Season 3, Episode 5: Make It Go Away

0:00:00 – Announcer

We go together like Peas and Carrots. The Peas and Carrots Podcast, sharing life from our piece of the vegetable patch, Brian and Kayla Sanders.

0:00:11 – Brian

Welcome to the Peas and Carrots Podcast. I’m Kayla and I’m Brian, and we’re also known as Peas and Carrots. There you go, I’m Carrots and I’m Peas. There you go. So we like to put a little butter in there, a little salt and pepper with oh do we? I do.

0:00:28 – Kayla

That’s a little creepy. Did we just cook ourselves?

0:00:30 – Brian

Well, that’s not what I was trying to say. Okay, okay, all right. What’s up in the world of Peas and Carrots?

0:00:39 – Kayla

We’re off the rails a little bit. Please don’t judge me. Okay what our Christmas trees are still up at home.

0:00:47 – Brian

Well, I’m confessing this to the world.

0:00:49 – Kayla

Okay but I think I’m ready to take one down.

0:00:55 – Brian

Which one upstairs?

0:00:56 – Kayla

Well, I just am. I just I’ve hit that point. It’s so peaceful in the mornings with well okay, at the very least, I think it’s time for the ornaments to come off. Okay, okay, we’ll have this conversation. Well, there’s a point that I’m confessing that because later on in the podcast I’m gonna share something else I’m gonna share that story.

0:01:15 – Brian

Yeah, okay, anyway.

0:01:17 – Kayla

Who are we rooting for this weekend? So, as we record this yes.

0:01:23 – Brian

There is a big game coming on Sunday, Thursday, before the big game who are you rooting for? I am cheering for the team from San Francisco. Brock Purdy. This is the quarterbacks name for.

0:01:40 – Kayla

We’re a house divided.

0:01:41 – Brian

Francisco Brock Purdy P. You are D why okay. He’s only making $175,000 this year as an NFL quarterback really to his mantra and I quote every time I Step on that field. I want to make much of him mmm and I’ve watched a bunch of interviews with him regarding his faith. Oh, wow and he’s the real deal. He isn’t just one of these guys that, like Joe’s attorney says I want to give glory to God Brock Purdy. Hmm has a real relationship, knows the gospel and knows his oh, my goodness.

0:02:26 – Kayla

Well, I was for the team from Kansas City because I have all these friends who are rooting for.

0:02:33 – Brian

You’ll probably win cuz any team my cheer for loses, so you know, there’s that. You’ve got what are gonna be our snacks.

0:02:38 – Kayla

Oh, don’t worry about that. We got to a down. Okay, yeah. But yeah, I have so many friends that are for Kansas City that I felt like I needed to fall in that. Kansas City friends, who that’s their team? I don’t know, people from Kansas City. But oh, Is this fake spring? What’s the temperature today?

0:02:57 – Brian

Today of the recording, I think it’s 62 62 degrees.

0:03:02 – Kayla

It’s glorious. We went for a walk yesterday. There are daffodils popping up.

0:03:07 – Brian

They’re always pretty. I mean, they haven’t bloomed yet.

0:03:10 – Kayla

So how many more winters Are?

0:03:12 – Brian

we going to have in Blacksburg before we? Are they daffodils or are they?

0:03:16 – Kayla

Well, there’s tulips as well. There’s both. So, yeah, there’s all kind of bulb flowers that are popping up. But here’s my question how many more winters in Blacksburg are we going to have to endure before real spring shows up? And if you live here, you know, am I right? We’re in fake spring.

0:03:35 – Brian

So I want to share something that is not on the list. Okay, I’ve either passed a stone, a kidney stone or we’re going through one.

0:03:45 – Kayla

Uh-huh. So, and you’re in very good spirits, I’ll give you that, so you’re kind of a pro at this, but I do feel bad for you.

0:03:52 – Brian

Well, I don’t want to be pro level, can I just oh you are, go back to the minor?

0:03:56 – Kayla

leagues. So, as this will air, it’s Valentine’s Day, which you should be very proud of me for even acknowledging that, because this is a random fact. What holiday can I not stand?

0:04:08 – Brian

Y’all. Miss Kayla hates Valentine’s Day. You hate it.

0:04:14 – Kayla

I do. I hate to even admit that, but I don’t like holidays that put so much pressure, and I just do feel sorry for people.

