I’m gonna step in and just call them out for it, but nine times out of ten if I feel bullied by someone, it’s because they’re lacking control in an area, and that’s how they feel that they’re seizing control.
They’re trying, so I just have to take the fuel out of there. Yeah, oh, this one’s hard for me one who seems to love drama. Drama makes me insane. It just yeah. How do you deal with people like that?
0:06:59 – Brian
I will listen and I will try to reframe something again. If it’s a pattern, I will probably listen and then move on to a different topic. That’s what I will do because everybody you know, there’s a lot of people who invite drama, a lot of people who like drama, and for some people that’s how they get attention.
0:07:22 – Kayla
So I’ve also found with drama try to get to its sores and try to ask very specific questions like well, was this your perception of a situation or was this actually what happened? Is this actually what was said or done?
0:07:38 – Brian
Nice or not.
0:07:39 – Kayla
Or is this? And then, if it’s someone that they truly seem to thrive in that space, I kind of whisper to them you may need to talk to someone.
0:07:50 – Brian
And You’re a lot nicer and I am no, not always.
0:07:53 – Kayla
I think so, because you don’t know what’s going on inside this head.
0:07:56 – Brian
Well, how do you deal with?
0:07:59 – Kayla
these drive you up a wall. Constant complainers.
0:08:04 – Brian
Yeah, I can’t stick her. I can’t. I have to have hope.
0:08:08 – Kayla
Mm, hmm.
0:08:10 – Brian
I’m wired for hope, I have to have hope. And if every time I talk to you oh, whoa is me? Oh, this is wrong, that’s I’m done, I’m out, I’ve got to have some hope. And if all that you ever see is the bad stuff, if all you ever come talk about is the bad stuff, let me just say this I will spiral into a serious depression. I’ve got to have people around me.
0:08:40 – Kayla
Yeah, see the good. What is that saying? You steer where you stare. Yeah, it’s kind of the same with negative people. Yeah you’re constantly around. Negative, you become negative. And there’s one unifying thought with all of these it reveals the what the heart, the heart.
0:08:56 – Brian
And people are stupid, oh well that took a turn. Well, I’m just saying some of this is some of this is people don’t think before they talk. Yeah, and I’m guilty of that every single day of my life.
0:09:10 – Kayla
Ok, but a lot of these reveal character traits that stem back to there is something going on inside. This one is hard because I think we’ve all either been guilty of this or we’ve been involved in this. A transactional air quotes friend, someone who only seeks you out when they need something from you or you’re benefiting them in some way.
0:09:36 – Brian
Yeah, I’ve lived this several times in my life, I find friendship to be very difficult, extremely difficult, and I think we’ve talked about this on the podcast before. If the only time I hear from you is when you need something, if the only time you reach out is like is when you’re going through a crisis.
0:09:56 – Kayla
Yeah.
0:09:57 – Brian
To me that’s a transactional friend.
0:09:59 – Kayla
Mm-hmm. Or if you only want me when I can help pay for something, yeah, help provide something for you or make your life more comfortable.
0:10:09 – Brian
Yeah.
0:10:10 – Kayla
I’m not sure we’re really friends, correct, and that’s probably not gonna last long term and a lot of guys aren’t wired like me.
0:10:19 – Brian
In other words, I like to chat, I like to talk, I like to share jokes. I like to do that. Some guys they don’t even want to talk to each other unless they’re sitting around a car they’re trying to fix or drinking beers or watching football. Yeah, you know I want to laugh. Cut up, be involved in your life. You’d be involved in mine.
0:10:39 – Kayla
You’re an enneagram 2. Yeah, I want, yes 100%, you know so and that’s not a bad thing. So yeah, yeah, so. I think it just reminds all of us Be more of a giver than a taker in relationships, seeing less of what yourself is gaining and what you can be pouring out in that moment Someone who doesn’t share your faith.
0:11:06 – Brian
I Don’t struggle with this as much, because I find them to be intriguing. I love talking to them, I love doing things for them because I feel like it’s an opportunity to show Jesus. That doesn’t bother me, I don’t.
0:11:21 – Kayla
I’m not. You chose this one and I don’t struggle with this one. I just stay curious.
0:11:27 – Brian
Love them, do a meal with them. Listen, you know people say well you know, if you Take them out to a meal, well then you’re you become like the five people you hang around.
0:11:39 – Kayla
There’s truth in that, but also you can’t, just you’re not compromising your faith either. Yeah.
0:11:46 – Brian
Look who Jesus hung around. Yes, so there’s that. How do you deal with people who live a lifestyle that you disagree with? Let me just say this every day I wake up, I wake up arrogant. I wake up selfish. I wake up cranky, I wake up just sinful. I Live a lifestyle by being arrogant, selfish, bent toward myself, bent away from God that you would disagree with. The this is the real issue is getting along with with people who sin differently Than we do.