0:04:25 – Brian

Well, how do you feel about?

0:04:26 – Kayla

Christmas then, well, it’s its own thing, and I get it, but this one, that’s part of the reason.

0:04:32 – Brian

What.

0:04:33 – Kayla

People have just survived Christmas. Yeah, they’ve been recovering from whatever they’ve had to spend for that. And then here comes Valentine’s Day and flowers that cost $9.99 on February 10th.

0:04:46 – Brian

Cost $99.

0:04:47 – Kayla

Cost $99.99 on February 14th. I just don’t understand it, the pressure of having to convey your love to someone with a $99 bouquet of flowers. I like it Anyway. So what have I asked of you this year? What have I sworn you not to do?

0:05:04 – Brian

There’s no flowers, there’s no gift, and there’s no card and there’s to be no chocolate.

0:05:09 – Kayla

I just want to have a nice dinner at some point, maybe not on Valentine’s Day, because everyone else in the world will be doing that.

0:05:17 – Brian

I’ll cook you some popcorn and throw you a piece of beef jerky. How’s that?

0:05:21 – Kayla

Sounds good. Happy Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s.

0:05:28 – Brian

Day Come to that N-U-M-B being numb to it. So we all have coping mechanisms, we have crutches.

0:05:43 – Kayla

Yeah, but they’re not always healthy.

0:05:45 – Brian

No, so we’re going to reveal some things about ourselves.

0:05:50 – Kayla

Yeah, we’re about to get really personal in here.

0:05:53 – Brian

That might shock you Probably not Well, probably not, but there you go.

0:05:59 – Kayla

But where did this come from? I read an article this week. It was fascinating and her honesty slays me?

0:06:06 – Brian

Is this the stuff you read at like 2 AM?

0:06:08 – Kayla

I don’t read it. 2 AM, you do.

0:06:11 – Brian

Oh, here we go.

0:06:12 – Kayla

A page that I follow. She shared that she gave up alcohol Christmas night. She laid there and realized what was one thing she could do different in 2024.

0:06:26 – Brian

That she decided to give up and she decided to give up alcohol.

0:06:31 – Kayla

This was the line that slayed me out of what she shared in the article that she wrote. She realized it stopped tasting like rosé and it started tasting a lot like relief.

0:06:43 – Brian

I don’t do alcohol. I don’t drink alcohol. Maybe a sip of champagne on the USE and we want to get this out of the way.

0:06:54 – Kayla

If any of what we are about to share is something that you do, but you do it in a healthy way, we’re not condemning you. That’s none of our business. And we are not telling you these things should be forbidden. So please hang with us.

0:07:08 – Brian

So I’m just going to get mine out of the way. I’m going to confess this up front and explain my why.

0:07:15 – Kayla

So, basically, what we’re about to share is some air quote habits or behaviors in our life that we felt perhaps we needed to reevaluate, and this has been a process. This isn’t something that we just decided yesterday.

0:07:30 – Brian

No.

0:07:31 – Kayla

So I’ll let you go first.

0:07:33 – Brian

Good, it’s been a journey for you. And I’m still on that journey.

0:07:37 – Kayla

Yeah.

0:07:38 – Brian

Food is my numbing mechanism. Like you actually quoted this lady that said, it stopped tasting like rosé and started tasting a lot like relief. Fried chicken stopped tasting like fried chicken and started tasting like relief. Comfort Tacos no longer tastes like tacos, they taste like relief. I could go through those cheesy fries from Outback don’t taste like cheesy fries, they taste like relief. Um, that’s what food is for me.

0:08:06 – Kayla

Would you say it was a security blanket?

0:08:08 – Brian

No, Well, maybe it. Here’s what I’m going to say about food. That’s getting real personal. Food has never rejected me. Food has never said I was a failure. Food has never condemned me. Food has never said you’re an idiot. Food has never said you could be better. Food has always been there and accepted me.

0:08:33 – Kayla

I think that’s what I was referring to about the security blanket it was. It was safe, it’s safe.

0:08:38 – Brian

Yes, and so I use that to numb those feelings and to spread on those insecurities and those hurts.

0:08:50 – Kayla

But a couple of years ago you actually realized what. What was it not?

0:08:53 – Brian

doing? Oh, it wasn’t doing. I mean it wasn’t doing it.