0:12:26 – Kayla
I think of the woman at the well, yeah, and I think of the moment when Jesus communicates to her I See you, and he doesn’t shy away Because of her sin. He know of all people, he knows her life, he knows the choices she’s made and yet he chooses to, in that exact moment, see her and he, he forgives her, a person. Now he does tell her go and live differently. But the first challenge in this is he didn’t just walk in there and blast her.
0:13:07 – Brian
No, he loved her.
0:13:08 – Kayla
It was he loved her first. He saw her as she was, and we’re never going to be able to. I’m trying to say this the right way. We are never going to be able to have influence with people who live different lifestyles If all we do is judge and hate.
0:13:29 – Brian
And never let him into your life.
0:13:31 – Kayla
We have to love and see people first. Amen and then perhaps God will open a door for them to hear something that draws them to him.
0:13:40 – Brian
Preach. Here’s the final one. How do you deal with somebody who’s a control freak or abusive?
0:13:47 – Kayla
You don’t.
0:13:47 – Brian
You don’t. Let me just say that Full stop you don’t?
0:13:51 – Kayla
There is a point where, regardless of what anyone else thinks of your choice, you have to do what is safest and best for you and perhaps those around you.
0:14:03 – Brian
You are made in the image of God and you have value and you have worth, and so I would tell you to run as fast as you can get out of an abusive relationship.
0:14:12 – Kayla
And get the help you need. Yes, because this one there is no, but I have to love them and I know if. If it’s a situation that is unsafe, you don’t see it, you, you get out of it. So, maybe some would disagree with that. You’re free to disagree, but nobody deserves to sit in that I agree.
0:14:34 – Brian
So I’m going to say this go with God, love who you can. Yeah, Be the best you can be and don’t put up with people’s crap.
0:14:43 – Kayla
And the hard truth. You have to coexist with difficult people.
0:14:48 – Brian
Yes.
0:14:49 – Kayla
Because, again, sometimes I am one.
0:14:51 – Brian
No.
0:14:52 – Kayla
But how can you cut through the? We all have it, that moment where you just tense up when that person comes around. How can you choose to see them differently If you’re willing to?
0:15:05 – Brian
Hmm.
0:15:08 – Kayla
Oh, this is going to be fun.
0:15:10 – Brian
What.
0:15:11 – Kayla
Today we’re going to play a little game called getting to know you.
0:15:14 – Brian
Oh, I thought we were playing Yahtzee.
0:15:16 – Kayla
Well, that would be interesting on a podcast, but okay.
0:15:18 – Brian
When’s the last time we played Yahtzee?
0:15:20 – Kayla
I don’t know, years ago. Okay, we have it at home, I think we have a Yahtzee game.
0:15:26 – Brian
We do.
0:15:27 – Kayla
Anyway, conversation starters here you go. These are some fun topics that you can bring up at your next dinner with friends or at family dinner night. What are three foods you refuse to eat?
0:15:41 – Brian
Sushi oh beets.
0:15:43 – Kayla
Okay.
0:15:45 – Brian
And probably.
0:15:48 – Kayla
I can’t believe it’s this hard for you. Sushi Beats and probably Brussels sprouts see my first one quickly is Brussels sprouts. Greens can’t handle.
0:16:02 – Brian
Yeah, I turn up greens, not a fan.
0:16:05 – Kayla
And yeah, so she’s not happy fish should be fried. I am.
0:16:11 – Brian
I am from Louisiana. You need to batter that baby up, put it in some grease. Do not eat that mess raw. Okay, what would you say is one toxic or quirky habit you have?
0:16:22 – Kayla
So this is a quirky one for me. Some would consider it toxic. I have hidden chocolate in multiple spots, everywhere.
0:16:32 – Brian
And I’m okay with that toxic or quirk and when I answer this, that it could be toxic for me that I solve my stress with food and apparently, I do with chocolate so, and it used to be fried chicken, so I used to go get fried chicken a lot, so that was my thing. I miss it too. We were great friends.
0:16:56 – Kayla
What is one thing that’s hard for you to comprehend?
0:16:59 – Brian
The Trinity? I don’t understand.
0:17:03 – Kayla
How they, how God is three and one.
0:17:05 – Brian
Yeah, people give these examples, but every example falls short.
0:17:09 – Kayla
Yeah.
0:17:10 – Brian
I’d like to understand that. And then in this passage you get this glimpse, and that passage you get that glimpse. So I believe in it.
0:17:18 – Kayla
Wow, yours is so deep, mine is just people who say they hate to read. I struggle to understand.
0:17:26 – Brian
Well, they’re not Christians. Oh, that’s a joke. Don’t write the podcast.
0:17:31 – Kayla
Go ahead, so next one.