0:08:56 – Kayla

It wasn’t a permanent fix. Yeah it wasn’t.

0:08:58 – Brian

No, never is I struggle with it.

0:09:03 – Kayla

Yes, but well, it helps that you can’t eat anything anymore.

0:09:08 – Brian

Which my waistline would show that it does, but but I can’t eat a lot of fried. I did find that I can have Bojangles fried chicken. I’m just putting that out there, but it’s not a permanent fix and you have to keep going back to that. Well, and what I’m trying to learn is in those moments when I’m insecure, when I feel exposed, when I feel rejected, when I feel tossed aside and this isn’t by you, this is by the world or by some friends or whatever I need to sit there with that in that uncomfortable and look to Christ. That’s where I am in my journey.

Uh, at a recent gathering, uh, I always eat last because I believe that, like, leaders eat last. And when I got done, everybody had seated and there was no place for me to sit, so I had to go sit by myself, and that’s one of my biggest fears, biggest thing in the world. And yet you you actually know this Like, I will not like it for a part. You won’t go to a restaurant. I will not go to a restaurant. Yeah, order something in. I will not go because I don’t want people thinking well, look at him, he’s a loser. I can’t handle that because of some stuff that that, like I’ve been through, so I had to sit there. Now, uh, eventually a friend did come over and sit with me, but I think it was good because I had to sit there and in those moments I just had to pray and say Jesus, you are enough. This is not a reflection of my value or of love or of acceptance. This is a result of the number of tables and chairs in a room and I’m still not there, but that’s.

0:10:54 – Kayla

And you also realized that what was on your plate wasn’t going to change what you were feeling. Yeah, so, so, yeah, this is embarrassing to admit, but I will because I hope it will help someone.

I loved shopping, loved it. I found it to be a distraction. It netted me something fun. Um, I just loved it. I’ve always been the one that people send the target memes to and all the other fun memes just got one last week. But During COVID you watched this evolution I started to really examine my priorities and I sat with some really hard feelings that I realized I Would avoid dealing with hard things by oh well, let me just go shopping, let me go wander target. And again, if you do that and it’s just because You’ve got a three-hour break from your kids, you go right ahead. But I was doing it to avoid having to sit with my uncomfortable to face up to some things that were. I was in a very tough season personally and Then, during COVID, two truths became evident to me. We all needed a whole lot less than we thought we did.

0:12:12 – Brian

Hmm.

0:12:13 – Kayla

I mean, come on for real. Most of us lived in different tops but the same sweatpants for six days out of the week. I mean yeah.

But I also realized that that hit that I got from that shopping never lasted. Hmm, it was very short-lived. Sure, I would love that new cute throw pillow or I would love that new cute top, but within a week I was bored with it or I Was back to feeling what I was trying to avoid feeling. The other thing I realized I Could take the energy that I was funneling into shopping and start really focusing on my health, and At that time I came to you and I said I really would like to join your gym, which you were very shocked, but I found that to be a better use of the money and it meant that less stuff was coming into our house. So it was less in, less out, because as some stuff came in, other stuff went out to the thrift store.

And it was an aha moment for me mentally as well, because the less shopping I was doing meant the less stuff, and the less stuff meant the less clutter, and the less clutter meant the less anxious that I was. So it was kind of this whole evolution. And so the pandemic brought home to me the reality that less really was more, and and as I started to Literally work out some of my issues. I Could sit with some of what was going on inside and there’s nothing like a rowing machine to give you time to start processing some of the things that you’ve been running from.

0:14:00 – Brian

I’m gonna write down that you said that because I disagree, but go ahead so I Don’t know what yours is.

0:14:07 – Kayla

I mean, if we’re being honest with each other, which we are, we all have something or or have had something that we’re choosing to numb with yes and it can look like drinking, shopping, eating out, it can look like avoidance, it can look there’s a whole list of things that it can be.

But here’s what we both realized when any of this becomes a problem, when we’re using numbing to avoid dealing with something that we absolutely need to work through, when it’s an escape rather than confronting whatever it is that’s causing us pain or discomfort, that’s when we know that the habit may not be a good habit.

0:14:54 – Brian

So a thing for me is this, and I’m just going to confess this I enjoy food.

0:15:02 – Kayla

Sure, well, God meant for you too, he gave it to you.

0:15:05 – Brian

I enjoy it too much. What I’m trying to learn is how to enjoy Jesus. How do I find joy in Him? How do I allow Him to help me face those things? How do I? That’s all. And I know the Westminster Confession. I’ve read Piper. I’ve read all of them.

0:15:30 – Kayla

But food is something tangible. It’s something that you can literally grasp in your hands.

0:15:35 – Brian

Extra crispy KFC. Two breasts and two wings. I’m down for that. Yes, it makes me feel better.

0:15:40 – Kayla

Well, no, you’re actually not anymore because of your allergies, but yeah, so let’s end with this.

0:15:45 – Brian

I’d risk an epi-pin.

0:15:47 – Kayla

Please, if you’re listening to this, do not walk away feeling judged for your choices. If you choose to drink or you choose to shop, you choose to eat out, you choose to pursue a hobby, this is the caution we would give you. If the only reason you’re doing it is to run away from something, then maybe it’s not the good option for you. And if the choices that any of us are making have the potential to leave us financially strained or drowning, grateful this was not true for us. Legit, we had the means. It wasn’t that that was an issue. Reality comes in when, if anything we’re doing is causing strain or pressure for the rest of our family and for the rest of the situations we’re trying to embrace. Because I again, I see how much better a use of money it is for me to be part of a gym and I also see how much money we’re saving, and that is just an embarrassment all in itself.

0:16:50 – Brian

Well, there’s that. But, as she said, do not leave this today feeling guilty. If anything. We hope that our confession has helped you feel seen and that you’re not in this alone.

0:17:04 – Kayla

No.

0:17:05 – Brian

And we’re all just a hot mess trying to take the next step.

0:17:09 – Kayla

So Absolutely there you go.

0:17:11 – Brian

So are we going to get 12 piece on the way home? No, we’re not, ok. Well, ok, that was a quick answer.

0:17:19 – Kayla

So let’s do a few random moments from life with B and K. So that was very heavy. We want to end with something a little more fun. I am going to go back to what I confessed at the beginning, which is that we still have a Christmas tree upstairs. It’s a little one, y’all, and our big Christmas tree is still up downstairs. Please don’t send me hate mail.

0:17:41 – Brian

But in our home there’s a little window over the door and she can see out of that.

0:17:48 – Kayla

I can see all the neighbors houses.

0:17:50 – Brian

She can see all the neighbor houses around us. There might be one or two that still have what.

0:17:55 – Kayla

Well, there’s several, and it’s their business, but they still have their Christmas lights up outside.

0:18:01 – Brian

This is where I pick up the story this particular morning. I guess this hit her the wrong way. And we have an Alexa upstairs as well, uh huh. Well, miss Kayla, when she hits that top step walking down, she can look down. She sees these, all these different neighbors, and it’s February, whatever. And she’s like why do y’all still have your lights up? Don’t y’all know it’s February? Take your lights down. I can’t understand this. And just as she finished, Alexa said here are a few songs to help you calm down. I was gone, just dead.

0:18:42 – Kayla

God used Alexa to check me. I’m just saying I will never.

0:18:46 – Brian

here are a few songs to help you calm down, and she stopped going down the stairs. She turned around and Mind your business.

0:18:54 – Kayla

That’s exactly what she said to Alexa, but, lord, I’m sorry for judging when I too still have Christmas trees Inside, but, as a friend told me, mine aren’t visible. So there’s that, but it still doesn’t take away from the lesson. Okay, we were so sore after last week’s gym session.

0:19:13 – Brian

We’re doing this new routine at the gym and it’s killer.

0:19:16 – Kayla

But it’s good, we love our gym. We do our trainers are great guy. He is think he’s out to kill us. You declared on Saturday as we left the house to run errands, you said this Counts as our daily walk.

0:19:30 – Brian

Yes, because we’re supposed to do this 10-minute daily walk. Now we’re not in the gym and we were going, and I think we’re going in Target or somewhere and I said this gonna count as our 10-minute walk on through Target. I mean, I literally hurt last week.

0:19:43 – Kayla

Uh-huh, oh, I do today. So yeah, here we are.

0:19:48 – Brian

Speaking of sore, you still laugh at me and you still continue to confuse this.