0:17:33 – Brian
What was your favorite childhood toy? It had to be something Star Wars. It would have to be something Star Wars not your Batman mobile oh. I love.
0:17:43 – Kayla
okay, I also had?
0:17:45 – Brian
I am shocked. I had a bat cave, a bat mobile, uh-huh. I had the figures Batman Robin, Joker, Riddler and then also Ping.
0:17:56 – Kayla
I have to say I think that was your favorite childhood back and they’re actually for sale on eBay.
0:18:02 – Brian
What I had, oh my, I’d love to have it to display in the podcast studio, but I’m not gonna pay $300.
0:18:10 – Kayla
Oh, okay. So you mine was a toss-up. I had a panda bear. Here we go.
0:18:16 – Brian
I know it’s gonna be Pandy and I love it is dead.
0:18:20 – Kayla
Stop it. I loved Pandy. See, even Godzilla fell over on that. Okay, he gets me. Okay, I might be back to being friends with Godzilla, thank you. Thank you for having my back.
I’m gonna post a picture Godzilla and then I also had this may sound really creepy, but I had this doll that you could cut her hair and then you could turn this crank and it would grow new hair that then you could style and cut. It was weird now that I think back, but it was really cool wouldn’t run out of hair after, I guess so eventually. But yeah, I think they were hoping against hope that you wouldn’t continually cut her hair.
0:18:57 – Brian
But we’ll go buy a new doll. I guess so. But wow, I think I remember those commercials.
0:19:02 – Kayla
Yeah, it was fun.
0:19:05 – Brian
My G I gel didn’t do that Just yeah, good to know. What is one thing you feel society would be better without?
0:19:12 – Kayla
Social media platforms. I’m just gonna say it.
0:19:16 – Brian
I’m gonna say, politicians, I wish we had a king.
0:19:19 – Kayla
Wow.
0:19:20 – Brian
A lot less argument, a lot less fussing and that kind of stuff. I’m a royalist. Bring on the king.
0:19:28 – Kayla
Mark it down, gracious sakes.
0:19:32 – Brian
So there’s, that.
0:19:33 – Kayla
If you could adopt one new hobby or interest, what would it be?
0:19:37 – Brian
Napping, buffet surfing.
0:19:44 – Kayla
Stop. In all seriousness.
0:19:47 – Brian
Napping.
0:19:47 – Kayla
Napping for real.
0:19:48 – Brian
Yes, I’d be down for napping.
0:19:52 – Kayla
I would love to try my hand at painting Just for fun, I have no interest, I could care less. We would be terrible, but I would love to. I did this paint class one time with a friend and I really enjoyed it and it surprised me because I was terrified when we went in. But I think I would love to try my hand at it.
0:20:11 – Brian
I’ve toyed with like photography.
0:20:14 – Kayla
I could see you doing that. You’re really good this is my struggle except taking pictures of me, because you think every picture of me is great. It is, and I’m like really.
0:20:23 – Brian
Let me say this Like to be a photographer. You got to go to these places, walk these miles, take a picture. I’m not going to spend two hours getting somewhere to spend two minutes to take a picture, Because that’s going to interrupt your new nap routine. Whoa, I see how this day is going to be. All right, well.
0:20:42 – Kayla
So there we go. Those are some conversation starters.
0:20:45 – Brian
Yeah.
0:20:45 – Kayla
Apparently we just got it and some conversation enders too. I’m just saying.
0:20:50 – Brian
I’m all righty. Hey, god save, the king, god save. Thanks for listening to this week’s podcast it’s. We are honored and we are privileged that you’re part of the peas and carrots family, and we had a winner yesterday. Each week, we give away a few of our peas and carrots coffee mugs.
0:21:07 – Kayla
We do. There is a free mug and a pack of stickers.
0:21:11 – Brian
Miss Kayla loves the stickers.
0:21:12 – Kayla
Y’all the stickers are so cute. They really are. When you go to our website, look for the trivia button. Click that button at again peasandcarrotspodcast.com. This week’s question.
0:21:25 – Brian
What was your favorite childhood toy? What was your favorite childhood toy? Yes, okay, so search the peas and carrots podcast at peasandcarrotspodcast.com.
0:21:36 – Kayla
Click that trivia button, answer that question. You’ll get an adorable mug and some very cute stickers.
0:21:42 – Brian
Hey, and if you’re new to the podcast, you can get caught up on all the episodes. You just search peas and carrots podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit our website peasandcarrotspodcast.com. And when you do, please don’t forget to subscribe. Also, Hey, come and follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
0:21:58 – Kayla
Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.
0:22:00 – Brian
Da na na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman.
0:22:03 – Announcer
For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Growing through the challenges we face and finding hope along the way. That’s the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. Check out JesusFixIt.com or search Jesus Fix It wherever you listen to podcasts.