0:19:56 – Brian

I still continue to mix up Biofreeze with Febreze.

0:20:00 – Kayla

Yes, so we may not have pain relief, but we will sure smell good. Well, they got this.

0:20:09 – Brian

Is it that apple vinegar thing I got? That’s really good. Is that what that is?

0:20:13 – Kayla

I don’t know. But, I really don’t want to use it for pain relief.

0:20:16 – Brian

Well yeah.

0:20:19 – Kayla

Does anyone else struggle with the reality that the version of you that grocery shops is Is not the same version of you when it comes time for a snack?

0:20:28 – Brian

Yes.

0:20:29 – Kayla

I find myself standing longingly staring into our pantry.

0:20:33 – Brian

Yes, and there’s nothing. I’ve been craving popcorn so bad, I don’t know why. Well, do you know? I read an article that there’s a percentage of the population, uh-huh that on their way home they will stop and movie theater and get pop, yeah and take it home. They won’t go see the movie.

0:20:52 – Kayla

Really that’s genius. No, it’s weird. You’re gonna pay twelve dollars for a bucket of pop voice cheaper than a movie. Well, I’m just saying okay, but.

0:21:05 – Brian

But there is something about movie theater popcorn.

0:21:07 – Kayla

Oh, there is.

0:21:08 – Brian

I mean it’s pretty good, but you get all that stuff in your teeth and everything. Have you ever read a book that was so deep and stretched you so much that you felt you should have a degree to finish it?

0:21:19 – Kayla

Yes, I feel like I deserve a seminary degree when I get done. Y’all, I am doing an amazing women’s study and I’m so thankful for these ladies and for our church, but, holy, wow, it’s a lot, and I feel like I should get a degree when I get done. Am I the only one? I mean this is? This is a book and a half. It’s good, it’s stretching me, but I got done with the third week and I looked at you and I said I want my degree now.

0:21:51 – Brian

I felt that way reading two books. One was the works of Jonathan Edwards, mmm. Oh my gosh, and then Karen Swallow prior wrote a book called on reading.

0:22:01 – Kayla

Well, yeah, you can’t read that one fast and I had to have a dictionary nearby.

0:22:07 – Brian

I love the book but, yeah, it hurt my head.

0:22:10 – Kayla

It made you think really hard.

0:22:12 – Brian

Yeah, let me think.

0:22:13 – Kayla

I love seeing you teach adults Sunday school yeah.

0:22:16 – Brian

I’m teaching the book of James and adults Sunday school. Let me just say this I feel like God’s using me again, that he hasn’t given up on this old boy.

0:22:26 – Kayla

You also love seeing what.

0:22:28 – Brian

I love seeing the Bible come alive. Yeah, people’s lives. There’s a it happened about a week ago or two weeks ago. He says don’t be hearers of the word only, but be doers. Yeah because if you’re here only, it leads to like Filthiness and wickedness. Well, one of those Greek words is a word that’s also used for like earwax in the Greek, and Lights went on everywhere people got. What James was saying is that you can’t hear because your mind’s full of other stuff and it’s just fun to see yeah the Bible Just come alive.

So, and I enjoy having you right there next, just right there next to me, yeah, answering questions and everything well, you’re the one answering questions.

0:23:16 – Kayla

But yeah, well, there you go. Well, no, you answer questions. Oh yeah, okay as of this recording this week We’ve had four people win mugs and a cute little sheet of what stickers she loves her so, yeah, so yes, if you would like to be one of those people this next week, go to our website, answer our trivia question and to do that, go to the peasandcarrotspodcast.com website. Click the trivia button. What is our question this week?

0:23:50 – Brian

Name a book you read that challenged you in a good way. So here’s the question: Name a book that challenged you in a good way and you can answer that, and win a mug and a pack of stickers.

0:24:01 – Kayla

Peasandcarrotspodcast.com you just click the trick the trivia button, you can search peas and carrots podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts or visit our website again.

0:24:14 – Brian

That’s peasandcarrotspodcast.com, hey, when you do, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast, and you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

0:24:24 – Kayla

Just search for the Peas and Carrots Podcast.

0:24:27 – Announcer

For more about the Peas and Carrots Podcast and to reach out to Brian and Kayla, visit peasandcarrotspodcast.com. Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candi. Check out QuirksBumpsandBruises.com, or search Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.